Re: When do you its over?

[Guest guest]

I have respite. Ijust got it. I am trying to find a worker now though. And, I am waiting on the medicaid waiver. In Feb, we had the worker from there come out and move to the critical list because he qualifies. I keep calling her, she is suppose to get him set up to see the psychologist for their eval. She said she had a call in to him but so far, nothing. UGH!

The thing is, Jim and I were going out once a week since now Lex is old enough to babysit and we try to go when it is close to s bedtime. but, I get so sick of just going out to eat and that is all JIm wants to do when we go out. It gets old to me. I dont know. I just get frusterated.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/21/2009 11:45:25 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, pkuenstler@... writes:

Stacie, do you have respite? Make a date with your husband to justgo out for an hour for a hamburger or whatever. (DH) use to meet for lunch while the kids were in school, and we made it a rulenot to talk about the kids. LOL, It really takes a lot of work and planning to keep your relationship close between kids and making aliving. I know I have been there. Love and blessings, Pat K Re: Re: When do you its over?

Hi Lori and Lindy and anyone else feeling this way. Some of this reminds me of my husband, except for having a feeling that he is cheating. That I dont have. but, every opportunity that Jim has to be gone out of the house and helping his grandmas who are both in their 90s he takes and he is hardly ever here with us. And when I try talking to him, he is always running out the door to do this or that, becauase it is not on his time. He works 2nd shift which makes it difficult too, because I am like a single mom who is married. It is very hard.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/20/2009 7:06:54 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, lorijm1117 writes:

Lindy,This is such a difficult question to answer! For me, I thought about divorcing my ex for awhile. I felt we were having problems. I tried to talk to him & he didn't want to talk about anything or try to resolve any of what I felt our issues were. When we learned that my son did have autism, I tried to turn to him for support. I tried to get him to talk about our son's condition & our plan of action for his needs. He told me he didn't want to think about it & couldn't deal with it. I gave him time. I talked to the guy I work with who asked questions about autism & gave me someone to talk to. (He's like a brother to me now.) There were a few people who would just let me talk, cry or whatever I needed. My husband continued to shut me out & would go out with his friends or his family to sporting events. I tried everything to from a weekend alone to romantic dinners & such to reconnect. Nothing was working. His best friend asked me what was wrong with my husband & I told him. His friend offered me advice from a guy's view & from knowing my husband. All stuff I tried with no success. His participation with the kids went down even more than what it had been. He refused to help me with our son when I needed a break or some sleep. Even if it was the weekend & he was off. Little things led me to believe he was cheating. I finally had a breaking point & he crossed it. I told him that I wanted a divorce. (This was in Jan.) He suggested then that we work on our marriage. I told him things I needed & different things I thought we could improve on. I told him I would agree to work on it but that he was on a time limit. His effort lasted less than a month. I gave up. He knew the ball was in his court & our marriage just wasn't important to him. I took the kids & moved in with my parents. I slowly moved our stuff out of our apartment, still giving him the chance. I decided to file for the divorce. He signed agreeing to the divorce & before I even filed the paperwork, he had a new girlfriend. The new girlfriend was pregnant before our 90 days wait for the divorce to be finalized. He then drug out our divorce for until after the baby was born to get the child support amount reduced for having another child. For me, getting divorced was the right option. I am much happier as are my kids. I've had difficulty the entire time collecting child support. Right now, I'm not getting child support (whole other long story) & he hasn't seen my kids in almost 2 yrs. He lives less than 15 minutes away. His family also stopped being involved with the kids pretty much since I left him in 2000. Being a divorced mom with a child with autism is very difficult. If you have other options, I would really encourage you to try them first. I saw someone mention church retreats or counseling. If at all possible, try them. Let me know if you need to talk. I'm here if you have any questions.Lori >> When do you know your marriage is over? Some of you know that I have lots of trouble with my husband. I have given up and can't do it anymore so I have left it up to him to make the first step in trying. If he wants too i'm willing too but its up to him. I him for the next 6 months that we needed to try some things. Do things to reconnect and if we couldn't we need to go ahead and seperate. Cause this is working for me anymore,, Girls I mean it is so bad I can't even make love to him anymore. I have no intrest in doing things like with him. But what I want to know should I keep giving him time to fix this? Or am I just doing this all over again for nothing?>

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[Guest guest]

Stacie,

I totally understand how you feel. My ex-husband worked days & I worked after

he came home. I didn't get home until around 11pm. We had no time for

ourselves at night. When we both managed to have days off together or I'd work

late on the weekends he would do anything so he didn't have to stay home with

the kids. He spent time with his brothers because he didn't want to have to

care for our kids. I am happy I divorced him, but it is a very hard & difficult

road. He was my high school sweetheart even though he was older than I was. He

proposed at my senior prom. My daughter is the age now that I was when I met

him. It's hard to talk to her about my high school years because it involves

him. Divorce isn't easy & no matter how much you try, a divorce gets nasty. I

fought hard to keep my marriage working but lost. He had no interest left in

our relationship & I think cheating was his way out of our relationship. He

knew that I wouldn't tolerate cheating.

Are your parents or his close enough & willing to take the kids for the weekend?

Tell Jim you want a weekend to spend time together & have arranged for the

Grandparents to watch the kids. Make sure the to schedule the weekend in

advance so he KNOWS not to make any other plans. Whole weekend for just you

two! Or even overnight just so you can both get a break without kids. Make him

breakfast in bed. Write him a love letter & put it in his lunch pail. Text

message him an " I love you or I miss you " while he's at work. Write him a

letter how you felt the first time you kissed or how you felt when he proposed.

Take him on a stroll of memory lane about your romance...Sit together & watch

your wedding video. Try some little things. If you love him, FIGHT for him!

Hope this helps you some.

Lori

> >

> > When do you know your marriage is over? Some of you know that I have

> lots of trouble with my husband. I have given up and can't do it anymore so

I

> have left it up to him to make the first step in trying. If he wants too

> i'm willing too but its up to him. I him for the next 6 months that we

> needed to try some things. Do things to reconnect and if we couldn't we need

to

> go ahead and seperate. Cause this is working for me anymore,, Girls I

> mean it is so bad I can't even make love to him anymore. I have no intrest in

> doing things like with him. But what I want to know should I keep giving

> him time to fix this? Or am I just doing this all over again for nothing?

> >

>

>

>

>

>

> **************Dell Inspiron 15 Laptop: Now in 6 vibrant colors! Shop Dell’s

> full line of laptops.

>

(http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100126575x1222399266x1201456865/aol?redir=http:%2\

F%2Fad.doub

> leclick.net%2Fclk%3B215073777%3B37034343%3Bf)

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Lori! Unfortunately, Jims mom can't be trusted and won't watch anyhow! She has said so many times he scares her. Whatever! My mom will only watch him for a short tim because she said she cand handle him for that long.Wow! You went through so much with your ex huh? That's to bad.StacieSent via BlackBerry by AT&TFrom: "lorijm1117" Date: Fri, 22 May 2009 05:26:42 -0000<autism >Subject: Re: When do you its over? Stacie, I totally understand how you feel. My ex-husband worked days & I worked after he came home. I didn't get home until around 11pm. We had no time for ourselves at night. When we both managed to have days off together or I'd work late on the weekends he would do anything so he didn't have to stay home with the kids. He spent time with his brothers because he didn't want to have to care for our kids. I am happy I divorced him, but it is a very hard & difficult road. He was my high school sweetheart even though he was older than I was. He proposed at my senior prom. My daughter is the age now that I was when I met him. It's hard to talk to her about my high school years because it involves him. Divorce isn't easy & no matter how much you try, a divorce gets nasty. I fought hard to keep my marriage working but lost. He had no interest left in our relationship & I think cheating was his way out of our relationship. He knew that I wouldn't tolerate cheating. Are your parents or his close enough & willing to take the kids for the weekend? Tell Jim you want a weekend to spend time together & have arranged for the Grandparents to watch the kids. Make sure the to schedule the weekend in advance so he KNOWS not to make any other plans. Whole weekend for just you two! Or even overnight just so you can both get a break without kids. Make him breakfast in bed. Write him a love letter & put it in his lunch pail. Text message him an " I love you or I miss you " while he's at work. Write him a letter how you felt the first time you kissed or how you felt when he proposed. Take him on a stroll of memory lane about your romance...Sit together & watch your wedding video. Try some little things. If you love him, FIGHT for him! Hope this helps you some. Lori > > > > When do you know your marriage is over? Some of you know that I have > lots of trouble with my husband. I have given up and can't do it anymore so I > have left it up to him to make the first step in trying. If he wants too > i'm willing too but its up to him. I him for the next 6 months that we > needed to try some things. Do things to reconnect and if we couldn't we need to > go ahead and seperate. Cause this is working for me anymore,, Girls I > mean it is so bad I can't even make love to him anymore. I have no intrest in > doing things like with him. But what I want to know should I keep giving > him time to fix this? Or am I just doing this all over again for nothing? > > > > > > > > **************Dell Inspiron 15 Laptop: Now in 6 vibrant colors! Shop Dell’s > full line of laptops. > (http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100126575x1222399266x1201456865/aol?redir=http:%2F%2Fad.doub > leclick.net%2Fclk%3B215073777%3B37034343%3Bf) >

[Guest guest]

Stacie,

It's a shame when you can't trust the Grandparents to help watch the kids. I

didn't trust my inlaws with my son either. My ex took the kids to visit his

family during the divorce. They couldn't find my son for about a half hour.

They walked down the 2 blocks to check the local lake & were searching their

mobile home. Had been safe in their bedroom hiding. He never answered when

they called for him which is why they went looking for him. They all seem to

forget that he only talked sometimes when he wanted. Needless to say, I didn't

allow visits like that anymore especially since no one informed me that they

weren't keeping a close eye on him at the age of 4. I have been thru a lot.

There's so been so much more that he & his family have put my kids & I thru.

Anyway, I hope things work out for you & Jim. Hopefully you can re-connect &

spend sometime together soon. Have a good holiday weekend!

Lori

> > >

> > > When do you know your marriage is over? Some of you know that I have

> > lots of trouble with my husband. I have given up and can't do it anymore

so I

> > have left it up to him to make the first step in trying. If he wants too

> > i'm willing too but its up to him. I him for the next 6 months that we

> > needed to try some things. Do things to reconnect and if we couldn't we

need to

> > go ahead and seperate. Cause this is working for me anymore,, Girls I

> > mean it is so bad I can't even make love to him anymore. I have no intrest

in

> > doing things like with him. But what I want to know should I keep giving

> > him time to fix this? Or am I just doing this all over again for nothing?

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > **************Dell Inspiron 15 Laptop: Now in 6 vibrant colors! Shop

Dell’s

> > full line of laptops.

> >

(http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100126575x1222399266x1201456865/aol?redir=http:%2\

F%2Fad.doub

> > leclick.net%2Fclk%3B215073777%3B37034343%3Bf)

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Could you take turns on choosing what to do? and I had a lot

of fun doing that. I even got him to go country western dancing and he

even got me to go listen to jazz. smile. We even took turns on choosing

the places to eat. I got him to eat Chinese food and he got me to eat

bar-b-cue. smile. One time we just rented a cheap motel. LOL, LOL,

What is available to do where you live? I think that is great that you

had a once a week date. The best thing you can do for your kids is

to give them a mom and dad who love each other.

Stacie, so many couples break up when there is a special needs child.

I am so proud of you and your husband for keeping it together. Love and blessings, Pat K

Re: Re: When do you its over?

