What to do about these uncontrollable anger fits???

[Guest guest]

Hello All!

I wanted to post about my son's recent behavior. He is 8 yrs old, 2nd

grade, excellent student, normally a very sweet, helpful child. Takes 1/2

of .5 mg tablet of Abilify daily. Recently, when things don't go his way he

sort of snaps. He turns into this 8 yr old little monster. He becomes

angry and verbally abusive to whoever is around. Yesterday, for example, he

wanted to go home after school instead of coming into my office which he

normally does. My mother lives with us and has for 2 years (she moved in 1

yr after my ex moved out). My #1 rule is: no outside, tv or playstation

until all homework is finished. That has been my rule since they first

started getting homework. He didn't want to do his homework because he was

having trouble handwriting his lowercase " f " . My bother tried to help him,

he snapped and screamed at her telling her that she was doing it wrong. He

became very aggitated. My mom ended up sending him to his room until he

calmed down. When she sent him upstairs, he started screaming at her (to

the point that my mom was trying to close the front door & windows). He

said how much he hated her, said she didn't belong there because she is not

in our family (meaning immediate family), she should move out and that he

wasn't going to say he was sorry when mom came home from work. He said that

mom always makes him apologize when she gets home and he isn't doing it this

time. And also added that all the other times he had apologized in the

past, he didn't mean it and just wants her to get out of our house. On his

way up the steps, he through an infant gate down the stairs at her, broke a

nic nac on a cabinet at the top of my stairs, threw clean bath towels down

the stairs and an empty hamper. He ended up falling asleep at the top of

the stairs in the hallway. I told my mother to leave everything where it

was and that he would straighten it up when I came home. That is where he

was when I got home. When I got home I made him get up and clean up

everything he threw around the house. He started carrying on again.

Yelling how much he hated me and how I have no idea just how much he hated

me. Said he wants to find a new mom and not have me be his mom anymore.

Now I know he doesn't mean that, he was just angry and I don't even take

that personally. No one does for him or cares for him as much as I do, not

even his dad. His father and split up in November 2002 after admitting that

he was gay. 10 yrs together and 3 children later. Anyway, his dad is

pretty wrapped up in his own personal life and his new boyfriend. My son,

Mike is very into sports. Basketball and baseball are his two favorite. He

has been playing on a basketball team since he was four and baseball since

he was 5. All my doing. He plays in two-three basketball teams a year, a

baseball team adn attends many 76ers games. All because I pay for and take

him. His father does take him to his practices and games if they end up

being on his nights. But he wouldn't be playing anything if I didn't sign

him up. I take Mike to his friends's houses, I take him out shopping, we do

fun family stuff on weekends and in the summer. I take Mike everywhere

with me now because I can't leave him home much with my mother because I

don't want him to treat her badly. Unfortunately she takes it personally

and is hurt by what he says. I guess its different when you're a

grandparent and your grandchild is saying those things to you. He tells me

just about every other day lately that he hates me, I don't even take

offense. He does the same thing to his father. I'm going on and on here,

sorry about that. He has only been on medication for 1 1/2 years. I don't

know if they need to up his dose or put him on something else or what. Any

advice that anyone has, would be greatly appreciated. I am at the end of my

rope again and am not making any headway with him. Now this morning he was

his sweet little self again. Before he got out of my car at school, I told

him that he can not come home today and act the way he did yesterday. He

said, " I know mom, I'm sorry " . Told me he loved me then blew me a kiss from

outside the car. He can be so sweet most of the time. He is so sensitive

and very caring. But when he turns into that monster, he is unbearable.

Thanks for listening to me vent, sorry it is so long.

Deana

_________________________________________________________________

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[Guest guest]

Wow, it must be so frightening for him. I was trying to imagine how

he felt that morning when he was feeling peaceful and loving, but

knowing how he felt other times and what he did...and knowing it may

happen again. I'd be scared if I was a little kid.

All I can think to do is get him into his doctor soon for a fresh

analysis -

> Hello All!

> I wanted to post about my son's recent behavior. He is 8 yrs old,

2nd

> grade, excellent student, normally a very sweet, helpful child.

Takes 1/2

> of .5 mg tablet of Abilify daily. Recently, when things don't go

his way he

> sort of snaps. He turns into this 8 yr old little monster. He

becomes

> angry and verbally abusive to whoever is around. Yesterday, for

example, he

> wanted to go home after school instead of coming into my office

which he

> normally does. My mother lives with us and has for 2 years (she

moved in 1

> yr after my ex moved out). My #1 rule is: no outside, tv or

playstation

> until all homework is finished. That has been my rule since they

first

> started getting homework. He didn't want to do his homework

because he was

> having trouble handwriting his lowercase " f " . My bother tried to

help him,

> he snapped and screamed at her telling her that she was doing it

wrong. He

> became very aggitated. My mom ended up sending him to his room

until he

> calmed down. When she sent him upstairs, he started screaming at

her (to

> the point that my mom was trying to close the front door &

windows). He

> said how much he hated her, said she didn't belong there because

she is not

> in our family (meaning immediate family), she should move out and

that he

> wasn't going to say he was sorry when mom came home from work. He

said that

> mom always makes him apologize when she gets home and he isn't

doing it this

> time. And also added that all the other times he had apologized in

the

> past, he didn't mean it and just wants her to get out of our

house. On his

> way up the steps, he through an infant gate down the stairs at her,

broke a

> nic nac on a cabinet at the top of my stairs, threw clean bath

towels down

> the stairs and an empty hamper. He ended up falling asleep at the

top of

> the stairs in the hallway. I told my mother to leave everything

where it

> was and that he would straighten it up when I came home. That is

where he

> was when I got home. When I got home I made him get up and clean

up

> everything he threw around the house. He started carrying on

again.

> Yelling how much he hated me and how I have no idea just how much

he hated

> me. Said he wants to find a new mom and not have me be his mom

anymore.

