Guest guest Posted January 28, 2008 Report Share Posted January 28, 2008 Hi Kathleen I just wanted to let you know how much I was affected by your email. I cannot believe that your son was treated so very badly. It is very, very sad and I am so sorry. My 14year old grandson is believed to have ADHD and Aspergers and is now, after years of struggling to get help for him, in a residential school where he is flourishing. It was the worst thing my daughter and I have ever had to do but he was unable to cope with mainstream school and did not attend for two years! it has been a heartbreaking journey for us all so I do understand what you are going through. We live in the UK so I am unable to advise you on what to do but I just wanted you to know that I sympathise and empathise and I so hope that you can find him a caring, understanding school where he will be happy. (I do not mean residential....that was just to tell you about my grandson's situation.) I wish you all the very best Kathleen. Warmest regards Eileen Help needed asap Hi, I'm so sorry that my second letter is asking for help and info again but I am facing a serious issue and don't know what to do.As you may know, I have a 10 year old son who has PDD/Autism. The day before winter break I took him out of school due to abusive treatment by the school staff. I have a folder 3 inches thick of documentation of the mistreatment and "mistakes" made by the school such as admitting to not doing an IEP that meets my child's needs, not informing his teacher's of his disability or medical issues (regarding bathroom needs), refusing to provide an aide for him, punishing him for things that he cannot control due to his disability, allowing teachers to publicly humiliate him and the thing that made me actually go to school and take him out was the fact that the teacher had him sitting in a "desk" with three walls and no place to put his things. The desk was in the front of the class facing the wall in front of all of the children and away from the board. He was not permitted to turn around so all he saw were the three walls. I asked the teacher to remove him from the chair (which my son and the kids call the "retard chair") and she refused time and time again. They forced my son to eat lunch by himself several times (not in the lunchroom) and so I went to the school to have lunch with him and to see what was going on (after months of issues). I saw this "chair" and where it was and how abusive this treatment was for ANY child, much less one that was autistic. I asked the teacher once again to remove him and she refused (to my face). That was the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak. He has not been back since. I requested his school work at a meeting after school reconvened after winter break and just got it yesterday at another meeting!I have an advocate assisting us but he (and the special education person through the school district) that they will have to file something regarding the Becca bill against us if my son is not back in school by Tuesday. We had a meeting yesterday in which they showed us a "behavior intervention plan" which was RIDICULOUS and agreed to "revise" it. I am not sure when I will see that revision but in the meantime, they all expect him to be in school on Monday morning. I'm expected to "trust" the school officials that my son will be provided for and taken care of, but I have a problem trusting people who have abused my son and lied to me and others regarding that treatment. (which I have in writing). My son has been having behavior problems (off the chart) since this teacher took over the class about two weeks into the school year and has been having panic attacks anytime going back to that school is mentioned. His therapist has the same concerns as I but also doesn't quite know what our rights are regarding this Becca bill. Our advocate is one who is pushing us to put him back in school on Monday so I don't really feel like he is "advocating" for us anymore, but going along with the school district's wishes. I may be wrong but that is what it feels like. Nobody seems to believe or be concerned about my sons mental or emotional feelings and fears. Nobody has EVER apologized for anything that happened and when I mention something that has happened they say "let's move on and look towards the future". They have only acknowledged a few things and admitted it was wrong and apparently they are getting rid of the "desk" that was used to embarrass him. I believe (and have been told) that we have at least two winnable lawsuits against the school and/or district but wanted to avoid anything like that because I don't want anything else to upset my son or my family. But now that we are being threatened by them, I am more than willing to stand in front of a judge and show them my notebook full of documentation about what my son has been through at the hands of the school officials.How can I force my son to go back to a place that hurt him? He said today in counseling that he was mad at me, his exact words were "for forcing me back to that school so they could abuse me more". I will not send him back to THAT school until he (and I) feel safe that he will be treated well.This could all have been avoided if they had provided him with the aide I've been requesting since before school started. I need to know what our rights are and what I can do. His therapist isn't comfortable with them wanting him back so fast either because of the problems he is having. BTW, many of the horrible behaviors that he was exhibiting while in school, disappeared the MOMENT I took him out of school. There have been others but those particular ones are mostly history. That tells me enough to know that I should have taken him out sooner and the guilt I feel for allowing someone to hurt him (even though I didn't know), is unrelentless.It should also be noted that I want him back in a self contained class room after seeing how badly mainstreaming has been for him during the past two years and they won't even discuss this. When his psychiatrist found out that he was mainstreamed she was surprised and said "you are kidding". The school denied that he had austism even though his records from Holly Ridge through now all say it. They said "PDD" was not autism. His doctor printed out the definition of PDD from a medical book to give them lolTyler's academics have been regressing terribly. I showed the teacher and principal an example of his work last year and an example this year. The difference was incredible. Things he used to know he now doesn't. He has a new paper phobia and can't write now. He won't TOUCH paper unless it's smooth. He can't stand the sound of paper or if