Hi Lori and Lindy and anyone else feeling this way. Some of this reminds me of my husband, except for having a feeling that he is cheating. That I dont have. but, every opportunity that Jim has to be gone out of the house and helping his grandmas who are both in their 90s he takes and he is hardly ever here with us. And when I try talking to him, he is always running out the door to do this or that, becauase it is not on his time. He works 2nd shift which makes it difficult too, because I am like a single mom who is married. It is very hard.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/20/2009 7:06:54 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, lorijm1117 writes:

Lindy,

This is such a difficult question to answer! For me, I thought about divorcing my ex for awhile. I felt we were having problems. I tried to talk to him & he didn't want to talk about anything or try to resolve any of what I felt our issues were. When we learned that my son did have autism, I tried to turn to him for support. I tried to get him to talk about our son's condition & our plan of action for his needs. He told me he didn't want to think about it & couldn't deal with it. I gave him time. I talked to the guy I work with who asked questions about autism & gave me someone to talk to. (He's like a brother to me now.) There were a few people who would just let me talk, cry or whatever I needed. My husband continued to shut me out & would go out with his friends or his family to sporting events. I tried everything to from a weekend alone to romantic dinners & such to reconnect. Nothing was working. His best friend asked me what was wrong with my husband & I told him. His friend offered me advice from a guy's view & from knowing my husband. All stuff I tried with no success. His participation with the kids went down even more than what it had been. He refused to help me with our son when I needed a break or some sleep. Even if it was the weekend & he was off. Little things led me to believe he was cheating. I finally had a breaking point & he crossed it. I told him that I wanted a divorce. (This was in Jan.) He suggested then that we work on our marriage. I told him things I needed & different things I thought we could improve on. I told him I would agree to work on it but that he was on a time limit. His effort lasted less than a month. I gave up. He knew the ball was in his court & our marriage just wasn't important to him. I took the kids & moved in with my parents. I slowly moved our stuff out of our apartment, still giving him the chance. I decided to file for the divorce. He signed agreeing to the divorce & before I even filed the paperwork, he had a new girlfriend. The new girlfriend was pregnant before our 90 days wait for the divorce to be finalized. He then drug out our divorce for until after the baby was born to get the child support amount reduced for having another child. For me, getting divorced was the right option. I am much happier as are my kids. I've had difficulty the entire time collecting child support. Right now, I'm not getting child support (whole other long story) & he hasn't seen my kids in almost 2 yrs. He lives less than 15 minutes away. His family also stopped being involved with the kids pretty much since I left him in 2000. Being a divorced mom with a child with autism is very difficult. If you have other options, I would really encourage you to try them first. I saw someone mention church retreats or counseling. If at all possible, try them. Let me know if you need to talk. I'm here if you have any questions.

Lori

>

> When do you know your marriage is over? Some of you know that I have lots of trouble with my husband. I have given up and can't do it anymore so I have left it up to him to make the first step in trying. If he wants too i'm willing too but its up to him. I him for the next 6 months that we needed to try some things. Do things to reconnect and if we couldn't we need to go ahead and seperate. Cause this is working for me anymore,, Girls I mean it is so bad I can't even make love to him anymore. I have no intrest in doing things like with him. But what I want to know should I keep giving him time to fix this? Or am I just doing this all over again for nothing?

>

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Huge savings on HDTVs from Dell.com!

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[Guest guest]

Wow Lori! How scary! Ya, it is a sad thing.Thanks! I hope you have a good holiday weekend too!StacieSent via BlackBerry by AT&TFrom: "lorijm1117" Date: Fri, 22 May 2009 16:15:02 -0000<autism >Subject: Re: When do you its over? Stacie, It's a shame when you can't trust the Grandparents to help watch the kids. I didn't trust my inlaws with my son either. My ex took the kids to visit his family during the divorce. They couldn't find my son for about a half hour. They walked down the 2 blocks to check the local lake & were searching their mobile home. Had been safe in their bedroom hiding. He never answered when they called for him which is why they went looking for him. They all seem to forget that he only talked sometimes when he wanted. Needless to say, I didn't allow visits like that anymore especially since no one informed me that they weren't keeping a close eye on him at the age of 4. I have been thru a lot. There's so been so much more that he & his family have put my kids & I thru. Anyway, I hope things work out for you & Jim. Hopefully you can re-connect & spend sometime together soon. Have a good holiday weekend! Lori > > > > > > When do you know your marriage is over? Some of you know that I have > > lots of trouble with my husband. I have given up and can't do it anymore so I > > have left it up to him to make the first step in trying. If he wants too > > i'm willing too but its up to him. I him for the next 6 months that we > > needed to try some things. Do things to reconnect and if we couldn't we need to > > go ahead and seperate. Cause this is working for me anymore,, Girls I > > mean it is so bad I can't even make love to him anymore. I have no intrest in > > doing things like with him. But what I want to know should I keep giving > > him time to fix this? Or am I just doing this all over again for nothing? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > **************Dell Inspiron 15 Laptop: Now in 6 vibrant colors! Shop Dell’s > > full line of laptops. > > (http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100126575x1222399266x1201456865/aol?redir=http:%2F%2Fad.doub > > leclick.net%2Fclk%3B215073777%3B37034343%3Bf) > > >

[Guest guest]

I don't mind if my parents or his keep the kids. It use to bother me when his parents would cause I didn't trust them to watch him. Because they smoked and I had a real issue with them doing that around my kids and stuff. When his parents divoriced his mom quit smoking and was a much nicer person. I mean much nicer I couldn't beleive how happy she had become I told her that she could keep my kids any time she wanted. Its such a joy to be around her when I take the kids over there. She has finally accepted my son and is ok with how he is now. So she has become a this whole diffenernt person.

From: lorijm1117 <lorijm1117@...>Subject: Re: When do you its over?autism Date: Friday, May 22, 2009, 11:15 AM

Stacie,It's a shame when you can't trust the Grandparents to help watch the kids. I didn't trust my inlaws with my son either. My ex took the kids to visit his family during the divorce. They couldn't find my son for about a half hour. They walked down the 2 blocks to check the local lake & were searching their mobile home. Had been safe in their bedroom hiding. He never answered when they called for him which is why they went looking for him. They all seem to forget that he only talked sometimes when he wanted. Needless to say, I didn't allow visits like that anymore especially since no one informed me that they weren't keeping a close eye on him at the age of 4. I have been thru a lot. There's so been so much more that he & his family have put my kids & I thru. Anyway, I hope things work out for you & Jim. Hopefully you can re-connect & spend sometime together soon. Have a good holiday weekend!Lori> > >> > > When do you know your marriage is over? Some of you know that I have > > lots of trouble with my husband. I have given up and can't do it anymore so I > > have left it up to him to make the first step in trying. If he wants too > > i'm willing too but its up to him. I him for the next 6 months that we > > needed to try some things. Do things to reconnect and if we couldn't we need to > > go ahead and seperate. Cause this is working for me anymore,, Girls I > > mean it is so bad I can't even make love to him anymore. I have no

intrest in > > doing things like with him. But what I want to know should I keep giving > > him time to fix this? Or am I just doing this all over again for nothing?> > >> > > > > > > > > > > > ************ **Dell Inspiron 15 Laptop: Now in 6 vibrant colors! Shop Dell’s > > full line of laptops. > > (http://pr.atwola. com/promoclk/ 100126575x122239 9266x1201456865/ aol?redir= http:%2F% 2Fad.doub> > leclick.net% 2Fclk%3B21507377 7%3B37034343% 3Bf)> >>

[Guest guest]

Hi Pat. well, we actualy have done this. It really is just that he is uninterested and really tries to find every reason to not be here with us. And, it was kind of like that before, got better and then worse and now this. I just dont know. This weekend has been very rough all the way around.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/22/2009 9:23:01 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, pkuenstler@... writes:

Could you take turns on choosing what to do? and I had a lot of fun doing that. I even got him to go country western dancing and heeven got me to go listen to jazz. smile. We even took turns on choosingthe places to eat. I got him to eat Chinese food and he got me to eatbar-b-cue. smile. One time we just rented a cheap motel. LOL, LOL, What is available to do where you live? I think that is great that youhad a once a week date. The best thing you can do for your kids isto give them a mom and dad who love each other. Stacie, so many couples break up when there is a special needs child.I am so proud of you and your husband for keeping it together. Love and blessings, Pat K Re: Re: When do you its over?

Hi Lori and Lindy and anyone else feeling this way. Some of this reminds me of my husband, except for having a feeling that he is cheating. That I dont have. but, every opportunity that Jim has to be gone out of the house and helping his grandmas who are both in their 90s he takes and he is hardly ever here with us. And when I try talking to him, he is always running out the door to do this or that, becauase it is not on his time. He works 2nd shift which makes it difficult too, because I am like a single mom who is married. It is very hard.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/20/2009 7:06:54 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, lorijm1117 writes:

Lindy,This is such a difficult question to answer! For me, I thought about divorcing my ex for awhile. I felt we were having problems. I tried to talk to him & he didn't want to talk about anything or try to resolve any of what I felt our issues were. When we learned that my son did have autism, I tried to turn to him for support. I tried to get him to talk about our son's condition & our plan of action for his needs. He told me he didn't want to think about it & couldn't deal with it. I gave him time. I talked to the guy I work with who asked questions about autism & gave me someone to talk to. (He's like a brother to me now.) There were a few people who would just let me talk, cry or whatever I needed. My husband continued to shut me out & would go out with his friends or his family to sporting events. I tried everything to from a weekend alone to romantic dinners & such to reconnect. Nothing was working. His best friend asked me what was wrong with my husband & I told him. His friend offered me advice from a guy's view & from knowing my husband. All stuff I tried with no success. His participation with the kids went down even more than what it had been. He refused to help me with our son when I needed a break or some sleep. Even if it was the weekend & he was off. Little things led me to believe he was cheating. I finally had a breaking point & he crossed it. I told him that I wanted a divorce. (This was in Jan.) He suggested then that we work on our marriage. I told him things I needed & different things I thought we could improve on. I told him I would agree to work on it but that he was on a time limit. His effort lasted less than a month. I gave up. He knew the ball was in his court & our marriage just wasn't important to him. I took the kids & moved in with my parents. I slowly moved our stuff out of our apartment, still giving him the chance. I decided to file for the divorce. He signed agreeing to the divorce & before I even filed the paperwork, he had a new girlfriend. The new girlfriend was pregnant before our 90 days wait for the divorce to be finalized. He then drug out our divorce for until after the baby was born to get the child support amount reduced for having another child. For me, getting divorced was the right option. I am much happier as are my kids. I've had difficulty the entire time collecting child support. Right now, I'm not getting child support (whole other long story) & he hasn't seen my kids in almost 2 yrs. He lives less than 15 minutes away. His family also stopped being involved with the kids pretty much since I left him in 2000. Being a divorced mom with a child with autism is very difficult. If you have other options, I would really encourage you to try them first. I saw someone mention church retreats or counseling. If at all possible, try them. Let me know if you need to talk. I'm here if you have any questions.Lori >> When do you know your marriage is over? Some of you know that I have lots of trouble with my husband. I have given up and can't do it anymore so I have left it up to him to make the first step in trying. If he wants too i'm willing too but its up to him. I him for the next 6 months that we needed to try some things. Do things to reconnect and if we couldn't we need to go ahead and seperate. Cause this is working for me anymore,, Girls I mean it is so bad I can't even make love to him anymore. I have no intrest in doing things like with him. But what I want to know should I keep giving him time to fix this? Or am I just doing this all over again for nothing?>

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Huge savings on HDTVs from Dell.com!

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[Guest guest]

Stacie, the things that you say he does sound like very good things. I imagine he gets

a lot of positive reinforcment from those he serves. They probably make him feel very

good about himself. We are drawn to those who make us feel good about ourselves.

This is just a question because I do not know all the situation, but are you making him

feel as good about himself? What are some things that you admire about him?

I have spent years admiring my husband; he loves it. LOL, LOL, Pat K

Re: Re: When do you its over?

