Re: Helping everyone but herself

[Guest guest]

Beth said something on this subject several years ago. She said

that she constantly reminds herself no matter how successful her Bible

studies are, how wonderful her speeches at events are, and how many

people receive from her words, if she has failed to care for her and

family first, she has failed period.

If there are any of us here who are helping others while neglecting

our own selves and children, let us stop immediately. We must be

healthy first so we can care for our children. If any of you don't

know how to do that, email/post to us, we're all here to help.

Debi, who struggles with not putting self/family first.

>

> Helping everyone but herself

>

>

> Phil Luciano

>

> NEWS COLUMNIST

>

> PEORIA JOURNAL STAR

>

> Thursday, May 18, 2006

>

> Dr. McCarron helped other parents of autistic children, but in

the end couldn't help herself.

>

> McCarron leaned on her medical training and research skills to seek

ways to aid her autistic 3-year-old, . With an autism-support

group, she gladly shared her knowledge and support with others. But

she became consumed with her daughter's condition and care.

>

> " With parents, your life is all about autism, " says a friend of

McCarron's. " The thing with is, she didn't walk away. She never

took a night off. She couldn't break away from the dark stuff. "

>

> Autistic children often bring overwhelming demands and stress to

family life, say parents of autistic kids. But McCarron's desperation

- and, a friend says, depression - pushed her to the extreme decision

of snuffing out her daughter's life with a plastic bag.

>

> " This is not just some crazy woman that killed her kid, " the friend

says. " There's more to the story. "

>

> Yesterday's column discussed how just three weeks ago I spoke with

McCarron, 37, regarding a possible story on local autism services.

McCarron, who sounded measured and caring to me, said she'd been

frustrated in finding medical and educational services for her child.

>

> The exact cause of the autism is unknown, but it is believed to stem

from a neurologic or chemical abnormality in the brain. Signs of

autism include difficultly in communicating, diminished social

interaction and resistance to change (see autism-society.org and

ninds.nih.gov).

>

> Autism is one of five Pervasive Developmental Disorders, which

affect one in 166 births. Some need round-the-clock care for life,

others go on to productive lives as adults. About 1.5 million

Americans have some form of autism, and the number is on the rise.

>

> But the research of autism is a relatively new field. Most of its

biggest advances have occurred over the past decade and under constant

flux still, says Sue Grimm of Groveland, who has two autistic boys.

>

> Grimm, a nurse at Pekin Hospital, knew McCarron through the local

support group ANSWERS (Autism Needs Support WherEveR it Strikes). Both

women share the opinion that doctors have little knowledge of breaking

autism science, and thus often do a poor job of diagnosing the disease

early.

>

> Even after diagnosis, parents face huge obstacles, many of them not

seen in more common diseases:

>

> - Education. Many schools have little or no resources to help

autistic children. Grimm estimates only four states (not including

Illinois) offer sufficient autism programs for students. Some parents

hire outside help, such as pre-med college students - if they can

afford it.

>

> - Money. Some insurers take the old view of autism as a

psychological disorder, and thus deny coverage of medical costs.

Treatment often demands the interaction of a primary physician,

neurologist, nutritionist and other specialists. Plus, there's the

cost for drugs, which vary widely depending on the degree of autism.

>

> - Stress. The coordination of treatment and education is

exasperating to parents, especially those of severely autistic

children. Grimm admits that hopelessness over the disease prompted her

to entertain thoughts of suicide years ago, but she fought through the

anguish to aid her sons, now teenagers.

>

> Authorities have refused to divulge a motive for the murder of

little . But a friend of McCarron's (who asked not to

be named) blames a combination of the three factors above - especially

the stress of a trained physician desperate to help her daughter who

suffered a severe inability to communicate.

>

> Eighteen months ago, McCarron and husband McCarron took

the extraordinary step of separating the family to seek topflight

treatment for at a renowned autism clinic in North Carolina.

McCarron, an engineer for Caterpillar Inc., transferred to a Cat

outpost in North Carolina, where he and his mother cared for .

>

> McCarron, tied to her medical practice in Peoria, stayed at

the family's Morton home with the couple's 2-year-old, , and

frequently had the child-care assistance of McCarron's mother.

On weekends, McCarron often would fly to visit in North Carolina.

>

> But the absence became too hard to bear, and so the family reunited

this month in Morton. Still, the separation had taken a huge toll on

McCarron, her friend says.

>

> Meanwhile, McCarron had busied herself in an effort to find

clues to the puzzle of her daughter's autism

>

> " She read every book. She was trying so hard, pursuing every lead, "

the friend says.

>

> McCarron joined ANSWERS, where her expertise served others.

>

> " She was helping other people, " the friend says.

>

> But McCarron became shaken of late when - despite the

clinic treatment - began regressing.

>

> " Her communications more dramatically decreased, " the friend says.

>

> The setback only exacerbated McCarron's difficulty in

accepting her daughter's condition, her friend says. Unlike coping

parents of autistic children, McCarron did not go through a grieving

process.

>

> " It's like a death, because a child you had in mind has died, " the

friend says.

>

> Lately, McCarron sounded increasingly desperate in frequent

conversations with her friend.

>

> " She was always crying, " the friend says.

>

> The friend asked McCarron if she might be suffering from depression.

McCarron replied that she was taking anti-depressants, the friend says.

>

> Still, the friend did not detect any hint of McCarron's doing

something drastic.

>

> " I don't condone what she did, " the friend says. " ... (But) you

have those moments. And at the last moment, she snapped. "

>

> The friend pauses, wondering why McCarron couldn't get as much out

of the autism-support group as she gave.

>

> " They helped me, " the friend says. " Or I could've been another

McCarron. "

>

> PHIL LUCIANO is a columnist with the Journal Star. He can be reached

at pluciano@..., 686-3155 or (800) 225-5757, Ext. 3155.