> Now I know he doesn't mean that, he was just angry and I don't even

take

> that personally. No one does for him or cares for him as much as I

do, not

> even his dad. His father and split up in November 2002 after

admitting that

> he was gay. 10 yrs together and 3 children later. Anyway, his dad

is

> pretty wrapped up in his own personal life and his new boyfriend.

My son,

> Mike is very into sports. Basketball and baseball are his two

favorite. He

> has been playing on a basketball team since he was four and

baseball since

> he was 5. All my doing. He plays in two-three basketball teams a

year, a

> baseball team adn attends many 76ers games. All because I pay for

and take

> him. His father does take him to his practices and games if they

end up

> being on his nights. But he wouldn't be playing anything if I

didn't sign

> him up. I take Mike to his friends's houses, I take him out

shopping, we do

> fun family stuff on weekends and in the summer. I take Mike

everywhere

> with me now because I can't leave him home much with my mother

because I

> don't want him to treat her badly. Unfortunately she takes it

personally

> and is hurt by what he says. I guess its different when you're a

> grandparent and your grandchild is saying those things to you. He

tells me

> just about every other day lately that he hates me, I don't even

take

> offense. He does the same thing to his father. I'm going on and

on here,

> sorry about that. He has only been on medication for 1 1/2 years.

I don't

> know if they need to up his dose or put him on something else or

what. Any

> advice that anyone has, would be greatly appreciated. I am at the

end of my

> rope again and am not making any headway with him. Now this

morning he was

> his sweet little self again. Before he got out of my car at

school, I told

> him that he can not come home today and act the way he did

yesterday. He

> said, " I know mom, I'm sorry " . Told me he loved me then blew me a

kiss from

> outside the car. He can be so sweet most of the time. He is so

sensitive

> and very caring. But when he turns into that monster, he is

unbearable.

>

> Thanks for listening to me vent, sorry it is so long.

>

> Deana

>

> _________________________________________________________________

> Express yourself instantly with MSN Messenger! Download today -

it's FREE!

> http://messenger.msn.click-url.com/go/onm00200471ave/direct/01/

[Guest guest]

Hi, Deana

Not that I have any experience in this area, but do you think he could be

dealing with stuff regarding your divorce, etc. He is also at an age where he

may be learning about the stigma of being gay, maybe even being teased at

school. Is he in any kind of therapy? If not, you might want to consider it.

P.

Deana McCurdy <deana929698@...> wrote:

Hello All!

I wanted to post about my son's recent behavior. He is 8 yrs old, 2nd

grade, excellent student, normally a very sweet, helpful child. Takes 1/2

of .5 mg tablet of Abilify daily. Recently, when things don't go his way he

sort of snaps. He turns into this 8 yr old little monster. He becomes

angry and verbally abusive to whoever is around. Yesterday, for example, he

wanted to go home after school instead of coming into my office which he

normally does. My mother lives with us and has for 2 years (she moved in 1

yr after my ex moved out). My #1 rule is: no outside, tv or playstation

until all homework is finished. That has been my rule since they first

started getting homework. He didn't want to do his homework because he was

having trouble handwriting his lowercase " f " . My bother tried to help him,

he snapped and screamed at her telling her that she was doing it wrong. He

became very aggitated. My mom ended up sending him to his room until he

calmed down. When she sent him upstairs, he started screaming at her (to

the point that my mom was trying to close the front door & windows). He

said how much he hated her, said she didn't belong there because she is not

in our family (meaning immediate family), she should move out and that he

wasn't going to say he was sorry when mom came home from work. He said that

mom always makes him apologize when she gets home and he isn't doing it this

time. And also added that all the other times he had apologized in the

past, he didn't mean it and just wants her to get out of our house. On his

way up the steps, he through an infant gate down the stairs at her, broke a

nic nac on a cabinet at the top of my stairs, threw clean bath towels down

the stairs and an empty hamper. He ended up falling asleep at the top of

the stairs in the hallway. I told my mother to leave everything where it

was and that he would straighten it up when I came home. That is where he

was when I got home. When I got home I made him get up and clean up

everything he threw around the house. He started carrying on again.

Yelling how much he hated me and how I have no idea just how much he hated

me. Said he wants to find a new mom and not have me be his mom anymore.

Now I know he doesn't mean that, he was just angry and I don't even take

that personally. No one does for him or cares for him as much as I do, not

even his dad. His father and split up in November 2002 after admitting that

he was gay. 10 yrs together and 3 children later. Anyway, his dad is

pretty wrapped up in his own personal life and his new boyfriend. My son,

Mike is very into sports. Basketball and baseball are his two favorite. He

has been playing on a basketball team since he was four and baseball since

he was 5. All my doing. He plays in two-three basketball teams a year, a

baseball team adn attends many 76ers games. All because I pay for and take

him. His father does take him to his practices and games if they end up

being on his nights. But he wouldn't be playing anything if I didn't sign

him up. I take Mike to his friends's houses, I take him out shopping, we do

fun family stuff on weekends and in the summer. I take Mike everywhere

with me now because I can't leave him home much with my mother because I

don't want him to treat her badly. Unfortunately she takes it personally

and is hurt by what he says. I guess its different when you're a

grandparent and your grandchild is saying those things to you. He tells me

just about every other day lately that he hates me, I don't even take

offense. He does the same thing to his father. I'm going on and on here,

sorry about that. He has only been on medication for 1 1/2 years. I don't

know if they need to up his dose or put him on something else or what. Any

advice that anyone has, would be greatly appreciated. I am at the end of my

rope again and am not making any headway with him. Now this morning he was

his sweet little self again. Before he got out of my car at school, I told

him that he can not come home today and act the way he did yesterday. He

said, " I know mom, I'm sorry " . Told me he loved me then blew me a kiss from

outside the car. He can be so sweet most of the time. He is so sensitive

and very caring. But when he turns into that monster, he is unbearable.