Hi Lori and Lindy and anyone else feeling this way. Some of this reminds me of my husband, except for having a feeling that he is cheating. That I dont have. but, every opportunity that Jim has to be gone out of the house and helping his grandmas who are both in their 90s he takes and he is hardly ever here with us. And when I try talking to him, he is always running out the door to do this or that, becauase it is not on his time. He works 2nd shift which makes it difficult too, because I am like a single mom who is married. It is very hard.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/20/2009 7:06:54 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, lorijm1117 writes:

Lindy,

This is such a difficult question to answer! For me, I thought about divorcing my ex for awhile. I felt we were having problems. I tried to talk to him & he didn't want to talk about anything or try to resolve any of what I felt our issues were. When we learned that my son did have autism, I tried to turn to him for support. I tried to get him to talk about our son's condition & our plan of action for his needs. He told me he didn't want to think about it & couldn't deal with it. I gave him time. I talked to the guy I work with who asked questions about autism & gave me someone to talk to. (He's like a brother to me now.) There were a few people who would just let me talk, cry or whatever I needed. My husband continued to shut me out & would go out with his friends or his family to sporting events. I tried everything to from a weekend alone to romantic dinners & such to reconnect. Nothing was working. His best friend asked me what was wrong with my husband & I told him. His friend offered me advice from a guy's view & from knowing my husband. All stuff I tried with no success. His participation with the kids went down even more than what it had been. He refused to help me with our son when I needed a break or some sleep. Even if it was the weekend & he was off. Little things led me to believe he was cheating. I finally had a breaking point & he crossed it. I told him that I wanted a divorce. (This was in Jan.) He suggested then that we work on our marriage. I told him things I needed & different things I thought we could improve on. I told him I would agree to work on it but that he was on a time limit. His effort lasted less than a month. I gave up. He knew the ball was in his court & our marriage just wasn't important to him. I took the kids & moved in with my parents. I slowly moved our stuff out of our apartment, still giving him the chance. I decided to file for the divorce. He signed agreeing to the divorce & before I even filed the paperwork, he had a new girlfriend. The new girlfriend was pregnant before our 90 days wait for the divorce to be finalized. He then drug out our divorce for until after the baby was born to get the child support amount reduced for having another child. For me, getting divorced was the right option. I am much happier as are my kids. I've had difficulty the entire time collecting child support. Right now, I'm not getting child support (whole other long story) & he hasn't seen my kids in almost 2 yrs. He lives less than 15 minutes away. His family also stopped being involved with the kids pretty much since I left him in 2000. Being a divorced mom with a child with autism is very difficult. If you have other options, I would really encourage you to try them first. I saw someone mention church retreats or counseling. If at all possible, try them. Let me know if you need to talk. I'm here if you have any questions.

Lori

>

> When do you know your marriage is over? Some of you know that I have lots of trouble with my husband. I have given up and can't do it anymore so I have left it up to him to make the first step in trying. If he wants too i'm willing too but its up to him. I him for the next 6 months that we needed to try some things. Do things to reconnect and if we couldn't we need to go ahead and seperate. Cause this is working for me anymore,, Girls I mean it is so bad I can't even make love to him anymore. I have no intrest in doing things like with him. But what I want to know should I keep giving him time to fix this? Or am I just doing this all over again for nothing?

>

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Ya, I am sure that is true, but I do ths too and it really goes without much notice. There is so much that has gone on that I have not posted to the group. I just know that every chance to be gone from here and leave me to take care of everytihng he takes it. And, he does not have a cell phone, will not get one, so he will go somewhere and be gone all day and I have no idea where he is at. He is so into being with his grandmas which ya, is a good thing he is helping there and also at his Aunt and Uncles house, ok that would be ok too, but he is forgetting his main family here and ths has been going on for a while. It did before too, but then would get better and this time, it is more extreme. I just dont know.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/25/2009 3:25:54 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, pkuenstler@... writes:

Stacie, the things that you say he does sound like very good things. I imagine he getsa lot of positive reinforcment from those he serves. They probably make him feel verygood about himself. We are drawn to those who make us feel good about ourselves.This is just a question because I do not know all the situation, but are you making himfeel as good about himself? What are some things that you admire about him?I have spent years admiring my husband; he loves it. LOL, LOL, Pat K Re: Re: When do you its over?

Hi Lori and Lindy and anyone else feeling this way. Some of this reminds me of my husband, except for having a feeling that he is cheating. That I dont have. but, every opportunity that Jim has to be gone out of the house and helping his grandmas who are both in their 90s he takes and he is hardly ever here with us. And when I try talking to him, he is always running out the door to do this or that, becauase it is not on his time. He works 2nd shift which makes it difficult too, because I am like a single mom who is married. It is very hard.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/20/2009 7:06:54 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, lorijm1117 writes:

Lindy,This is such a difficult question to answer! For me, I thought about divorcing my ex for awhile. I felt we were having problems. I tried to talk to him & he didn't want to talk about anything or try to resolve any of what I felt our issues were. When we learned that my son did have autism, I tried to turn to him for support. I tried to get him to talk about our son's condition & our plan of action for his needs. He told me he didn't want to think about it & couldn't deal with it. I gave him time. I talked to the guy I work with who asked questions about autism & gave me someone to talk to. (He's like a brother to me now.) There were a few people who would just let me talk, cry or whatever I needed. My husband continued to shut me out & would go out with his friends or his family to sporting events. I tried everything to from a weekend alone to romantic dinners & such to reconnect. Nothing was working. His best friend asked me what was wrong with my husband & I told him. His friend offered me advice from a guy's view & from knowing my husband. All stuff I tried with no success. His participation with the kids went down even more than what it had been. He refused to help me with our son when I needed a break or some sleep. Even if it was the weekend & he was off. Little things led me to believe he was cheating. I finally had a breaking point & he crossed it. I told him that I wanted a divorce. (This was in Jan.) He suggested then that we work on our marriage. I told him things I needed & different things I thought we could improve on. I told him I would agree to work on it but that he was on a time limit. His effort lasted less than a month. I gave up. He knew the ball was in his court & our marriage just wasn't important to him. I took the kids & moved in with my parents. I slowly moved our stuff out of our apartment, still giving him the chance. I decided to file for the divorce. He signed agreeing to the divorce & before I even filed the paperwork, he had a new girlfriend. The new girlfriend was pregnant before our 90 days wait for the divorce to be finalized. He then drug out our divorce for until after the baby was born to get the child support amount reduced for having another child. For me, getting divorced was the right option. I am much happier as are my kids. I've had difficulty the entire time collecting child support. Right now, I'm not getting child support (whole other long story) & he hasn't seen my kids in almost 2 yrs. He lives less than 15 minutes away. His family also stopped being involved with the kids pretty much since I left him in 2000. Being a divorced mom with a child with autism is very difficult. If you have other options, I would really encourage you to try them first. I saw someone mention church retreats or counseling. If at all possible, try them. Let me know if you need to talk. I'm here if you have any questions.Lori >> When do you know your marriage is over? Some of you know that I have lots of trouble with my husband. I have given up and can't do it anymore so I have left it up to him to make the first step in trying. If he wants too i'm willing too but its up to him. I him for the next 6 months that we needed to try some things. Do things to reconnect and if we couldn't we need to go ahead and seperate. Cause this is working for me anymore,, Girls I mean it is so bad I can't even make love to him anymore. I have no intrest in doing things like with him. But what I want to know should I keep giving him time to fix this? Or am I just doing this all over again for nothing?>

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[Guest guest]

Stacie

My husband did that for a while and to some extent he does that now, but in his mind he is providing for his family by taking care of the family things - mowing the yard, getting the cars fixed, going to work every day and stuff like that.

I know it is extremely hard with 3 kids and one on the spectrum - heck at k's age Danny could run circles around all 3 of yours kids. He was awful to be with and I couldn't even take him out cause he would cause such a rukus.

I thought didn't want to be with Dan cause of his disease (yes to me it is a disease) but him not being here was his way of showing his love the only way he knew how. He doesn't know how to give me a break, he doesn't know how much it hurt when he was gone and I was left with a beast that I had to calm.

He is much better now, but then again so is Danny - Jim will come around give him so space, try to help with the things that he normally does so he doesnt have the excuse of having to do them. Just recently learned that.

And when all else fails e-mail your heart out to us we are here for you, when you think it's ok for k and your girls take trip to my podunk town of Newark we can have a day of it. When it is warmer we can put up the blowup water slide and all 3 kids can have a blast.

One day at a time my dear, one day at a time.

Sharon

From: hawkie6@... <hawkie6@...>Subject: Re: Re: When do you its over?autism Date: Monday, May 25, 2009, 11:17 PM

Ya, I am sure that is true, but I do ths too and it really goes without much notice. There is so much that has gone on that I have not posted to the group. I just know that every chance to be gone from here and leave me to take care of everytihng he takes it. And, he does not have a cell phone, will not get one, so he will go somewhere and be gone all day and I have no idea where he is at. He is so into being with his grandmas which ya, is a good thing he is helping there and also at his Aunt and Uncles house, ok that would be ok too, but he is forgetting his main family here and ths has been going on for a while. It did before too, but then would get better and this time, it is more extreme. I just dont know.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/25/2009 3:25:54 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, pkuenstleraol (DOT) com writes:

Stacie, the things that you say he does sound like very good things. I imagine he getsa lot of positive reinforcment from those he serves. They probably make him feel verygood about himself. We are drawn to those who make us feel good about ourselves.This is just a question because I do not know all the situation, but are you making himfeel as good about himself? What are some things that you admire about him?I have spent years admiring my husband; he loves it. LOL, LOL, Pat K Re: Re: When do you its over?

Hi Lori and Lindy and anyone else feeling this way. Some of this reminds me of my husband, except for having a feeling that he is cheating. That I dont have. but, every opportunity that Jim has to be gone out of the house and helping his grandmas who are both in their 90s he takes and he is hardly ever here with us. And when I try talking to him, he is always running out the door to do this or that, becauase it is not on his time. He works 2nd shift which makes it difficult too, because I am like a single mom who is married. It is very hard.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/20/2009 7:06:54 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, lorijm1117 (DOT) com writes:

Lindy,This is such a difficult question to answer! For me, I thought about divorcing my ex for awhile. I felt we were having problems. I tried to talk to him & he didn't want to talk about anything or try to resolve any of what I felt our issues were. When we learned that my son did have autism, I tried to turn to him for support. I tried to get him to talk about our son's condition & our plan of action for his needs. He told me he didn't want to think about it & couldn't deal with it. I gave him time. I talked to the guy I work with who asked questions about autism & gave me someone to talk to. (He's like a brother to me now.) There were a few people who would just let me talk, cry or whatever I needed. My husband continued to shut me out & would go out with his friends or his family to sporting events. I tried everything to from a weekend alone to romantic dinners & such to reconnect. Nothing was working. His best

friend asked me what was wrong with my husband & I told him. His friend offered me advice from a guy's view & from knowing my husband. All stuff I tried with no success. His participation with the kids went down even more than what it had been. He refused to help me with our son when I needed a break or some sleep. Even if it was the weekend & he was off. Little things led me to believe he was cheating. I finally had a breaking point & he crossed it. I told him that I wanted a divorce. (This was in Jan.) He suggested then that we work on our marriage. I told him things I needed & different things I thought we could improve on. I told him I would agree to work on it but that he was on a time limit. His effort lasted less than a month. I gave up. He knew the ball was in his court & our marriage just wasn't important to him. I took the kids & moved in with my parents. I slowly moved our stuff out of our apartment, still giving

him the chance. I decided to file for the divorce. He signed agreeing to the divorce & before I even filed the paperwork, he had a new girlfriend. The new girlfriend was pregnant before our 90 days wait for the divorce to be finalized. He then drug out our divorce for until after the baby was born to get the child support amount reduced for having another child. For me, getting divorced was the right option. I am much happier as are my kids. I've had difficulty the entire time collecting child support. Right now, I'm not getting child support (whole other long story) & he hasn't seen my kids in almost 2 yrs. He lives less than 15 minutes away. His family also stopped being involved with the kids pretty much since I left him in 2000. Being a divorced mom with a child with autism is very difficult. If you have other options, I would really encourage you to try them first. I saw someone mention church retreats or counseling. If at all possible, try

them. Let me know if you need to talk. I'm here if you have any questions.Lori >> When do you know your marriage is over? Some of you know that I have lots of trouble with my husband. I have given up and can't do it anymore so I have left it up to him to make the first step in trying. If he wants too i'm willing too but its up to him. I him for the next 6 months that we needed to try some things. Do things to reconnect and if we couldn't we need to go ahead and seperate. Cause this is working for me anymore,, Girls I mean it is so bad I can't even make love to him anymore. I have no

intrest in doing things like with him. But what I want to know should I keep giving him time to fix this? Or am I just doing this all over again for nothing?>

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[Guest guest]

Stacie, I hear what you are saying, and what I have to say may not have any meaning for you. I remember something I read years ago that Eleanor Roosevelt said after she decided to not divorce lin D. Roosevelt after his affair with her secretary; "no one person can meet all our needs". That statement helped me so much to except the fact that DH rarely showed any appreciation for how I looked; how I took care of our four children, our home, or our finances, but he met my need for financial support and he was and is a wonderful father for our children. He still gives our family strength and stability. My girl friends met many of my other needs;my growing relationship with God, and also going back to school and getting an education have enriched my life.