>

> http://www.pjstar.com/stories/051806/PHI_B9RJKPUE.033.shtml

>

[Guest guest]

Amen to that. My husband has to continually remind me to occasionally get a

babysitter so we can actually have a meal together or a conversation outside

of the kids. I also highly recommend girls poker night!! Mine is tonight

and I soooo need it. -

Re: Helping everyone but herself

Beth said something on this subject several years ago. She said

that she constantly reminds herself no matter how successful her Bible

studies are, how wonderful her speeches at events are, and how many

people receive from her words, if she has failed to care for her and

family first, she has failed period.

If there are any of us here who are helping others while neglecting

our own selves and children, let us stop immediately. We must be

healthy first so we can care for our children. If any of you don't

know how to do that, email/post to us, we're all here to help.

Debi, who struggles with not putting self/family first.

>

> Helping everyone but herself

>

>

> Phil Luciano

>

> NEWS COLUMNIST

>

> PEORIA JOURNAL STAR

>

> Thursday, May 18, 2006

>

> Dr. McCarron helped other parents of autistic children, but in

the end couldn't help herself.

>

> McCarron leaned on her medical training and research skills to seek

ways to aid her autistic 3-year-old, . With an autism-support

group, she gladly shared her knowledge and support with others. But

she became consumed with her daughter's condition and care.

>

> " With parents, your life is all about autism, " says a friend of

McCarron's. " The thing with is, she didn't walk away. She never

took a night off. She couldn't break away from the dark stuff. "

>

> Autistic children often bring overwhelming demands and stress to

family life, say parents of autistic kids. But McCarron's desperation

- and, a friend says, depression - pushed her to the extreme decision

of snuffing out her daughter's life with a plastic bag.

>

> " This is not just some crazy woman that killed her kid, " the friend

says. " There's more to the story. "

>

> Yesterday's column discussed how just three weeks ago I spoke with

McCarron, 37, regarding a possible story on local autism services.

McCarron, who sounded measured and caring to me, said she'd been

frustrated in finding medical and educational services for her child.

>

> The exact cause of the autism is unknown, but it is believed to stem

from a neurologic or chemical abnormality in the brain. Signs of

autism include difficultly in communicating, diminished social

interaction and resistance to change (see autism-society.org and

ninds.nih.gov).

>

> Autism is one of five Pervasive Developmental Disorders, which

affect one in 166 births. Some need round-the-clock care for life,

others go on to productive lives as adults. About 1.5 million

Americans have some form of autism, and the number is on the rise.

>

> But the research of autism is a relatively new field. Most of its

biggest advances have occurred over the past decade and under constant

flux still, says Sue Grimm of Groveland, who has two autistic boys.

>

> Grimm, a nurse at Pekin Hospital, knew McCarron through the local

support group ANSWERS (Autism Needs Support WherEveR it Strikes). Both

women share the opinion that doctors have little knowledge of breaking

autism science, and thus often do a poor job of diagnosing the disease

early.

>

> Even after diagnosis, parents face huge obstacles, many of them not

seen in more common diseases:

>

> - Education. Many schools have little or no resources to help

autistic children. Grimm estimates only four states (not including

Illinois) offer sufficient autism programs for students. Some parents

hire outside help, such as pre-med college students - if they can

afford it.

>

> - Money. Some insurers take the old view of autism as a

psychological disorder, and thus deny coverage of medical costs.

Treatment often demands the interaction of a primary physician,

neurologist, nutritionist and other specialists. Plus, there's the

cost for drugs, which vary widely depending on the degree of autism.

>

> - Stress. The coordination of treatment and education is

exasperating to parents, especially those of severely autistic

children. Grimm admits that hopelessness over the disease prompted her

to entertain thoughts of suicide years ago, but she fought through the

anguish to aid her sons, now teenagers.

>

> Authorities have refused to divulge a motive for the murder of

little . But a friend of McCarron's (who asked not to

be named) blames a combination of the three factors above - especially

the stress of a trained physician desperate to help her daughter who

suffered a severe inability to communicate.

>

> Eighteen months ago, McCarron and husband McCarron took

the extraordinary step of separating the family to seek topflight

treatment for at a renowned autism clinic in North Carolina.

McCarron, an engineer for Caterpillar Inc., transferred to a Cat

outpost in North Carolina, where he and his mother cared for .

>

> McCarron, tied to her medical practice in Peoria, stayed at

the family's Morton home with the couple's 2-year-old, , and

frequently had the child-care assistance of McCarron's mother.

On weekends, McCarron often would fly to visit in North Carolina.

>

> But the absence became too hard to bear, and so the family reunited

this month in Morton. Still, the separation had taken a huge toll on

McCarron, her friend says.

>

> Meanwhile, McCarron had busied herself in an effort to find

clues to the puzzle of her daughter's autism

>

> " She read every book. She was trying so hard, pursuing every lead, "

the friend says.

>

> McCarron joined ANSWERS, where her expertise served others.

>

> " She was helping other people, " the friend says.

>

> But McCarron became shaken of late when - despite the

clinic treatment - began regressing.

>

> " Her communications more dramatically decreased, " the friend says.

>

> The setback only exacerbated McCarron's difficulty in

accepting her daughter's condition, her friend says. Unlike coping

parents of autistic children, McCarron did not go through a grieving

process.

>

> " It's like a death, because a child you had in mind has died, " the

friend says.

>

> Lately, McCarron sounded increasingly desperate in frequent

conversations with her friend.

>

> " She was always crying, " the friend says.

>

> The friend asked McCarron if she might be suffering from depression.

McCarron replied that she was taking anti-depressants, the friend says.

>

> Still, the friend did not detect any hint of McCarron's doing

something drastic.

>

> " I don't condone what she did, " the friend says. " ... (But) you

have those moments. And at the last moment, she snapped. "

>

> The friend pauses, wondering why McCarron couldn't get as much out

of the autism-support group as she gave.