Thanks for listening to me vent, sorry it is so long.

Deana

_________________________________________________________________

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---------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Deana, My sister has warned me that 8/9 years old is the age of " I hate you-

I'm gonna run away, move ect.. " Maybe he should recieve counseling to address

his feeling toward his Dad and those issues? My son also would have anger

attacks about writing ( he is 7 1/2 ) and it turned out he was having fine motor

difficulties that we did'nt detect... was causing him alot of frustration. My

son also had " fits of anger " after a recent move... I think any kind of

adjustment and transition is hard on a child... but especially on a child with

OCD. Once my son recieved counceling and also validation for his feelings ( that

he did'nt quite know how to express yet ) he has done much better. Also, a great

book to read is " The explosive child " ( probably available at your library )

Really helps guide a parent to know how to respond when a child is going through

this sort of thing ... HTH Sharon

What to do about these uncontrollable anger fits???

Hello All!

I wanted to post about my son's recent behavior. He is 8 yrs old, 2nd

grade, excellent student, normally a very sweet, helpful child. Takes 1/2

of .5 mg tablet of Abilify daily. Recently, when things don't go his way he

sort of snaps. He turns into this 8 yr old little monster. He becomes

angry and verbally abusive to whoever is around. Yesterday, for example, he

wanted to go home after school instead of coming into my office which he

normally does. My mother lives with us and has for 2 years (she moved in 1

yr after my ex moved out). My #1 rule is: no outside, tv or playstation

until all homework is finished. That has been my rule since they first

started getting homework. He didn't want to do his homework because he was

having trouble handwriting his lowercase " f " . My bother tried to help him,

he snapped and screamed at her telling her that she was doing it wrong. He

became very aggitated. My mom ended up sending him to his room until he

calmed down. When she sent him upstairs, he started screaming at her (to

the point that my mom was trying to close the front door & windows). He

said how much he hated her, said she didn't belong there because she is not

in our family (meaning immediate family), she should move out and that he

wasn't going to say he was sorry when mom came home from work. He said that

mom always makes him apologize when she gets home and he isn't doing it this

time. And also added that all the other times he had apologized in the

past, he didn't mean it and just wants her to get out of our house. On his

way up the steps, he through an infant gate down the stairs at her, broke a

nic nac on a cabinet at the top of my stairs, threw clean bath towels down

the stairs and an empty hamper. He ended up falling asleep at the top of

the stairs in the hallway. I told my mother to leave everything where it

was and that he would straighten it up when I came home. That is where he

was when I got home. When I got home I made him get up and clean up

everything he threw around the house. He started carrying on again.

Yelling how much he hated me and how I have no idea just how much he hated

me. Said he wants to find a new mom and not have me be his mom anymore.

Now I know he doesn't mean that, he was just angry and I don't even take

that personally. No one does for him or cares for him as much as I do, not

even his dad. His father and split up in November 2002 after admitting that

he was gay. 10 yrs together and 3 children later. Anyway, his dad is

pretty wrapped up in his own personal life and his new boyfriend. My son,

Mike is very into sports. Basketball and baseball are his two favorite. He

has been playing on a basketball team since he was four and baseball since

he was 5. All my doing. He plays in two-three basketball teams a year, a

baseball team adn attends many 76ers games. All because I pay for and take

him. His father does take him to his practices and games if they end up

being on his nights. But he wouldn't be playing anything if I didn't sign

him up. I take Mike to his friends's houses, I take him out shopping, we do

fun family stuff on weekends and in the summer. I take Mike everywhere

with me now because I can't leave him home much with my mother because I

don't want him to treat her badly. Unfortunately she takes it personally

and is hurt by what he says. I guess its different when you're a

grandparent and your grandchild is saying those things to you. He tells me

just about every other day lately that he hates me, I don't even take

offense. He does the same thing to his father. I'm going on and on here,

sorry about that. He has only been on medication for 1 1/2 years. I don't

know if they need to up his dose or put him on something else or what. Any

advice that anyone has, would be greatly appreciated. I am at the end of my

rope again and am not making any headway with him. Now this morning he was

his sweet little self again. Before he got out of my car at school, I told

him that he can not come home today and act the way he did yesterday. He

said, " I know mom, I'm sorry " . Told me he loved me then blew me a kiss from

outside the car. He can be so sweet most of the time. He is so sensitive

and very caring. But when he turns into that monster, he is unbearable.

Thanks for listening to me vent, sorry it is so long.

Deana

_________________________________________________________________

Express yourself instantly with MSN Messenger! Download today - it's FREE!

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Our list archives, bookmarks, files, and chat feature may be accessed at:

/ .

Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D., Tamar Chansky, Ph.D.(

http://www.worrywisekids.org ), Dan Geller, M.D.,Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., (

http://www.lighthouse-press.com ). Our list moderators are Birkhan,

Castle, Fowler, Kathy Hammes, Joye, Kathy Mac, Gail

Pesses, and Kathy . Subscription issues or suggestions may be

addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner, at louisharkins@... ,

louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... .

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Hi Deana, our OCD kids may act like this when their anxiety is suddenly

triggered. With my child it just seemed she'd be suddenly broadsided with

it, caught by surprise. The things she would say and do when having an

anxious meltdown made a startling contrast to her usual kind, sweet

personality--it was like she was channeling some evil character. Ugly,

hurtful, out-of-character talk from her still signals severe anxiety, though

thankfully she's better able at age 11 1/2 to keep a lid on the physical

stuff (throwing things, etc.)

A lot of our kids are already anxious about homework and handwriting

(perfectionism) and so it doesn't take much to kick them over into full

meltdown mode. You say your son is an excellent student, he may be putting

himself under a lot of pressure to maintain the perfect grades. That he

fell asleep right after this meltdown suggests extreme stress. Your poor

mother, by trying to help your son, no doubt did something " wrong " according

to OCD and this triggered his anxious meltdown.

