Re: another question/poll/ YIKES!!!!!!!!!

[Guest guest]

Jeni,

I think just the fact that you're aware and concerned about making h ever

feel that she's a burden is a sign that you're probably doing ok! There's a

difference between saying you have responsibilities that are important to you,

and you have responsibilities/burdens that are weighing you down. I don't

think the word " responsibility " is inherently bad. With my mom, I've many times

felt like all I am to her is a responsibility. (Even when I'm living in another

state!) I don't think it's ever occurred to her that she could be hurting my

feelings. As long as h knows she's a person you love first and the rest is

secondary, I don't think she'll need TOO much therapy.

And I do think it's important to help her learn to be polite and considerate

when asking for help. Just like you would any child. I've met way too many

adults in wheelchairs that are absolutely spoiled brats! They order people

around

constantly and don't seem to have " please " or " thank you " in their

vocabularies. People don't usually mind helping out, but when you act like I've

seen

some act, it doesn't take long for the people around them to get resentful of

having to do anything for them. Every child needs to learn to be sensitive to

others' needs, disabled kids are no exception!

~e

[Guest guest]

Ok, you guys are scaring me. I do NOT want to be the kind of mother you guys

describe! I have used the word *responsibility* with h. She knew I was sick

and asked me if I wanted to have someone else come and take care of her. I told

her that taking care of her and her sister was the most important responsibility

I have and that I didn't want to give that away.

The only other thing I can think of that I'm not sure about is that I make her

be respectful of others when asking for what she needs. For example, she needs

to tell me when she first feels like she needs to go to the bathroom instead of

waiting until it's an *emergency*. I don't mind doing it a bit, but with another

child and a house to take care of sometimes it takes me a minute to get to a

stopping point so that I can take her. I can't always just drop what I'm doing

and run when she calls. I guess I feel like it's a give and take. I take care of

her needs, but she needs to consider my need for a minute to prepare. Is that

unreasonable? I just need to know if I should start saving for her therapy now!

*LOL*

Love and Hugs

Jeni

[Guest guest]

e,

Thanks. It feels better to know that I won't have to go into debt to pay for all

of the therapy she'll need because of me *LOL* I try really really hard to make

sure she knows that I love taking care of her. I'm pretty honest about

everything and when I get frustrated with everything I have to do (for her, her

sister who does not have SMA, and the house etc) I tell her that I love my

family but that I do need a break. That's when I make sure that they've eaten,

h's been to the potty, everyone has what they need and I go on strike for

about 2 hours. Granted I'm still here and if they really did need me I would be

there, but they know to play quietly and leave Mommy alone for that time. If I

want to sit outside, chainsmoke and play electronic crack (yahtzee video game)

the entire time then at least it's nothing that requires higher thinking *LOL*

It's interesting that *wiping butts* was mentioned. I just fired and kicked out

a nanny/adopted sister not too long ago for making a nasty comment to h

about that OUTSIDE where all her friends could hear. Even worse, she commented

on having to change " shitty diapers " . First of all, had she not been too freakin

lazy to put h on the potty there wouldn't have been any diapers during the

day. Only at night. Second, the nasty comment was unacceptable at anytime, but

HORRIBLE to make outside in front of people. Now h has made comments to me

about wishing she could wipe herself.

I guess I could use those comments to lead into the discussion about verbal

abuse. I hadn't even put them together until just now. What a dork? *LOL*

Thanks for all of the inside info.

Love and Hugs

Jeni

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/2/2004 6:12:40 PM Mountain Standard Time,

mom2armybratz@... writes:

> It's interesting that *wiping butts* was mentioned. I just fired and kicked

> out a nanny/adopted sister not too long ago for making a nasty comment to

> h about that OUTSIDE where all her friends could hear. Even worse, she

> commented on having to change " shitty diapers " . First of all, had she not been

> too freakin lazy to put h on the potty there wouldn't have been any

diapers

> during the day. Only at night. Second, the nasty comment was unacceptable at

> anytime, but HORRIBLE to make outside in front of people. Now h has made

> comments to me about wishing she could wipe herself.

Oh that is so sad!! Especially in front of people. Terrible!! Good for you

for not standing for it.

I still might be a family therapist " when I grow up, " so I'll give you guys

the friends & family discount.

~e

[Guest guest]

Jeni -

As I said before, I think you're a great mom. In fact, I wish you had

been *my* mom. My kids know they are my responsibility and they are

not disabled. It really is the attitude associated with it. For my mom

'responsibility' always equaled the word 'burden'. I have never heard

you say anything even approaching this with your daughter! *hugs*

--

Jenn Malatesta

http://www.isoc.net/brokeninside/nekrosys/