Re: How Much Independence Do I Give

[Guest guest]

Sharon,

It sounds like he was really hungry. My boys (I have 4 boys and 1 girl) eat like there's no tomorrow. One sandwich would be a 'starter' to them. Boys Danny's age are growing rapidly, and require extra nutrition. Just make sure he's active (like I suggested a couple times before). He needs to be outside running, catching a ball, swimming, etc. Normal things boys do, regardless of any disability. My two youngest boys have moderate and severe autism (in addition to apraxia). They are extremely active and fit. Parents set the tone in the household. If YOU value exercise and healthy living, he will model your lead. If you don't value healthy eating, and exercise, he won't either. Live by example. It's a family affair. Mixed messages are the worst for any kid. By allowing things, then disallowing them later, confuses your child. You end up losing all credibility, authority, and respect.

Sara

How Much Independence Do I Give

It has been another horrible day in the Simmon's household. Danny's behavior is horrendous.He wont listen he does things on his own without asking - we have rules he has broken every one of them except slamming his door - he is afraid that I will remove his bathroom door if he does that. So he can learn.He is currently in his room screaming his head off at me cause I would not let him have two sandwiches for dinner - maybe that sounds cruel but his doctor has told him to lose weight. When I asked what he was doing he wouldn't and he said it was none of my business. So I got up went into the kitchen and again asked what he was doing and he said making another sandwich I said no you have already eaten one and I am in charge of your health and you are not having it. He started screaming at me and stomping around - his Dad tried to talk to him but got no where he still went in his room and ate his first sandwich and like I said before is in there screaming that we don't give him enough room to do what he wants.I don't know how to handle these tantrums they are ridiculous in my mind but they are very real to Danny I just don't know what to do anymore. His father is finally starting to see a different side of him one that he can't blame on me. He has been blaming me for months that I am making Danny the way he is and today he finally saw that I did nothing and it was all Danny.I haven't punished Danny tonight but he is getting close he just thinks he doesn't have to follow the rules which is wrong but I don't know how to make him follow them. If I take things away I make my life a living hell.Sorry I am rambling I just don't know what to do - he is out of control he needs to be on meds but husband is still refusing to do it.Sharon

[Guest guest]

he will not go outside and exercise - even when I ask him to - he says he gets his exercise in the pool - he has swim lessons 3 times a week and I exercise in the pool at the same time. He is not a physical kid - but yet he does not sit at the computer or tv all day either. We have to limit his food intake he gets no exercise he refuses and I can't make a 100 lb kid do what I want physically.

All he eats in peanut butter on bread or crackers or something of that nature. I have tried to switch we went through a food eating program it didn't work he is that defensive. We dont' have soft drinks in the house he has good food to choose from but won't taste it. He drinks water most of the day.

My husband and I are both heavy and I am working on losing my weight I have lost 16 lbs so far just by keeping a food journal I go to the doc Tuesday to see how they think I am doing. Well I also do the pool aerobics thing too.

I don't know what else to do. I am not starving my child but he will eat a whole loaf of bread if I don't catch him in time.

Sharon

From: Sara <sarapoli@...>Subject: Re: How Much Independence Do I Giveautism Date: Sunday, July 5, 2009, 7:51 PM

Sharon,

It sounds like he was really hungry. My boys (I have 4 boys and 1 girl) eat like there's no tomorrow. One sandwich would be a 'starter' to them. Boys Danny's age are growing rapidly, and require extra nutrition. Just make sure he's active (like I suggested a couple times before). He needs to be outside running, catching a ball, swimming, etc. Normal things boys do, regardless of any disability. My two youngest boys have moderate and severe autism (in addition to apraxia). They are extremely active and fit. Parents set the tone in the household. If YOU value exercise and healthy living, he will model your lead. If you don't value healthy eating, and exercise, he won't either. Live by example. It's a family affair. Mixed messages are the worst for any kid. By allowing things, then

disallowing them later, confuses your child. You end up losing all credibility, authority, and respect.

Sara

How Much Independence Do I Give

It has been another horrible day in the Simmon's household. Danny's behavior is horrendous.He wont listen he does things on his own without asking - we have rules he has broken every one of them except slamming his door - he is afraid that I will remove his bathroom door if he does that. So he can learn.He is currently in his room screaming his head off at me cause I would not let him have two sandwiches for dinner - maybe that sounds cruel but his doctor has told him to lose weight. When I asked what he was doing he wouldn't and he said it was none of my business. So I got up went into the kitchen and again asked what he was doing and he said making another sandwich I said no you have already eaten one and I am in charge of your health and you are not having it. He started screaming at me and stomping around - his Dad tried to talk to him but got no where he still went in his room and ate his first sandwich and like I said before is

in there screaming that we don't give him enough room to do what he wants.I don't know how to handle these tantrums they are ridiculous in my mind but they are very real to Danny I just don't know what to do anymore. His father is finally starting to see a different side of him one that he can't blame on me. He has been blaming me for months that I am making Danny the way he is and today he finally saw that I did nothing and it was all Danny.I haven't punished Danny tonight but he is getting close he just thinks he doesn't have to follow the rules which is wrong but I don't know how to make him follow them. If I take things away I make my life a living hell.Sorry I am rambling I just don't know what to do - he is out of control he needs to be on meds but husband is still refusing to do it.Sharon

[Guest guest]

Sharon,

It sounds like he has a negative association with exercise. It should be fun. Telling him to go outside to play or exercise is not motivating to a child, who doesn't have a friend to play with. If he doesn't have neighborhood kids to do 'boy stuff' with, you need to go outside with him, to do these fun activities. Playing/ exercising together has multiple benefits: It creates a healthy relationship between you and your child; it builds self-esteem; your physically more healthy (less prone to diseases, such as diabetes), etc. If you want a healthy, happy boy, who feels good about himself, take an active interest yourself. FYI, in order to really benefit from exercise, it must be done 5 - 7 days per week, for at least one hour (per day). It can be broken up throughout the day, but accumulatively, it needs to be at least one hour.