>

> " They helped me, " the friend says. " Or I could've been another

McCarron. "

>

> PHIL LUCIANO is a columnist with the Journal Star. He can be reached

at pluciano@..., 686-3155 or (800) 225-5757, Ext. 3155.

>

> http://www.pjstar.com/stories/051806/PHI_B9RJKPUE.033.shtml

>

[Guest guest]

I can appreciate this very much. I struggle with this as well!

We are blessed to have a 21 yro son and 14 yro daughter who are very

involved in their 4yro brothers life. One of our 21 yro son's gift

is compassion and caring for people, (he is studing for his MS, RN)

I can only imagine how difficult it is to find a nurturing and

trustworthy babysitter. I have one well...built in sort of lol but

I take it forgranted and do not ask but every blue moon.

Cheri

> >

> > Helping everyone but herself

> >

> >

> > Phil Luciano

> >

> > NEWS COLUMNIST

> >

> > PEORIA JOURNAL STAR

> >

> > Thursday, May 18, 2006

> >

> > Dr. McCarron helped other parents of autistic children,

but in

> the end couldn't help herself.

> >

> > McCarron leaned on her medical training and research skills to

seek

> ways to aid her autistic 3-year-old, . With an autism-

support

> group, she gladly shared her knowledge and support with others. But

> she became consumed with her daughter's condition and care.

> >

> > " With parents, your life is all about autism, " says a friend of

> McCarron's. " The thing with is, she didn't walk away. She

never

> took a night off. She couldn't break away from the dark stuff. "

> >

> > Autistic children often bring overwhelming demands and stress to

> family life, say parents of autistic kids. But McCarron's

desperation

> - and, a friend says, depression - pushed her to the extreme

decision

> of snuffing out her daughter's life with a plastic bag.

> >

> > " This is not just some crazy woman that killed her kid, " the

friend

> says. " There's more to the story. "

> >

> > Yesterday's column discussed how just three weeks ago I spoke

with

> McCarron, 37, regarding a possible story on local autism services.

> McCarron, who sounded measured and caring to me, said she'd been

> frustrated in finding medical and educational services for her

child.

> >

> > The exact cause of the autism is unknown, but it is believed to

stem

> from a neurologic or chemical abnormality in the brain. Signs of

> autism include difficultly in communicating, diminished social

> interaction and resistance to change (see autism-society.org and

> ninds.nih.gov).

> >

> > Autism is one of five Pervasive Developmental Disorders, which

> affect one in 166 births. Some need round-the-clock care for life,

> others go on to productive lives as adults. About 1.5 million

> Americans have some form of autism, and the number is on the rise.

> >

> > But the research of autism is a relatively new field. Most of its

> biggest advances have occurred over the past decade and under

constant

> flux still, says Sue Grimm of Groveland, who has two autistic

boys.

> >

> > Grimm, a nurse at Pekin Hospital, knew McCarron through the local

> support group ANSWERS (Autism Needs Support WherEveR it Strikes).

Both

> women share the opinion that doctors have little knowledge of

breaking

> autism science, and thus often do a poor job of diagnosing the

disease

> early.

> >

> > Even after diagnosis, parents face huge obstacles, many of them

not

> seen in more common diseases:

> >

> > - Education. Many schools have little or no resources to help

> autistic children. Grimm estimates only four states (not including

> Illinois) offer sufficient autism programs for students. Some

parents

> hire outside help, such as pre-med college students - if they can

> afford it.

> >

> > - Money. Some insurers take the old view of autism as a

> psychological disorder, and thus deny coverage of medical costs.

> Treatment often demands the interaction of a primary physician,

> neurologist, nutritionist and other specialists. Plus, there's the

> cost for drugs, which vary widely depending on the degree of

autism.

> >

> > - Stress. The coordination of treatment and education is

> exasperating to parents, especially those of severely autistic

> children. Grimm admits that hopelessness over the disease prompted

her

> to entertain thoughts of suicide years ago, but she fought through

the

> anguish to aid her sons, now teenagers.

> >

> > Authorities have refused to divulge a motive for the murder of

> little . But a friend of McCarron's (who asked not

to

> be named) blames a combination of the three factors above -

especially

> the stress of a trained physician desperate to help her daughter

who

> suffered a severe inability to communicate.

> >

> > Eighteen months ago, McCarron and husband McCarron

took

> the extraordinary step of separating the family to seek topflight

> treatment for at a renowned autism clinic in North

Carolina.

> McCarron, an engineer for Caterpillar Inc., transferred to a

Cat

> outpost in North Carolina, where he and his mother cared for

.

> >

> > McCarron, tied to her medical practice in Peoria, stayed at

> the family's Morton home with the couple's 2-year-old, , and

> frequently had the child-care assistance of McCarron's

mother.

> On weekends, McCarron often would fly to visit in North

Carolina.

> >

> > But the absence became too hard to bear, and so the family

reunited

> this month in Morton. Still, the separation had taken a huge toll

on

> McCarron, her friend says.

> >

> > Meanwhile, McCarron had busied herself in an effort to find

> clues to the puzzle of her daughter's autism

> >

> > " She read every book. She was trying so hard, pursuing every

lead, "

> the friend says.

> >

> > McCarron joined ANSWERS, where her expertise served others.

> >

> > " She was helping other people, " the friend says.

> >

> > But McCarron became shaken of late when - despite the

> clinic treatment - began regressing.

> >

> > " Her communications more dramatically decreased, " the friend

says.

> >

> > The setback only exacerbated McCarron's difficulty in

> accepting her daughter's condition, her friend says. Unlike coping

> parents of autistic children, McCarron did not go through a

grieving

> process.

> >

> > " It's like a death, because a child you had in mind has died, "

the

> friend says.

> >

> > Lately, McCarron sounded increasingly desperate in frequent

> conversations with her friend.

> >

> > " She was always crying, " the friend says.

> >

> > The friend asked McCarron if she might be suffering from

depression.

> McCarron replied that she was taking anti-depressants, the friend

says.