you move a box or papers around, he freaks out.Anyway, I'm sorry this is so long, I wish I could tell you everything that happened so you would have a better idea of what we are dealing with but again, my folder is three inches thick.Does anyone know what we can do? What do I do if I don't feel good about sending him back next week? What will happen to us if I don't put him back? I read the Becca bill and it was really written for kids who run away, do drugs, have abusive or neglectful parents, etc...Not for disabled children who were being mistreated by the school! And if my advocate and therapist don't know what to do, who does? OH, it's also important to know that there is ONE teacher at the school that my son attached himself too. She was his teacher for the first two weeks but then was promoted to the special services coordinator. We are using her to get him in the doors of the school and set up a meeting for Monday morning in her office. My son, his therapist, myself and Ms. as well as his "new" teacher (who has been his math teacher in the past), will be there, although I've requested that any teacher who will be alone with him be there as well...and it is for Tyler to tell them his concerns and ask them questions, etc. I'm not sure how well he will do, that's a difficult thing to ask...that he communicate his feelings...but it's all we can think of to try to help him feel better about going back to that school.Thanks so much for your support and for listening. Kathleen No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.516 / Virus Database: 269.19.12/1244 - Release Date: 26/01/2008 00:00 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 28, 2008 Report Share Posted January 28, 2008 We went through all this and after being told no he would not be put in special ed K class, given an aide and that no parents where able to be in the class we gave up I went to work part-time only and we homeschool. Other then asking for a transfer to another school in your area, or paying for private school I think Home-school is the best bet. We use K-12 > > Hi, I'm so sorry that my second letter is asking for help and info > again but I am facing a serious issue and don't know what to do. > > As you may know, I have a 10 year old son who has PDD/Autism. The > day before winter break I took him out of school due to abusive > treatment by the school staff. I have a folder 3 inches thick of > documentation of the mistreatment and " mistakes " made by the school > such as admitting to not doing an IEP that meets my child's needs, > not informing his teacher's of his disability or medical issues > (regarding bathroom needs), refusing to provide an aide for him, > punishing him for things that he cannot control due to his > disability, allowing teachers to publicly humiliate him and the thing > that made me actually go to school and take him out was the fact that > the teacher had him sitting in a " desk " with three walls and no place > to put his things. The desk was in the front of the class facing > the wall in front of all of the children and away from the board. He > was not permitted to turn around so all he saw were the three walls. > I asked the teacher to remove him from the chair (which my son and > the kids call the " retard chair " ) and she refused time and time > again. > > They forced my son to eat lunch by himself several times (not in the > lunchroom) and so I went to the school to have lunch with him and to > see what was going on (after months of issues). I saw this " chair " > and where it was and how abusive this treatment was for ANY child, > much less one that was autistic. I asked the teacher once again to > remove him and she refused (to my face). That was the straw that > broke the camel's back so to speak. He has not been back since. I > requested his school work at a meeting after school reconvened after > winter break and just got it yesterday at another meeting! > > I have an advocate assisting us but he (and the special education > person through the school district) that they will have to file > something regarding the Becca bill against us if my son is not back > in school by Tuesday. > > We had a meeting yesterday in which they showed us a " behavior > intervention plan " which was RIDICULOUS and agreed to " revise " it. I > am not sure when I will see that revision but in the meantime, they > all expect him to be in school on Monday morning. > > I'm expected to " trust " the school officials that my son will be > provided for and taken care of, but I have a problem trusting people > who have abused my son and lied to me and others regarding that > treatment. (which I have in writing). > > My son has been having behavior problems (off the chart) since this > teacher took over the class about two weeks into the school year and > has been having panic attacks anytime going back to that school is > mentioned. His therapist has the same concerns as I but also doesn't > quite know what our rights are regarding this Becca bill. > > Our advocate is one who is pushing us to put him back in school on > Monday so I don't really feel like he is " advocating " for us anymore, > but going along with the school district's wishes. I may be wrong > but that is what it feels like. > > Nobody seems to believe or be concerned about my sons mental or > emotional feelings and fears. Nobody has EVER apologized for > anything that happened and when I mention something that has happened > they say " let's move on and look towards the future " . They have only > acknowledged a few things and admitted it was wrong and apparently > they are getting rid of the " desk " that was used to embarrass him. > > I believe (and have been told) that we have at least two winnable > lawsuits against the school and/or district but wanted to avoid > anything like that because I don't want anything else to upset my son > or my family. But now that we are being threatened by them, I am > more than willing to stand in front of a judge and show them my > notebook full of documentation about what my son has been through at > the hands of the school officials. > > How can I force my son to go back to a place that hurt him? He said > today in counseling that he was mad at me, his exact words were " for > forcing me back to that school so they could abuse me more " . I will > not send him back to THAT school until he (and I) feel safe that he > will be treated well. > > This could all have been avoided if they had provided him with the > aide I've been requesting since before school started. I need to > know what our rights are and what I can do. His therapist isn't > comfortable with them wanting him back so fast either because of the > problems