Sara

How Much Independence Do I Give

It has been another horrible day in the Simmon's household. Danny's behavior is horrendous.He wont listen he does things on his own without asking - we have rules he has broken every one of them except slamming his door - he is afraid that I will remove his bathroom door if he does that. So he can learn.He is currently in his room screaming his head off at me cause I would not let him have two sandwiches for dinner - maybe that sounds cruel but his doctor has told him to lose weight. When I asked what he was doing he wouldn't and he said it was none of my business. So I got up went into the kitchen and again asked what he was doing and he said making another sandwich I said no you have already eaten one and I am in charge of your health and you are not having it. He started screaming at me and stomping around - his Dad tried to talk to him but got no where he still went in his room and ate his first sandwich and like I said before is in there screaming that we don't give him enough room to do what he wants.I don't know how to handle these tantrums they are ridiculous in my mind but they are very real to Danny I just don't know what to do anymore. His father is finally starting to see a different side of him one that he can't blame on me. He has been blaming me for months that I am making Danny the way he is and today he finally saw that I did nothing and it was all Danny.I haven't punished Danny tonight but he is getting close he just thinks he doesn't have to follow the rules which is wrong but I don't know how to make him follow them. If I take things away I make my life a living hell.Sorry I am rambling I just don't know what to do - he is out of control he needs to be on meds but husband is still refusing to do it.Sharon

[Guest guest]

Good for your Sharon!! You are setting a great example.

Re: How Much Independence Do I Give

autism

Date: Sunday, July 5, 2009, 7:51 PM

Sharon,

It sounds like he was really hungry. My boys (I have 4 boys and 1 girl) eat like there's no tomorrow. One sandwich would be a 'starter' to them. Boys Danny's age are growing rapidly, and require extra nutrition. Just make sure he's active (like I suggested a couple times before). He needs to be outside running, catching a ball, swimming, etc. Normal things boys do, regardless of any disability. My two youngest boys have moderate and severe autism (in addition to apraxia). They are extremely active and fit. Parents set the tone in the household. If YOU value exercise and healthy living, he will model your lead. If you don't value healthy eating, and exercise, he won't either. Live by example. It's a family affair. Mixed messages are the worst for any kid. By allowing things, then disallowing them later, confuses your child. You end up losing all credibility, authority, and respect.

Sara

How Much Independence Do I Give

It has been another horrible day in the Simmon's household. Danny's behavior is horrendous.

He wont listen he does things on his own without asking - we have rules he has broken every one of them except slamming his door - he is afraid that I will remove his bathroom door if he does that. So he can learn.

He is currently in his room screaming his head off at me cause I would not let him have two sandwiches for dinner - maybe that sounds cruel but his doctor has told him to lose weight. When I asked what he was doing he wouldn't and he said it was none of my business. So I got up went into the kitchen and again asked what he was doing and he said making another sandwich I said no you have already eaten one and I am in charge of your health and you are not having it. He started screaming at me and stomping around - his Dad tried to talk to him but got no where he still went in his room and ate his first sandwich and like I said before is in there screaming that we don't give him enough room to do what he wants.

I don't know how to handle these tantrums they are ridiculous in my mind but they are very real to Danny I just don't know what to do anymore. His father is finally starting to see a different side of him one that he can't blame on me. He has been blaming me for months that I am making Danny the way he is and today he finally saw that I did nothing and it was all Danny.

I haven't punished Danny tonight but he is getting close he just thinks he doesn't have to follow the rules which is wrong but I don't know how to make him follow them. If I take things away I make my life a living hell.

Sorry I am rambling I just don't know what to do - he is out of control he needs to be on meds but husband is still refusing to do it.

Sharon

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[Guest guest]

Food issues are alsways hard. Is your child "rule bound?" I'm sure you have tried writing down and posting what he can eat and how much, and showing him picture cards about "what is 1 serving." Good luck.

Lyn Lyn

From: Sharon <kmusikmom2@...>autism Sent: Monday, July 6, 2009 4:12:28 AMSubject: Re: How Much Independence Do I Give

he will not go outside and exercise - even when I ask him to - he says he gets his exercise in the pool - he has swim lessons 3 times a week and I exercise in the pool at the same time. He is not a physical kid - but yet he does not sit at the computer or tv all day either. We have to limit his food intake he gets no exercise he refuses and I can't make a 100 lb kid do what I want physically.

All he eats in peanut butter on bread or crackers or something of that nature. I have tried to switch we went through a food eating program it didn't work he is that defensive. We dont' have soft drinks in the house he has good food to choose from but won't taste it. He drinks water most of the day.

My husband and I are both heavy and I am working on losing my weight I have lost 16 lbs so far just by keeping a food journal I go to the doc Tuesday to see how they think I am doing. Well I also do the pool aerobics thing too.

I don't know what else to do. I am not starving my child but he will eat a whole loaf of bread if I don't catch him in time.

Sharon

From: Sara <sarapoli@mindspring .com>Subject: Re: How Much Independence Do I GiveAutismBehaviorProbl emsgroups (DOT) comDate: Sunday, July 5, 2009, 7:51 PM

Sharon,

It sounds like he was really hungry. My boys (I have 4 boys and 1 girl) eat like there's no tomorrow. One sandwich would be a 'starter' to them. Boys Danny's age are growing rapidly, and require extra nutrition. Just make sure he's active (like I suggested a couple times before). He needs to be outside running, catching a ball, swimming, etc. Normal things boys do, regardless of any disability. My two youngest boys have moderate and severe autism (in addition to apraxia). They are extremely active and fit. Parents set the tone in the household. If YOU value exercise and healthy living, he will model your lead. If you don't value healthy eating, and exercise, he won't either. Live by example. It's a family affair. Mixed messages are the worst for any kid. By allowing things, then

disallowing them later, confuses your child. You end up losing all credibility, authority, and respect.

Sara

How Much Independence Do I Give

It has been another horrible day in the Simmon's household. Danny's behavior is horrendous.He wont listen he does things on his own without asking - we have rules he has broken every one of them except slamming his door - he is afraid that I will remove his bathroom door if he does that. So he can learn.He is currently in his room screaming his head off at me cause I would not let him have two sandwiches for dinner - maybe that sounds cruel but his doctor has told him to lose weight. When I asked what he was doing he wouldn't and he said it was none of my business. So I got up went into the kitchen and again asked what he was doing and he said making another sandwich I said no you have already eaten one and I am in charge of your health and you are not having it. He started screaming at me and stomping around - his Dad tried to talk to him but got no where he still went in his room and ate his first sandwich and like I said before is

in there screaming that we don't give him enough room to do what he wants.I don't know how to handle these tantrums they are ridiculous in my mind but they are very real to Danny I just don't know what to do anymore. His father is finally starting to see a different side of him one that he can't blame on me. He has been blaming me for months that I am making Danny the way he is and today he finally saw that I did nothing and it was all Danny.I haven't punished Danny tonight but he is getting close he just thinks he doesn't have to follow the rules which is wrong but I don't know how to make him follow them. If I take things away I make my life a living hell.Sorry I am rambling I just don't know what to do - he is out of control he needs to be on meds but husband is still refusing to do

it.Sharon

[Guest guest]

Sara

I am physically disabled I am unable to "play" Danny does not have a sole to play with and the neighbor boy who lives next door to us makes fun of him the minute he goes out side - therefore Danny will no longer go outside.