More recently, Stacie, you and this list have become very important in meeting my need for support during probably my most heartbreaking years with Karac, and I thank God for you. I pray God will bless you and lift your heart today. Love and blessings, Pat K

Re: Re: When do you its over?

Hi Lori and Lindy and anyone else feeling this way. Some of this reminds me of my husband, except for having a feeling that he is cheating. That I dont have. but, every opportunity that Jim has to be gone out of the house and helping his grandmas who are both in their 90s he takes and he is hardly ever here with us. And when I try talking to him, he is always running out the door to do this or that, becauase it is not on his time. He works 2nd shift which makes it difficult too, because I am like a single mom who is married. It is very hard.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/20/2009 7:06:54 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, lorijm1117 writes:

Lindy,

This is such a difficult question to answer! For me, I thought about divorcing my ex for awhile. I felt we were having problems. I tried to talk to him & he didn't want to talk about anything or try to resolve any of what I felt our issues were. When we learned that my son did have autism, I tried to turn to him for support. I tried to get him to talk about our son's condition & our plan of action for his needs. He told me he didn't want to think about it & couldn't deal with it. I gave him time. I talked to the guy I work with who asked questions about autism & gave me someone to talk to. (He's like a brother to me now.) There were a few people who would just let me talk, cry or whatever I needed. My husband continued to shut me out & would go out with his friends or his family to sporting events. I tried everything to from a weekend alone to romantic dinners & such to reconnect. Nothing was working. His best friend asked me what was wrong with my husband & I told him. His friend offered me advice from a guy's view & from knowing my husband. All stuff I tried with no success. His participation with the kids went down even more than what it had been. He refused to help me with our son when I needed a break or some sleep. Even if it was the weekend & he was off. Little things led me to believe he was cheating. I finally had a breaking point & he crossed it. I told him that I wanted a divorce. (This was in Jan.) He suggested then that we work on our marriage. I told him things I needed & different things I thought we could improve on. I told him I would agree to work on it but that he was on a time limit. His effort lasted less than a month. I gave up. He knew the ball was in his court & our marriage just wasn't important to him. I took the kids & moved in with my parents. I slowly moved our stuff out of our apartment, still giving him the chance. I decided to file for the divorce. He signed agreeing to the divorce & before I even filed the paperwork, he had a new girlfriend. The new girlfriend was pregnant before our 90 days wait for the divorce to be finalized. He then drug out our divorce for until after the baby was born to get the child support amount reduced for having another child. For me, getting divorced was the right option. I am much happier as are my kids. I've had difficulty the entire time collecting child support. Right now, I'm not getting child support (whole other long story) & he hasn't seen my kids in almost 2 yrs. He lives less than 15 minutes away. His family also stopped being involved with the kids pretty much since I left him in 2000. Being a divorced mom with a child with autism is very difficult. If you have other options, I would really encourage you to try them first. I saw someone mention church retreats or counseling. If at all possible, try them. Let me know if you need to talk. I'm here if you have any questions.

Lori

>

> When do you know your marriage is over? Some of you know that I have lots of trouble with my husband. I have given up and can't do it anymore so I have left it up to him to make the first step in trying. If he wants too i'm willing too but its up to him. I him for the next 6 months that we needed to try some things. Do things to reconnect and if we couldn't we need to go ahead and seperate. Cause this is working for me anymore,, Girls I mean it is so bad I can't even make love to him anymore. I have no intrest in doing things like with him. But what I want to know should I keep giving him time to fix this? Or am I just doing this all over again for nothing?

>

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[Guest guest]

God love you Pat K. Stacie I will pray for you..

e

From: "pkuenstler@..." <pkuenstler@...>autism Sent: Tuesday, May 26, 2009 10:01:15 AMSubject: Re: Re: When do you its over?

Stacie, I hear what you are saying, and what I have to say may not have any meaning for you. I remember something I read years ago that Eleanor Roosevelt said after she decided to not divorce lin D. Roosevelt after his affair with her secretary; "no one person can meet all our needs". That statement helped me so much to except the fact that DH rarely showed any appreciation for how I looked; how I took care of our four children, our home, or our finances, but he met my need for financial support and he was and is a wonderful father for our children. He still gives our family strength and stability. My girl friends met many of my other needs;my growing relationship with God, and also going back to school and getting an education have enriched my life. More recently, Stacie, you and this list have become very important in meeting my need for support during probably my most

heartbreaking years with Karac, and I thank God for you. I pray God will bless you and lift your heart today. Love and blessings, Pat K Re: Re: When do you its over?

Hi Lori and Lindy and anyone else feeling this way. Some of this reminds me of my husband, except for having a feeling that he is cheating. That I dont have. but, every opportunity that Jim has to be gone out of the house and helping his grandmas who are both in their 90s he takes and he is hardly ever here with us. And when I try talking to him, he is always running out the door to do this or that, becauase it is not on his time. He works 2nd shift which makes it difficult too, because I am like a single mom who is married. It is very hard.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/20/2009 7:06:54 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, lorijm1117 (DOT) com writes:

Lindy,This is such a difficult question to answer! For me, I thought about divorcing my ex for awhile. I felt we were having problems. I tried to talk to him & he didn't want to talk about anything or try to resolve any of what I felt our issues were. When we learned that my son did have autism, I tried to turn to him for support. I tried to get him to talk about our son's condition & our plan of action for his needs. He told me he didn't want to think about it & couldn't deal with it. I gave him time. I talked to the guy I work with who asked questions about autism & gave me someone to talk to. (He's like a brother to me now.) There were a few people who would just let me talk, cry or whatever I needed. My husband continued to shut me out & would go out with his friends or his family to sporting events. I tried everything to from a weekend alone to romantic dinners & such to reconnect. Nothing was working. His best

friend asked me what was wrong with my husband & I told him. His friend offered me advice from a guy's view & from knowing my husband. All stuff I tried with no success. His participation with the kids went down even more than what it had been. He refused to help me with our son when I needed a break or some sleep. Even if it was the weekend & he was off. Little things led me to believe he was cheating. I finally had a breaking point & he crossed it. I told him that I wanted a divorce. (This was in Jan.) He suggested then that we work on our marriage. I told him things I needed & different things I thought we could improve on. I told him I would agree to work on it but that he was on a time limit. His effort lasted less than a month. I gave up. He knew the ball was in his court & our marriage just wasn't important to him. I took the kids & moved in with my parents. I slowly moved our stuff out of our apartment, still giving

him the chance. I decided to file for the divorce. He signed agreeing to the divorce & before I even filed the paperwork, he had a new girlfriend.. The new girlfriend was pregnant before our 90 days wait for the divorce to be finalized. He then drug out our divorce for until after the baby was born to get the child support amount reduced for having another child. For me, getting divorced was the right option. I am much happier as are my kids. I've had difficulty the entire time collecting child support. Right now, I'm not getting child support (whole other long story) & he hasn't seen my kids in almost 2 yrs. He lives less than 15 minutes away. His family also stopped being involved with the kids pretty much since I left him in 2000.. Being a divorced mom with a child with autism is very difficult. If you have other options, I would really encourage you to try them first. I saw someone mention church retreats or counseling. If at all possible, try

them. Let me know if you need to talk. I'm here if you have any questions.Lori >> When do you know your marriage is over? Some of you know that I have lots of trouble with my husband. I have given up and can't do it anymore so I have left it up to him to make the first step in trying. If he wants too i'm willing too but its up to him. I him for the next 6 months that we needed to try some things. Do things to reconnect and if we couldn't we need to go ahead and seperate. Cause this is working for me anymore,, Girls I mean it is so bad I can't even make love to him anymore. I have no intrest in doing things like with him.

But what I want to know should I keep giving him time to fix this? Or am I just doing this all over again for nothing?>

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Gadget of the Year: Peek. Unlimited email on the go no contracts.

An Excellent Credit Score is 750. See Yours in Just 2 Easy Steps!

A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

An Excellent Credit Score is 750. See Yours in Just 2 Easy Steps!

[Guest guest]

He does, and you too. smile. Pat K

Re: Re: When do you its over?

Hi Lori and Lindy and anyone else feeling this way. Some of this reminds me of my husband, except for having a feeling that he is cheating. That I dont have. but, every opportunity that Jim has to be gone out of the house and helping his grandmas who are both in their 90s he takes and he is hardly ever here with us. And when I try talking to him, he is always running out the door to do this or that, becauase it is not on his time. He works 2nd shift which makes it difficult too, because I am like a single mom who is married. It is very hard.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/20/2009 7:06:54 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, lorijm1117 (DOT) com writes:

Lindy,

This is such a difficult question to answer! For me, I thought about divorcing my ex for awhile. I felt we were having problems. I tried to talk to him & he didn't want to talk about anything or try to resolve any of what I felt our issues were. When we learned that my son did have autism, I tried to turn to him for support. I tried to get him to talk about our son's condition & our plan of action for his needs. He told me he didn't want to think about it & couldn't deal with it. I gave him time. I talked to the guy I work with who asked questions about autism & gave me someone to talk to. (He's like a brother to me now.) There were a few people who would just let me talk, cry or whatever I needed. My husband continued to shut me out & would go out with his friends or his family to sporting events. I tried everything to from a weekend alone to romantic dinners & such to reconnect. Nothing was working. His best friend asked me what was wrong with my husband & I told him. His friend offered me advice from a guy's view & from knowing my husband. All stuff I tried with no success. His participation with the kids went down even more than what it had been. He refused to help me with our son when I needed a break or some sleep. Even if it was the weekend & he was off. Little things led me to believe he was cheating. I finally had a breaking point & he crossed it. I told him that I wanted a divorce. (This was in Jan.) He suggested then that we work on our marriage. I told him things I needed & different things I thought we could improve on. I told him I would agree to work on it but that he was on a time limit. His effort lasted less than a month. I gave up. He knew the ball was in his court & our marriage just wasn't important to him. I took the kids & moved in with my parents. I slowly moved our stuff out of our apartment, still giving him the chance. I decided to file for the divorce. He signed agreeing to the divorce & before I even filed the paperwork, he had a new girlfriend.. The new girlfriend was pregnant before our 90 days wait for the divorce to be finalized. He then drug out our divorce for until after the baby was born to get the child support amount reduced for having another child. For me, getting divorced was the right option. I am much happier as are my kids. I've had difficulty the entire time collecting child support. Right now, I'm not getting child support (whole other long story) & he hasn't seen my kids in almost 2 yrs. He lives less than 15 minutes away. His family also stopped being involved with the kids pretty much since I left him in 2000.. Being a divorced mom with a child with autism is very difficult. If you have other options, I would really encourage you to try them first. I saw someone mention church retreats or counseling. If at all possible, try them. Let me know if you need to talk. I'm here if you have any questions.

