Melinda (was: Guilt, was Teenage boy with OCD)

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In a message dated 8/14/01 1:21:56 AM Eastern Daylight Time, JSh1000@... writes:

Now he suffers from an exercise addiction and is noncompliant and confrontational.

His brother, while not encumbered with OCD, is so organizationally challenged, I wonder how he will make it in life.

Melinda--just curious.....what would happen if say... when starts to compulsively exercise, the rest of the family JOINS him? I've never known a teenager that would stick with something if their parents and siblings started doing it too (they're so overly concerned with carving out their own UNIQUE identities-- and being NOTHING like Mom and Dad). So, the next time he starts to lift weights, what would happen if you dropped whatever YOU were doing and said 'Hey! Good idea. Mind if I join you?' Do you suppose that might help? Of course, I'm not suggesting that you be a compulsive exerciser WITH him--- just don't HIDE your exercise routine FROM him (which tends to happen ... i started to stop mentioning the word 'germs', 'throw-up' and 'poison' around , which was the worst thing I could do-- because we were tiptoeing around his OCD). Now, in order to desensitize him, I say those words during normal conversation like I USED to, despite his anxiety peaks and meltdowns. The more he melts down, the less frequent it becomes. (and the intensity drops too). Sometimes, I even JOIN him in his 'fear of germs' -- and he starts to comfort *me!* I think I've been TOO STRONG around --- putting on this 'fearless face'--- which made him and I POLARIZE (which is common in families). I was The Strong One and he was The Weak One.

The only way to change someone else, is to CHANGE YOURSELF. So, I'm beginning to show more of my vulnerabilities around --- giving him the opportunity to feel useful and helpful.

About his eating disorder: They say that when you need cheering up-- cheer up someone else. So, with 's germ/death/poisoning fear I'm thinking that he could get stronger by HELPing other kids who are sick--- and bring him to a *children's* hospital for volunteer work. I wonder if could help kids with eating disorders?

They do this with kids/adults who are addicted to drugs/alcohol. Part of "working the program" is to help others get sober. I know a young man (a friend of my oldest son's) that became addicted to a drug. He's been straight/sober for only 2 months, but he's required to help others get straight as part of his recovery. He's been counseling others now... for only the last 2 weeks....and loving it. AND... STAYING OFF DRUGS.

Just a thought. Ask his therapist about this, if you haven't already.

Joni