Sharon

From: Sara <sarapoli@mindspring .com>Subject: Re: How Much Independence Do I GiveAutismBehaviorProbl emsgroups (DOT) comDate: Sunday, July 5, 2009, 7:51 PM

Sharon,

It sounds like he was really hungry. My boys (I have 4 boys and 1 girl) eat like there's no tomorrow. One sandwich would be a 'starter' to them. Boys Danny's age are growing rapidly, and require extra nutrition. Just make sure he's active (like I suggested a couple times before). He needs to be outside running, catching a ball, swimming, etc. Normal things boys do, regardless of any disability. My two youngest boys have moderate and severe autism (in addition to apraxia). They are extremely active and fit. Parents set the tone in the household. If YOU value exercise and healthy living, he will model your lead. If you don't value healthy eating, and exercise, he won't either. Live by example. It's a family affair. Mixed messages are the worst for any kid. By allowing things, then

disallowing them later, confuses your child. You end up losing all credibility, authority, and respect.

Sara

How Much Independence Do I Give

It has been another horrible day in the Simmon's household. Danny's behavior is horrendous.He wont listen he does things on his own without asking - we have rules he has broken every one of them except slamming his door - he is afraid that I will remove his bathroom door if he does that. So he can learn.He is currently in his room screaming his head off at me cause I would not let him have two sandwiches for dinner - maybe that sounds cruel but his doctor has told him to lose weight. When I asked what he was doing he wouldn't and he said it was none of my business. So I got up went into the kitchen and again asked what he was doing and he said making another sandwich I said no you have already eaten one and I am in charge of your health and you are not having it. He started screaming at me and stomping around - his Dad tried to talk to him but got no where he still went in his room and ate his first sandwich and like I said before is

in there screaming that we don't give him enough room to do what he wants.I don't know how to handle these tantrums they are ridiculous in my mind but they are very real to Danny I just don't know what to do anymore. His father is finally starting to see a different side of him one that he can't blame on me. He has been blaming me for months that I am making Danny the way he is and today he finally saw that I did nothing and it was all Danny.I haven't punished Danny tonight but he is getting close he just thinks he doesn't have to follow the rules which is wrong but I don't know how to make him follow them. If I take things away I make my life a living hell.Sorry I am rambling I just don't know what to do - he is out of control he needs to be on meds but husband is still refusing to do

it.Sharon

[Guest guest]

What about your husband? Is he physically capable of going outside, and playing with Danny after work or on weekends? Are you financially able to hire a person to come over and play with Danny, for an hour every day? Teens always need spending money, so they're usually available for short 'sitting' opportunities. It would give him a chance to practice his social skills, in addition to strengthening his large motor muscles. I'm afraid he's missing out on his childhood, if he doesn't get an opportunity to play. What about a trampoline? We have a large, caged one (with the netting around it) that my kids absolutely love.

Sara

How Much Independence Do I Give

It has been another horrible day in the Simmon's household. Danny's behavior is horrendous.He wont listen he does things on his own without asking - we have rules he has broken every one of them except slamming his door - he is afraid that I will remove his bathroom door if he does that. So he can learn.He is currently in his room screaming his head off at me cause I would not let him have two sandwiches for dinner - maybe that sounds cruel but his doctor has told him to lose weight. When I asked what he was doing he wouldn't and he said it was none of my business. So I got up went into the kitchen and again asked what he was doing and he said making another sandwich I said no you have already eaten one and I am in charge of your health and you are not having it. He started screaming at me and stomping around - his Dad tried to talk to him but got no where he still went in his room and ate his first sandwich and like I said before is in there screaming that we don't give him enough room to do what he wants.I don't know how to handle these tantrums they are ridiculous in my mind but they are very real to Danny I just don't know what to do anymore. His father is finally starting to see a different side of him one that he can't blame on me. He has been blaming me for months that I am making Danny the way he is and today he finally saw that I did nothing and it was all Danny.I haven't punished Danny tonight but he is getting close he just thinks he doesn't have to follow the rules which is wrong but I don't know how to make him follow them. If I take things away I make my life a living hell.Sorry I am rambling I just don't know what to do - he is out of control he needs to be on meds but husband is still refusing to do it.Sharon

[Guest guest]

sharon,

i totally understand. my daughter is 15, obsessed with food and very resistant to physical activity. when she was younger it was easier to get her to ride her bike or scooter or play ball. (we're in an apartment with no yard, so these activities are not so easy) these days she is much harder to cajole (or force, lol) into these things. you're right, all kids are different, with different interests. and they are CERTAINLY not missing out on their childhood, that's absurd. we do the best we can and none of us needs someone criticizing us when they don't walk in our exact shoes. and as for being snippy, well, sometimes people deserve it.

good luck!

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[Guest guest]

Sara, we even use our Wii.....let me tell you, I get so hot playing tennis, you'd think I was at the Wimbledon center court LOL --- I hit the ball harder than I ever could in person, and for me I make it totally physical......we adore the bowling too..boxing is really fun!!! Just another thought.....

WE swim a lot too.....Sharon since you have a place to swim, you could play in the pool with him more than 3 days a week....you all could go every day and play together.....Another thing is painting.....Tape a huge piece of paper on an outside wall....get some cheap pants, and use brushes to make a master piece.....good for toning muscles in arms for sure.....also a balloon you can sit and you all can play "don't let the balloon hit the ground" --- I also will do Ball work with john, where we sit on either side of a hug ball...and we "boyng" it into one another...we use lots of pushing......sit down and hold hands and do row row row your boat, making up words....he's 11 but most of our kids are younger socially/developmentally so this is a fun way....we crack up and break a sweat depending how long we play --- Have a pillow fight....play charades, make it physical.....go in the back yard...get a good blow up pool (one you can keep clean) and

use that to play...use the balloon in the pool it's a blast.....

Bottom line the list is endless....more energy out means he can eat two sandwiches at dinner.....Basically it's up to you and your husband....surely the two of you can work together to help him in the ways he needs.....

From: Sara <sarapoli@...>autism Sent: Monday, July 6, 2009 2:17:34 PMSubject: Re: How Much Independence Do I Give

What about your husband? Is he physically capable of going outside, and playing with Danny after work or on weekends? Are you financially able to hire a person to come over and play with Danny, for an hour every day? Teens always need spending money, so they're usually available for short 'sitting' opportunities. It would give him a chance to practice his social skills, in addition to strengthening his large motor muscles. I'm afraid he's missing out on his childhood, if he doesn't get an opportunity to play. What about a trampoline? We have a large, caged one (with the netting around it) that my kids absolutely love.