he is having. BTW, many of the horrible behaviors that he > was exhibiting while in school, disappeared the MOMENT I took him out > of school. There have been others but those particular ones are > mostly history. That tells me enough to know that I should have > taken him out sooner and the guilt I feel for allowing someone to > hurt him (even though I didn't know), is unrelentless. > > It should also be noted that I want him back in a self contained > class room after seeing how badly mainstreaming has been for him > during the past two years and they won't even discuss this. When his > psychiatrist found out that he was mainstreamed she was surprised and > said " you are kidding " . The school denied that he had austism even > though his records from Holly Ridge through now all say it. They > said " PDD " was not autism. His doctor printed out the definition of > PDD from a medical book to give them lol > > Tyler's academics have been regressing terribly. I showed the > teacher and principal an example of his work last year and an example > this year. The difference was incredible. Things he used to know he > now doesn't. He has a new paper phobia and can't write now. He > won't TOUCH paper unless it's smooth. He can't stand the sound of > paper or if you move a box or papers around, he freaks out. > > Anyway, I'm sorry this is so long, I wish I could tell you everything > that happened so you would have a better idea of what we are dealing > with but again, my folder is three inches thick. > > Does anyone know what we can do? What do I do if I don't feel good > about sending him back next week? What will happen to us if I don't > put him back? I read the Becca bill and it was really written for > kids who run away, do drugs, have abusive or neglectful parents, > etc...Not for disabled children who were being mistreated by the > school! And if my advocate and therapist don't know what to do, who > does? OH, it's also important to know that there is ONE teacher at > the school that my son attached himself too. She was his teacher for > the first two weeks but then was promoted to the special services > coordinator. We are using her to get him in the doors of the school > and set up a meeting for Monday morning in her office. My son, his > therapist, myself and Ms. as well as his " new " teacher (who has > been his math teacher in the past), will be there, although I've > requested that any teacher who will be alone with him be there as > well...and it is for Tyler to tell them his concerns and ask them > questions, etc. I'm not sure how well he will do, that's a difficult > thing to ask...that he communicate his feelings...but it's all we can > think of to try to help him feel better about going back to that > school. > > Thanks so much for your support and for listening. > > Kathleen > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 29, 2008 Report Share Posted January 29, 2008 Do u have another school in the area that you could check out? Also sometimes you have to talk to the School Board and let me know your issues and tell them that your son is being discriminated against. If something doesn't changed you are going to hire a lawyer and file discrimiation charges against them. You need to finds out what type of services your state provides in school for special needs children. I made threats without getting a lawyer and it worked. Also,I don't know what State you live in but some have special need Scholarships. This could help you send him to a private needs school. Look into all these options. Good Luck I live in FL Hi, I'm so sorry that my second letter is asking for help and info again but I am facing a serious issue and don't know what to do.As you may know, I have a 10 year old son who has PDD/Autism. The day before winter break I took him out of school due to abusive treatment by the school staff. I have a folder 3 inches thick of documentation of the mistreatment and "mistakes" made by the school such as admitting to not doing an IEP that meets my child's needs, not informing his teacher's of his disability or medical issues (regarding bathroom needs), refusing to provide an aide for him, punishing him for things that he cannot control due to his disability, allowing teachers to publicly humiliate him and the thing that made me actually go to school and take him out was the fact that the teacher had him sitting in a "desk" with three walls and no place to put his things. The desk was in the front of the class facing the wall in front of all of the children and away from the board. He was not permitted to turn around so all he saw were the three walls. I asked the teacher to remove him from the chair (which my son and the kids call the "retard chair") and she refused time and time again. They forced my son to eat lunch by himself several times (not in the lunchroom) and so I went to the school to have lunch with him and to see what was going on (after months of issues). I saw this "chair" and where it was and how abusive this treatment was for ANY child, much less one that was autistic. I asked the teacher once again to remove him and she refused (to my face). That was the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak. He has not been back since. I requested his school work at a meeting after school reconvened after winter break and just got it yesterday at another meeting!I have an advocate assisting us but he (and the special education person through the school district) that they will have to file something regarding the Becca bill against us if my son is not back in school by Tuesday. We had a meeting yesterday in which they showed us a "behavior intervention plan" which was RIDICULOUS and agreed to "revise" it. I am not sure when I will see that revision but in the meantime, they all expect him to be in school on Monday morning. I'm expected to "trust" the school officials that my son will be provided for and taken care of, but I have a problem trusting people who have abused my son and lied to me and others regarding that treatment. (which I have in writing). My son has been having behavior problems (off the chart) since this teacher took over the class about two weeks into the school year and has been having panic attacks anytime going back to that school is mentioned. His therapist has the same concerns as I but also doesn't quite know what our rights are regarding this Becca bill. Our advocate is one who is pushing us to put him back in school on Monday so I don't really feel like he is "advocating" for us anymore, but going along with the school district's wishes. I may be wrong but that is what it feels like. Nobody seems to believe or be concerned about my sons mental or