Wonder Drug Inspires Deep, Unwaivering Love of Pharmaceutical Companies

March 10, 2006

Wonder Drug Inspires Deep, Unwavering Love Of Pharmaceutical Companies

March 6, 2006 | Issue 42•10

NEW YORK—The Food and Drug Administration today approved the sale of the drug

PharmAmorin, a prescription tablet developed by Pfizer to treat chronic distrust

of large

prescription-drug manufacturers.

Pfizer executives characterized the FDA's approval as a " godsend " for sufferers

of

independent-thinking-related mental-health disorders.

Enlarge Image

PharmAmorin, now relieving distrust of large pharmaceutical conglomerates in

pharmacies

nationwide.

" Many individuals today lack the deep, abiding affection for drug makers that is

found in

healthy people, such as myself, " Pfizer CEO Hank McKinnell said. " These tragic

disorders

are reaching epidemic levels, and as a company dedicated to promoting the

health, well-

being, and long life of our company's public image, it was imperative that we

did

something to combat them. "

Although many psychotropic drugs impart a generalized feeling of well-being,

PharmAmorin is the first to induce and focus intense feelings of affection

externally,

toward for-profit drug makers. Pfizer representatives say that, if taken

regularly,

PharmAmorin can increase affection for and trust in its developers by as much as

96.5

percent.

" Out of a test group of 180, 172 study participants reported a dramatic rise in

their

passion for pharmaceutical companies, " said Pfizer director of clinical research

Suzanne

Frost. " And 167 asked their doctors about a variety of prescription medications

they had

seen on TV. "

Frost said a small percentage of test subjects showed an interest in becoming

lobbyists for

one of the top five pharmaceutical companies, and several browsed eBay for drug-

company apparel.

PharmAmorin, available in 100-, 200-, and 400-mg tablets, is classified as a

critical-

thinking inhibitor, a family of drugs that holds great promise for the estimated

20 million

Americans who suffer from Free-Thinking Disorder.

Pfizer will also promote PharmAmorin in an aggressive, $34.6 million print and

televised

ad campaign.

One TV ad, set to debut during next Sunday's 60 Minutes telecast, shows a woman

relaxing in her living room and reading a newspaper headlined " Newest Drug

Company

Scandal Undermines Public Trust. " The camera zooms into the tangled neural

matter of her

brain, revealing a sticky black substance and a purplish gas.

The narrator says, " She may show no symptoms, but in her brain, irrational fear

and dislike

of global pharmaceutical manufacturers is overwhelming her very peace of mind. "

After a brief summary of PharmAmorin's benefits, the commercial concludes with

the

woman flying a kite across a sunny green meadow, the Pfizer headquarters

gleaming in

the background.

PharmAmorin is the first drug of its kind, but Pfizer will soon face competition

from rival

pharmaceutical giant Bristol-Myers Squibb. The company is developing its own

pro-

pharmaceutical-company medication, Brismysquibicin, which will induce warm

feelings

not just for drug corporations in general, but solely for Bristol-Myers Squibb.

" A PharmAmorin user could find himself gravitating toward the products of a

GlaxoKline or Eli Lilly, " BMS spokesman Fike said. " This could

seriously

impede the patient's prescription-drug-market acceptance, or worse, Pfizer's

profits in the

long run. "

" Brismysquibicin will be cheaper to produce and therefore far more affordable to

those on

fixed incomes, " Fike added.

The news of an affordable skepticism-inhibitor was welcomed by New York

physician

Blake-Mann, who runs a free clinic in Spanish Harlem.

" A lot of my patients are very leery of the medical establishment, " Blake-Mann

said. " This

will help them feel better about it, and save money at the same time. "

PharmAmorin's side effects include nausea, upset stomach, and ignoring the side

effects

of prescription drug medication.

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