Lori

>

> When do you know your marriage is over? Some of you know that I have lots of trouble with my husband. I have given up and can't do it anymore so I have left it up to him to make the first step in trying. If he wants too i'm willing too but its up to him. I him for the next 6 months that we needed to try some things. Do things to reconnect and if we couldn't we need to go ahead and seperate. Cause this is working for me anymore,, Girls I mean it is so bad I can't even make love to him anymore. I have no intrest in doing things like with him. But what I want to know should I keep giving him time to fix this? Or am I just doing this all over again for nothing?

>

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[Guest guest]

Hi Sharon. I know what you are saying. I really do. But, with having 3 kids and 2 of them having Autism, it is so hard. And, Jim does not do anything that is every day, other then go to work. He gets up pretty late and always has even when he isnt working and then he goes to do his things and all. None of the every day stuff that has to be done. So,t hat is what makes me so upset.

We would love to come to your home. Thjat would be fun.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/26/2009 1:50:44 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, kmusikmom2@... writes:

Stacie

My husband did that for a while and to some extent he does that now, but in his mind he is providing for his family by taking care of the family things - mowing the yard, getting the cars fixed, going to work every day and stuff like that.

I know it is extremely hard with 3 kids and one on the spectrum - heck at k's age Danny could run circles around all 3 of yours kids. He was awful to be with and I couldn't even take him out cause he would cause such a rukus.

I thought didn't want to be with Dan cause of his disease (yes to me it is a disease) but him not being here was his way of showing his love the only way he knew how. He doesn't know how to give me a break, he doesn't know how much it hurt when he was gone and I was left with a beast that I had to calm.

He is much better now, but then again so is Danny - Jim will come around give him so space, try to help with the things that he normally does so he doesnt have the excuse of having to do them. Just recently learned that.

And when all else fails e-mail your heart out to us we are here for you, when you think it's ok for k and your girls take trip to my podunk town of Newark we can have a day of it. When it is warmer we can put up the blowup water slide and all 3 kids can have a blast.

One day at a time my dear, one day at a time.

Sharon

From: hawkie6aol <hawkie6aol>Subject: Re: Re: When do you its over?autism Date: Monday, May 25, 2009, 11:17 PM

Ya, I am sure that is true, but I do ths too and it really goes without much notice. There is so much that has gone on that I have not posted to the group. I just know that every chance to be gone from here and leave me to take care of everytihng he takes it. And, he does not have a cell phone, will not get one, so he will go somewhere and be gone all day and I have no idea where he is at. He is so into being with his grandmas which ya, is a good thing he is helping there and also at his Aunt and Uncles house, ok that would be ok too, but he is forgetting his main family here and ths has been going on for a while. It did before too, but then would get better and this time, it is more extreme. I just dont know.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/25/2009 3:25:54 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, pkuenstleraol (DOT) com writes:

Stacie, the things that you say he does sound like very good things. I imagine he getsa lot of positive reinforcment from those he serves. They probably make him feel verygood about himself. We are drawn to those who make us feel good about ourselves.This is just a question because I do not know all the situation, but are you making himfeel as good about himself? What are some things that you admire about him?I have spent years admiring my husband; he loves it. LOL, LOL, Pat K Re: Re: When do you its over?

Hi Lori and Lindy and anyone else feeling this way. Some of this reminds me of my husband, except for having a feeling that he is cheating. That I dont have. but, every opportunity that Jim has to be gone out of the house and helping his grandmas who are both in their 90s he takes and he is hardly ever here with us. And when I try talking to him, he is always running out the door to do this or that, becauase it is not on his time. He works 2nd shift which makes it difficult too, because I am like a single mom who is married. It is very hard.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/20/2009 7:06:54 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, lorijm1117 (DOT) com writes:

Lindy,This is such a difficult question to answer! For me, I thought about divorcing my ex for awhile. I felt we were having problems. I tried to talk to him & he didn't want to talk about anything or try to resolve any of what I felt our issues were. When we learned that my son did have autism, I tried to turn to him for support. I tried to get him to talk about our son's condition & our plan of action for his needs. He told me he didn't want to think about it & couldn't deal with it. I gave him time. I talked to the guy I work with who asked questions about autism & gave me someone to talk to. (He's like a brother to me now.) There were a few people who would just let me talk, cry or whatever I needed. My husband continued to shut me out & would go out with his friends or his family to sporting events. I tried everything to from a weekend alone to romantic dinners & such to reconnect. Nothing was working. His best friend asked me what was wrong with my husband & I told him. His friend offered me advice from a guy's view & from knowing my husband. All stuff I tried with no success. His participation with the kids went down even more than what it had been. He refused to help me with our son when I needed a break or some sleep. Even if it was the weekend & he was off. Little things led me to believe he was cheating. I finally had a breaking point & he crossed it. I told him that I wanted a divorce. (This was in Jan.) He suggested then that we work on our marriage. I told him things I needed & different things I thought we could improve on. I told him I would agree to work on it but that he was on a time limit. His effort lasted less than a month. I gave up. He knew the ball was in his court & our marriage just wasn't important to him. I took the kids & moved in with my parents. I slowly moved our stuff out of our apartment, still giving him the chance. I decided to file for the divorce. He signed agreeing to the divorce & before I even filed the paperwork, he had a new girlfriend. The new girlfriend was pregnant before our 90 days wait for the divorce to be finalized. He then drug out our divorce for until after the baby was born to get the child support amount reduced for having another child. For me, getting divorced was the right option. I am much happier as are my kids. I've had difficulty the entire time collecting child support. Right now, I'm not getting child support (whole other long story) & he hasn't seen my kids in almost 2 yrs. He lives less than 15 minutes away. His family also stopped being involved with the kids pretty much since I left him in 2000. Being a divorced mom with a child with autism is very difficult. If you have other options, I would really encourage you to try them first. I saw someone mention church retreats or counseling. If at all possible, try them. Let me know if you need to talk. I'm here if you have any questions.Lori >> When do you know your marriage is over? Some of you know that I have lots of trouble with my husband. I have given up and can't do it anymore so I have left it up to him to make the first step in trying. If he wants too i'm willing too but its up to him. I him for the next 6 months that we needed to try some things. Do things to reconnect and if we couldn't we need to go ahead and seperate. Cause this is working for me anymore,, Girls I mean it is so bad I can't even make love to him anymore. I have no intrest in doing things like with him. But what I want to know should I keep giving him time to fix this? Or am I just doing this all over again for nothing?>

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[Guest guest]

Thanks Pat. That does mean something to me. It really does. I am just not sure about things. I have talked to him, I could again, but I dont want to fight either and I know that is what will happen. The minute I say I need this or that, he gets mad and then I do and we would fight. He is an only child, and I have seen alot of selfishness come out in him over the years and more so in the last few and it seems to get worse and worse. I just pray, and talk to you all because you all are a blessing to me too. I will keep in mind what you told me and keep praying about it. Thanks so much.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/26/2009 5:03:57 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, pkuenstler@... writes:

Stacie, I hear what you are saying, and what I have to say may not have any meaning for you. I remember something I read years ago that Eleanor Roosevelt said after she decided to not divorce lin D. Roosevelt after his affair with her secretary; "no one person can meet all our needs". That statement helped me so much to except the fact that DH rarely showed any appreciation for how I looked; how I took care of our four children, our home, or our finances, but he met my need for financial support and he was and is a wonderful father for our children. He still gives our family strength and stability. My girl friends met many of my other needs;my growing relationship with God, and also going back to school and getting an education have enriched my life. More recently, Stacie, you and this list have become very important in meeting my need for support during probably my most heartbreaking years with Karac, and I thank God for you. I pray God will bless you and lift your heart today. Love and blessings, Pat K Re: Re: When do you its over?

Hi Lori and Lindy and anyone else feeling this way. Some of this reminds me of my husband, except for having a feeling that he is cheating. That I dont have. but, every opportunity that Jim has to be gone out of the house and helping his grandmas who are both in their 90s he takes and he is hardly ever here with us. And when I try talking to him, he is always running out the door to do this or that, becauase it is not on his time. He works 2nd shift which makes it difficult too, because I am like a single mom who is married. It is very hard.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/20/2009 7:06:54 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, lorijm1117 writes:

Lindy,This is such a difficult question to answer! For me, I thought about divorcing my ex for awhile. I felt we were having problems. I tried to talk to him & he didn't want to talk about anything or try to resolve any of what I felt our issues were. When we learned that my son did have autism, I tried to turn to him for support. I tried to get him to talk about our son's condition & our plan of action for his needs. He told me he didn't want to think about it & couldn't deal with it. I gave him time. I talked to the guy I work with who asked questions about autism & gave me someone to talk to. (He's like a brother to me now.) There were a few people who would just let me talk, cry or whatever I needed. My husband continued to shut me out & would go out with his friends or his family to sporting events. I tried everything to from a weekend alone to romantic dinners & such to reconnect. Nothing was working. His best friend asked me what was wrong with my husband & I told him. His friend offered me advice from a guy's view & from knowing my husband. All stuff I tried with no success. His participation with the kids went down even more than what it had been. He refused to help me with our son when I needed a break or some sleep. Even if it was the weekend & he was off. Little things led me to believe he was cheating. I finally had a breaking point & he crossed it. I told him that I wanted a divorce. (This was in Jan.) He suggested then that we work on our marriage. I told him things I needed & different things I thought we could improve on. I told him I would agree to work on it but that he was on a time limit. His effort lasted less than a month. I gave up. He knew the ball was in his court & our marriage just wasn't important to him. I took the kids & moved in with my parents. I slowly moved our stuff out of our apartment, still giving him the chance. I decided to file for the divorce. He signed agreeing to the divorce & before I even filed the paperwork, he had a new girlfriend. The new girlfriend was pregnant before our 90 days wait for the divorce to be finalized. He then drug out our divorce for until after the baby was born to get the child support amount reduced for having another child. For me, getting divorced was the right option. I am much happier as are my kids. I've had difficulty the entire time collecting child support. Right now, I'm not getting child support (whole other long story) & he hasn't seen my kids in almost 2 yrs. He lives less than 15 minutes away. His family also stopped being involved with the kids pretty much since I left him in 2000. Being a divorced mom with a child with autism is very difficult. If you have other options, I would really encourage you to try them first. I saw someone mention church retreats or counseling. If at all possible, try them. Let me know if you need to talk. I'm here if you have any questions.Lori >> When do you know your marriage is over? Some of you know that I have lots of trouble with my husband. I have given up and can't do it anymore so I have left it up to him to make the first step in trying. If he wants too i'm willing too but its up to him. I him for the next 6 months that we needed to try some things. Do things to reconnect and if we couldn't we need to go ahead and seperate. Cause this is working for me anymore,, Girls I mean it is so bad I can't even make love to him anymore. I have no intrest in doing things like with him. But what I want to know should I keep giving him time to fix this? Or am I just doing this all over again for nothing?>

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[Guest guest]

Thanks e.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/26/2009 6:07:49 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, ljdjd1234@... writes:

God love you Pat K. Stacie I will pray for you..

e

From: "pkuenstleraol" <pkuenstleraol>autism Sent: Tuesday, May 26, 2009 10:01:15 AMSubject: Re: Re: When do you its over?

Stacie, I hear what you are saying, and what I have to say may not have any meaning for you. I remember something I read years ago that Eleanor Roosevelt said after she decided to not divorce lin D. Roosevelt after his affair with her secretary; "no one person can meet all our needs". That statement helped me so much to except the fact that DH rarely showed any appreciation for how I looked; how I took care of our four children, our home, or our finances, but he met my need for financial support and he was and is a wonderful father for our children. He still gives our family strength and stability. My girl friends met many of my other needs;my growing relationship with God, and also going back to school and getting an education have enriched my life. More recently, Stacie, you and this list have become very important in meeting my need for support during probably my most heartbreaking years with Karac, and I thank God for you. I pray God will bless you and lift your heart today. Love and blessings, Pat K Re: Re: When do you its over?