emotional feelings and fears. Nobody has EVER apologized for anything that happened and when I mention something that has happened they say "let's move on and look towards the future". They have only acknowledged a few things and admitted it was wrong and apparently they are getting rid of the "desk" that was used to embarrass him. I believe (and have been told) that we have at least two winnable lawsuits against the school and/or district but wanted to avoid anything like that because I don't want anything else to upset my son or my family. But now that we are being threatened by them, I am more than willing to stand in front of a judge and show them my notebook full of documentation about what my son has been through at the hands of the school officials.How can I force my son to go back to a place that hurt him? He said today in counseling that he was mad at me, his exact words were "for forcing me back to that school so they could abuse me more". I will not send him back to THAT school until he (and I) feel safe that he will be treated well.This could all have been avoided if they had provided him with the aide I've been requesting since before school started. I need to know what our rights are and what I can do. His therapist isn't comfortable with them wanting him back so fast either because of the problems he is having. BTW, many of the horrible behaviors that he was exhibiting while in school, disappeared the MOMENT I took him out of school. There have been others but those particular ones are mostly history. That tells me enough to know that I should have taken him out sooner and the guilt I feel for allowing someone to hurt him (even though I didn't know), is unrelentless.It should also be noted that I want him back in a self contained class room after seeing how badly mainstreaming has been for him during the past two years and they won't even discuss this. When his psychiatrist found out that he was mainstreamed she was surprised and said "you are kidding". The school denied that he had austism even though his records from Holly Ridge through now all say it. They said "PDD" was not autism. His doctor printed out the definition of PDD from a medical book to give them lolTyler's academics have been regressing terribly. I showed the teacher and principal an example of his work last year and an example this year. The difference was incredible. Things he used to know he now doesn't. He has a new paper phobia and can't write now. He won't TOUCH paper unless it's smooth. He can't stand the sound of paper or if you move a box or papers around, he freaks out.Anyway, I'm sorry this is so long, I wish I could tell you everything that happened so you would have a better idea of what we are dealing with but again, my folder is three inches thick.Does anyone know what we can do? What do I do if I don't feel good about sending him back next week? What will happen to us if I don't put him back? I read the Becca bill and it was really written for kids who run away, do drugs, have abusive or neglectful parents, etc...Not for disabled children who were being mistreated by the school! And if my advocate and therapist don't know what to do, who does? OH, it's also important to know that there is ONE teacher at the school that my son attached himself too. She was his teacher for the first two weeks but then was promoted to the special services coordinator. We are using her to get him in the doors of the school and set up a meeting for Monday morning in her office. My son, his therapist, myself and Ms. as well as his "new" teacher (who has been his math teacher in the past), will be there, although I've requested that any teacher who will be alone with him be there as well...and it is for Tyler to tell them his concerns and ask them questions, etc. I'm not sure how well he will do, that's a difficult thing to ask...that he communicate his feelings...but it's all we can think of to try to help him feel better about going back to that school.Thanks so much for your support and for listening. KathleenAlly Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 4, 2008 Report Share Posted February 4, 2008 I would at least go to an attorney with the documentation that you have from the school, and see what they say. There are lawyers that specialize in these types of law suits, if you don't know one you can ask for a recoomendation. As far as going back to the school goes, I can understand wwhy you are having misgivings, does he have to be with the same teacher, will they provide him an aide, what about the IEP? Will they provide accomodations for him? If the answer is not a YES to any of these that would be my reason for not letting him go back. The school may have to provide you with in home tutors until they can show that they will be implementing the IEP. Have you talked with the district superintentent and mentioned possibly filling a lawsuit if the situation does not get resolved to your liking? Sometimes even the threat of a lawsuit may get the school district to take you seriously. One thing that school districts don't like is to spend money! I would also check out your state's board of education web site, you may be able to get some help there. Good Luck, Sue Help needed asap Hi, I'm so sorry that my second letter is asking for help and info again but I am facing a serious issue and don't know what to do.As you may know, I have a 10 year old son who has PDD/Autism. The day before winter break I took him out of school due to abusive treatment by the school staff. I have a folder 3 inches thick of documentation of the mistreatment and "mistakes" made by the school such as admitting to not doing an IEP that meets my child's needs, not informing his teacher's of his disability or medical issues (regarding bathroom needs), refusing to provide an aide for him, punishing him for things that he cannot control due to his disability, allowing teachers to publicly humiliate him and the thing that made me actually go to school and take him out was the fact that the teacher had him sitting in a "desk" with three walls and no place to put his things. The desk was in the front of the class facing the wall in front of all of the children and away from the board. He was not permitted to turn around so all he saw were the three walls. I asked the teacher to remove him from the chair (which my son and the kids call the "retard chair") and she refused time and time again. They forced my son to eat lunch by himself several times (not in the lunchroom) and so I went to the school to have lunch with him and to see what was going on (after months of issues). I saw this "chair" and where it was and how abusive this treatment was for ANY child, much less one