Re: The Mirror, the Scale, and the Keychain

[Guest guest]

Wow, Tess! Awesome post, I'm saving it for future

inspiration. You are an excellent writer - I love the

way you can transform your feelings and thoughts into

words.

Thanks for posting this - it is soooo true!

Donna

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[Guest guest]

Wow, thank you, Donna! What a fantastic compliment you've given me.

I'm honored to know that you're going to save this, truly.

You've put a smile on my face for the day!

Tess

On 3/10/07, Donna M-P <donna112520@...> wrote:

> Wow, Tess! Awesome post, I'm saving it for future

> inspiration. You are an excellent writer - I love the

> way you can transform your feelings and thoughts into

> words.

>

> Thanks for posting this - it is soooo true!

>

> Donna

[Guest guest]

Tess,

Wow, what an awesome essay!! I saw "and the Keychain" and wondered if it wasn't the WW one! Interesting that we were talking about this kind of warped self-perception at a meeting recently and I realized that I am in the weight loss/maintenance phase where I'm working on learning my new identity as a "thin" person. I don't think of myself that way at all still but twice a couple of weeks ago people commented to me that they couldn't imagine I would be anywhere near Weight Watchers (they'd ask if I work and I said I'd just started as a WW receptionist) because I look like a "naturally thin person" to them! My own 8 year old son didn't recognize me in a grocery store recently, he said, "I didn't realize that was you, you looked so thin!" and my DH even didn't recognize me in our driveway wearing new "skinny clothes" that show off instead of hide my figure a few months ago. All that and I STILL look in the mirror some days and see that little blob around my hips that doesn't seem to go away and a little bit of wiggly stuff around my thighs and arms but then other days I realize the stomach blob is so much smaller now than it ever has been and the arms and legs barely move compared to what they used to do. The mirror images that catch you off guard have caught me too. In the meeting someone brought up walking past a store window and realizing the skinny reflection was her and I remembered a similar happening with me. And still... I have plenty of fat days. Plenty of days when I'm down on myself because I want my arms to be sculpted and toned but then again my WW leader commented to me 2 weeks ago about how toned my arms were looking when we talked about working out. Some days I can say, way to go, you've worked so hard and are still working hard at different goals and other days I'm just playing critical tapes about how I need to work so much harder, do harder workouts, do longer workouts, eat better, do anything better than what I'm already doing and in reality, I'm doing really great! I'm eating more healthfully than ever, exercising regularly and not letting myself wimp out on workouts and taking good care of my overall health. The take home message from the meeting for me though was that it is part of the process, that it takes a long time to change our own picture of ourselves, especially for those who were heavy most of their lives or had a lot to lose and that good days and bad days are part of that process.

I'm trying to come to terms with myself as a work in process... thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on the process, it was interesting, enlightening and helpful!