He may need a med adjustment or further therapy to reduce his anxiety and

OCD level, two things to consider. You also may want to rethink your

requirement that he complete his homework right after school, as many of our

kids are stressed and anxious at that point from having navigated the school

day and held it together all that time. My daughter needs a snack and some

time to " transition " before tackling homework. When I tied access to TV,

Gamecube and so on to having completed homework, this added an element of

pressure and stress that my child found almost impossible to cope with. I

know this usually works well with kids, teaches responsibility, work before

play and time management, but for mine it was a disaster.

Anyway, I've found the top three times that my OCDer is more likely to

" blow " , is in the a.m. before school, right after she returns from school,

and bedtime. It's helped to be aware of this and try not to add any extra

stress at these times.

Hope something here helps. IMO I wouldn't worry too much about his father's

situation or the ball games or whatever, I think your boy's behavior was due

to OCD/anxiety.

Kathy R. in Indiana

----- Original Message -----

From: " Deana McCurdy " <deana929698@...>

> Hello All!

> I wanted to post about my son's recent behavior. He is 8 yrs old, 2nd

> grade, excellent student, normally a very sweet, helpful child. Takes 1/2

> of .5 mg tablet of Abilify daily. Recently, when things don't go his way

> he

> sort of snaps. He turns into this 8 yr old little monster. He becomes

> angry and verbally abusive to whoever is around. Yesterday, for example,

> he

> wanted to go home after school instead of coming into my office which he

> normally does. My mother lives with us and has for 2 years (she moved in

> 1

> yr after my ex moved out). My #1 rule is: no outside, tv or playstation

> until all homework is finished. That has been my rule since they first

> started getting homework. He didn't want to do his homework because he

> was

> having trouble handwriting his lowercase " f " . My bother tried to help

> him,

> he snapped and screamed at her telling her that she was doing it wrong.

> He

> became very aggitated. My mom ended up sending him to his room until he

> calmed down. When she sent him upstairs, he started screaming at her (to

> the point that my mom was trying to close the front door & windows). He

> said how much he hated her, said she didn't belong there because she is

> not

> in our family (meaning immediate family), she should move out and that he

> wasn't going to say he was sorry when mom came home from work. He said

> that

> mom always makes him apologize when she gets home and he isn't doing it

> this

> time. And also added that all the other times he had apologized in the

> past, he didn't mean it and just wants her to get out of our house. On

> his

> way up the steps, he through an infant gate down the stairs at her, broke

> a

> nic nac on a cabinet at the top of my stairs, threw clean bath towels down

> the stairs and an empty hamper. He ended up falling asleep at the top of

> the stairs in the hallway. I told my mother to leave everything where it

> was and that he would straighten it up when I came home. That is where

> he

> was when I got home. When I got home I made him get up and clean up

> everything he threw around the house. He started carrying on again.

> Yelling how much he hated me and how I have no idea just how much he hated

> me. Said he wants to find a new mom and not have me be his mom anymore.

> Now I know he doesn't mean that, he was just angry and I don't even take

> that personally. No one does for him or cares for him as much as I do,

> not

> even his dad. His father and split up in November 2002 after admitting

> that

> he was gay. 10 yrs together and 3 children later. Anyway, his dad is

> pretty wrapped up in his own personal life and his new boyfriend. My son,

> Mike is very into sports. Basketball and baseball are his two favorite.

> He

> has been playing on a basketball team since he was four and baseball since

> he was 5. All my doing. He plays in two-three basketball teams a year, a

> baseball team adn attends many 76ers games. All because I pay for and

> take

> him. His father does take him to his practices and games if they end up

> being on his nights. But he wouldn't be playing anything if I didn't sign

> him up. I take Mike to his friends's houses, I take him out shopping, we

> do

> fun family stuff on weekends and in the summer. I take Mike everywhere

> with me now because I can't leave him home much with my mother because I

> don't want him to treat her badly. Unfortunately she takes it personally

> and is hurt by what he says. I guess its different when you're a

> grandparent and your grandchild is saying those things to you. He tells

> me

> just about every other day lately that he hates me, I don't even take

> offense. He does the same thing to his father. I'm going on and on here,

> sorry about that. He has only been on medication for 1 1/2 years. I

> don't

> know if they need to up his dose or put him on something else or what.

> Any

> advice that anyone has, would be greatly appreciated. I am at the end of

> my

> rope again and am not making any headway with him. Now this morning he

> was

> his sweet little self again. Before he got out of my car at school, I

> told

> him that he can not come home today and act the way he did yesterday. He

> said, " I know mom, I'm sorry " . Told me he loved me then blew me a kiss

> from

> outside the car. He can be so sweet most of the time. He is so sensitive

> and very caring. But when he turns into that monster, he is unbearable.

>

> Thanks for listening to me vent, sorry it is so long.

>

> Deana

[Guest guest]

,

That's how I look at it too, he must be so scared and there really isn't

anything I can do but sit there and watch. I have tried calming him down

peacefully and nothing seems to settle him. That is why I just send him to

his room and now he just cries himself to sleep afterwards. I feel so bad

for him. I have a message into his psychologist now but with the holiday,

our next appt isn't until 6-5-05 and I don't know if he can get him in

sooner. Hopefully, he'll call today. His psychiatrist is away for three

weeks so I won't be able to see her.

Thanks for your response.

Deana

>From: " klwicklund77 " <k777thorpe@...>

>Reply-

>

>Subject: Re: What to do about these uncontrollable anger

>fits???

>Date: Thu, 26 May 2005 16:57:03 -0000

>

>Wow, it must be so frightening for him. I was trying to imagine how

>he felt that morning when he was feeling peaceful and loving, but

>knowing how he felt other times and what he did...and knowing it may

>happen again. I'd be scared if I was a little kid.