that was autistic. I asked the teacher once again to remove him and she refused (to my face). That was the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak. He has not been back since. I requested his school work at a meeting after school reconvened after winter break and just got it yesterday at another meeting!I have an advocate assisting us but he (and the special education person through the school district) that they will have to file something regarding the Becca bill against us if my son is not back in school by Tuesday. We had a meeting yesterday in which they showed us a "behavior intervention plan" which was RIDICULOUS and agreed to "revise" it. I am not sure when I will see that revision but in the meantime, they all expect him to be in school on Monday morning. I'm expected to "trust" the school officials that my son will be provided for and taken care of, but I have a problem trusting people who have abused my son and lied to me and others regarding that treatment. (which I have in writing). My son has been having behavior problems (off the chart) since this teacher took over the class about two weeks into the school year and has been having panic attacks anytime going back to that school is mentioned. His therapist has the same concerns as I but also doesn't quite know what our rights are regarding this Becca bill. Our advocate is one who is pushing us to put him back in school on Monday so I don't really feel like he is "advocating" for us anymore, but going along with the school district's wishes. I may be wrong but that is what it feels like. Nobody seems to believe or be concerned about my sons mental or emotional feelings and fears. Nobody has EVER apologized for anything that happened and when I mention something that has happened they say "let's move on and look towards the future". They have only acknowledged a few things and admitted it was wrong and apparently they are getting rid of the "desk" that was used to embarrass him. I believe (and have been told) that we have at least two winnable lawsuits against the school and/or district but wanted to avoid anything like that because I don't want anything else to upset my son or my family. But now that we are being threatened by them, I am more than willing to stand in front of a judge and show them my notebook full of documentation about what my son has been through at the hands of the school officials.How can I force my son to go back to a place that hurt him? He said today in counseling that he was mad at me, his exact words were "for forcing me back to that school so they could abuse me more". I will not send him back to THAT school until he (and I) feel safe that he will be treated well.This could all have been avoided if they had provided him with the aide I've been requesting since before school started. I need to know what our rights are and what I can do. His therapist isn't comfortable with them wanting him back so fast either because of the problems he is having. BTW, many of the horrible behaviors that he was exhibiting while in school, disappeared the MOMENT I took him out of school. There have been others but those particular ones are mostly history. That tells me enough to know that I should have taken him out sooner and the guilt I feel for allowing someone to hurt him (even though I didn't know), is unrelentless.It should also be noted that I want him back in a self contained class room after seeing how badly mainstreaming has been for him during the past two years and they won't even discuss this. When his psychiatrist found out that he was mainstreamed she was surprised and said "you are kidding". The school denied that he had austism even though his records from Holly Ridge through now all say it. They said "PDD" was not autism. His doctor printed out the definition of PDD from a medical book to give them lolTyler's academics have been regressing terribly. I showed the teacher and principal an example of his work last year and an example this year. The difference was incredible. Things he used to know he now doesn't. He has a new paper phobia and can't write now. He won't TOUCH paper unless it's smooth. He can't stand the sound of paper or if you move a box or papers around, he freaks out.Anyway, I'm sorry this is so long, I wish I could tell you everything that happened so you would have a better idea of what we are dealing with but again, my folder is three inches thick.Does anyone know what we can do? What do I do if I don't feel good about sending him back next week? What will happen to us if I don't put him back? I read the Becca bill and it was really written for kids who run away, do drugs, have abusive or neglectful parents, etc...Not for disabled children who were being mistreated by the school! And if my advocate and therapist don't know what to do, who does? OH, it's also important to know that there is ONE teacher at the school that my son attached himself too. She was his teacher for the first two weeks but then was promoted to the special services coordinator. We are using her to get him in the doors of the school and set up a meeting for Monday morning in her office. My son, his therapist, myself and Ms. as well as his "new" teacher (who has been his math teacher in the past), will be there, although I've requested that any teacher who will be alone with him be there as well...and it is for Tyler to tell them his concerns and ask them questions, etc. I'm not sure how well he will do, that's a difficult thing to ask...that he communicate his feelings...but it's all we can think of to try to help him feel better about going back to that school.Thanks so much for your support and for listening. Kathleen No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.516 / Virus Database: 269.19.12/1244 - Release Date: 26/01/2008 00:00 No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.516 / Virus Database: 269.19.19/1256 - Release Date: 2/2/2008 1:50 PM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 7, 2008 Report Share Posted February 7, 2008 Thanks so much. I asked to transfer him to another school and it was denied. If things don't work out and the IEP doesn't resolve the issues, my next stop is to file a complaint and then contact an attorney. Hopefully that won't be necessary but if it is, I'm ready to do it. Kathleen > > Do u have another school in the area that you could check out? Also sometimes you have to talk to the School Board and let me know your issues and tell them that your son is being discriminated against. If something doesn't changed you are going to hire a lawyer and file discrimiation charges against them. You need to finds out what type of services your state provides in school for