> >

> > Still, the friend did not detect any hint of McCarron's doing

> something drastic.

> >

> > " I don't condone what she did, " the friend says. " ... (But) you

> have those moments. And at the last moment, she snapped. "

> >

> > The friend pauses, wondering why McCarron couldn't get as much

out

> of the autism-support group as she gave.

> >

> > " They helped me, " the friend says. " Or I could've been another

> McCarron. "

> >

> > PHIL LUCIANO is a columnist with the Journal Star. He can be

reached

> at pluciano@, 686-3155 or (800) 225-5757, Ext. 3155.

> >

> > http://www.pjstar.com/stories/051806/PHI_B9RJKPUE.033.shtml

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

that was one big reason for our almost failed marriage - not

specifically helping others at the expense of the family, but in my

case, never ever taking any time or energy away from the " everything

autism " routine to spend with my better half. This story is so pervasive.

In my case I got " I'd do anything for my son " confused with " I can't

ever do anything else " . I'm not a stupid guy, but I am someone who

felt a lot of guilt and worry over doing anything " fun " (as though

it's at the expense of the little guy) - and these are 2 powerful

avenues for autism to consume you, IMHO. I'm starting to get it now.

-randy

> >

> > Helping everyone but herself

> >

> >

> > Phil Luciano

> >

> > NEWS COLUMNIST

> >

> > PEORIA JOURNAL STAR

> >

> > Thursday, May 18, 2006

> >

> > Dr. McCarron helped other parents of autistic children, but in

> the end couldn't help herself.

> >

> > McCarron leaned on her medical training and research skills to seek

> ways to aid her autistic 3-year-old, . With an autism-support

> group, she gladly shared her knowledge and support with others. But

> she became consumed with her daughter's condition and care.

> >

> > " With parents, your life is all about autism, " says a friend of

> McCarron's. " The thing with is, she didn't walk away. She never

> took a night off. She couldn't break away from the dark stuff. "

> >

> > Autistic children often bring overwhelming demands and stress to

> family life, say parents of autistic kids. But McCarron's desperation

> - and, a friend says, depression - pushed her to the extreme decision

> of snuffing out her daughter's life with a plastic bag.

> >

> > " This is not just some crazy woman that killed her kid, " the friend

> says. " There's more to the story. "

> >

> > Yesterday's column discussed how just three weeks ago I spoke with

> McCarron, 37, regarding a possible story on local autism services.

> McCarron, who sounded measured and caring to me, said she'd been

> frustrated in finding medical and educational services for her child.

> >

> > The exact cause of the autism is unknown, but it is believed to stem

> from a neurologic or chemical abnormality in the brain. Signs of

> autism include difficultly in communicating, diminished social

> interaction and resistance to change (see autism-society.org and

> ninds.nih.gov).

> >

> > Autism is one of five Pervasive Developmental Disorders, which

> affect one in 166 births. Some need round-the-clock care for life,

> others go on to productive lives as adults. About 1.5 million

> Americans have some form of autism, and the number is on the rise.

> >

> > But the research of autism is a relatively new field. Most of its

> biggest advances have occurred over the past decade and under constant

> flux still, says Sue Grimm of Groveland, who has two autistic boys.

> >

> > Grimm, a nurse at Pekin Hospital, knew McCarron through the local

> support group ANSWERS (Autism Needs Support WherEveR it Strikes). Both

> women share the opinion that doctors have little knowledge of breaking

> autism science, and thus often do a poor job of diagnosing the disease

> early.

> >

> > Even after diagnosis, parents face huge obstacles, many of them not

> seen in more common diseases:

> >

> > - Education. Many schools have little or no resources to help

> autistic children. Grimm estimates only four states (not including

> Illinois) offer sufficient autism programs for students. Some parents

> hire outside help, such as pre-med college students - if they can

> afford it.

> >

> > - Money. Some insurers take the old view of autism as a

> psychological disorder, and thus deny coverage of medical costs.

> Treatment often demands the interaction of a primary physician,

> neurologist, nutritionist and other specialists. Plus, there's the

> cost for drugs, which vary widely depending on the degree of autism.

> >

> > - Stress. The coordination of treatment and education is

> exasperating to parents, especially those of severely autistic

> children. Grimm admits that hopelessness over the disease prompted her

> to entertain thoughts of suicide years ago, but she fought through the

> anguish to aid her sons, now teenagers.

> >

> > Authorities have refused to divulge a motive for the murder of

> little . But a friend of McCarron's (who asked not to

> be named) blames a combination of the three factors above - especially

> the stress of a trained physician desperate to help her daughter who

> suffered a severe inability to communicate.

> >

> > Eighteen months ago, McCarron and husband McCarron took

> the extraordinary step of separating the family to seek topflight

> treatment for at a renowned autism clinic in North Carolina.

> McCarron, an engineer for Caterpillar Inc., transferred to a Cat

> outpost in North Carolina, where he and his mother cared for .

> >

> > McCarron, tied to her medical practice in Peoria, stayed at

> the family's Morton home with the couple's 2-year-old, , and

> frequently had the child-care assistance of McCarron's mother.

> On weekends, McCarron often would fly to visit in North Carolina.

> >

> > But the absence became too hard to bear, and so the family reunited

> this month in Morton. Still, the separation had taken a huge toll on

> McCarron, her friend says.

> >

> > Meanwhile, McCarron had busied herself in an effort to find

> clues to the puzzle of her daughter's autism

> >

> > " She read every book. She was trying so hard, pursuing every lead, "

> the friend says.

> >

> > McCarron joined ANSWERS, where her expertise served others.

> >

> > " She was helping other people, " the friend says.

> >

> > But McCarron became shaken of late when - despite the

> clinic treatment - began regressing.

> >

> > " Her communications more dramatically decreased, " the friend says.

> >

> > The setback only exacerbated McCarron's difficulty in

> accepting her daughter's condition, her friend says. Unlike coping

> parents of autistic children, McCarron did not go through a grieving

> process.