>

>All I can think to do is get him into his doctor soon for a fresh

>analysis -

>

>

>

>

>

> > Hello All!

> > I wanted to post about my son's recent behavior. He is 8 yrs old,

>2nd

> > grade, excellent student, normally a very sweet, helpful child.

>Takes 1/2

> > of .5 mg tablet of Abilify daily. Recently, when things don't go

>his way he

> > sort of snaps. He turns into this 8 yr old little monster. He

>becomes

> > angry and verbally abusive to whoever is around. Yesterday, for

>example, he

> > wanted to go home after school instead of coming into my office

>which he

> > normally does. My mother lives with us and has for 2 years (she

>moved in 1

> > yr after my ex moved out). My #1 rule is: no outside, tv or

>playstation

> > until all homework is finished. That has been my rule since they

>first

> > started getting homework. He didn't want to do his homework

>because he was

> > having trouble handwriting his lowercase " f " . My bother tried to

>help him,

> > he snapped and screamed at her telling her that she was doing it

>wrong. He

> > became very aggitated. My mom ended up sending him to his room

>until he

> > calmed down. When she sent him upstairs, he started screaming at

>her (to

> > the point that my mom was trying to close the front door &

>windows). He

> > said how much he hated her, said she didn't belong there because

>she is not

> > in our family (meaning immediate family), she should move out and

>that he

> > wasn't going to say he was sorry when mom came home from work. He

>said that

> > mom always makes him apologize when she gets home and he isn't

>doing it this

> > time. And also added that all the other times he had apologized in

>the

> > past, he didn't mean it and just wants her to get out of our

>house. On his

> > way up the steps, he through an infant gate down the stairs at her,

>broke a

> > nic nac on a cabinet at the top of my stairs, threw clean bath

>towels down

> > the stairs and an empty hamper. He ended up falling asleep at the

>top of

> > the stairs in the hallway. I told my mother to leave everything

>where it

> > was and that he would straighten it up when I came home. That is

>where he

> > was when I got home. When I got home I made him get up and clean

>up

> > everything he threw around the house. He started carrying on

>again.

> > Yelling how much he hated me and how I have no idea just how much

>he hated

> > me. Said he wants to find a new mom and not have me be his mom

>anymore.

> > Now I know he doesn't mean that, he was just angry and I don't even

>take

> > that personally. No one does for him or cares for him as much as I

>do, not

> > even his dad. His father and split up in November 2002 after

>admitting that

> > he was gay. 10 yrs together and 3 children later. Anyway, his dad

>is

> > pretty wrapped up in his own personal life and his new boyfriend.

>My son,

> > Mike is very into sports. Basketball and baseball are his two

>favorite. He

> > has been playing on a basketball team since he was four and

>baseball since

> > he was 5. All my doing. He plays in two-three basketball teams a

>year, a

> > baseball team adn attends many 76ers games. All because I pay for

>and take

> > him. His father does take him to his practices and games if they

>end up

> > being on his nights. But he wouldn't be playing anything if I

>didn't sign

> > him up. I take Mike to his friends's houses, I take him out

>shopping, we do

> > fun family stuff on weekends and in the summer. I take Mike

>everywhere

> > with me now because I can't leave him home much with my mother

>because I

> > don't want him to treat her badly. Unfortunately she takes it

>personally

> > and is hurt by what he says. I guess its different when you're a

> > grandparent and your grandchild is saying those things to you. He

>tells me

> > just about every other day lately that he hates me, I don't even

>take

> > offense. He does the same thing to his father. I'm going on and

>on here,

> > sorry about that. He has only been on medication for 1 1/2 years.

>I don't

> > know if they need to up his dose or put him on something else or

>what. Any

> > advice that anyone has, would be greatly appreciated. I am at the

>end of my

> > rope again and am not making any headway with him. Now this

>morning he was

> > his sweet little self again. Before he got out of my car at

>school, I told

> > him that he can not come home today and act the way he did

>yesterday. He

> > said, " I know mom, I'm sorry " . Told me he loved me then blew me a

>kiss from

> > outside the car. He can be so sweet most of the time. He is so

>sensitive

> > and very caring. But when he turns into that monster, he is

>unbearable.

> >

> > Thanks for listening to me vent, sorry it is so long.

> >

> > Deana

> >

> > _________________________________________________________________

> > Express yourself instantly with MSN Messenger! Download today -

>it's FREE!

> > http://messenger.msn.click-url.com/go/onm00200471ave/direct/01/

>

>

_________________________________________________________________

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[Guest guest]

,

That's how I look at it too, he must be so scared and there really isn't

anything I can do but sit there and watch. I have tried calming him down

peacefully and nothing seems to settle him. That is why I just send him to

his room and now he just cries himself to sleep afterwards. I feel so bad

for him. I have a message into his psychologist now but with the holiday,

our next appt isn't until 6-5-05 and I don't know if he can get him in

sooner. Hopefully, he'll call today. His psychiatrist is away for three

weeks so I won't be able to see her.

Thanks for your response.

Deana

>From: " klwicklund77 " <k777thorpe@...>

>Reply-

>

>Subject: Re: What to do about these uncontrollable anger

>fits???

>Date: Thu, 26 May 2005 16:57:03 -0000

>

>Wow, it must be so frightening for him. I was trying to imagine how

>he felt that morning when he was feeling peaceful and loving, but

>knowing how he felt other times and what he did...and knowing it may

>happen again. I'd be scared if I was a little kid.

>

>All I can think to do is get him into his doctor soon for a fresh

>analysis -

>

>

>

>

>

> > Hello All!

> > I wanted to post about my son's recent behavior. He is 8 yrs old,

>2nd

> > grade, excellent student, normally a very sweet, helpful child.

