Re: Sick/dying parent

[Guest guest]

Meg,

This situation is not at all uncommon. As an independent living

skills trainer and transitions advocate, I address this in actual

situations occasionally, and always at least as a hypothetical. As

technology and medicine improves, people with disabilities who

historically died young are now often outliving their parents. I

have so far outlived my father and two aunts. No one ever expected

this.

I don't think it does anyone any good to try to decide if it's better

for one family member or another to die. Energy and love is better

directed towards figuring out how to assist the family members still

living to be as independent and comfortable as possible for their

particular situation.

Ideally a family has such a discussion and does planning before a

crisis. Chuck & I have talked and planned about what we'll do when

one of us dies. I've been working with my mom about what type of

care she'd want me to advocate for if she becomes unable to care for

myself. I've facilitated conversations with families when an adult

family member with a disability is dependent on another. We take

steps to decrease the dependency and identify a plan. These are not

easy discussions to have, but the planning reduces day-to-day

anxiety, and helps avoid " Rosy's " predicament.

I'm sorry to hear the family's having such a difficult time.

Sympathies,

Alana