The Mirror, the Scale, and the Keychain

It's so weird, isn't it, how the image reflected in a sheet ofsilvered glass will morph when it's the reflection of our body we'reviewing? Nothing else alters itself when held up before themirror....It's just as odd how we've all had our "fat eyes" realizations ataround the same time! (I had an email sitting in draft about thesubject since last weekend, but kept hesitating to send it because Iwasn't sure if it was OT for the list.)The warpage of my own perception, though, has made me almost as leeryof the mirror as I am of the scale. Both of them lie-- but themirror's the worst, because while the scale lies due to factors beyondits abilities to measure, the mirror lets me lie to myself!About a week ago, I was doing my morning routine and glanced in themirror. I looked much better, I thought-- and then I weighed. Up apound.Still at least four damn pounds above my Weight Watcher's goal.A goal I'd "cannily" set at the top end of their desirable weightrange for my height, because I just *knew* I'd be gliding right downpast it and have lots of wiggle room for the future. (113-141 is theirrange for my 5' 3", 46 yo self. My goal is 140)A second glance in the mirror then seemed to be dominated by the bulgebelow my navel and my thick waist. Even a little pudge at the top ofmy thighs... All of which completely obscured the lines of definitionforming in my quads, the curve of my hamstrings and the improvingtriceps I'd been admiring just seconds before! *groan*That's when I had one of those rare, objective-observer moments androlled my eyes at my own neurosis. Depending on my mood, I realized,I'll see a person almost completely lean and fit when I glance in theglass, or I'll see someone who looks about four months pregnant. ;-)My decision is to never again gaze into the glass and catalog myfaults. I much prefer looking at the smiling fit chick in there. LOLMirror images are more truthful when they catch me unawares, I'vediscovered. Like week before last, at our local steakhouse. Thewall behind the salad bar is covered with mirrors. I glanced up andsaw myself."Wow, I look really good!" was the thought that popped into my head.The next thought out, treading right on its heels was, "And wow,that's really vain!"And in that moment, I heard myself for a change, and decided that no,I wasn't being vain at all. It was the truth, and I could enjoy itbecause I've worked really hard for it. I've EARNED it, and dammit, I*do* look really good now. No, no one's going to be sidling up andoffering their business card for their modeling agency, but I'mbecoming the healthiest, happiest, best-looking me I can-- and that'sall I really want out of this.Change is so hard to measure, when it's a change to our bodies,fraught as that is with all sorts of mental gymnastics and emotionalbooby traps. The mirror shifts images according to our moods, thescale doesn't know if it's new adipose tissue or water retention orjust a big bellyfull of poop that it's reporting. Even the tapemeasure, usually totally trustworthy, has its prevaricating moments.According to the tape measure, I haven't changed much at all for thelast 6 months, at least. Yet, yesterday I spent a good part of theday changing out my clothes for the season. Stuff I'd packed away as"too tight to wear, but too near to fitting to banish all hope", nowfits easily. Dresses zip all the way up that wouldn't budge past myupper waist, last fall. Stuff that fit perfectly then, now hangs soloosely that I put it all into the give-away bag.Obviously, my body has gotten smaller, but somehow I haven't picked upon that change. Odd.Odder still that I tend not to rejoice over goals reached but rushright past the day's success to stare again towards the goals stillout of reach. When I pick up my keys, I don't usually think abouthow difficult it was to earn that 10% Weight Watcher keyring, or how Ithought I'd never get there as I sat week after week watching othersreceive theirs. Or how incredibly great I felt when I was finallyhanded that little blue box.No, I tend to look at it and sigh over the fact that there's no goldGoal star dangling from it yet, much less the little Lifetime key.Somehow, I still neglect the fact that the reward only came after Istopped focusing on it, and instead just relaxed into an embracing ofthe process for the process' sake alone.That's probably why I do have a weight problem, come to think of it.Impatience, and the tendency to gulp rather than savor.Of course, there's no objectivity like a completely objectiveobserver. And, thank God (and I mean that absolutely literally) I'vehad that happen, unprompted, twice. When I'd lost my first twentypounds, I was helping my husband with a landscaping job in thebusiness district. An acquaintance walking down the sidewalk returnedmy hello offhandedly-- then stopped after a few strides and cameback-- and exclaimed she hadn't recognized me.Yesterday, I stopped by the library. The librarian on duty hadn'tbeen around for quite a while (I'd wondered if she'd changed jobs, infact.) Her jaw dropped when I spoke to her, and she blurted "WHAThave you been doing?! I didn't know who you were till I heard yourvoice!"Now that moment, I *did* suck on like a gobstopper. LOL, in fact,it's still pretty darn sweet today!Tess-- "...I am too many this morning..."Lessa~Dragonflight~

[Guest guest]

<<I'm trying to come to terms with myself as a work in process... >>

Tess and , this is so insightful. I've lost 65 + lbs abd still 15 to go but still can't see myself as a slim person.And I worry that I'll put the weight back on or wake up fat or look old. I na my dh to death about these concerns and he just doesn't understand them.

So, thank you for sharing. I can see that I will have to work on self image as well as on losing those last 15!

Anny in Australia

[Guest guest]

Hi Anny,

Something else I remembered, as I read your post, that my WW manager (during receptionist training we also talked about this since most of us recently lost our weight) told me is that the fear of regaining the weight especially stays with you as long as you still think of yourself as an overweight person. When you start thinking of yourself as a thin person, it gets easier because you realize that you finally eat like a naturally thin person most of the time: smaller portions, only eating until you're satisfied, making smart choices and managing indulgences with proper portions or simply not doing it often. I'm getting there... one day, often one meal or snack at a time...

Re: The Mirror, the Scale, and the Keychain

<<I'm trying to come to terms with myself as a work in process... >>

Tess and , this is so insightful. I've lost 65 + lbs abd still 15 to go but still can't see myself as a slim person.And I worry that I'll put the weight back on or wake up fat or look old. I na my dh to death about these concerns and he just doesn't understand them.

So, thank you for sharing. I can see that I will have to work on self image as well as on losing those last 15!

