Wonder Drug Inspires Deep, Unwavering Love Of Pharmaceutical Companies

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Wonder Drug Inspires Deep, Unwavering Love Of Pharmaceutical

Companies

March 6, 2006 | Issue 42•10

NEW YORK—The Food and Drug Administration today approved the sale of

the drug PharmAmorin, a prescription tablet developed by Pfizer to

treat chronic distrust of large prescription-drug manufacturers.

Pfizer executives characterized the FDA's approval as a " godsend "

for sufferers of independent-thinking-related mental-health

disorders.

PharmAmorin, now relieving distrust of large pharmaceutical

conglomerates in pharmacies nationwide.

" Many individuals today lack the deep, abiding affection for drug

makers that is found in healthy people, such as myself, " Pfizer CEO

Hank McKinnell said. " These tragic disorders are reaching epidemic

levels, and as a company dedicated to promoting the health, well-

being, and long life of our company's public image, it was

imperative that we did something to combat them. "

Although many psychotropic drugs impart a generalized feeling of

well-being, PharmAmorin is the first to induce and focus intense

feelings of affection externally, toward for-profit drug makers.

Pfizer representatives say that, if taken regularly, PharmAmorin can

increase affection for and trust in its developers by as much as

96.5 percent.

" Out of a test group of 180, 172 study participants reported a

dramatic rise in their passion for pharmaceutical companies, " said

Pfizer director of clinical research Suzanne Frost. " And 167 asked

their doctors about a variety of prescription medications they had

seen on TV. "

Frost said a small percentage of test subjects showed an interest in

becoming lobbyists for one of the top five pharmaceutical companies,

and several browsed eBay for drug-company apparel.

PharmAmorin, available in 100-, 200-, and 400-mg tablets, is

classified as a critical-thinking inhibitor, a family of drugs that

holds great promise for the estimated 20 million Americans who

suffer from Free-Thinking Disorder.

Pfizer will also promote PharmAmorin in an aggressive, $34.6 million

print and televised ad campaign.

One TV ad, set to debut during next Sunday's 60 Minutes telecast,

shows a woman relaxing in her living room and reading a newspaper

headlined " Newest Drug Company Scandal Undermines Public Trust. " The

camera zooms into the tangled neural matter of her brain, revealing

a sticky black substance and a purplish gas.

The narrator says, " She may show no symptoms, but in her brain,

irrational fear and dislike of global pharmaceutical manufacturers

is overwhelming her very peace of mind. "

After a brief summary of PharmAmorin's benefits, the commercial

concludes with the woman flying a kite across a sunny green meadow,

the Pfizer headquarters gleaming in the background.

PharmAmorin is the first drug of its kind, but Pfizer will soon face

competition from rival pharmaceutical giant Bristol-Myers Squibb.

The company is developing its own pro-pharmaceutical-company

medication, Brismysquibicin, which will induce warm feelings not

just for drug corporations in general, but solely for Bristol-Myers

Squibb.

" A PharmAmorin user could find himself gravitating toward the

products of a GlaxoKline or Eli Lilly, " BMS spokesman

Fike said. " This could seriously impede the patient's prescription-

drug-market acceptance, or worse, Pfizer's profits in the long run. "

" Brismysquibicin will be cheaper to produce and therefore far more

affordable to those on fixed incomes, " Fike added.

The news of an affordable skepticism-inhibitor was welcomed by New

York physician Blake-Mann, who runs a free clinic in

Spanish Harlem.

" A lot of my patients are very leery of the medical establishment, "

Blake-Mann said. " This will help them feel better about it, and save

money at the same time. "

PharmAmorin's side effects include nausea, upset stomach, and

ignoring the side effects of prescription drug medication.