food food food.

[Guest guest]

At 06:38 PM 12/30/01 -0500, you wrote:

><<I've just jumped on the computer, my mum is here and keeping an eye on

>Leigh...school hols for the next 4 weeks, he is obsessed with food, food and

>more food, always dragging me to the pantry, even straight after he's

>finished his meals and when I say " NO " he falls to the floor and cries. He

>is sometimes distracted with music, but that doesn't last for too long.>>

>

>This is how it is with Ted. He even wants all my food also. He cries if he

>can't have it. I have a new fridge now, but previously had drilled and put

>a hasp on the last one. He knows when I leave my post...the kitchen and

>will come in looking for anything.

Andy's been pretty good, but when he's hungry, he'll head for the kitchen.

Sometimes we find the fridge open and all the cupboards (our fridge lock

lost it's " stick " and will come off if he pulls hard enough).

But....we have found that life is much better if there is a schedule to the

food that Andy can count on or a system to ask for things that are OK to

have at any time.

For instance, he has a snack board on the fridge and can ask for foods that

I've decided are OK and have on hand at any time. So rather than saying

" no, " I ask him to make a choice. This year we learned that sometimes he is

asking for food because it gets us to the kitchen and then he asks for some

advil. He's amazingly appropriate about this, though I'm sure there are

days he asks for it when he doesn't know*what* is wrong.

But we have a schedule around eating. Breakfast is within 30 minutes of

morning medications. He chooses from a menu of 6 things (or less) that I am

willing to make. If I'm not willing to make it, it's not on the list.

He is allowed to have water or soda (diet) after breakfast. If he wants

more he can ask for something from teh choice board on the fridge (usually

includes a variety like: broccoli, celery, apple, apple sauce, or toast)

Lunch is at 11-1130. Again, I figure out what I'm willing to make and give

him a choice board to tell me what he'd like to eat.

He has a snack each afternoon at 3:00. We pretty much choose this. It might

be crackers and cheese/ham, or apple, snap peas, carrots, celery, or chips,

or freshly baked cookies. It depends on the day.

Dinner is at 5pm *sharp*. He often sits at the table for a few minutes and

then leaves only to return 15 minutes later or after his bath. He seems to

do this because teh food is too hot in his opinion--even though I cool it

down. Whatever.

Night time snack is around 7:30 to 8:00. This is often something warm and

varies depending on my husband's whims. Andy usually eats whatever Rex

wants for night time snack (I can't eat one, so it's Rex's job).

There are times when you do just have to say no and go through the battle

thing. My hope is that perhaps it can be taught by giving them the benefit

of a schedule. Kids need the security of knowing when the next amount of

food is--rather than wondering when they will wear down the gatekeeper.

(and teh gatekeeper needs a break). Maybe you can start by setting the

timer for 20 minutes, increasing by 10 minutes as they seem to get the idea.

Or....use a visual schedule with symbols and put all the activities in that

are between breakfast and snack.

breakfast-->shopping-->library-->snack-->go pick up suzy to play--> come

home to play-->lunch-->visit grandma--> you get the idea.

I think the hardest thing for me when the kids are off on break is finding

things they will enjoy doing during those in between times. I am often more

exhausted than ever by the end of " vacation. "

" No " has never been very effective here. I've learned through Andy to focus

on what *can* happen and try to get that concept across rather than what is

restricted. The object is to try to remove that feeling of

deprivation--which makes them want it more.

And...physiologically, people need to eat every 3-5 hours. So if a meal is

more than 5 hours away, your child really does need something to eat. If he

didn't like what you made for breakfast, you can expect they will need a

snack physiologically in about 2-3 hours. It's just the way the body is

made. For instance, if breakfast is at 7 and lunch at 1pm, that's too long

without a snack. So plan for it, plan what the options are, and build it

in. I'd say even 7-12 is too long to go without offering a snack.

The hardest part is realizing that if I dont' want Andy to eat, *I* can't

eat either. What's up with that?!? So I try to eat my meals at the same

time or wait until snack time to eat. I often am eating my cereal at the

mid-morning snack time or for lunch. Coffee goes a long way somedays--or

I'm just too busy.

Last, don't let my words fool you into thinking Andy doesn't get into food

and eat when I think he shouldn't. He does. Our fridge is locked (mostly

because he likes to get pop after pop after pop...) I know I " m fortunate

taht he has grown up with a keen sense of his own body--my other son

doesn't have that! He only eats when he's hungry. He won't eat just because

you offer it. It's an amazing and healthy habit. I think a lot of it comes

from finding ways to to structure it so he knows food is available if he

needs it. Relearning to trust that will happen is hard for everyone--and

perhaps harder for our kids because of communication issues. Visual

strategies and choice boards do help, but it takes time, patience, and

tenacity to teach it.

FWIW,

j

Happy New Year everyone! I'm reading along, but short on time since it's

vacation and I must be a playmate each day. Be well. Make reasonable

resolutions....