> >

> > " It's like a death, because a child you had in mind has died, " the

> friend says.

> >

> > Lately, McCarron sounded increasingly desperate in frequent

> conversations with her friend.

> >

> > " She was always crying, " the friend says.

> >

> > The friend asked McCarron if she might be suffering from depression.

> McCarron replied that she was taking anti-depressants, the friend says.

> >

> > Still, the friend did not detect any hint of McCarron's doing

> something drastic.

> >

> > " I don't condone what she did, " the friend says. " ... (But) you

> have those moments. And at the last moment, she snapped. "

> >

> > The friend pauses, wondering why McCarron couldn't get as much out

> of the autism-support group as she gave.

> >

> > " They helped me, " the friend says. " Or I could've been another

> McCarron. "

> >

> > PHIL LUCIANO is a columnist with the Journal Star. He can be reached

> at pluciano@, 686-3155 or (800) 225-5757, Ext. 3155.

> >

> > http://www.pjstar.com/stories/051806/PHI_B9RJKPUE.033.shtml

> >

>

[Guest guest]

You certainly aren't the first one. I was complaining one day about my

husband rushing to work on someone's computer while mine was blown for

days that he hadn't touched. Then I realized as I was saying it I was

cooking a meal for a friend whose MIL had died, when I hadn't cooked a

good, healthy meal in days for my own family. Seems i was having a

log-in-eye moment.

Debi

> > >

> > > Helping everyone but herself

> > >

> > >

> > > Phil Luciano

> > >

> > > NEWS COLUMNIST

> > >

> > > PEORIA JOURNAL STAR

> > >

> > > Thursday, May 18, 2006

> > >

> > > Dr. McCarron helped other parents of autistic children, but in

> > the end couldn't help herself.

> > >

> > > McCarron leaned on her medical training and research skills to seek

> > ways to aid her autistic 3-year-old, . With an autism-support

> > group, she gladly shared her knowledge and support with others. But

> > she became consumed with her daughter's condition and care.

> > >

> > > " With parents, your life is all about autism, " says a friend of

> > McCarron's. " The thing with is, she didn't walk away. She never

> > took a night off. She couldn't break away from the dark stuff. "

> > >

> > > Autistic children often bring overwhelming demands and stress to

> > family life, say parents of autistic kids. But McCarron's desperation

> > - and, a friend says, depression - pushed her to the extreme decision

> > of snuffing out her daughter's life with a plastic bag.

> > >

> > > " This is not just some crazy woman that killed her kid, " the friend

> > says. " There's more to the story. "

> > >

> > > Yesterday's column discussed how just three weeks ago I spoke with

> > McCarron, 37, regarding a possible story on local autism services.

> > McCarron, who sounded measured and caring to me, said she'd been

> > frustrated in finding medical and educational services for her child.

> > >

> > > The exact cause of the autism is unknown, but it is believed to stem

> > from a neurologic or chemical abnormality in the brain. Signs of

> > autism include difficultly in communicating, diminished social

> > interaction and resistance to change (see autism-society.org and

> > ninds.nih.gov).

> > >

> > > Autism is one of five Pervasive Developmental Disorders, which

> > affect one in 166 births. Some need round-the-clock care for life,

> > others go on to productive lives as adults. About 1.5 million

> > Americans have some form of autism, and the number is on the rise.

> > >

> > > But the research of autism is a relatively new field. Most of its

> > biggest advances have occurred over the past decade and under constant

> > flux still, says Sue Grimm of Groveland, who has two autistic boys.

> > >

> > > Grimm, a nurse at Pekin Hospital, knew McCarron through the local

> > support group ANSWERS (Autism Needs Support WherEveR it Strikes). Both

> > women share the opinion that doctors have little knowledge of breaking

> > autism science, and thus often do a poor job of diagnosing the disease

> > early.

> > >

> > > Even after diagnosis, parents face huge obstacles, many of them not

> > seen in more common diseases:

> > >

> > > - Education. Many schools have little or no resources to help

> > autistic children. Grimm estimates only four states (not including

> > Illinois) offer sufficient autism programs for students. Some parents

> > hire outside help, such as pre-med college students - if they can

> > afford it.

> > >

> > > - Money. Some insurers take the old view of autism as a

> > psychological disorder, and thus deny coverage of medical costs.

> > Treatment often demands the interaction of a primary physician,

> > neurologist, nutritionist and other specialists. Plus, there's the

> > cost for drugs, which vary widely depending on the degree of autism.

> > >

> > > - Stress. The coordination of treatment and education is

> > exasperating to parents, especially those of severely autistic

> > children. Grimm admits that hopelessness over the disease prompted her

> > to entertain thoughts of suicide years ago, but she fought through the

> > anguish to aid her sons, now teenagers.

> > >

> > > Authorities have refused to divulge a motive for the murder of

> > little . But a friend of McCarron's (who asked not to

> > be named) blames a combination of the three factors above - especially

> > the stress of a trained physician desperate to help her daughter who

> > suffered a severe inability to communicate.

> > >

> > > Eighteen months ago, McCarron and husband McCarron took

> > the extraordinary step of separating the family to seek topflight

> > treatment for at a renowned autism clinic in North Carolina.

> > McCarron, an engineer for Caterpillar Inc., transferred to a Cat

> > outpost in North Carolina, where he and his mother cared for

.

> > >

> > > McCarron, tied to her medical practice in Peoria, stayed at

> > the family's Morton home with the couple's 2-year-old, , and

> > frequently had the child-care assistance of McCarron's mother.

> > On weekends, McCarron often would fly to visit in North

Carolina.

> > >

> > > But the absence became too hard to bear, and so the family reunited

> > this month in Morton. Still, the separation had taken a huge toll on

> > McCarron, her friend says.