>Takes 1/2

> > of .5 mg tablet of Abilify daily. Recently, when things don't go

>his way he

> > sort of snaps. He turns into this 8 yr old little monster. He

>becomes

> > angry and verbally abusive to whoever is around. Yesterday, for

>example, he

> > wanted to go home after school instead of coming into my office

>which he

> > normally does. My mother lives with us and has for 2 years (she

>moved in 1

> > yr after my ex moved out). My #1 rule is: no outside, tv or

>playstation

> > until all homework is finished. That has been my rule since they

>first

> > started getting homework. He didn't want to do his homework

>because he was

> > having trouble handwriting his lowercase " f " . My bother tried to

>help him,

> > he snapped and screamed at her telling her that she was doing it

>wrong. He

> > became very aggitated. My mom ended up sending him to his room

>until he

> > calmed down. When she sent him upstairs, he started screaming at

>her (to

> > the point that my mom was trying to close the front door &

>windows). He

> > said how much he hated her, said she didn't belong there because

>she is not

> > in our family (meaning immediate family), she should move out and

>that he

> > wasn't going to say he was sorry when mom came home from work. He

>said that

> > mom always makes him apologize when she gets home and he isn't

>doing it this

> > time. And also added that all the other times he had apologized in

>the

> > past, he didn't mean it and just wants her to get out of our

>house. On his

> > way up the steps, he through an infant gate down the stairs at her,

>broke a

> > nic nac on a cabinet at the top of my stairs, threw clean bath

>towels down

> > the stairs and an empty hamper. He ended up falling asleep at the

>top of

> > the stairs in the hallway. I told my mother to leave everything

>where it

> > was and that he would straighten it up when I came home. That is

>where he

> > was when I got home. When I got home I made him get up and clean

>up

> > everything he threw around the house. He started carrying on

>again.

> > Yelling how much he hated me and how I have no idea just how much

>he hated

> > me. Said he wants to find a new mom and not have me be his mom

>anymore.

> > Now I know he doesn't mean that, he was just angry and I don't even

>take

> > that personally. No one does for him or cares for him as much as I

>do, not

> > even his dad. His father and split up in November 2002 after

>admitting that

> > he was gay. 10 yrs together and 3 children later. Anyway, his dad

>is

> > pretty wrapped up in his own personal life and his new boyfriend.

>My son,

> > Mike is very into sports. Basketball and baseball are his two

>favorite. He

> > has been playing on a basketball team since he was four and

>baseball since

> > he was 5. All my doing. He plays in two-three basketball teams a

>year, a

> > baseball team adn attends many 76ers games. All because I pay for

>and take

> > him. His father does take him to his practices and games if they

>end up

> > being on his nights. But he wouldn't be playing anything if I

>didn't sign

> > him up. I take Mike to his friends's houses, I take him out

>shopping, we do

> > fun family stuff on weekends and in the summer. I take Mike

>everywhere

> > with me now because I can't leave him home much with my mother

>because I

> > don't want him to treat her badly. Unfortunately she takes it

>personally

> > and is hurt by what he says. I guess its different when you're a

> > grandparent and your grandchild is saying those things to you. He

>tells me

> > just about every other day lately that he hates me, I don't even

>take

> > offense. He does the same thing to his father. I'm going on and

>on here,

> > sorry about that. He has only been on medication for 1 1/2 years.

>I don't

> > know if they need to up his dose or put him on something else or

>what. Any

> > advice that anyone has, would be greatly appreciated. I am at the

>end of my

> > rope again and am not making any headway with him. Now this

>morning he was

> > his sweet little self again. Before he got out of my car at

>school, I told

> > him that he can not come home today and act the way he did

>yesterday. He

> > said, " I know mom, I'm sorry " . Told me he loved me then blew me a

>kiss from

> > outside the car. He can be so sweet most of the time. He is so

>sensitive

> > and very caring. But when he turns into that monster, he is

>unbearable.

> >

> > Thanks for listening to me vent, sorry it is so long.

> >

> > Deana

> >

> > _________________________________________________________________

> > Express yourself instantly with MSN Messenger! Download today -

>it's FREE!

> > http://messenger.msn.click-url.com/go/onm00200471ave/direct/01/

>

>

_________________________________________________________________

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[Guest guest]

Hi ,

He's been in therapy for about two years. He sees a psychologist every two

weeks, sometimes every week depending on how he is. He also sees a

psychiatrist every four weeks. I've thought about the gay thing and I have

talked to him about it. I know it bothers him that his dad is gay and it

kind of grosses him out when it comes up that his dad is with another guy.

But, if it were the gay thing bothering him, I would think that he would act

up when he is at his dad's and not at home with me. He knows that his dad

moved out because he was gay. Why take it out on my mom and I. I know they

say that kinds take it out on the person that they know for sure will always

be there for them, that could be true. I have been there for all 3 of my

children forever. Even when their dad was going through his personal crisis

and wasn't around whenever they wanted him to be. And mostly these fits

only happen when he doesn't get his own way. My kids aren't spolied brats.

Yes they are a little spoiled, I think most kids are but they are

disciplined at home. Now there are times when he has a fit when its not

about getting his own way. I really don't know anymore, its just so

exhausting. Now for the last three days, he has been complaining about his

head hurting, no fever and he's not sick, just headaches. I don't know how

or if that is related to the stress that he is no under or what. He's been

on this medicine since January and it is such a low dose, I don't think its

a side effect of the meds. For right now, I will wait and see what the dr

says. If I don't hear from him by noon, I am calling back again.

Thank you for the reply.

Deana

>From: Price <firecooklmp@...>

>Reply-

>

>Subject: Re: What to do about these uncontrollable anger

>fits???

>Date: Thu, 26 May 2005 10:58:34 -0700 (PDT)

>

>Hi, Deana

>Not that I have any experience in this area, but do you think he could be

>dealing with stuff regarding your divorce, etc. He is also at an age where

>he may be learning about the stigma of being gay, maybe even being teased

>at school. Is he in any kind of therapy? If not, you might want to consider

>it.