special needs children. I made threats without getting a lawyer and it worked. Also,I don't know what State you live in but some have special need Scholarships. > This could help you send him to a private needs school. Look into all these options. Good Luck I live in FL > > > Hi, I'm so sorry that my second letter is asking for help and info > again but I am facing a serious issue and don't know what to do. > > As you may know, I have a 10 year old son who has PDD/Autism. The > day before winter break I took him out of school due to abusive > treatment by the school staff. I have a folder 3 inches thick of > documentation of the mistreatment and " mistakes " made by the school > such as admitting to not doing an IEP that meets my child's needs, > not informing his teacher's of his disability or medical issues > (regarding bathroom needs), refusing to provide an aide for him, > punishing him for things that he cannot control due to his > disability, allowing teachers to publicly humiliate him and the thing > that made me actually go to school and take him out was the fact that > the teacher had him sitting in a " desk " with three walls and no place > to put his things. The desk was in the front of the class facing > the wall in front of all of the children and away from the board. He > was not permitted to turn around so all he saw were the three walls. > I asked the teacher to remove him from the chair (which my son and > the kids call the " retard chair " ) and she refused time and time > again. > > They forced my son to eat lunch by himself several times (not in the > lunchroom) and so I went to the school to have lunch with him and to > see what was going on (after months of issues). I saw this " chair " > and where it was and how abusive this treatment was for ANY child, > much less one that was autistic. I asked the teacher once again to > remove him and she refused (to my face). That was the straw that > broke the camel's back so to speak. He has not been back since. I > requested his school work at a meeting after school reconvened after > winter break and just got it yesterday at another meeting! > > I have an advocate assisting us but he (and the special education > person through the school district) that they will have to file > something regarding the Becca bill against us if my son is not back > in school by Tuesday. > > We had a meeting yesterday in which they showed us a " behavior > intervention plan " which was RIDICULOUS and agreed to " revise " it. I > am not sure when I will see that revision but in the meantime, they > all expect him to be in school on Monday morning. > > I'm expected to " trust " the school officials that my son will be > provided for and taken care of, but I have a problem trusting people > who have abused my son and lied to me and others regarding that > treatment. (which I have in writing). > > My son has been having behavior problems (off the chart) since this > teacher took over the class about two weeks into the school year and > has been having panic attacks anytime going back to that school is > mentioned. His therapist has the same concerns as I but also doesn't > quite know what our rights are regarding this Becca bill. > > Our advocate is one who is pushing us to put him back in school on > Monday so I don't really feel like he is " advocating " for us anymore, > but going along with the school district's wishes. I may be wrong > but that is what it feels like. > > Nobody seems to believe or be concerned about my sons mental or > emotional feelings and fears. Nobody has EVER apologized for > anything that happened and when I mention something that has happened > they say " let's move on and look towards the future " . They have only > acknowledged a few things and admitted it was wrong and apparently > they are getting rid of the " desk " that was used to embarrass him. > > I believe (and have been told) that we have at least two winnable > lawsuits against the school and/or district but wanted to avoid > anything like that because I don't want anything else to upset my son > or my family. But now that we are being threatened by them, I am > more than willing to stand in front of a judge and show them my > notebook full of documentation about what my son has been through at > the hands of the school officials. > > How can I force my son to go back to a place that hurt him? He said > today in counseling that he was mad at me, his exact words were " for > forcing me back to that school so they could abuse me more " . I will > not send him back to THAT school until he (and I) feel safe that he > will be treated well. > > This could all have been avoided if they had provided him with the > aide I've been requesting since before school started. I need to > know what our rights are and what I can do. His therapist isn't > comfortable with them wanting him back so fast either because of the > problems he is having. BTW, many of the horrible behaviors that he > was exhibiting while in school, disappeared the MOMENT I took him out > of school. There have been others but those particular ones are > mostly history. That tells me enough to know that I should have > taken him out sooner and the guilt I feel for allowing someone to > hurt him (even though I didn't know), is unrelentless. > > It should also be noted that I want him back in a self contained > class room after seeing how badly mainstreaming has been for him > during the past two years and they won't even discuss this. When his > psychiatrist found out that he was mainstreamed she was surprised and > said " you are kidding " . The school denied that he had austism even > though his records from Holly Ridge through now all say it. They > said " PDD " was not autism. His doctor printed out the definition of > PDD from a medical book to give them lol > > Tyler's academics have been regressing terribly. I showed the > teacher and principal an example of his work last year and an example > this year. The difference was incredible. Things he used to know he > now doesn't. He has a new paper phobia and can't write now. He > won't TOUCH paper unless it's smooth. He can't stand the sound of > paper or if you move a box or papers around, he freaks out. > > Anyway, I'm sorry this is so long, I wish I could tell you everything > that happened so you would have a better idea of what we are dealing > with but again, my folder is three inches thick. > > Does anyone know what we can do? What do I do if I don't feel good > about sending him back next week? What will happen to us if I don't > put him back? I read the Becca bill and it was really written for > kids who run away, do drugs, have abusive or neglectful parents, > etc...Not