> > >

> > > Meanwhile, McCarron had busied herself in an effort to find

> > clues to the puzzle of her daughter's autism

> > >

> > > " She read every book. She was trying so hard, pursuing every lead, "

> > the friend says.

> > >

> > > McCarron joined ANSWERS, where her expertise served others.

> > >

> > > " She was helping other people, " the friend says.

> > >

> > > But McCarron became shaken of late when - despite the

> > clinic treatment - began regressing.

> > >

> > > " Her communications more dramatically decreased, " the friend says.

> > >

> > > The setback only exacerbated McCarron's difficulty in

> > accepting her daughter's condition, her friend says. Unlike coping

> > parents of autistic children, McCarron did not go through a grieving

> > process.

> > >

> > > " It's like a death, because a child you had in mind has died, " the

> > friend says.

> > >

> > > Lately, McCarron sounded increasingly desperate in frequent

> > conversations with her friend.

> > >

> > > " She was always crying, " the friend says.

> > >

> > > The friend asked McCarron if she might be suffering from depression.

> > McCarron replied that she was taking anti-depressants, the friend

says.

> > >

> > > Still, the friend did not detect any hint of McCarron's doing

> > something drastic.

> > >

> > > " I don't condone what she did, " the friend says. " ... (But) you

> > have those moments. And at the last moment, she snapped. "

> > >

> > > The friend pauses, wondering why McCarron couldn't get as much out

> > of the autism-support group as she gave.

> > >

> > > " They helped me, " the friend says. " Or I could've been another

> > McCarron. "

> > >

> > > PHIL LUCIANO is a columnist with the Journal Star. He can be reached

> > at pluciano@, 686-3155 or (800) 225-5757, Ext. 3155.

> > >

> > > http://www.pjstar.com/stories/051806/PHI_B9RJKPUE.033.shtml

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I always thought I had things figured out - duh - fortunately for me,

she pulled that log out of my eye before it was too late - and then

she hit me over the head with it :-)

but I needed that. I know I'm lucky - I wish there was a magic

formula to just hand to any family at the breaking point.

-randy

> > > >

> > > > Helping everyone but herself

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Phil Luciano

> > > >

> > > > NEWS COLUMNIST

> > > >

> > > > PEORIA JOURNAL STAR

> > > >

> > > > Thursday, May 18, 2006

> > > >

> > > > Dr. McCarron helped other parents of autistic children,

but in

> > > the end couldn't help herself.

> > > >

> > > > McCarron leaned on her medical training and research skills to

seek

> > > ways to aid her autistic 3-year-old, . With an

autism-support

> > > group, she gladly shared her knowledge and support with others. But

> > > she became consumed with her daughter's condition and care.

> > > >

> > > > " With parents, your life is all about autism, " says a friend of

> > > McCarron's. " The thing with is, she didn't walk away. She

never

> > > took a night off. She couldn't break away from the dark stuff. "

> > > >

> > > > Autistic children often bring overwhelming demands and stress to

> > > family life, say parents of autistic kids. But McCarron's

desperation

> > > - and, a friend says, depression - pushed her to the extreme

decision

> > > of snuffing out her daughter's life with a plastic bag.

> > > >

> > > > " This is not just some crazy woman that killed her kid, " the

friend

> > > says. " There's more to the story. "

> > > >

> > > > Yesterday's column discussed how just three weeks ago I spoke with

> > > McCarron, 37, regarding a possible story on local autism services.

> > > McCarron, who sounded measured and caring to me, said she'd been

> > > frustrated in finding medical and educational services for her

child.

> > > >

> > > > The exact cause of the autism is unknown, but it is believed

to stem

> > > from a neurologic or chemical abnormality in the brain. Signs of

> > > autism include difficultly in communicating, diminished social

> > > interaction and resistance to change (see autism-society.org and

> > > ninds.nih.gov).

> > > >

> > > > Autism is one of five Pervasive Developmental Disorders, which

> > > affect one in 166 births. Some need round-the-clock care for life,

> > > others go on to productive lives as adults. About 1.5 million

> > > Americans have some form of autism, and the number is on the rise.

> > > >

> > > > But the research of autism is a relatively new field. Most of its

> > > biggest advances have occurred over the past decade and under

constant

> > > flux still, says Sue Grimm of Groveland, who has two autistic boys.

> > > >

> > > > Grimm, a nurse at Pekin Hospital, knew McCarron through the local

> > > support group ANSWERS (Autism Needs Support WherEveR it

Strikes). Both

> > > women share the opinion that doctors have little knowledge of

breaking

> > > autism science, and thus often do a poor job of diagnosing the

disease

> > > early.

> > > >

> > > > Even after diagnosis, parents face huge obstacles, many of

them not

> > > seen in more common diseases:

> > > >

> > > > - Education. Many schools have little or no resources to help

> > > autistic children. Grimm estimates only four states (not including

> > > Illinois) offer sufficient autism programs for students. Some

parents

> > > hire outside help, such as pre-med college students - if they can

> > > afford it.

> > > >

> > > > - Money. Some insurers take the old view of autism as a

> > > psychological disorder, and thus deny coverage of medical costs.

> > > Treatment often demands the interaction of a primary physician,

> > > neurologist, nutritionist and other specialists. Plus, there's the

> > > cost for drugs, which vary widely depending on the degree of

autism.

> > > >

> > > > - Stress. The coordination of treatment and education is

> > > exasperating to parents, especially those of severely autistic

> > > children. Grimm admits that hopelessness over the disease

prompted her

> > > to entertain thoughts of suicide years ago, but she fought

through the

> > > anguish to aid her sons, now teenagers.

> > > >

> > > > Authorities have refused to divulge a motive for the murder of

> > > little . But a friend of McCarron's (who asked not to

> > > be named) blames a combination of the three factors above -

especially

> > > the stress of a trained physician desperate to help her daughter who

> > > suffered a severe inability to communicate.