Hi Lori and Lindy and anyone else feeling this way. Some of this reminds me of my husband, except for having a feeling that he is cheating. That I dont have. but, every opportunity that Jim has to be gone out of the house and helping his grandmas who are both in their 90s he takes and he is hardly ever here with us. And when I try talking to him, he is always running out the door to do this or that, becauase it is not on his time. He works 2nd shift which makes it difficult too, because I am like a single mom who is married. It is very hard.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/20/2009 7:06:54 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, lorijm1117 (DOT) com writes:

Lindy,This is such a difficult question to answer! For me, I thought about divorcing my ex for awhile. I felt we were having problems. I tried to talk to him & he didn't want to talk about anything or try to resolve any of what I felt our issues were. When we learned that my son did have autism, I tried to turn to him for support. I tried to get him to talk about our son's condition & our plan of action for his needs. He told me he didn't want to think about it & couldn't deal with it. I gave him time. I talked to the guy I work with who asked questions about autism & gave me someone to talk to. (He's like a brother to me now.) There were a few people who would just let me talk, cry or whatever I needed. My husband continued to shut me out & would go out with his friends or his family to sporting events. I tried everything to from a weekend alone to romantic dinners & such to reconnect. Nothing was working. His best friend asked me what was wrong with my husband & I told him. His friend offered me advice from a guy's view & from knowing my husband. All stuff I tried with no success. His participation with the kids went down even more than what it had been. He refused to help me with our son when I needed a break or some sleep. Even if it was the weekend & he was off. Little things led me to believe he was cheating. I finally had a breaking point & he crossed it. I told him that I wanted a divorce. (This was in Jan.) He suggested then that we work on our marriage. I told him things I needed & different things I thought we could improve on. I told him I would agree to work on it but that he was on a time limit. His effort lasted less than a month. I gave up. He knew the ball was in his court & our marriage just wasn't important to him. I took the kids & moved in with my parents. I slowly moved our stuff out of our apartment, still giving him the chance. I decided to file for the divorce. He signed agreeing to the divorce & before I even filed the paperwork, he had a new girlfriend.. The new girlfriend was pregnant before our 90 days wait for the divorce to be finalized. He then drug out our divorce for until after the baby was born to get the child support amount reduced for having another child. For me, getting divorced was the right option. I am much happier as are my kids. I've had difficulty the entire time collecting child support. Right now, I'm not getting child support (whole other long story) & he hasn't seen my kids in almost 2 yrs. He lives less than 15 minutes away. His family also stopped being involved with the kids pretty much since I left him in 2000.. Being a divorced mom with a child with autism is very difficult. If you have other options, I would really encourage you to try them first. I saw someone mention church retreats or counseling. If at all possible, try them. Let me know if you need to talk. I'm here if you have any questions.Lori >> When do you know your marriage is over? Some of you know that I have lots of trouble with my husband. I have given up and can't do it anymore so I have left it up to him to make the first step in trying. If he wants too i'm willing too but its up to him. I him for the next 6 months that we needed to try some things. Do things to reconnect and if we couldn't we need to go ahead and seperate. Cause this is working for me anymore,, Girls I mean it is so bad I can't even make love to him anymore. I have no intrest in doing things like with him. But what I want to know should I keep giving him time to fix this? Or am I just doing this all over again for nothing?>

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An Excellent Credit Score is 750. See Yours in Just 2 Easy Steps!

A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

[Guest guest]

Stacie

He sounds a lot like my husband - although he is not officially diagnosed we are pretty sure he has Asperger's and from the sound of it your hubby might too. Not a doc don't claim to be but that is my honest opinion.

Let's set up a time to meet I have some books on autism/asperger marriages that just may click for you - one has for me and it is help greatly.

Sharon

From: hawkie6aol (DOT) com <hawkie6aol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: Re: When do you its over?AutismBehaviorProbl emsgroups (DOT) comDate: Monday, May 25, 2009, 11:17 PM

Ya, I am sure that is true, but I do ths too and it really goes without much notice. There is so much that has gone on that I have not posted to the group. I just know that every chance to be gone from here and leave me to take care of everytihng he takes it. And, he does not have a cell phone, will not get one, so he will go somewhere and be gone all day and I have no idea where he is at. He is so into being with his grandmas which ya, is a good thing he is helping there and also at his Aunt and Uncles house, ok that would be ok too, but he is forgetting his main family here and ths has been going on for a while. It did before too, but then would get better and this time, it is more extreme. I just dont know.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/25/2009 3:25:54 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, pkuenstleraol (DOT) com writes:

Stacie, the things that you say he does sound like very good things. I imagine he getsa lot of positive reinforcment from those he serves. They probably make him feel verygood about himself. We are drawn to those who make us feel good about ourselves.This is just a question because I do not know all the situation, but are you making himfeel as good about himself? What are some things that you admire about him?I have spent years admiring my husband; he loves it. LOL, LOL, Pat K Re: Re: When do you its over?

Hi Lori and Lindy and anyone else feeling this way. Some of this reminds me of my husband, except for having a feeling that he is cheating. That I dont have. but, every opportunity that Jim has to be gone out of the house and helping his grandmas who are both in their 90s he takes and he is hardly ever here with us. And when I try talking to him, he is always running out the door to do this or that, becauase it is not on his time. He works 2nd shift which makes it difficult too, because I am like a single mom who is married. It is very hard.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/20/2009 7:06:54 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, lorijm1117 (DOT) com writes:

Lindy,This is such a difficult question to answer! For me, I thought about divorcing my ex for awhile. I felt we were having problems. I tried to talk to him & he didn't want to talk about anything or try to resolve any of what I felt our issues were. When we learned that my son did have autism, I tried to turn to him for support. I tried to get him to talk about our son's condition & our plan of action for his needs. He told me he didn't want to think about it & couldn't deal with it. I gave him time. I talked to the guy I work with who asked questions about autism & gave me someone to talk to. (He's like a brother to me now.) There were a few people who would just let me talk, cry or whatever I needed. My husband continued to shut me out & would go out with his friends or his family to sporting events. I tried everything to from a weekend alone to romantic dinners & such to reconnect. Nothing was working. His best

friend asked me what was wrong with my husband & I told him. His friend offered me advice from a guy's view & from knowing my husband. All stuff I tried with no success. His participation with the kids went down even more than what it had been. He refused to help me with our son when I needed a break or some sleep. Even if it was the weekend & he was off. Little things led me to believe he was cheating. I finally had a breaking point & he crossed it. I told him that I wanted a divorce. (This was in Jan.) He suggested then that we work on our marriage. I told him things I needed & different things I thought we could improve on. I told him I would agree to work on it but that he was on a time limit. His effort lasted less than a month. I gave up. He knew the ball was in his court & our marriage just wasn't important to him. I took the kids & moved in with my parents. I slowly moved our stuff out of our apartment, still giving

him the chance. I decided to file for the divorce. He signed agreeing to the divorce & before I even filed the paperwork, he had a new girlfriend. The new girlfriend was pregnant before our 90 days wait for the divorce to be finalized. He then drug out our divorce for until after the baby was born to get the child support amount reduced for having another child. For me, getting divorced was the right option. I am much happier as are my kids. I've had difficulty the entire time collecting child support. Right now, I'm not getting child support (whole other long story) & he hasn't seen my kids in almost 2 yrs. He lives less than 15 minutes away. His family also stopped being involved with the kids pretty much since I left him in 2000. Being a divorced mom with a child with autism is very difficult. If you have other options, I would really encourage you to try them first. I saw someone mention church retreats or counseling. If at all possible, try

them. Let me know if you need to talk. I'm here if you have any questions.Lori >> When do you know your marriage is over? Some of you know that I have lots of trouble with my husband. I have given up and can't do it anymore so I have left it up to him to make the first step in trying. If he wants too i'm willing too but its up to him. I him for the next 6 months that we needed to try some things. Do things to reconnect and if we couldn't we need to go ahead and seperate. Cause this is working for me anymore,, Girls I mean it is so bad I can't even make love to him anymore. I have no intrest in doing things

like with him. But what I want to know should I keep giving him time to fix this? Or am I just doing this all over again for nothing?>

Dell Inspiron 15 Laptop: Now in 6 vibrant colors! Shop Dell's full line of laptops.

Huge savings on HDTVs from Dell.com!

Huge savings on HDTVs from Dell.com!

Gadget of the Year: Peek. Unlimited email on the go no contracts.

An Excellent Credit Score is 750. See Yours in Just 2 Easy Steps!

A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

[Guest guest]

I think you are right, Stacie, talking to the group and prayer is very helpful.

There have been several times in the past when talking to DH was useless,

I would drop the matter and just pray, "Lord, if I am right touch his heart

to see it my way". and in time DH either changed or I changed to see it

his way. It never failed.

When we can't depend on anyone else, we can always depend on God.

I hope you had a good day. Karac had a good day and that makes my day good.

Love and blessings, Pat K

Re: Re: When do you its over?

Hi Lori and Lindy and anyone else feeling this way. Some of this reminds me of my husband, except for having a feeling that he is cheating. That I dont have. but, every opportunity that Jim has to be gone out of the house and helping his grandmas who are both in their 90s he takes and he is hardly ever here with us. And when I try talking to him, he is always running out the door to do this or that, becauase it is not on his time. He works 2nd shift which makes it difficult too, because I am like a single mom who is married. It is very hard.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/20/2009 7:06:54 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, lorijm1117 writes:

Lindy,

This is such a difficult question to answer! For me, I thought about divorcing my ex for awhile. I felt we were having problems. I tried to talk to him & he didn't want to talk about anything or try to resolve any of what I felt our issues were. When we learned that my son did have autism, I tried to turn to him for support. I tried to get him to talk about our son's condition & our plan of action for his needs. He told me he didn't want to think about it & couldn't deal with it. I gave him time. I talked to the guy I work with who asked questions about autism & gave me someone to talk to. (He's like a brother to me now.) There were a few people who would just let me talk, cry or whatever I needed. My husband continued to shut me out & would go out with his friends or his family to sporting events. I tried everything to from a weekend alone to romantic dinners & such to reconnect. Nothing was working. His best friend asked me what was wrong with my husband & I told him. His friend offered me advice from a guy's view & from knowing my husband. All stuff I tried with no success. His participation with the kids went down even more than what it had been. He refused to help me with our son when I needed a break or some sleep. Even if it was the weekend & he was off. Little things led me to believe he was cheating. I finally had a breaking point & he crossed it. I told him that I wanted a divorce. (This was in Jan.) He suggested then that we work on our marriage. I told him things I needed & different things I thought we could improve on. I told him I would agree to work on it but that he was on a time limit. His effort lasted less than a month. I gave up. He knew the ball was in his court & our marriage just wasn't important to him. I took the kids & moved in with my parents. I slowly moved our stuff out of our apartment, still giving him the chance. I decided to file for the divorce. He signed agreeing to the divorce & before I even filed the paperwork, he had a new girlfriend. The new girlfriend was pregnant before our 90 days wait for the divorce to be finalized. He then drug out our divorce for until after the baby was born to get the child support amount reduced for having another child. For me, getting divorced was the right option. I am much happier as are my kids. I've had difficulty the entire time collecting child support. Right now, I'm not getting child support (whole other long story) & he hasn't seen my kids in almost 2 yrs. He lives less than 15 minutes away. His family also stopped being involved with the kids pretty much since I left him in 2000. Being a divorced mom with a child with autism is very difficult. If you have other options, I would really encourage you to try them first. I saw someone mention church retreats or counseling. If at all possible, try them. Let me know if you need to talk. I'm here if you have any questions.

Lori

>

> When do you know your marriage is over? Some of you know that I have lots of trouble with my husband. I have given up and can't do it anymore so I have left it up to him to make the first step in trying. If he wants too i'm willing too but its up to him. I him for the next 6 months that we needed to try some things. Do things to reconnect and if we couldn't we need to go ahead and seperate. Cause this is working for me anymore,, Girls I mean it is so bad I can't even make love to him anymore. I have no intrest in doing things like with him. But what I want to know should I keep giving him time to fix this? Or am I just doing this all over again for nothing?