Sara

How Much Independence Do I Give

It has been another horrible day in the Simmon's household. Danny's behavior is horrendous.He wont listen he does things on his own without asking - we have rules he has broken every one of them except slamming his door - he is afraid that I will remove his bathroom door if he does that. So he can learn.He is currently in his room screaming his head off at me cause I would not let him have two sandwiches for dinner - maybe that sounds cruel but his doctor has told him to lose weight. When I asked what he was doing he wouldn't and he said it was none of my business. So I got up went into the kitchen and again asked what he was doing and he said making another sandwich I said no you have already eaten one and I am in charge of your health and you are not having it. He started screaming at me and stomping around - his Dad tried to talk to him but got no where he still went in his room and ate his first sandwich and like I said before is

in there screaming that we don't give him enough room to do what he wants.I don't know how to handle these tantrums they are ridiculous in my mind but they are very real to Danny I just don't know what to do anymore. His father is finally starting to see a different side of him one that he can't blame on me. He has been blaming me for months that I am making Danny the way he is and today he finally saw that I did nothing and it was all Danny.I haven't punished Danny tonight but he is getting close he just thinks he doesn't have to follow the rules which is wrong but I don't know how to make him follow them. If I take things away I make my life a living hell.Sorry I am rambling I just don't know what to do - he is out of control he needs to be on meds but husband is still refusing to do

it.Sharon

[Guest guest]

My husband tries his best but does not get home from work until 7:00 and that is after a 3 hour drive. He is a good man and does the scouting activities with Dan like hiking and such but he only has so much energy.

You have to understand that Danny DOES NOT WANT TO GO OUTSIDE he does not like it there because of the boy next door. He has no friends and the teenagers in our little burb of 900 are way to busy to play with a boy who doesn't want to play. Danny HATES all sports but swimming and now bowling which we do on Thursday nights.

He is NOT missing out on his childhood he has his own childhood in his head his imagination is his world and he can spin a yarn a mile long. You have to remember each of our kids are different and different things work with them. Outside and sports are NOT the things that will help my son. No matter if I can get out there or my husband does.

He is 6 years behind in Physical Therapy and we have him in it for the summer he goes twice a week to get stronger. I am fighting the school to put PT in his IEP but so far no go. I have to wait for an observation when school starts again.

We have all types of sensory things in our basement along with a t.v. that he can go and use if he wants - it has a mini tramp but doesn't feel the need to use it right now.

Sharon

From: Sara <sarapoli@mindspring .com>Subject: Re: How Much Independence Do I GiveAutismBehaviorProbl emsgroups (DOT) comDate: Sunday, July 5, 2009, 7:51 PM

Sharon,

It sounds like he was really hungry. My boys (I have 4 boys and 1 girl) eat like there's no tomorrow. One sandwich would be a 'starter' to them. Boys Danny's age are growing rapidly, and require extra nutrition. Just make sure he's active (like I suggested a couple times before). He needs to be outside running, catching a ball, swimming, etc. Normal things boys do, regardless of any disability. My two youngest boys have moderate and severe autism (in addition to apraxia). They are extremely active and fit. Parents set the tone in the household. If YOU value exercise and healthy living, he will model your lead. If you don't value healthy eating, and exercise, he won't either. Live by example. It's a family affair. Mixed messages are the worst for any kid. By allowing things, then

disallowing them later, confuses your child. You end up losing all credibility, authority, and respect.

Sara

How Much Independence Do I Give

It has been another horrible day in the Simmon's household. Danny's behavior is horrendous.He wont listen he does things on his own without asking - we have rules he has broken every one of them except slamming his door - he is afraid that I will remove his bathroom door if he does that. So he can learn.He is currently in his room screaming his head off at me cause I would not let him have two sandwiches for dinner - maybe that sounds cruel but his doctor has told him to lose weight. When I asked what he was doing he wouldn't and he said it was none of my business. So I got up went into the kitchen and again asked what he was doing and he said making another sandwich I said no you have already eaten one and I am in charge of your health and you are not having it. He started screaming at me and stomping around - his Dad tried to talk to him but got no where he still went in his room and ate his first sandwich and like I said before is

in there screaming that we don't give him enough room to do what he wants.I don't know how to handle these tantrums they are ridiculous in my mind but they are very real to Danny I just don't know what to do anymore. His father is finally starting to see a different side of him one that he can't blame on me. He has been blaming me for months that I am making Danny the way he is and today he finally saw that I did nothing and it was all Danny.I haven't punished Danny tonight but he is getting close he just thinks he doesn't have to follow the rules which is wrong but I don't know how to make him follow them. If I take things away I make my life a living hell.Sorry I am rambling I just don't know what to do - he is out of control he needs to be on meds but husband is still refusing to do

it.Sharon

[Guest guest]

e

The place I take him to swim is over an hour a way - Gas is killing us and so is the cost - he goes to take swimming lessons, I happen to go to the therapy pool and do therapy.

So swimming everyday is not an option for us it is as a health club. THey have classes all the time. They do have family swim sometimes but the travel is just too much. We used to have an intex pool but he is too big for it now and as I have said many times today he will not go outside because of the neighbor kid. This kid is mean and horrible and has treated Danny so bad we have pulled Danny off the bus.

He will not work with me on anything he is a mom hater right now cause I make the rules that he has to follow.

Please understand everybody I know my kid I know what makes him tick I was just venting I love all the ideas and such and don't mean to shoot all of them down, but our situation is very tricky we are in a very small town that does not accept differences in people especially those who are different like Dan. He has had two playdates since moving here 5 years ago and they were never repeated and they never will be. The kids here hate him - I found out at his b-day party that the only reasons the kid showed up was to play lazer tag. None of them talked to Danny at all and they all growned when I made them sit next to Dan to open presents. This is not a friendly town.

I think I have expressed myself in the past few e-mails that maybe you have a better picture of what is going on here - he is struggling for independence he is 11 and I can't stop puberty from happening I am just looking for ways to live with it.

Sharon

From: Sara <sarapoli@mindspring .com>Subject: Re: How Much Independence Do I GiveAutismBehaviorProbl emsgroups (DOT) comDate: Sunday, July 5, 2009, 7:51 PM

Sharon,

It sounds like he was really hungry. My boys (I have 4 boys and 1 girl) eat like there's no tomorrow. One sandwich would be a 'starter' to them. Boys Danny's age are growing rapidly, and require extra nutrition. Just make sure he's active (like I suggested a couple times before). He needs to be outside running, catching a ball, swimming, etc. Normal things boys do, regardless of any disability. My two youngest boys have moderate and severe autism (in addition to apraxia). They are extremely active and fit. Parents set the tone in the household. If YOU value exercise and healthy living, he will model your lead. If you don't value healthy eating, and exercise, he won't either. Live by example.. It's a family affair. Mixed messages are the worst for any kid. By allowing things, then

disallowing them later, confuses your child. You end up losing all credibility, authority, and respect.