> > > >

> > > > Eighteen months ago, McCarron and husband McCarron took

> > > the extraordinary step of separating the family to seek topflight

> > > treatment for at a renowned autism clinic in North

Carolina.

> > > McCarron, an engineer for Caterpillar Inc., transferred to

a Cat

> > > outpost in North Carolina, where he and his mother cared for

> .

> > > >

> > > > McCarron, tied to her medical practice in Peoria, stayed at

> > > the family's Morton home with the couple's 2-year-old, , and

> > > frequently had the child-care assistance of McCarron's mother.

> > > On weekends, McCarron often would fly to visit in North

> Carolina.

> > > >

> > > > But the absence became too hard to bear, and so the family

reunited

> > > this month in Morton. Still, the separation had taken a huge toll on

> > > McCarron, her friend says.

> > > >

> > > > Meanwhile, McCarron had busied herself in an effort to find

> > > clues to the puzzle of her daughter's autism

> > > >

> > > > " She read every book. She was trying so hard, pursuing every

lead, "

> > > the friend says.

> > > >

> > > > McCarron joined ANSWERS, where her expertise served others.

> > > >

> > > > " She was helping other people, " the friend says.

> > > >

> > > > But McCarron became shaken of late when - despite the

> > > clinic treatment - began regressing.

> > > >

> > > > " Her communications more dramatically decreased, " the friend

says.

> > > >

> > > > The setback only exacerbated McCarron's difficulty in

> > > accepting her daughter's condition, her friend says. Unlike coping

> > > parents of autistic children, McCarron did not go through a grieving

> > > process.

> > > >

> > > > " It's like a death, because a child you had in mind has died, " the

> > > friend says.

> > > >

> > > > Lately, McCarron sounded increasingly desperate in frequent

> > > conversations with her friend.

> > > >

> > > > " She was always crying, " the friend says.

> > > >

> > > > The friend asked McCarron if she might be suffering from

depression.

> > > McCarron replied that she was taking anti-depressants, the friend

> says.

> > > >

> > > > Still, the friend did not detect any hint of McCarron's doing

> > > something drastic.

> > > >

> > > > " I don't condone what she did, " the friend says. " ... (But) you

> > > have those moments. And at the last moment, she snapped. "

> > > >

> > > > The friend pauses, wondering why McCarron couldn't get as much out

> > > of the autism-support group as she gave.

> > > >

> > > > " They helped me, " the friend says. " Or I could've been another

> > > McCarron. "

> > > >

> > > > PHIL LUCIANO is a columnist with the Journal Star. He can be

reached

> > > at pluciano@, 686-3155 or (800) 225-5757, Ext. 3155.

> > > >

> > > > http://www.pjstar.com/stories/051806/PHI_B9RJKPUE.033.shtml

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Debi:

That's exactly why I took a year or two off. First, because I

adopted a 10 year old from Ukraine without the use of an agency and

needed to prepare my bio autistic son for that. He did very well

over there for 4 weeks. There's something to be said for an

autistic's routines! LOL. But I also took the time off because I

did it for everyone elses kids thinking mine would benefit too. I

created 2 new summer programs, but yet my son doesn't qualify for

either - oh well! But I also used that time to become my son's

medicaid service coordinator through self-determination. I also

started working fulltime again (from home as I've always done). My

family is much happier and my husband doesn't have to keep serving

as housesitter while I run off to another meeting. I too will be

here to help support others - that's the thing about boards we can

say what we really feel!

Sally

> >

> > Helping everyone but herself

> >

> >

> > Phil Luciano

> >

> > NEWS COLUMNIST

> >

> > PEORIA JOURNAL STAR

> >

> > Thursday, May 18, 2006

> >

> > Dr. McCarron helped other parents of autistic children,

but in

> the end couldn't help herself.

> >

> > McCarron leaned on her medical training and research skills to

seek

> ways to aid her autistic 3-year-old, . With an autism-

support

> group, she gladly shared her knowledge and support with others. But

> she became consumed with her daughter's condition and care.

> >

> > " With parents, your life is all about autism, " says a friend of

> McCarron's. " The thing with is, she didn't walk away. She

never

> took a night off. She couldn't break away from the dark stuff. "

> >

> > Autistic children often bring overwhelming demands and stress to

> family life, say parents of autistic kids. But McCarron's

desperation

> - and, a friend says, depression - pushed her to the extreme

decision

> of snuffing out her daughter's life with a plastic bag.

> >

> > " This is not just some crazy woman that killed her kid, " the

friend

> says. " There's more to the story. "

> >

> > Yesterday's column discussed how just three weeks ago I spoke

with

> McCarron, 37, regarding a possible story on local autism services.

> McCarron, who sounded measured and caring to me, said she'd been

> frustrated in finding medical and educational services for her

child.

> >

> > The exact cause of the autism is unknown, but it is believed to

stem

> from a neurologic or chemical abnormality in the brain. Signs of

> autism include difficultly in communicating, diminished social

> interaction and resistance to change (see autism-society.org and

> ninds.nih.gov).

> >

> > Autism is one of five Pervasive Developmental Disorders, which

> affect one in 166 births. Some need round-the-clock care for life,

> others go on to productive lives as adults. About 1.5 million

> Americans have some form of autism, and the number is on the rise.

> >

> > But the research of autism is a relatively new field. Most of its

> biggest advances have occurred over the past decade and under

constant

> flux still, says Sue Grimm of Groveland, who has two autistic

boys.

> >

> > Grimm, a nurse at Pekin Hospital, knew McCarron through the local

> support group ANSWERS (Autism Needs Support WherEveR it Strikes).

Both

> women share the opinion that doctors have little knowledge of

breaking

> autism science, and thus often do a poor job of diagnosing the

disease

> early.

> >

> > Even after diagnosis, parents face huge obstacles, many of them

not

> seen in more common diseases:

> >

> > - Education. Many schools have little or no resources to help

> autistic children. Grimm estimates only four states (not including

> Illinois) offer sufficient autism programs for students. Some

parents

> hire outside help, such as pre-med college students - if they can

> afford it.

