Worried, sick and stressed

October 14, 2001

I have been reticent about putting into words the feelings I am having

concerning the situation with my son at his school. He has been repidly been

spiralling out of control over the last few weeks, especially at school. I

thought that the paraprofessional who was assigned to him was going to be given

another assignment and that they were going to bring in another person who was

more experienced for him. Because the person who has been working with him

dosn't want to go to another assignment, they cannot replace her at this time.

I am really having a lot of emotionally charged feelings of anger, annoyance and

complete disgust with this type of thinking from the para. I am not at all

grateful that this person still wants to work with my son, as it is crystal

clear to me that he is not getting the help regulating his behavior that he

needs and because of that he is out of control a good part of the time. His

behavior then escalates and he spent all of las Wednesday afternoon freaking out

in in-school suspension. I spent most of the last week in meetings about this

situation or with him in his classroom observing and helping him. Tommy needs a

combination tour guide, police officer and nagging wife in order to get through

the day sucessfully! The person who is working with him thinks that if she

tells him something once that is enough. She thinks that keeping him his

classroom for tests is the right thing to do. I am completely disgusted because

this stuff is in his IEP and it is being ignored. I also believe that the best

interest of my son's mental health is being disregarded over a Human Resources

issue. Have any of you experienced this happening? When my sonwas is first

grade, many mistakes of this nature were made and he almost had to be

hospitalized because the situation affected him so profoundly. He could not

return to the classroom until 2nd grade. Knowing this, you would think that the

para would be able to put her own feelings aside and do what is best for this

child! I am in the process of finding out what my legal rights are in this

situation as Tommy needs me to help him. in Southeastern PA

---------------------------------

October 14, 2001

Oh , good luck! I know how stressed I get whenever I deal with

the school and teachers! I assume this aide has READ the IEP?!

Maybe you should hand the aide a copy and tell her to keep this with

her at all times and follow it OR you'll be going over the school's

head to the administrative office/state office. Throw in the federal

law part about IEP's too. I'm assuming that everything needed IS in

the IEP? What did everyone say at the meetings about the aide other

than that she doesn't want another job? So far as telling him

something only once - is this addressed in the IEP about prompting

him? And by having to have YOU there a couple days, they must

realize that things aren't working out with the aide?!

I hope others here have some great ideas for you!! I'm stressed

worrying about what MIGHT come up at school that we haven't covered

for this year yet and that's not in 's 504. So far his

teachers this year just think I'm TOO concerned and maybe looking for

problems where there aren't any! Hang in there, I KNOW that you can

be more assertive/demanding than me!

> I have been reticent about putting into words the feelings I am

having concerning the situation with my son at his school. He has

been repidly been spiralling out of control over the last few weeks,

especially at school. I thought that the paraprofessional who was

assigned to him was going to be given another assignment and that

they were going to bring in another person who was more experienced

for him. Because the person who has been working with him dosn't

want to go to another assignment, they cannot replace her at this

time. I am really having a lot of emotionally charged feelings of

anger, annoyance and complete disgust with this type of thinking from

the para. I am not at all grateful that this person still wants to

work with my son, as it is crystal clear to me that he is not getting

the help regulating his behavior that he needs and because of that he

is out of control a good part of the time. His behavior then

escalates and he spent all of las Wednesday afternoon freaking out in

in-school suspension. I spent most of the last week in meetings

about this situation or with him in his classroom observing and

helping him. Tommy needs a combination tour guide, police officer

and nagging wife in order to get through the day sucessfully! The

person who is working with him thinks that if she tells him something

once that is enough. She thinks that keeping him his classroom for

tests is the right thing to do. I am completely disgusted because

this stuff is in his IEP and it is being ignored. I also believe

that the best interest of my son's mental health is being disregarded

over a Human Resources issue. Have any of you experienced this

happening? When my sonwas is first grade, many mistakes of this

nature were made and he almost had to be hospitalized because the

situation affected him so profoundly. He could not return to the

classroom until 2nd grade. Knowing this, you would think that the

para would be able to put her own feelings aside and do what is best

for this child! I am in the process of finding out what my legal

rights are in this situation as Tommy needs me to help him. in

Southeastern PA

>

> ---------------------------------

>

October 14, 2001

Thanks for your response. Everything that Tommy needs is addressed in

the IEP. The problem we seem to be dealing with is someone who is completely

inexperienced with kids who have NBD's. She doesn't understand just how much

prompting this child needs...she doesn't understand that just because he is

doing OK on tests in the classroom, he can do GREAT if he is tested in an area

where he can dictate answers to an adult and not have to worry about giving the

answers away to the rest of the class because he can't stop whispering them.

The teacher yelled at me Friday because I referenced a procedure in the IEP and

he is completely stressed out by this situation. Sounds like I have the most

out of control kid in the school! The aide also doesn't understand that my

son's AD/HD is so bad that his impulsivity takes over and controls him unless he

has an adult next to him reminding him (sometimes continually) that he needs to

get it together or he will have to go take a break someplace quiet. The

Supervisor of Special Ed for the District I think is in agreement that this aide

needs to be replaced, but because she has not done anything to be fired (yet)

and she wants to work with my son they cannot force her to move to another

assignment. In the meantime, he is paying the price. I have been told that she

is going to be told what she has to do in order to turn things around with him

and that this probation period will not be for a long period of time. I have

nothing against this woman at all, except that she is not respecting the fact

that my knowledge base about my son's disorder's are far superior to hers. She

is the mother of three children and you would think that she would be able to

understand that some kids work better with some people rather than others. I

think that sometimes I can be very assertive when it comes to issues involving

my children, most especially my OCD/AD/HD son and that scares some of these

teachers and administrators. I have had to be a very strong advocate for my

child and even though I do not profess to have all the answers for him or any

one else, have been to hell and back already with him and in some areas I do

know what he needs better than the school. It is also interesting that his

special ed. teacher who had such good results with him over the last 2 years has

not been able to make much of an impression with them either. I bought this

school a copy of Dr. Chansky's book and Teaching the Tiger and gave it to them

in May. I would be very surprised to find out if any of them read either of

these books. I asked repeatedly this fall for the aide to have this book, yet

last Thursday, the Guidance Counselor saw my copy and asked about it as she had

never seen it before. She looked for the new copy in the teacher library and it

was there. She took it out for the weekend. I DON'T GET THIS!!!!!! If I were

inthe aide's shoes I think I would keep that book next to me in the classroom

until I was getting better results from Tommy. What I really want to ask her is

if she is prepared to pay my son's bills if he continues to spiral downward. I

went through the exact same problems with him in first grade and he almost

needed to be hospitalized because the stress was too much for him and he became

very agressive with adults. This calmed down once he was with a teacher who

understood him better. This new school staff just doesn't get how fragile this

situation can be and I am quite scared. I think the last resort will be pulling

him out of the school if they don't get it together very quickly. I need to

find a job as my husband is entering the ninth month of unemployment, but Tommy

will come first and I will delay reentry to the workforce if he needs me.

in Southeastern PA

@... wrote: Oh , good luck! I know how stressed I get

whenever I deal with