Sara

How Much Independence Do I Give

It has been another horrible day in the Simmon's household. Danny's behavior is horrendous.He wont listen he does things on his own without asking - we have rules he has broken every one of them except slamming his door - he is afraid that I will remove his bathroom door if he does that. So he can learn.He is currently in his room screaming his head off at me cause I would not let him have two sandwiches for dinner - maybe that sounds cruel but his doctor has told him to lose weight. When I asked what he was doing he wouldn't and he said it was none of my business. So I got up went into the kitchen and again asked what he was doing and he said making another sandwich I said no you have already eaten one and I am in charge of your health and you are not having it. He started screaming at me and stomping around - his Dad tried to talk to him but got no where he still went in his room and ate his first sandwich and like I said before is

in there screaming that we don't give him enough room to do what he wants.I don't know how to handle these tantrums they are ridiculous in my mind but they are very real to Danny I just don't know what to do anymore. His father is finally starting to see a different side of him one that he can't blame on me. He has been blaming me for months that I am making Danny the way he is and today he finally saw that I did nothing and it was all Danny.I haven't punished Danny tonight but he is getting close he just thinks he doesn't have to follow the rules which is wrong but I don't know how to make him follow them. If I take things away I make my life a living hell.Sorry I am rambling I just don't know what to do - he is out of control he needs to be on meds but husband is still refusing to do

it.Sharon

[Guest guest]

Sharon,

Have you considered moving? If your husband has to commute 3 hours a day, you hate your neighbors and the town you live in, and your son doesn't have any friends, why on earth would you stay there? It sounds like a miserable existence.

Sara

How Much Independence Do I Give

It has been another horrible day in the Simmon's household. Danny's behavior is horrendous.He wont listen he does things on his own without asking - we have rules he has broken every one of them except slamming his door - he is afraid that I will remove his bathroom door if he does that. So he can learn.He is currently in his room screaming his head off at me cause I would not let him have two sandwiches for dinner - maybe that sounds cruel but his doctor has told him to lose weight. When I asked what he was doing he wouldn't and he said it was none of my business. So I got up went into the kitchen and again asked what he was doing and he said making another sandwich I said no you have already eaten one and I am in charge of your health and you are not having it. He started screaming at me and stomping around - his Dad tried to talk to him but got no where he still went in his room and ate his first sandwich and like I said before is in there screaming that we don't give him enough room to do what he wants.I don't know how to handle these tantrums they are ridiculous in my mind but they are very real to Danny I just don't know what to do anymore. His father is finally starting to see a different side of him one that he can't blame on me. He has been blaming me for months that I am making Danny the way he is and today he finally saw that I did nothing and it was all Danny.I haven't punished Danny tonight but he is getting close he just thinks he doesn't have to follow the rules which is wrong but I don't know how to make him follow them. If I take things away I make my life a living hell.Sorry I am rambling I just don't know what to do - he is out of control he needs to be on meds but husband is still refusing to do it.Sharon

[Guest guest]

Sara

My husband has been looking for a new job so that we can move. Unfortunately due to the times the market is not on our side and he is over 40 making it harder for him to find a job especially out here in the suburbs he drives to Chicago 50 miles one way to work.

Moving closer to his office is not an option as the prices of the houses are much more than we can afford and the ones real close to his office are in the projects - don't want to go there.

We are trying to find a job near his folks who live close to Iowa we had a line on one but it fell through.

We used to love it here, but people have moved and it's not the same anymore. No one will talk to us except one family across the street. And their daughter is in college so we don't very often.

It was a mistake moving here but there was a great Social Worker here in the schools and she has worked wonders with Danny but she left 3 years ago and he has floundered since.

Thanks for all your advice sorry if I got snippy just having a really bad day.

Sharon

From: Sara <sarapoli@mindspring .com>Subject: Re: How Much Independence Do I GiveAutismBehaviorProbl emsgroups (DOT) comDate: Sunday, July 5, 2009, 7:51 PM

Sharon,

It sounds like he was really hungry. My boys (I have 4 boys and 1 girl) eat like there's no tomorrow. One sandwich would be a 'starter' to them. Boys Danny's age are growing rapidly, and require extra nutrition. Just make sure he's active (like I suggested a couple times before). He needs to be outside running, catching a ball, swimming, etc. Normal things boys do, regardless of any disability. My two youngest boys have moderate and severe autism (in addition to apraxia). They are extremely active and fit. Parents set the tone in the household. If YOU value exercise and healthy living, he will model your lead. If you don't value healthy eating, and exercise, he won't either. Live by example. It's a family affair. Mixed messages are the worst for any kid. By allowing things, then

disallowing them later, confuses your child. You end up losing all credibility, authority, and respect.

Sara

How Much Independence Do I Give

It has been another horrible day in the Simmon's household. Danny's behavior is horrendous.He wont listen he does things on his own without asking - we have rules he has broken every one of them except slamming his door - he is afraid that I will remove his bathroom door if he does that. So he can learn.He is currently in his room screaming his head off at me cause I would not let him have two sandwiches for dinner - maybe that sounds cruel but his doctor has told him to lose weight. When I asked what he was doing he wouldn't and he said it was none of my business. So I got up went into the kitchen and again asked what he was doing and he said making another sandwich I said no you have already eaten one and I am in charge of your health and you are not having it. He started screaming at me and stomping around - his Dad tried to talk to him but got no where he still went in his room and ate his first sandwich and like I said before is

in there screaming that we don't give him enough room to do what he wants.I don't know how to handle these tantrums they are ridiculous in my mind but they are very real to Danny I just don't know what to do anymore. His father is finally starting to see a different side of him one that he can't blame on me. He has been blaming me for months that I am making Danny the way he is and today he finally saw that I did nothing and it was all Danny.I haven't punished Danny tonight but he is getting close he just thinks he doesn't have to follow the rules which is wrong but I don't know how to make him follow them. If I take things away I make my life a living hell.Sorry I am rambling I just don't know what to do - he is out of control he needs to be on meds but husband is still refusing to do

it.Sharon

[Guest guest]

Sharon,

What town do you live in? I am originally from the DeKalb and St. area. The nice thing about living in the Chicago suburbs is the train system. You can hop on the train and zip right into Chicago. Your options increase for services, jobs, etc. My dad taught in the inner city (at a school for the advanced/gifted), and took a train in every day. He loved it. He had free time to read, or just relax.