> >

> > - Money. Some insurers take the old view of autism as a

> psychological disorder, and thus deny coverage of medical costs.

> Treatment often demands the interaction of a primary physician,

> neurologist, nutritionist and other specialists. Plus, there's the

> cost for drugs, which vary widely depending on the degree of

autism.

> >

> > - Stress. The coordination of treatment and education is

> exasperating to parents, especially those of severely autistic

> children. Grimm admits that hopelessness over the disease prompted

her

> to entertain thoughts of suicide years ago, but she fought through

the

> anguish to aid her sons, now teenagers.

> >

> > Authorities have refused to divulge a motive for the murder of

> little . But a friend of McCarron's (who asked not

to

> be named) blames a combination of the three factors above -

especially

> the stress of a trained physician desperate to help her daughter

who

> suffered a severe inability to communicate.

> >

> > Eighteen months ago, McCarron and husband McCarron

took

> the extraordinary step of separating the family to seek topflight

> treatment for at a renowned autism clinic in North

Carolina.

> McCarron, an engineer for Caterpillar Inc., transferred to a

Cat

> outpost in North Carolina, where he and his mother cared for

.

> >

> > McCarron, tied to her medical practice in Peoria, stayed at

> the family's Morton home with the couple's 2-year-old, , and

> frequently had the child-care assistance of McCarron's

mother.

> On weekends, McCarron often would fly to visit in North

Carolina.

> >

> > But the absence became too hard to bear, and so the family

reunited

> this month in Morton. Still, the separation had taken a huge toll

on

> McCarron, her friend says.

> >

> > Meanwhile, McCarron had busied herself in an effort to find

> clues to the puzzle of her daughter's autism

> >

> > " She read every book. She was trying so hard, pursuing every

lead, "

> the friend says.

> >

> > McCarron joined ANSWERS, where her expertise served others.

> >

> > " She was helping other people, " the friend says.

> >

> > But McCarron became shaken of late when - despite the

> clinic treatment - began regressing.

> >

> > " Her communications more dramatically decreased, " the friend

says.

> >

> > The setback only exacerbated McCarron's difficulty in

> accepting her daughter's condition, her friend says. Unlike coping

> parents of autistic children, McCarron did not go through a

grieving

> process.

> >

> > " It's like a death, because a child you had in mind has died, "

the

> friend says.

> >

> > Lately, McCarron sounded increasingly desperate in frequent

> conversations with her friend.

> >

> > " She was always crying, " the friend says.

> >

> > The friend asked McCarron if she might be suffering from

depression.

> McCarron replied that she was taking anti-depressants, the friend

says.

> >

> > Still, the friend did not detect any hint of McCarron's doing

> something drastic.

> >

> > " I don't condone what she did, " the friend says. " ... (But) you

> have those moments. And at the last moment, she snapped. "

> >

> > The friend pauses, wondering why McCarron couldn't get as much

out

> of the autism-support group as she gave.

> >

> > " They helped me, " the friend says. " Or I could've been another

> McCarron. "

> >

> > PHIL LUCIANO is a columnist with the Journal Star. He can be

reached

> at pluciano@, 686-3155 or (800) 225-5757, Ext. 3155.

> >

> > http://www.pjstar.com/stories/051806/PHI_B9RJKPUE.033.shtml

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Sally,

Glad you are back. Can you e-mail me about self-determination for

kids under eighteen. I handle our son's children's medicaid waiver

mostly via a voucher system which I do all the hiring and contracting

for most providers. But I'd love to hear what you are doing. We hav

also formed a microboard for his but I want to be able to push his

sel-determination more via his Person Centered Plan. So 'd love to

hear what you are doing.

Best,

Carolyn

>

> Debi:

> That's exactly why I took a year or two off. First, because I

> adopted a 10 year old from Ukraine without the use of an agency and

> needed to prepare my bio autistic son for that. He did very well

> over there for 4 weeks. There's something to be said for an

> autistic's routines! LOL. But I also took the time off because I

> did it for everyone elses kids thinking mine would benefit too. I

> created 2 new summer programs, but yet my son doesn't qualify for

> either - oh well! But I also used that time to become my son's

> medicaid service coordinator through self-determination. I also

> started working fulltime again (from home as I've always done). My

> family is much happier and my husband doesn't have to keep serving

> as housesitter while I run off to another meeting. I too will be

> here to help support others - that's the thing about boards we can

> say what we really feel!

> Sally

>

[Guest guest]

> " She was always crying, " the friend says.

>

> The friend asked McCarron if she might be suffering from

> depression. McCarron replied that she was taking anti-depressants,

> the friend says.

Anti-depressant induced psychosis is real and of course we have no

way of knowing but if that's what happened here then the mom is

blameless IMO. Psychosis is a tough concept for most people to

understand. The thinking process becomes totally skewed and while

the sufferer may appear rational they are not. I think people

confuse logical thinking with rational thinking and, while a

psychotic individual may be capable of logical thought and in fact

will understand their actions and can explain the why of their

actions and even know that others would condemn their behavior, the

very basis of their reasoning is flawed, irrational.

My son became psychotic when he was 10 years old after less than a

week taking Zoloft. One example of the irrationality of his

thoughts was that one day he truly, truly believed that it was

reasonable to kill his brother for beating him in a video game.

There was no question of this in his mind that his brother deserved

to die. He was coldly calculating in his intent and it seemed his

beliefs were " sane " but they were not. He was psychotic. He was

sick and the drug was responsible. IMO doctors prescribe these

medications too easily and without enough oversight. It is well

known that SSRIs will trigger a psychotic episode in a small percent

of people and when bad things happen I think it is the prescribing

doctor who should be held criminally responsible.

Please read the stories of people who have " been there " .

http://www.mcmanweb.com/article-19.htm

http://www.antidepressantsfacts.com/casualties.htm