> P.

>

>Deana McCurdy <deana929698@...> wrote:

>Hello All!

>I wanted to post about my son's recent behavior. He is 8 yrs old, 2nd

>grade, excellent student, normally a very sweet, helpful child. Takes 1/2

>of .5 mg tablet of Abilify daily. Recently, when things don't go his way

>he

>sort of snaps. He turns into this 8 yr old little monster. He becomes

>angry and verbally abusive to whoever is around. Yesterday, for example,

>he

>wanted to go home after school instead of coming into my office which he

>normally does. My mother lives with us and has for 2 years (she moved in 1

>yr after my ex moved out). My #1 rule is: no outside, tv or playstation

>until all homework is finished. That has been my rule since they first

>started getting homework. He didn't want to do his homework because he was

>having trouble handwriting his lowercase " f " . My bother tried to help him,

>he snapped and screamed at her telling her that she was doing it wrong. He

>became very aggitated. My mom ended up sending him to his room until he

>calmed down. When she sent him upstairs, he started screaming at her (to

>the point that my mom was trying to close the front door & windows). He

>said how much he hated her, said she didn't belong there because she is not

>in our family (meaning immediate family), she should move out and that he

>wasn't going to say he was sorry when mom came home from work. He said

>that

>mom always makes him apologize when she gets home and he isn't doing it

>this

>time. And also added that all the other times he had apologized in the

>past, he didn't mean it and just wants her to get out of our house. On his

>way up the steps, he through an infant gate down the stairs at her, broke a

>nic nac on a cabinet at the top of my stairs, threw clean bath towels down

>the stairs and an empty hamper. He ended up falling asleep at the top of

>the stairs in the hallway. I told my mother to leave everything where it

>was and that he would straighten it up when I came home. That is where he

>was when I got home. When I got home I made him get up and clean up

>everything he threw around the house. He started carrying on again.

>Yelling how much he hated me and how I have no idea just how much he hated

>me. Said he wants to find a new mom and not have me be his mom anymore.

>Now I know he doesn't mean that, he was just angry and I don't even take

>that personally. No one does for him or cares for him as much as I do, not

>even his dad. His father and split up in November 2002 after admitting

>that

>he was gay. 10 yrs together and 3 children later. Anyway, his dad is

>pretty wrapped up in his own personal life and his new boyfriend. My son,

>Mike is very into sports. Basketball and baseball are his two favorite.

>He

>has been playing on a basketball team since he was four and baseball since

>he was 5. All my doing. He plays in two-three basketball teams a year, a

>baseball team adn attends many 76ers games. All because I pay for and take

>him. His father does take him to his practices and games if they end up

>being on his nights. But he wouldn't be playing anything if I didn't sign

>him up. I take Mike to his friends's houses, I take him out shopping, we

>do

>fun family stuff on weekends and in the summer. I take Mike everywhere

>with me now because I can't leave him home much with my mother because I

>don't want him to treat her badly. Unfortunately she takes it personally

>and is hurt by what he says. I guess its different when you're a

>grandparent and your grandchild is saying those things to you. He tells me

>just about every other day lately that he hates me, I don't even take

>offense. He does the same thing to his father. I'm going on and on here,

>sorry about that. He has only been on medication for 1 1/2 years. I don't

>know if they need to up his dose or put him on something else or what. Any

>advice that anyone has, would be greatly appreciated. I am at the end of

>my

>rope again and am not making any headway with him. Now this morning he was

>his sweet little self again. Before he got out of my car at school, I told

>him that he can not come home today and act the way he did yesterday. He

>said, " I know mom, I'm sorry " . Told me he loved me then blew me a kiss

>from

>outside the car. He can be so sweet most of the time. He is so sensitive

>and very caring. But when he turns into that monster, he is unbearable.

>

>Thanks for listening to me vent, sorry it is so long.

>

>Deana

>

>_________________________________________________________________

>Express yourself instantly with MSN Messenger! Download today - it's FREE!

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>

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[Guest guest]

Kathy,

I agree with you about his fits being triggered by an OCD/anxiety thing.

Mike's most stressful times are the same though he is doing a lot better at

bedtime. Mornings can be rough most times, belt not tight enough, shirt not

long enough, shoes aren't tied tight enough, etc...after school, as soon as

he gets into the car, he starts with the other kids I pick up. Just starts

with them until they go back at him and then it turns into the famous " car

ride from hell " . My the time I get home or back to work, my nerves are

shot. Sometimes him and his brother will hit each other back and forth the

whole way home, most times its Mike starting it but Matt (age 6) is a little

tough guy and doesn't take his crap so he fights back. After school, its

not a rush to get homework done. I try not to ever rush him with anything

because that is when he panics. He comes home, goes to the bathroom,

changes out of his uniform, gets a snack and a drink and watches tv until

he's done. Then he starts his homework. His homework only takes him 10

minutes at the most. He rarely studies because he doesn't need to. He

gets excellent grades without even studying. He pays attention in class and

reads over his notes and that seems to be enough for him to get 100's on his

tests.

Thank you for your reply, it did help. It pointed out that he is just like

other kids with this OCD. Just tough to take at times.

Thanks again, Deana

>From: " Kathy " <kathylr@...>

>Reply-

>< >

>Subject: Re: What to do about these uncontrollable anger

>fits???

>Date: Thu, 26 May 2005 15:37:18 -0500

>

>Hi Deana, our OCD kids may act like this when their anxiety is suddenly

>triggered. With my child it just seemed she'd be suddenly broadsided with

>it, caught by surprise. The things she would say and do when having an

>anxious meltdown made a startling contrast to her usual kind, sweet

>personality--it was like she was channeling some evil character. Ugly,

>hurtful, out-of-character talk from her still signals severe anxiety,

>though

>thankfully she's better able at age 11 1/2 to keep a lid on the physical

>stuff (throwing things, etc.)