>

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[Guest guest]

You are welcome sweet Stacie...

e

From: "hawkie6@..." <hawkie6@...>autism Sent: Tuesday, May 26, 2009 11:04:36 PMSubject: Re: Re: When do you its over?

Thanks e.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/26/2009 6:07:49 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, ljdjd1234 (DOT) com writes:

God love you Pat K. Stacie I will pray for you...

e

From: "pkuenstler@ aol.com" <pkuenstleraol (DOT) com>AutismBehaviorProbl emsgroups (DOT) comSent: Tuesday, May 26, 2009 10:01:15 AMSubject: Re: Re: When do you its over?

Stacie, I hear what you are saying, and what I have to say may not have any meaning for you. I remember something I read years ago that Eleanor Roosevelt said after she decided to not divorce lin D. Roosevelt after his affair with her secretary; "no one person can meet all our needs". That statement helped me so much to except the fact that DH rarely showed any appreciation for how I looked; how I took care of our four children, our home, or our finances, but he met my need for financial support and he was and is a wonderful father for our children. He still gives our family strength and stability. My girl friends met many of my other needs;my growing relationship with God, and also going back to school and getting an education have enriched my life. More recently, Stacie, you and this list have become very important in meeting my need for support during probably my most

heartbreaking years with Karac, and I thank God for you. I pray God will bless you and lift your heart today. Love and blessings, Pat K Re: Re: When do you its over?

Hi Lori and Lindy and anyone else feeling this way. Some of this reminds me of my husband, except for having a feeling that he is cheating. That I dont have. but, every opportunity that Jim has to be gone out of the house and helping his grandmas who are both in their 90s he takes and he is hardly ever here with us. And when I try talking to him, he is always running out the door to do this or that, becauase it is not on his time. He works 2nd shift which makes it difficult too, because I am like a single mom who is married. It is very hard.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/20/2009 7:06:54 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, lorijm1117 (DOT) com writes:

Lindy,This is such a difficult question to answer! For me, I thought about divorcing my ex for awhile. I felt we were having problems. I tried to talk to him & he didn't want to talk about anything or try to resolve any of what I felt our issues were. When we learned that my son did have autism, I tried to turn to him for support. I tried to get him to talk about our son's condition & our plan of action for his needs. He told me he didn't want to think about it & couldn't deal with it. I gave him time. I talked to the guy I work with who asked questions about autism & gave me someone to talk to. (He's like a brother to me now.) There were a few people who would just let me talk, cry or whatever I needed. My husband continued to shut me out & would go out with his friends or his family to sporting events. I tried everything to from a weekend alone to romantic dinners & such to reconnect. Nothing was working. His best

friend asked me what was wrong with my husband & I told him. His friend offered me advice from a guy's view & from knowing my husband. All stuff I tried with no success. His participation with the kids went down even more than what it had been. He refused to help me with our son when I needed a break or some sleep. Even if it was the weekend & he was off. Little things led me to believe he was cheating. I finally had a breaking point & he crossed it. I told him that I wanted a divorce. (This was in Jan.) He suggested then that we work on our marriage. I told him things I needed & different things I thought we could improve on. I told him I would agree to work on it but that he was on a time limit. His effort lasted less than a month. I gave up. He knew the ball was in his court & our marriage just wasn't important to him. I took the kids & moved in with my parents. I slowly moved our stuff out of our apartment, still giving

him the chance. I decided to file for the divorce. He signed agreeing to the divorce & before I even filed the paperwork, he had a new girlfriend... The new girlfriend was pregnant before our 90 days wait for the divorce to be finalized. He then drug out our divorce for until after the baby was born to get the child support amount reduced for having another child. For me, getting divorced was the right option. I am much happier as are my kids.. I've had difficulty the entire time collecting child support. Right now, I'm not getting child support (whole other long story) & he hasn't seen my kids in almost 2 yrs. He lives less than 15 minutes away. His family also stopped being involved with the kids pretty much since I left him in 2000.. Being a divorced mom with a child with autism is very difficult. If you have other options, I would really encourage you to try them first. I saw someone mention church retreats or counseling. If at all possible,

try them. Let me know if you need to talk. I'm here if you have any questions.Lori >> When do you know your marriage is over? Some of you know that I have lots of trouble with my husband. I have given up and can't do it anymore so I have left it up to him to make the first step in trying. If he wants too i'm willing too but its up to him. I him for the next 6 months that we needed to try some things. Do things to reconnect and if we couldn't we need to go ahead and seperate. Cause this is working for me anymore,, Girls I mean it is so bad I can't even make love to him anymore. I have no intrest in doing things like with

him. But what I want to know should I keep giving him time to fix this? Or am I just doing this all over again for nothing?>

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[Guest guest]

Ya, I have been saying that about Jim for a long time. I have mentioned it to him once just in conversation, and he didn't say much. But...I am certain he does. I would LOVE to read those books and also get together soon.StacieSent via BlackBerry by AT&TFrom: Sharon Date: Tue, 26 May 2009 22:28:19 -0700 (PDT)<autism >Subject: Re: Re: When do you its over? Stacie He sounds a lot like my husband - although he is not officially diagnosed we are pretty sure he has Asperger's and from the sound of it your hubby might too. Not a doc don't claim to be but that is my honest opinion. Let's set up a time to meet I have some books on autism/asperger marriages that just may click for you - one has for me and it is help greatly. SharonFrom: hawkie6aol (DOT) com <hawkie6aol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: Re: When do you its over?AutismBehaviorProbl emsgroups (DOT) comDate: Monday, May 25, 2009, 11:17 PMYa, I am sure that is true, but I do ths too and it really goes without much notice. There is so much that has gone on that I have not posted to the group. I just know that every chance to be gone from here and leave me to take care of everytihng he takes it. And, he does not have a cell phone, will not get one, so he will go somewhere and be gone all day and I have no idea where he is at. He is so into being with his grandmas which ya, is a good thing he is helping there and also at his Aunt and Uncles house, ok that would be ok too, but he is forgetting his main family here and ths has been going on for a while. It did before too, but then would get better and this time, it is more extreme. I just dont know.Stacie In a message dated 5/25/2009 3:25:54 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, pkuenstleraol (DOT) com writes:Stacie, the things that you say he does sound like very good things. I imagine he getsa lot of positive reinforcment from those he serves. They probably make him feel verygood about himself. We are drawn to those who make us feel good about ourselves.This is just a question because I do not know all the situation, but are you making himfeel as good about himself? What are some things that you admire about him?I have spent years admiring my husband; he loves it. LOL, LOL, Pat K Re: Re: When do you its over?Hi Lori and Lindy and anyone else feeling this way. Some of this reminds me of my husband, except for having a feeling that he is cheating. That I dont have. but, every opportunity that Jim has to be gone out of the house and helping his grandmas who are both in their 90s he takes and he is hardly ever here with us. And when I try talking to him, he is always running out the door to do this or that, becauase it is not on his time. He works 2nd shift which makes it difficult too, because I am like a single mom who is married. It is very hard.Stacie In a message dated 5/20/2009 7:06:54 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, lorijm1117 (DOT) com writes:Lindy,This is such a difficult question to answer! For me, I thought about divorcing my ex for awhile. I felt we were having problems. I tried to talk to him & he didn't want to talk about anything or try to resolve any of what I felt our issues were. When we learned that my son did have autism, I tried to turn to him for support. I tried to get him to talk about our son's condition & our plan of action for his needs. He told me he didn't want to think about it & couldn't deal with it. I gave him time. I talked to the guy I work with who asked questions about autism & gave me someone to talk to. (He's like a brother to me now.) There were a few people who would just let me talk, cry or whatever I needed. My husband continued to shut me out & would go out with his friends or his family to sporting events. I tried everything to from a weekend alone to romantic dinners & such to reconnect. Nothing was working. His best friend asked me what was wrong with my husband & I told him. His friend offered me advice from a guy's view & from knowing my husband. All stuff I tried with no success. His participation with the kids went down even more than what it had been. He refused to help me with our son when I needed a break or some sleep. Even if it was the weekend & he was off. Little things led me to believe he was cheating. I finally had a breaking point & he crossed it. I told him that I wanted a divorce. (This was in Jan.) He suggested then that we work on our marriage. I told him things I needed & different things I thought we could improve on. I told him I would agree to work on it but that he was on a time limit. His effort lasted less than a month. I gave up. He knew the ball was in his court & our marriage just wasn't important to him. I took the kids & moved in with my parents. I slowly moved our stuff out of our apartment, still giving him the chance. I decided to file for the divorce. He signed agreeing to the divorce & before I even filed the paperwork, he had a new girlfriend. The new girlfriend was pregnant before our 90 days wait for the divorce to be finalized. He then drug out our divorce for until after the baby was born to get the child support amount reduced for having another child. For me, getting divorced was the right option. I am much happier as are my kids. I've had difficulty the entire time collecting child support. Right now, I'm not getting child support (whole other long story) & he hasn't seen my kids in almost 2 yrs. He lives less than 15 minutes away. His family also stopped being involved with the kids pretty much since I left him in 2000. Being a divorced mom with a child with autism is very difficult. If you have other options, I would really encourage you to try them first. I saw someone mention church retreats or counseling. If at all possible, try them. Let me know if you need to talk. I'm here if you have any questions.Lori >> When do you know your marriage is over? Some of you know that I have lots of trouble with my husband. I have given up and can't do it anymore so I have left it up to him to make the first step in trying. If he wants too i'm willing too but its up to him. I him for the next 6 months that we needed to try some things. Do things to reconnect and if we couldn't we need to go ahead and seperate. Cause this is working for me anymore,, Girls I mean it is so bad I can't even make love to him anymore. I have no intrest in doing things like with him. But what I want to know should I keep giving him time to fix this? Or am I just doing this all over again for nothing?>Dell Inspiron 15 Laptop: Now in 6 vibrant colors! Shop Dell's full line of laptops.Huge savings on HDTVs from Dell.com! Huge savings on HDTVs from Dell.com!Gadget of the Year: Peek. Unlimited email on the go no contracts. An Excellent Credit Score is 750. See Yours in Just 2 Easy Steps!A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps! A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

[Guest guest]

Stacie

The hardest thing for in watching/raising Danny is seeing himself in Danny. When we went to a Tony Attwood seminar my husband had to leave the room and I asked later why he did this and he said it was just to overwhelming here he is saying everything I have done in my life is Asperger's. It was a hard pill to swallow.

Maybe that is what Jim sees some of himself in k. That might be a hard pill to swallow.

Sharon

From: hawkie6aol (DOT) com <hawkie6aol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: Re: When do you its over?AutismBehaviorProbl emsgroups (DOT) comDate: Monday, May 25, 2009, 11:17 PM

Ya, I am sure that is true, but I do ths too and it really goes without much notice. There is so much that has gone on that I have not posted to the group. I just know that every chance to be gone from here and leave me to take care of everytihng he takes it. And, he does not have a cell phone, will not get one, so he will go somewhere and be gone all day and I have no idea where he is at. He is so into being with his grandmas which ya, is a good thing he is helping there and also at his Aunt and Uncles house, ok that would be ok too, but he is forgetting his main family here and ths has been going on for a while. It did before too, but then would get better and this time, it is more extreme. I just dont know.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/25/2009 3:25:54 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, pkuenstleraol (DOT) com writes:

Stacie, the things that you say he does sound like very good things. I imagine he getsa lot of positive reinforcment from those he serves. They probably make him feel verygood about himself. We are drawn to those who make us feel good about ourselves.! This is just a question because I do not know all the situation, but are you making himfeel as good about himself? What are some things that you admire about him?I have spent years admiring my husband; he loves it. LOL, LOL, Pat K Re: Re: When do you its over?