As for the bad mood and snippiness....I know you're not emotionally ready to hear proactive advice or try some new strategies, so I won't offer any more. Fear is the strongest and most powerful emotion we humans can feel. It's a relief to share your burdens, but a tremendous stressor to hear advice on how to fix the problem. It feels overwhelming, so you operate in the avoidance mode. Fear is a disabler.

Sara

Sara

My husband has been looking for a new job so that we can move. Unfortunately due to the times the market is not on our side and he is over 40 making it harder for him to find a job especially out here in the suburbs he drives to Chicago 50 miles one way to work.

Moving closer to his office is not an option as the prices of the houses are much more than we can afford and the ones real close to his office are in the projects - don't want to go there.

We are trying to find a job near his folks who live close to Iowa we had a line on one but it fell through.

We used to love it here, but people have moved and it's not the same anymore. No one will talk to us except one family across the street. And their daughter is in college so we don't very often.

It was a mistake moving here but there was a great Social Worker here in the schools and she has worked wonders with Danny but she left 3 years ago and he has floundered since.

Thanks for all your advice sorry if I got snippy just having a really bad day.

Sharon

From: Sara <sarapoli@mindspring .com>Subject: Re: How Much Independence Do I GiveAutismBehaviorProbl emsgroups (DOT) comDate: Sunday, July 5, 2009, 7:51 PM

Sharon,

It sounds like he was really hungry. My boys (I have 4 boys and 1 girl) eat like there's no tomorrow. One sandwich would be a 'starter' to them. Boys Danny's age are growing rapidly, and require extra nutrition. Just make sure he's active (like I suggested a couple times before). He needs to be outside running, catching a ball, swimming, etc. Normal things boys do, regardless of any disability. My two youngest boys have moderate and severe autism (in addition to apraxia). They are extremely active and fit. Parents set the tone in the household. If YOU value exercise and healthy living, he will model your lead. If you don't value healthy eating, and exercise, he won't either. Live by example. It's a family affair. Mixed messages are the worst for any kid. By allowing things, then disallowing them later, confuses your child. You end up losing all credibility, authority, and respect.

Sara

How Much Independence Do I Give

It has been another horrible day in the Simmon's household. Danny's behavior is horrendous.He wont listen he does things on his own without asking - we have rules he has broken every one of them except slamming his door - he is afraid that I will remove his bathroom door if he does that. So he can learn.He is currently in his room screaming his head off at me cause I would not let him have two sandwiches for dinner - maybe that sounds cruel but his doctor has told him to lose weight. When I asked what he was doing he wouldn't and he said it was none of my business. So I got up went into the kitchen and again asked what he was doing and he said making another sandwich I said no you have already eaten one and I am in charge of your health and you are not having it. He started screaming at me and stomping around - his Dad tried to talk to him but got no where he still went in his room and ate his first sandwich and like I said before is in there screaming that we don't give him enough room to do what he wants.I don't know how to handle these tantrums they are ridiculous in my mind but they are very real to Danny I just don't know what to do anymore. His father is finally starting to see a different side of him one that he can't blame on me. He has been blaming me for months that I am making Danny the way he is and today he finally saw that I did nothing and it was all Danny.I haven't punished Danny tonight but he is getting close he just thinks he doesn't have to follow the rules which is wrong but I don't know how to make him follow them. If I take things away I make my life a living hell.Sorry I am rambling I just don't know what to do - he is out of control he needs to be on meds but husband is still refusing to do it.Sharon

[Guest guest]

I live in a little town called Newark IL it is close to Sandwich - No Trains here and he works at the University of Chicago - no train service there either he would have drive to the train station 45 min, take a train 1 hour (maybe) hop on two different buses in bad parts of town and then walk another mile to work.

Driving is his best option.

From: Sara <sarapoli@mindspring .com>Subject: Re: How Much Independence Do I GiveAutismBehaviorProbl emsgroups (DOT) comDate: Sunday, July 5, 2009, 7:51 PM

Sharon,

It sounds like he was really hungry. My boys (I have 4 boys and 1 girl) eat like there's no tomorrow. One sandwich would be a 'starter' to them. Boys Danny's age are growing rapidly, and require extra nutrition. Just make sure he's active (like I suggested a couple times before). He needs to be outside running, catching a ball, swimming, etc. Normal things boys do, regardless of any disability. My two youngest boys have moderate and severe autism (in addition to apraxia). They are extremely active and fit. Parents set the tone in the household. If YOU value exercise and healthy living, he will model your lead. If you don't value healthy eating, and exercise, he won't either. Live by example. It's a family affair. Mixed messages are the worst for any kid. By allowing things, then

disallowing them later, confuses your child. You end up losing all credibility, authority, and respect.

Sara

How Much Independence Do I Give

It has been another horrible day in the Simmon's household. Danny's behavior is horrendous.He wont listen he does things on his own without asking - we have rules he has broken every one of them except slamming his door - he is afraid that I will remove his bathroom door if he does that. So he can learn.He is currently in his room screaming his head off at me cause I would not let him have two sandwiches for dinner - maybe that sounds cruel but his doctor has told him to lose weight. When I asked what he was doing he wouldn't and he said it was none of my business. So I got up went into the kitchen and again asked what he was doing and he said making another sandwich I said no you have already eaten one and I am in charge of your health and you are not having it. He started screaming at me and stomping around - his Dad tried to talk to him but got no where he still went in his room and ate his first sandwich and like I said before is

in there screaming that we don't give him enough room to do what he wants.I don't know how to handle these tantrums they are ridiculous in my mind but they are very real to Danny I just don't know what to do anymore. His father is finally starting to see a different side of him one that he can't blame on me. He has been blaming me for months that I am making Danny the way he is and today he finally saw that I did nothing and it was all Danny.I haven't punished Danny tonight but he is getting close he just thinks he doesn't have to follow the rules which is wrong but I don't know how to make him follow them. If I take things away I make my life a living hell.Sorry I am rambling I just don't know what to do - he is out of control he needs to be on meds but husband is still refusing to do

it.Sharon

[Guest guest]

How about bike riding? J loves to ride a bike. Lois

Re: How Much Independence Do I Give

[Guest guest]

Sharon, there are some mean kids not just to special needs kids, but to NT kids

as well. I know what it is like to have a kid afraid to go outside because of a mean

neighbor kid. It happened to my NT son, and it was a nightmare! Thank goodness we

moved about a year later. God bless you

and yours. Pat K

Re: How Much Independence Do I Give

AutismBehaviorProbl emsgroups (DOT) com

Date: Sunday, July 5, 2009, 7:51 PM

Sharon,

It sounds like he was really hungry. My boys (I have 4 boys and 1 girl) eat like there's no tomorrow. One sandwich would be a 'starter' to them. Boys Danny's age are growing rapidly, and require extra nutrition. Just make sure he's active (like I suggested a couple times before). He needs to be outside running, catching a ball, swimming, etc. Normal things boys do, regardless of any disability. My two youngest boys have moderate and severe autism (in addition to apraxia). They are extremely active and fit. Parents set the tone in the household. If YOU value exercise and healthy living, he will model your lead. If you don't value healthy eating, and exercise, he won't either. Live by example.. It's a family affair. Mixed messages are the worst for any kid. By allowing things, then disallowing them later, confuses your child. You end up losing all credibility, authority, and respect.