for disabled children who were being mistreated by the > school! And if my advocate and therapist don't know what to do, who > does? OH, it's also important to know that there is ONE teacher at > the school that my son attached himself too. She was his teacher for > the first two weeks but then was promoted to the special services > coordinator. We are using her to get him in the doors of the school > and set up a meeting for Monday morning in her office. My son, his > therapist, myself and Ms. as well as his " new " teacher (who has > been his math teacher in the past), will be there, although I've > requested that any teacher who will be alone with him be there as > well...and it is for Tyler to tell them his concerns and ask them > questions, etc. I'm not sure how well he will do, that's a difficult > thing to ask...that he communicate his feelings...but it's all we can > think of to try to help him feel better about going back to that > school. > > Thanks so much for your support and for listening. > > Kathleen > > > > > > > Ally > > > --------------------------------- > Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 13, 2008 Report Share Posted February 13, 2008 Kathleen, If I were you I would take written diagnosis and reccomendations from the psychiatrist to the school (request a meeeting) and make sure the school has a copy. I would ask for everything (do it in writing & verbally) that the psychiatrist is reccomending for your son. If your requests are denied ask for a special ed committee meeting (do this in writing too and keep copies of your letters to the school). Hopefully, the special ed commitee will be able to resolve this issue to yours and your son's psychiatrist satisfaction. You could even ask your son's psychiatrist to attend the meeting either in person or via telephone. Also, make sure you know who is in charge of special ed services for your child's school district. In my area the tilte of the position is Director of Special Education Services. If the school becomes uncooperative you can contact and the Director of Spec. Ed. Services and explain the situation. Make sure you document all phone calls including time and date and what transpired. It is also your right to involve the school board. Much of the process is explained in the website below. If you are still denied services you can request a FAPT meeting Family Assessment and Planning Team. We were able to obtain private day placement for our son in a program for children with developmental disabilities such as: Aspergers, Broad Spectrum Autism Disorder, Bipolar Disorder and other disabilities. Does you son have a case worker through the county school system for which he is enrolled? If he does not you should request one in writing. He should also have a FBA functional behavioral assessment and a BIP Behavioral Intervention Plan in place for his protection. Also, you may be eligible for services through your counties mental health service department and you may be eligible to apply for an IFDDS Waiver which stands for Individuals and Family Developmental Disabilities Service Waiver. I understand how dire things are and that you don't want to send him back to school without some major adjustments. Arranging for these meetings and going through the process can take time. You can go to your psychiatrist and he can write a reccomendation for temporary homebound instruction. If all of these measures fail which I doubt they will once they realize how knowledgeable you are about the system and that you know what to ask for. If you exhaust the system and nothing works by all means hire an attorney. Here is a wonderful website that may help: http://www.wrightslaw.com/ Stay strong and Best of Luck, Jeanette Our kids are worth fighting for! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 23, 2009 Report Share Posted May 23, 2009 Hi everyone! I need some help/advice/opinions ASAP!!! I have an appointment for Lexie to get her hair done today. It is at 130 and in another town, so we have to leave at 1230. This takes about 4 hours. She is getting the Japanese thermal straightener done. Anyhow, Lexie told Jim three days ago that we going to do this and he gave her a dirty look because he knew what that meant and he would have to be here with and . Mostly . Anyhow yesterday he said well, I gotta trim and this and that. He said well erik will be taking a nap so I can do yard work right? I said only if his window is open so you can hear him. Well, just now he started in about a babysitter etc! I said oh give me a break. I also told him how long this was going to take? He said I have stuff to do! I said ya you always do if you want Janira to babysit you ask. He said fine I will ask. I told him it was ridiculous and he said I don't want to be stuck here all afternoon! I said WELL...YOU ALWAYS have stuff to do. Most of the time it isn't even your stuff. He said what I do is my stuff and I said NO it is all about your grandmas, and your aunt and uncle and the lawyer about your mom! Not your main family! So, he was mad yelling back saying he wasn't gonna stay here. He went downstairs saying that he isn't going to be available if someone can't babysit. THEN...he asks Lex to call and ask Janira. So she did and she can't babysit! So, Lex told Jim and he said what about ? I said no Kathy said she isn't home today! He said well I'm not doing it! I said to bad I am leaving at 1230 you will have to take care of it. Then he started yelling and Lexie heard him say well I will be gone before 1230 then! What do I do? I can't really take with us, and why should I have to? Stacie Sent via BlackBerry by AT & T Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 23, 2009 Report Share Posted May 23, 2009 One more thing, you can never win a power struggle. Love, hugs, blessings, Pat K Help needed ASAP Hi everyone! I need some help/advice/opinions ASAP!!! I have an appointment for Lexie to get her hair done today. It is at 130 and in another town, so we have to leave at 1230. This takes about 4 hours. She is getting the Japanese thermal straightener done. Anyhow, Lexie told Jim three days ago that we going to do this and he gave her a dirty look because he knew what that meant and he would have to be here with and . Mostly . Anyhow yesterday he said well, I gotta trim and this and that. He said well erik will be taking a nap so I can do yard work right? I said only if his window is open so you can hear him. Well, just now he started in about a babysitter etc! I said oh give me a break. I also told him how long this was going to take? He said I have stuff to do! I said ya you always do if you want Janira to babysit you ask. He said fine I will ask. I told him it was