Re: Friends as Caregivers... Help! - sexually attracted.

January 6, 2006

See here's my main problem. He knows I'm sexually attracted to

him. We've talked about the relationship thing and he told me he's

not ready to take on the commitment and that " who knows what will

happen in the future " speech. I've known him for a year and we've

become really close. He say's I'm the most amazing person he's ever

met and that he wouldn't know what to do if I wasn't in his life.

For everyone who's had a caregiver of the opposite sex, did you

or were you sexually attracted to them, how'd you deal with it? With

them seeing you nudie, ect.

He's really trying, like if were hanging out and my Mom's

around I'll ask her for help over him. He becomes very frustrated,

like I don't want his help... But the thing is, I do, I just don't

want to ask too much.

I'd love to be able to go out with him and not have to worry

about having to pee. I'd love to be able to go on trips with him and

stuff. It's just the whole sexual attraction thing. I guess I'm also

wondering what you guys think?

-Tonya

Ps. I'm also curious how to do it. Should I just plunge in and teach

him everything right away or take baby steps. What would you do?

> >

> > Hi. I have question.

> > I'm just getting into the hiring a caregiver and I have this

friend,

> > he's great and all and you see he's offered to learn how. He

says " I

> > do want to learn - for trips and stuff. I want you to go with me

some

> > places. " He's even talked about doing some part time care. I

asked him

> > if he knew what my care entailed and this is what he

said " pretty much

> > everything, n'est pas? Bathrooms, meals, late-night

repositioning

> > calls, change the channel, feed the dog, into the chair, out of

the

> > chair, plug the chair in, driving places, and a thousand other

things

> > I haven't thought of yet "

> > He seems very sincere, and what I'm wondering is have any of you

> > taught friends of the opposite sex? Did things change? I'd love

your

> > advice!

> > -Tonya

> >

>

January 6, 2006

Here's my perspective. I once heard that males think about sex something

like every six seconds. That is not an exageraton. We pretty much

think about sex all time. I don't see how a guy could see a girl naked

and not think something sexual. But does that mean they can't still do

their job? I don't know. Since you're sexually attracted to him, maybe

it would be good if he thought that.

Since most caregivers are female, I have had many females care for me. I

honestly have to say when I was single, I liked having attractive girls

see me naked. Maybe I thought something would happen? More like hope. I

wanted to see them naked so bad, maybe them seeing me made me feel

better. But now that I found the love of my life, It doesn't affect me

at all.

cutetreads87 wrote:

> See here's my main problem. He knows I'm sexually attracted to

>him. We've talked about the relationship thing and he told me he's

>not ready to take on the commitment and that " who knows what will

>happen in the future " speech. I've known him for a year and we've

>become really close. He say's I'm the most amazing person he's ever

>met and that he wouldn't know what to do if I wasn't in his life.

> For everyone who's had a caregiver of the opposite sex, did you

>or were you sexually attracted to them, how'd you deal with it? With

>them seeing you nudie, ect.

> He's really trying, like if were hanging out and my Mom's

>around I'll ask her for help over him. He becomes very frustrated,

>like I don't want his help... But the thing is, I do, I just don't

>want to ask too much.

> I'd love to be able to go out with him and not have to worry

>about having to pee. I'd love to be able to go on trips with him and

>stuff. It's just the whole sexual attraction thing. I guess I'm also

>wondering what you guys think?

>-Tonya

>

>Ps. I'm also curious how to do it. Should I just plunge in and teach

>him everything right away or take baby steps. What would you do?

>

January 6, 2006

I've also had opposite sex caregivers, and in most cases men have been

better. They can transfer easily, self sufficient w/my machines, and in

general

take direction well. I'm not very shy anymore about being naked in front of

my caregivers, and have had men take care of me during my period or when I'm

having the shits sooo bad I need to wear diapers (that can be messy). I've

even had men take care of me when both situations are going on at once. Not to

sound gross, but if I had not been shaved in a while and was left alone for

a few hours and had a bad accident in the attends, it was very messy, if you

know what I mean. So I had to give in depth instructions and tell them if I

still didn't feel clean. Alana is right, as always , about the tone of

voice. I usually stayed direct and professional, but my one guy caregiver and

I

became very comfy w/this sort of stuff that it could become comical at

times. He actually would try to get me to smile or laugh since I usually

wasn't

feeling very well if I had the shits that bad.

I was never really sexually attracted to any of my male caregivers. One guy

nurse who took care of me in the hosp a lot was gorgeous, but he was engaged

anyways. He actually accompanied me to my first internal exam. Once I had

a very close guy friend put me to bed b/c my girlfriend who was supposed to

do it was passed out in my sisters bed. We were both intoxicated and almost

did more, but I refused b/c my parents room then was next to mine and I was

extremely nervous. So he just undressed me till a t-shirt and panties were

left, put me on my vent, and we talked, kissed, and held hands till I fell

asleep. That's the closest situation I can think of where I was sexually

attracted to someone caring for me. I too think I would be uncomfy if I became

sexually attracted to any of my caregivers after that experience w/my close guy

friend. Hope this helped you a lil!

Smiles,

Kimi

In a message dated 1/6/2006 10:23:28 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

alrt@... writes:

as for having opposite-gender caregivers, i got used to it when i was

about 24. i'm generally not shy anyway, and attendant work isn't

sexual. i just focus on the mechanics, and using universal health

precautions, including gloves for nether-regions, isn't usually sexy

unless one's into latex. ;-) the hardest part for me was learning to

be verbally descriptive about how to do things like private bathing.

shy people may not want to read further...graphic body parts

described. one of my attendant interview questions for both men and

women is, " if i'm on my period and bleeding all over the place, or the

sheets have been sullied after sex, would you be comfortable cleaning

me? " i've only had one guy who said he'd be uncomfortable, and one

woman who wouldn't do it because she was opposed to sex outside of

marriage. my directness upfront helped avoid an uncomfortable

situation with both of them. men (and sometimes women) are often

uncomfortable about the intimate cleaning. i take the lead, sort of

nudging to taboos aside, by using direct language such as, " you have to

open my labia with one hand and wash me with the washcloth using the

other hand. " if i act professionally, the tone is set and it's easier

for us both.

i hope this helps.

January 6, 2006

i have indeed been attracted to many on my attendants over the years.

there 3 with whom the attraction was mutual and significant enough for

us to decide together how to handle it. i have a strict policy to not

date co-workers...this includes attendants. the first time, i

discovered my attendant had a huge crush on me. i was oblivious

because i thought she was straight, and i just don't think about

getting involved with attendants no matter how awesome and attractive.

we began dating and ended working together immediately - it took me and

her 2 weeks to find a new attendant/job. it was awful hard to get much

constructive work done while we were falling in love and still working

together. the 2nd time it was with a good friend who i met met when

she began doing attendant work. the attraction was obvious, but she

was on the rebound and so was i. we decided to enjoy the flirtation

but not act on it. she's still one of my best friends 15 years later.

with the 3rd one, i knew it would only add up to be a superficial fling

because he was pretty promiscuous and i am monogamous. we agreed to

remain " just friends " and him as my attendant. we're still friends 11

years later (and he's still lonely and promiscuous). i'm very glad i'm

able to have someone other than chuck do my care.

alana

January 6, 2006