Sara

How Much Independence Do I Give

It has been another horrible day in the Simmon's household. Danny's behavior is horrendous.

He wont listen he does things on his own without asking - we have rules he has broken every one of them except slamming his door - he is afraid that I will remove his bathroom door if he does that. So he can learn.

He is currently in his room screaming his head off at me cause I would not let him have two sandwiches for dinner - maybe that sounds cruel but his doctor has told him to lose weight. When I asked what he was doing he wouldn't and he said it was none of my business. So I got up went into the kitchen and again asked what he was doing and he said making another sandwich I said no you have already eaten one and I am in charge of your health and you are not having it. He started screaming at me and stomping around - his Dad tried to talk to him but got no where he still went in his room and ate his first sandwich and like I said before is in there screaming that we don't give him enough room to do what he wants.

I don't know how to handle these tantrums they are ridiculous in my mind but they are very real to Danny I just don't know what to do anymore. His father is finally starting to see a different side of him one that he can't blame on me. He has been blaming me for months that I am making Danny the way he is and today he finally saw that I did nothing and it was all Danny.

I haven't punished Danny tonight but he is getting close he just thinks he doesn't have to follow the rules which is wrong but I don't know how to make him follow them. If I take things away I make my life a living hell.

Sorry I am rambling I just don't know what to do - he is out of control he needs to be on meds but husband is still refusing to do it.

Sharon

Finding the best videos just got easier. Try the NEW Truveo.com.

[Guest guest]

he can't ride a bike

From: lois noland <jlois@...>Subject: Re: How Much Independence Do I Giveautism Date: Monday, July 6, 2009, 8:25 PM

How about bike riding? J loves to ride a bike. Lois

Re: How Much Independence Do I Give

[Guest guest]

Sharon,

You want to complain about your situation with your son, husband, family, neighbors, town, weight, life... yet you reject all suggestions, and come up with every excuse why you can't. What is your motivation for writing? Is it simply to vent, gain sympathy or attention? e was correct, in that we all have the choice to empower ourselves. Our lives are limited or abundant, depending on our own actions. We're not victims being tossed about by fate.

Sara

How Much Independence Do I Give

It has been another horrible day in the Simmon's household. Danny's behavior is horrendous.He wont listen he does things on his own without asking - we have rules he has broken every one of them except slamming his door - he is afraid that I will remove his bathroom door if he does that. So he can learn.He is currently in his room screaming his head off at me cause I would not let him have two sandwiches for dinner - maybe that sounds cruel but his doctor has told him to lose weight. When I asked what he was doing he wouldn't and he said it was none of my business. So I got up went into the kitchen and again asked what he was doing and he said making another sandwich I said no you have already eaten one and I am in charge of your health and you are not having it. He started screaming at me and stomping around - his Dad tried to talk to him but got no where he still went in his room and ate his first sandwich and like I said before is in there screaming that we don't give him enough room to do what he wants.I don't know how to handle these tantrums they are ridiculous in my mind but they are very real to Danny I just don't know what to do anymore. His father is finally starting to see a different side of him one that he can't blame on me. He has been blaming me for months that I am making Danny the way he is and today he finally saw that I did nothing and it was all Danny.I haven't punished Danny tonight but he is getting close he just thinks he doesn't have to follow the rules which is wrong but I don't know how to make him follow them. If I take things away I make my life a living hell.Sorry I am rambling I just don't know what to do - he is out of control he needs to be on meds but husband is still refusing to do it.Sharon

[Guest guest]

i have to agree with sharon, and think that it is a shame that sara ruined this group for her. we all come here for support, not judgement and criticism. sara, learn how to play nice with others. it's hard enough raising children with autism without being attacked by the group of people that are supposed to be understanding.

good luck, sharon. you, like all of us, are doing the best you can. no one else knows your situation and no one should judge you.

Looking for love this summer? Find it now on AOL Personals.

[Guest guest]

hopefully, a lesson has been learned. we are here for support. hopefully you will feel more comfortable posting in time. we all have difficult issues to deal with and if we can't vent here, where can we??

Looking for love this summer? Find it now on AOL Personals.

[Guest guest]

Sara

You have now made this group unbearable for me to be in I am leaving I will miss some of you and I pray for all of you.

Quit attacking me. I have asked or complained about my son but I thought this was a safe place to do it. Evidentally I am wrong.

I am hesitant to try knew things but once I think about them I may try them. But you have attacked me as being a mother. Danny would not be where he is today if it were not for me. Just remember all our children, husbands and family situations are different.

You have hurt one person very badly please watch what you say to other mom's who may just be beginning this journey you may scare the heck out of them with your brashness and I don't care attitude I am going to say what I want.

Sharon

From: Sara <sarapoli@mindspring .com>Subject: Re: How Much Independence Do I GiveAutismBehaviorProbl emsgroups (DOT) comDate: Sunday, July 5, 2009, 7:51 PM

Sharon,

It sounds like he was really hungry. My boys (I have 4 boys and 1 girl) eat like there's no tomorrow. One sandwich would be a 'starter' to them. Boys Danny's age are growing rapidly, and require extra nutrition. Just make sure he's active (like I suggested a couple times before). He needs to be outside running, catching a ball, swimming, etc. Normal things boys do, regardless of any disability. My two youngest boys have moderate and severe autism (in addition to apraxia). They are extremely active and fit. Parents set the tone in the household. If YOU value exercise and healthy living, he will model your lead. If you don't value healthy eating, and exercise, he won't either. Live by example. It's a family affair. Mixed messages are the worst for any kid. By allowing things, then

disallowing them later, confuses your child. You end up losing all credibility, authority, and respect.