ridiculous and he said I don't want to be stuck here all afternoon! I said WELL...YOU ALWAYS have stuff to do. Most of the time it isn't even your stuff. He said what I do is my stuff and I said NO it is all about your grandmas, and your aunt and uncle and the lawyer about your mom! Not your main family! So, he was mad yelling back saying he wasn't gonna stay here. He went downstairs saying that he isn't going to be available if someone can't babysit. THEN...he asks Lex to call and ask Janira. So she did and she can't babysit! So, Lex told Jim and he said what about ? I said no Kathy said she isn't home today! He said well I'm not doing it! I said to bad I am leaving at 1230 you will have to take care of it. Then he started yelling and Lexie heard him say well I will be gone before 1230 then! What do I do? I can't really take with us, and why should I have to? Stacie Sent via BlackBerry by AT & T A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 25, 2009 Report Share Posted May 25, 2009 Hi Pat! Well, I know what you are saying, but you know, he isnt the nicest to me either. It isnt fair and yes, life isnt fair, but how much can a person really take? I pray for this, pray all the time, but I dont think I can just keep going on with this. I dont know. i dont think I have it in me anymore. I did end up taking and with me. It was good for alot of the time, but we had some really hard ones too. Lexies hair takes 4 or more hours to do, so I had alot of time. We went to the park to McD, driving around. We got through it, but I should not of had to do that. Stacie In a message dated 5/23/2009 7:32:12 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, pkuenstler@... writes: I don't know Stacie, it doesn't seem fair, but as you know life isn't always fair.You can't change him and it isn't worth breaking up a marriage over. My DHuse to be the same way about keeping our kids. He wouldn't even keep themwhile I went to the grocery store; I hated having to take three preschool little girlswith me every time, but he supported us and I was able to be a stay at homemom; so I counted my blessings. Now, he is the best babysitter you could ask for with his grandchildren and great grandchild.I have a friend who use to say a man isn't worth looking at until he turns gray. LOL, LOL. If you can't get a sitter you have two choices, take with you or change the appointment toanother time when is in school. Don't waste your life being angry. Love and blessings, Pat K Help needed ASAP Hi everyone! I need some help/advice/opinions ASAP!!! I have an appointment for Lexie to get her hair done today. It is at 130 and in another town, so we have to leave at 1230. This takes about 4 hours. She is getting the Japanese thermal straightener done. Anyhow, Lexie told Jim three days ago that we going to do this and he gave her a dirty look because he knew what that meant and he would have to be here with and . Mostly . Anyhow yesterday he said well, I gotta trim and this and that. He said well erik will be taking a nap so I can do yard work right? I said only if his window is open so you can hear him. Well, just now he started in about a babysitter etc! I said oh give me a break. I also told him how long this was going to take? He said I have stuff to do! I said ya you always do if you want Janira to babysit you ask. He said fine I will ask. I told him it was ridiculous and he said I don't want to be stuck here all afternoon! I said WELL...YOU ALWAYS have stuff to do. Most of the time it isn't even your stuff. He said what I do is my stuff and I said NO it is all about your grandmas, and your aunt and uncle and the lawyer about your mom! Not your main family! So, he was mad yelling back saying he wasn't gonna stay here. He went downstairs saying that he isn't going to be available if someone can't babysit. THEN...he asks Lex to call and ask Janira. So she did and she can't babysit! So, Lex told Jim and he said what about ? I said no Kathy said she isn't home today! He said well I'm not doing it! I said to bad I am leaving at 1230 you will have to take care of it. Then he started yelling and Lexie heard him say well I will be gone before 1230 then! What do I do? I can't really take with us, and why should I have to? Stacie Sent via BlackBerry by AT & T A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps! An Excellent Credit Score is 750. See Yours in Just 2 Easy Steps! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 25, 2009 Report Share Posted May 25, 2009 Good for you Stacie; I'm proud of you. You are stronger than you have any idea. Of course you have it in you. "The joy of the Lord is your strength". I love you girl. Love and blessings, Pat K Help needed ASAP Hi everyone! I need some help/advice/opinions ASAP!!! I have an appointment for Lexie to get her hair done today. It is at 130 and in another town, so we have to leave at 1230. This takes about 4 hours. She is getting the Japanese thermal straightener done. Anyhow, Lexie told Jim three days ago that we going to do this and he gave her a dirty look because he knew what that meant and he would have to be here with and . Mostly . Anyhow yesterday he said well, I gotta trim and this and that. He said well erik will be taking a nap so I can do yard work right? I said only if his window is open so you can hear him. Well, just now he started in about a babysitter etc! I said oh give me a break. I also told him how long this was going to take? He said I have stuff to do! I said ya you always do if you want Janira to babysit you ask. He said fine I will ask. I told him it was ridiculous and he said I don't want to be stuck here all afternoon! I said WELL...YOU ALWAYS have stuff to do. Most of the time it isn't even your stuff. He said what I do is my stuff and I said NO it is all about your grandmas, and your aunt and uncle and the lawyer about your mom! Not your main family! So, he was mad yelling back saying he wasn't gonna stay here. He went downstairs saying that he isn't going to be available if someone can't babysit. THEN...he asks Lex to call and ask Janira. So she did and she can't babysit! So, Lex told Jim and he said what about ? I said no Kathy said she isn't home today! He said well I'm not doing it! I said to bad I am leaving at 1230 you will have to take care of it. Then he started yelling and Lexie heard him say well I will be gone before 1230 then! What do I do? I can't really take with us, and why should I have to? Stacie Sent via BlackBerry by AT & T A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps! An Excellent Credit Score is 750. See Yours in Just 2 Easy Steps! A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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