Anny in Australia

[Guest guest]

This is great info, . I'm not there either, by a long shot. I still feel like if I miss a workout or have a lousy meal that I'm going to instantly gain back those 40 lbs. Sometimes it feels like they're lurking in some dark corner, just waiting to leap at me and sucker on like an alien parasite. LOL

Part of it, too, is that I'm afraid if I get complacent, I'll let the slow creep begin again... Guess it'll just take several years of engraining these new lifestyle habits for them to feel more like " me " than the lingering pull of the abandoned lousy ones do now.

Thanks again! Always good stuff from you!TessOn 3/11/07, nancydewolf <nancydewolf@...

> wrote:

Hi Anny,

Something else I remembered, as I read your post, that my WW manager (during receptionist training we also talked about this since most of us recently lost our weight) told me is that the fear of regaining the weight especially stays with you as long as you still think of yourself as an overweight person. When you start thinking of yourself as a thin person, it gets easier because you realize that you finally eat like a naturally thin person most of the time: smaller portions, only eating until you're satisfied, making smart choices and managing indulgences with proper portions or simply not doing it often. I'm getting there... one day, often one meal or snack at a time...

[Guest guest]

I have the same fears some days but not most of the time anymore. The complacency thing though is something I have to fight on what seems like a daily basis sometimes. I hear lots of people new to Weight Watchers say "When will I be done?" which means when I hit my goal weight can I go back to eating like I used to? The key is, like you note, that you have to make lifestyle changes, healthy ones that don't make you feel deprived (like you're constantly on a diet) that you can live with for the rest of your life. We've all lived with the not so healthy habits for so many years that I'm sure it will take a good amount of time to naturally act like we want to. I have noticed that for months I was literally forcing myself to eat vegetables and fruits instead of pretzels and chips when I was feeling munchy. I wasn't sure I was enjoying them either so I thought how is this habit going to stick? But I kept it up because I knew it was better for me (I was like a kid taking my medicine) and I wanted to at least give it a fair chance. Fast forward probably 3 or 4 months and I might still have to stop and think about it sometimes but most of the time I go right to the fridge and decide between grapes or cut up veggies! I also find myself saying, "Are you REALLY hungry" more often because the fruit and veggies just don't interest me as much as the pretzels and chips did but I know that if I'm going to eat something I want to make a healthy choice. I also know I don't have to but I finally WANT to even more than I want the pretzels and chips. Nothing tastes as good as thin and healthy feels!! Meanwhile, if am definitely knowing what I really want is pretzels then I take only a few (9 of the mini fat-free twists is 1 WW point and is usually enough for my craving), then find something else to do!! :-)

All that said, I STILL have to be aware of my own natural tendency to slip into complacency too. I want another cookie, I'm not hungry, I don't want the taste or feel of it, I just want it so therefore, I'll get one. I don't feel like having a small portion, I want a big man size portion just because I want to eat like my husband does, who cares that I'm not that hungry, I've lost enough weight, I know how to do this, I can handle it... sure for one meal every so often but not every night like I'm apt to fall into if I don't watch myself!!

Thanks tons for your sweet comments Tess and especially for sharing your fears and thoughts with me and others. You are a huge encouragement to me and challenge me to keep working hard at keeping what I want, my good health!!

Re: The Mirror, the Scale, and the Keychain

This is great info, . I'm not there either, by a long shot. I still feel like if I miss a workout or have a lousy meal that I'm going to instantly gain back those 40 lbs. Sometimes it feels like they're lurking in some dark corner, just waiting to leap at me and sucker on like an alien parasite. LOL Part of it, too, is that I'm afraid if I get complacent, I'll let the slow creep begin again... Guess it'll just take several years of engraining these new lifestyle habits for them to feel more like "me" than the lingering pull of the abandoned lousy ones do now. Thanks again! Always good stuff from you!Tess

On 3/11/07, nancydewolf <nancydewolfsbcglobal (DOT) net > wrote:

Hi Anny,

Something else I remembered, as I read your post, that my WW manager (during receptionist training we also talked about this since most of us recently lost our weight) told me is that the fear of regaining the weight especially stays with you as long as you still think of yourself as an overweight person. When you start thinking of yourself as a thin person, it gets easier because you realize that you finally eat like a naturally thin person most of the time: smaller portions, only eating until you're satisfied, making smart choices and managing indulgences with proper portions or simply not doing it often. I'm getting there... one day, often one meal or snack at a time...

[Guest guest]

Tess I agree with and everyone else, thank you so much for this

valuable insight. You are a wise woman and am grateful you are part

of this group!

How cool you lost the first 20 lbs doing landscaping! Isn't it great

when people don't recognize you?

Stay beautiful,