Sara

How Much Independence Do I Give

It has been another horrible day in the Simmon's household. Danny's behavior is horrendous.He wont listen he does things on his own without asking - we have rules he has broken every one of them except slamming his door - he is afraid that I will remove his bathroom door if he does that. So he can learn.He is currently in his room screaming his head off at me cause I would not let him have two sandwiches for dinner - maybe that sounds cruel but his doctor has told him to lose weight. When I asked what he was doing he wouldn't and he said it was none of my business. So I got up went into the kitchen and again asked what he was doing and he said making another sandwich I said no you have already eaten one and I am in charge of your health and you are not having it. He started screaming at me and stomping around - his Dad tried to talk to him but got no where he still went in his room and ate his first sandwich and like I said before is

in there screaming that we don't give him enough room to do what he wants.I don't know how to handle these tantrums they are ridiculous in my mind but they are very real to Danny I just don't know what to do anymore. His father is finally starting to see a different side of him one that he can't blame on me. He has been blaming me for months that I am making Danny the way he is and today he finally saw that I did nothing and it was all Danny.I haven't punished Danny tonight but he is getting close he just thinks he doesn't have to follow the rules which is wrong but I don't know how to make him follow them. If I take things away I make my life a living hell.Sorry I am rambling I just don't know what to do - he is out of control he needs to be on meds but husband is still refusing to do

it.Sharon

[Guest guest]

I am sorry to see you leave. I haven't been able to post for a few days because

of family in town, but i have read most posts. It has taken me a long time to

feel comfortable to post. It is hard to talk about things that aren't going

right as it is. Now i feel nervous about posting about my personal issues. If i

remember right, some of the issues you are dealing with are similar to mine.

Yes, we all have a child(ren) with autism, but each one is different. We all

have tried different treatments that may work or not work We are here to support

and encourage, and to listen. Not to put each other down when the idea suggested

isn't received well. This should be a safe place to vent and talk about our

situations.

- Re: How Much Independence Do I Give

AutismBehaviorProbl emsgroups (DOT) com

Date: Sunday, July 5, 2009, 7:51 PM

Sharon,

It sounds like he was really hungry.  My boys (I have 4 boys and 1 girl) eat

like there's no tomorrow.  One sandwich would be a 'starter' to them. 

Boys Danny's age are growing rapidly, and require extra nutrition.  Just make

sure he's active (like I suggested a couple times before).  He needs to be

outside running, catching a ball, swimming, etc.  Normal things boys do,

regardless of any disability.  My two youngest boys have moderate and severe

autism (in addition to apraxia).  They are extremely active and fit.  Parents

set the tone in the household.  If YOU value exercise and healthy living, he

will model your lead.  If you don't value healthy eating, and exercise, he

won't either.  Live by example.  It's a family affair.  Mixed messages are

the worst for any kid.  By allowing things, then disallowing  them

later, confuses your child.  You end up losing all credibility, authority,

and respect.

 

Sara

 

How Much Independence Do I Give

It has been another horrible day in the Simmon's household. Danny's behavior is

horrendous.

He wont listen he does things on his own without asking - we have rules he has

broken every one of them except slamming his door - he is afraid that I will

remove his bathroom door if he does that. So he can learn.

He is currently in his room screaming his head off at me cause I would not let

him have two sandwiches for dinner - maybe that sounds cruel but his doctor has

told him to lose weight. When I asked what he was doing he wouldn't and he said

it was none of my business. So I got up went into the kitchen and again asked

what he was doing and he said making another sandwich I said no you have already

eaten one and I am in charge of your health and you are not having it. He

started screaming at me and stomping around - his Dad tried to talk to him but

got no where he still went in his room and ate his first sandwich and like I

said before is in there screaming that we don't give him enough room to do what

he wants.

I don't know how to handle these tantrums they are ridiculous in my mind but

they are very real to Danny I just don't know what to do anymore. His father is

finally starting to see a different side of him one that he can't blame on me.

He has been blaming me for months that I am making Danny the way he is and today

he finally saw that I did nothing and it was all Danny.

I haven't punished Danny tonight but he is getting close he just thinks he

doesn't have to follow the rules which is wrong but I don't know how to make him

follow them. If I take things away I make my life a living hell.

Sorry I am rambling I just don't know what to do - he is out of control he needs

to be on meds but husband is still refusing to do it.

Sharon

[Guest guest]

Hey all,Sometimes we all just need to vent and feel sorry for ourselves. Nothing wrong with that, we all have huge plates that are full of lots of crud. Sometimes, when we complain we don't want help or suggestions, we just need to vent. We call this a pity party in our house and it's okay. This is the only place we can all do that and not feel guilty and not feel like we are being held up to criticism and not worry about it being taken personal. I am sorry that feelings were hurt and that someone has lost that safety net. Sometimes life sucks and we just need to say it out loud. sigh!! , TACASanta From: "DantSolo@..." <DantSolo@...>autism Sent: Tuesday, July 7, 2009 2:51:39 PMSubject: Re: How Much Independence Do I Give

i have to agree with sharon, and think that it is a shame that sara ruined this group for her. we all come here for support, not judgement and criticism. sara, learn how to play nice with others. it's hard enough raising children with autism without being attacked by the group of people that are supposed to be understanding.

good luck, sharon. you, like all of us, are doing the best you can. no one else knows your situation and no one should judge you.

Looking for love this summer? Find it now on AOL Personals.

[Guest guest]

Wow Sharon. Sorry for the late reply. I am so sorry you are going through this. I know it is hard. How are things now? Oh, by the way, our support group was suppose to be tonight but because of being in the hospital with , it will be this coming Wed. Can you come? I hope so.

Stacie

In a message dated 7/5/2009 6:43:04 P.M. Central Daylight Time, kmusikmom2@... writes:

It has been another horrible day in the Simmon's household. Danny's behavior is horrendous.He wont listen he does things on his own without asking - we have rules he has broken every one of them except slamming his door - he is afraid that I will remove his bathroom door if he does that. So he can learn.He is currently in his room screaming his head off at me cause I would not let him have two sandwiches for dinner - maybe that sounds cruel but his doctor has told him to lose weight. When I asked what he was doing he wouldn't and he said it was none of my business. So I got up went into the kitchen and again asked what he was doing and he said making another sandwich I said no you have already eaten one and I am in charge of your health and you are not having it. He started screaming at me and stomping around - his Dad tried to talk to him but got no where he still went in his room and ate his first sandwich and like I said before is in there screaming that we don't give him enough room to do what he wants.I don't know how to handle these tantrums they are ridiculous in my mind but they are very real to Danny I just don't know what to do anymore. His father is finally starting to see a different side of him one that he can't blame on me. He has been blaming me for months that I am making Danny the way he is and today he finally saw that I did nothing and it was all Danny.I haven't punished Danny tonight but he is getting close he just thinks he doesn't have to follow the rules which is wrong but I don't know how to make him follow them. If I take things away I make my life a living hell.Sorry I am rambling I just don't know what to do - he is out of control he needs to be on meds but husband is still refusing to do it.Sharon

Looking for love this summer? Find it now on AOL Personals.