>

>A lot of our kids are already anxious about homework and handwriting

>(perfectionism) and so it doesn't take much to kick them over into full

>meltdown mode. You say your son is an excellent student, he may be putting

>himself under a lot of pressure to maintain the perfect grades. That he

>fell asleep right after this meltdown suggests extreme stress. Your poor

>mother, by trying to help your son, no doubt did something " wrong "

>according

>to OCD and this triggered his anxious meltdown.

>

>He may need a med adjustment or further therapy to reduce his anxiety and

>OCD level, two things to consider. You also may want to rethink your

>requirement that he complete his homework right after school, as many of

>our

>kids are stressed and anxious at that point from having navigated the

>school

>day and held it together all that time. My daughter needs a snack and some

>time to " transition " before tackling homework. When I tied access to TV,

>Gamecube and so on to having completed homework, this added an element of

>pressure and stress that my child found almost impossible to cope with. I

>know this usually works well with kids, teaches responsibility, work before

>play and time management, but for mine it was a disaster.

>

>Anyway, I've found the top three times that my OCDer is more likely to

> " blow " , is in the a.m. before school, right after she returns from school,

>and bedtime. It's helped to be aware of this and try not to add any extra

>stress at these times.

>

>Hope something here helps. IMO I wouldn't worry too much about his

>father's

>situation or the ball games or whatever, I think your boy's behavior was

>due

>to OCD/anxiety.

>

>Kathy R. in Indiana

>

>----- Original Message -----

>From: " Deana McCurdy " <deana929698@...>

>

>

> > Hello All!

> > I wanted to post about my son's recent behavior. He is 8 yrs old, 2nd

> > grade, excellent student, normally a very sweet, helpful child. Takes

>1/2

> > of .5 mg tablet of Abilify daily. Recently, when things don't go his

>way

> > he

> > sort of snaps. He turns into this 8 yr old little monster. He becomes

> > angry and verbally abusive to whoever is around. Yesterday, for

>example,

> > he

> > wanted to go home after school instead of coming into my office which he

> > normally does. My mother lives with us and has for 2 years (she moved

>in

> > 1

> > yr after my ex moved out). My #1 rule is: no outside, tv or playstation

> > until all homework is finished. That has been my rule since they first

> > started getting homework. He didn't want to do his homework because he

> > was

> > having trouble handwriting his lowercase " f " . My bother tried to help

> > him,

> > he snapped and screamed at her telling her that she was doing it wrong.

> > He

> > became very aggitated. My mom ended up sending him to his room until he

> > calmed down. When she sent him upstairs, he started screaming at her

>(to

> > the point that my mom was trying to close the front door & windows). He

> > said how much he hated her, said she didn't belong there because she is

> > not

> > in our family (meaning immediate family), she should move out and that

>he

> > wasn't going to say he was sorry when mom came home from work. He said

> > that

> > mom always makes him apologize when she gets home and he isn't doing it

> > this

> > time. And also added that all the other times he had apologized in the

> > past, he didn't mean it and just wants her to get out of our house. On

> > his

> > way up the steps, he through an infant gate down the stairs at her,

>broke

> > a

> > nic nac on a cabinet at the top of my stairs, threw clean bath towels

>down

> > the stairs and an empty hamper. He ended up falling asleep at the top

>of

> > the stairs in the hallway. I told my mother to leave everything where

>it

> > was and that he would straighten it up when I came home. That is where

> > he

> > was when I got home. When I got home I made him get up and clean up

> > everything he threw around the house. He started carrying on again.

> > Yelling how much he hated me and how I have no idea just how much he

>hated

> > me. Said he wants to find a new mom and not have me be his mom anymore.

> > Now I know he doesn't mean that, he was just angry and I don't even take

> > that personally. No one does for him or cares for him as much as I do,

> > not

> > even his dad. His father and split up in November 2002 after admitting

> > that

> > he was gay. 10 yrs together and 3 children later. Anyway, his dad is

> > pretty wrapped up in his own personal life and his new boyfriend. My

>son,

> > Mike is very into sports. Basketball and baseball are his two favorite.

> > He

> > has been playing on a basketball team since he was four and baseball

>since

> > he was 5. All my doing. He plays in two-three basketball teams a year,

>a

> > baseball team adn attends many 76ers games. All because I pay for and

> > take

> > him. His father does take him to his practices and games if they end up

> > being on his nights. But he wouldn't be playing anything if I didn't

>sign

> > him up. I take Mike to his friends's houses, I take him out shopping,

>we

> > do

> > fun family stuff on weekends and in the summer. I take Mike everywhere

> > with me now because I can't leave him home much with my mother because I

> > don't want him to treat her badly. Unfortunately she takes it

>personally

> > and is hurt by what he says. I guess its different when you're a

> > grandparent and your grandchild is saying those things to you. He tells

> > me

> > just about every other day lately that he hates me, I don't even take

> > offense. He does the same thing to his father. I'm going on and on

>here,

> > sorry about that. He has only been on medication for 1 1/2 years. I

> > don't

> > know if they need to up his dose or put him on something else or what.

> > Any

> > advice that anyone has, would be greatly appreciated. I am at the end

>of

> > my

> > rope again and am not making any headway with him. Now this morning he

> > was

> > his sweet little self again. Before he got out of my car at school, I

> > told

> > him that he can not come home today and act the way he did yesterday.

>He

> > said, " I know mom, I'm sorry " . Told me he loved me then blew me a kiss

> > from

> > outside the car. He can be so sweet most of the time. He is so

>sensitive

> > and very caring. But when he turns into that monster, he is unbearable.

> >

> > Thanks for listening to me vent, sorry it is so long.

> >

> > Deana

>

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