Hi Lori and Lindy and anyone else feeling this way. Some of this reminds me of my husband, except for having a feeling that he is cheating. That I dont have. but, every opportunity that Jim has to be gone out of the house and helping his grandmas who are both in their 90s he takes and he is hardly ever here with us. And when I try talking to him, he is always running out the door to do this or that, becauase it is not on his time. He works 2nd shift which makes it difficult too, because I am like a single mom who is married. It is very hard.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/20/2009 7:06:54 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, lorijm1117 (DOT) com writes:

Lindy,This is such a difficult question to answer! For me, I thought about divorcing my ex for awhile. I felt we were having problems. I tried to talk to him & he didn't want to talk about anything or try to resolve any of what I felt our issues were. When we learned that my son did have autism, I tried to turn to him for support. I tried to get him to talk about our son's condition & our plan of action for his needs. He told me he didn't want to think about it & couldn't deal with it. I gave him time. I talked to the guy I work with who asked questions about autism & gave me someone to talk to. (He's like a brother to me now.) There were a few people who would just let me talk, cry or whatever I needed. My husband continued to shut me out & ! would g o out with his friends or his family to sporting events. I tried everything to from a weekend alone to romantic dinners & such to reconnect. Nothing was working. His best

friend asked me what was wrong with my husband & I told him. His friend offered me advice from a guy's view & from knowing my husband. All stuff I tried with no success. His participation with the kids went down even more than what it had been. He refused to help me with our son when I needed a break or some sleep. Even if it was the weekend & he was off. Little things led me to believe he was cheating. I finally had a breaking point & he crossed it. I told him that I wanted a divorce. (This was in Jan.) He suggested then that we work on our marriage. I told him things I needed & different things I thought we could improve on. I told him I would agree to work on it but that he was on a time limit. His effort lasted less than a month. I gave up. He knew the ball was in his court & our marriage just wasn't important to him. I took the kids & moved in with my parents. I slowly moved our stuff out of our apartment, still giving

him the chance. I decided to file for the divorce. He signed agreeing to the divorce & before I even filed the paperwork, he had a new girlfriend. The new girlfriend was pregnant before our 90 days wait for the divorce to be finalized. He then drug out our divorce for until after the baby was born to get the child support amount reduced for having another child. For me, getting divorced was the right option. I am much happier as are my kids. I've had difficulty the entire time collecting child support. Right now, I'm not getting child support (whole other long story) & he hasn't seen my kids in almost 2 yrs. He lives less than 15 minutes away. His family also stopped being involved with the kids pretty much since I left him in 2000. Being a divorced mom with a child with autism is very difficult. If you have other options, I would really encourage you to try them first. I saw! someone mention church retreats or counseling. If at all possible,

try them. Let me know if you need to talk. I'm here if you have any questions.Lori >> When do you know your marriage is over? Some of you know that I have lots of trouble with my husband. I have given up and can't do it anymore so I have left it up to him to make the first step in trying. If he wants too i'm willing too but its up to him. I him for the next 6 months that we needed to try some things. Do things to reconnect and if we couldn't we need to go ahead and seperate. Cause this is working for me anymore,, Girls I mean it is so bad I can't even make love to him anymore. I have no intrest in doing

things like with him. But what I want to know should I keep giving him time to fix this? Or am I just doing this all over again for nothing?>

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[Guest guest]

Yep, you are right Pat. I am so glad to hear that you had a good day becaause Karak had a good day. I am happy to hear that.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/27/2009 1:04:30 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, pkuenstler@... writes:

I think you are right, Stacie, talking to the group and prayer is very helpful.There have been several times in the past when talking to DH was useless,I would drop the matter and just pray, "Lord, if I am right touch his heartto see it my way". and in time DH either changed or I changed to see ithis way. It never failed. When we can't depend on anyone else, we can always depend on God. I hope you had a good day. Karac had a good day and that makes my day good. Love and blessings, Pat K Re: Re: When do you its over?

Hi Lori and Lindy and anyone else feeling this way. Some of this reminds me of my husband, except for having a feeling that he is cheating. That I dont have. but, every opportunity that Jim has to be gone out of the house and helping his grandmas who are both in their 90s he takes and he is hardly ever here with us. And when I try talking to him, he is always running out the door to do this or that, becauase it is not on his time. He works 2nd shift which makes it difficult too, because I am like a single mom who is married. It is very hard.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/20/2009 7:06:54 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, lorijm1117 writes:

Lindy,This is such a difficult question to answer! For me, I thought about divorcing my ex for awhile. I felt we were having problems. I tried to talk to him & he didn't want to talk about anything or try to resolve any of what I felt our issues were. When we learned that my son did have autism, I tried to turn to him for support. I tried to get him to talk about our son's condition & our plan of action for his needs. He told me he didn't want to think about it & couldn't deal with it. I gave him time. I talked to the guy I work with who asked questions about autism & gave me someone to talk to. (He's like a brother to me now.) There were a few people who would just let me talk, cry or whatever I needed. My husband continued to shut me out & would go out with his friends or his family to sporting events. I tried everything to from a weekend alone to romantic dinners & such to reconnect. Nothing was working. His best friend asked me what was wrong with my husband & I told him. His friend offered me advice from a guy's view & from knowing my husband. All stuff I tried with no success. His participation with the kids went down even more than what it had been. He refused to help me with our son when I needed a break or some sleep. Even if it was the weekend & he was off. Little things led me to believe he was cheating. I finally had a breaking point & he crossed it. I told him that I wanted a divorce. (This was in Jan.) He suggested then that we work on our marriage. I told him things I needed & different things I thought we could improve on. I told him I would agree to work on it but that he was on a time limit. His effort lasted less than a month. I gave up. He knew the ball was in his court & our marriage just wasn't important to him. I took the kids & moved in with my parents. I slowly moved our stuff out of our apartment, still giving him the chance. I decided to file for the divorce. He signed agreeing to the divorce & before I even filed the paperwork, he had a new girlfriend. The new girlfriend was pregnant before our 90 days wait for the divorce to be finalized. He then drug out our divorce for until after the baby was born to get the child support amount reduced for having another child. For me, getting divorced was the right option. I am much happier as are my kids. I've had difficulty the entire time collecting child support. Right now, I'm not getting child support (whole other long story) & he hasn't seen my kids in almost 2 yrs. He lives less than 15 minutes away. His family also stopped being involved with the kids pretty much since I left him in 2000. Being a divorced mom with a child with autism is very difficult. If you have other options, I would really encourage you to try them first. I saw someone mention church retreats or counseling. If at all possible, try them. Let me know if you need to talk. I'm here if you have any questions.Lori >> When do you know your marriage is over? Some of you know that I have lots of trouble with my husband. I have given up and can't do it anymore so I have left it up to him to make the first step in trying. If he wants too i'm willing too but its up to him. I him for the next 6 months that we needed to try some things. Do things to reconnect and if we couldn't we need to go ahead and seperate. Cause this is working for me anymore,, Girls I mean it is so bad I can't even make love to him anymore. I have no intrest in doing things like with him. But what I want to know should I keep giving him time to fix this? Or am I just doing this all over again for nothing?>

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Huge savings on HDTVs from Dell.com!

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A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

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A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

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[Guest guest]

Good point Sharon. Very good point.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/27/2009 7:10:09 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, kmusikmom2@... writes:

Stacie

The hardest thing for in watching/raising Danny is seeing himself in Danny. When we went to a Tony Attwood seminar my husband had to leave the room and I asked later why he did this and he said it was just to overwhelming here he is saying everything I have done in my life is Asperger's. It was a hard pill to swallow.

Maybe that is what Jim sees some of himself in k. That might be a hard pill to swallow.

Sharon

From: hawkie6aol (DOT) com <hawkie6aol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: Re: When do you its over?AutismBehaviorProbl emsgroups (DOT) comDate: Monday, May 25, 2009, 11:17 PM

Ya, I am sure that is true, but I do ths too and it really goes without much notice. There is so much that has gone on that I have not posted to the group. I just know that every chance to be gone from here and leave me to take care of everytihng he takes it. And, he does not have a cell phone, will not get one, so he will go somewhere and be gone all day and I have no idea where he is at. He is so into being with his grandmas which ya, is a good thing he is helping there and also at his Aunt and Uncles house, ok that would be ok too, but he is forgetting his main family here and ths has been going on for a while. It did before too, but then would get better and this time, it is more extreme. I just dont know.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/25/2009 3:25:54 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, pkuenstleraol (DOT) com writes:

Stacie, the things that you say he does sound like very good things. I imagine he getsa lot of positive reinforcment from those he serves. They probably make him feel verygood about himself. We are drawn to those who make us feel good about ourselves.! This is just a question because I do not know all the situation, but are you making himfeel as good about himself? What are some things that you admire about him?I have spent years admiring my husband; he loves it. LOL, LOL, Pat K Re: Re: When do you its over?

Hi Lori and Lindy and anyone else feeling this way. Some of this reminds me of my husband, except for having a feeling that he is cheating. That I dont have. but, every opportunity that Jim has to be gone out of the house and helping his grandmas who are both in their 90s he takes and he is hardly ever here with us. And when I try talking to him, he is always running out the door to do this or that, becauase it is not on his time. He works 2nd shift which makes it difficult too, because I am like a single mom who is married. It is very hard.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/20/2009 7:06:54 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, lorijm1117 (DOT) com writes:

Lindy,This is such a difficult question to answer! For me, I thought about divorcing my ex for awhile. I felt we were having problems. I tried to talk to him & he didn't want to talk about anything or try to resolve any of what I felt our issues were. When we learned that my son did have autism, I tried to turn to him for support. I tried to get him to talk about our son's condition & our plan of action for his needs. He told me he didn't want to think about it & couldn't deal with it. I gave him time. I talked to the guy I work with who asked questions about autism & gave me someone to talk to. (He's like a brother to me now.) There were a few people who would just let me talk, cry or whatever I needed. My husband continued to shut me out & ! would g o out with his friends or his family to sporting events. I tried everything to from a weekend alone to romantic dinners & such to reconnect. Nothing was working. His best friend asked me what was wrong with my husband & I told him. His friend offered me advice from a guy's view & from knowing my husband. All stuff I tried with no success. His participation with the kids went down even more than what it had been. He refused to help me with our son when I needed a break or some sleep. Even if it was the weekend & he was off. Little things led me to believe he was cheating. I finally had a breaking point & he crossed it. I told him that I wanted a divorce. (This was in Jan.) He suggested then that we work on our marriage. I told him things I needed & different things I thought we could improve on. I told him I would agree to work on it but that he was on a time limit. His effort lasted less than a month. I gave up. He knew the ball was in his court & our marriage just wasn't important to him. I took the kids & moved in with my parents. I slowly moved our stuff out of our apartment, still giving him the chance. I decided to file for the divorce. He signed agreeing to the divorce & before I even filed the paperwork, he had a new girlfriend. The new girlfriend was pregnant before our 90 days wait for the divorce to be finalized. He then drug out our divorce for until after the baby was born to get the child support amount reduced for having another child. For me, getting divorced was the right option. I am much happier as are my kids. I've had difficulty the entire time collecting child support. Right now, I'm not getting child support (whole other long story) & he hasn't seen my kids in almost 2 yrs. He lives less than 15 minutes away. His family also stopped being involved with the kids pretty much since I left him in 2000. Being a divorced mom with a child with autism is very difficult. If you have other options, I would really encourage you to try them first. I saw! someone mention church retreats or counseling. If at all possible, try them. Let me know if you need to talk. I'm here if you have any questions.Lori >> When do you know your marriage is over? Some of you know that I have lots of trouble with my husband. I have given up and can't do it anymore so I have left it up to him to make the first step in trying. If he wants too i'm willing too but its up to him. I him for the next 6 months that we needed to try some things. Do things to reconnect and if we couldn't we need to go ahead and seperate. Cause this is working for me anymore,, Girls I mean it is so bad I can't even make love to him anymore. I have no intrest in doing things like with him. But what I want to know should I keep giving him time to fix this? Or am I just doing this all over again for nothing?>

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