Re: O/T bullying

[Guest guest]

I have been round the block with this problem so many times with my HFA 11yr old.

He is due in secondary next Sept and this time I am not even going to discuss it, if he is picked on or deliberately ostracised then I will withdraw him instantly, no ifs, buts or maybe, no waiting around to hear the other side of the story, schools may not have zero tolerance but my son and myself most certainly do and he will not be sent anywhere to suffer.

Vicky

[Guest guest]

The problem in secondary schools is the will to act. When I was trying

to get my daughter into mainstream secondary, schools explained that

she would be bullied. They said this on purpose to stop me applying.

Parents often say they chose special school because they were worried

their child would be bullied in mainstream. Turning a blind eye to

bullying serves a purpose. Guidelines won't take that purpose away

Sally

rexel45@... wrote:

Prejudice-driven bullies targeted

A drive to tackle prejudice-based bullying in schools is being

launched by the government.

Research and guidance on bullying because of faiths, homophobia

or special needs is to be produced.

It comes as schools get more powers to tackle bullying, as set

out in the education act, which received Royal Assent earlier this

month.

Meanwhile, the Education and Skills Select Committee is to begin

its inquiry into bullying.

The government has commissioned the charity Beatbullying to

assess the prevalence of faith-based bullying in schools while

Stonewall will produce guidance on tackling homophobic bullying.

'Nip it in the bud'

Tailored guidance will also be developed on tackling children

with special needs, since available evidence suggests that children

with special needs are much more likely to experience bullying than

their peers.

Schools minister Jim Knight said: "It is important that schools

nip prejudice-based bullying in the bud. We want to ensure that schools

have the information and support they need to prevent it happening in

the first place and the powers they need to stamp on it when it does

occur."

The National Autistic Society is among those giving evidence to

the Education and Skills Committee.

It is also launching its 'B is for Bullied' report, as part of

anti-bullying week.

The NAS claims that at least 40% of children with autism and 60%

of children with Asperger syndrome report that they have been bullied

at school.

Many parents said that bullying had led their child to self-harm

or even become suicidal.

Tougher powers

It says children with autism are vulnerable to bullying because,

while they look like any other child, they act differently.

Some children can appear to be locked in their own world, while

others lack the social skills to fit in with their peer group.

The NAS wants social skills training to be more widely available

for those with autism.

It also wants schools to change the way they view bullying on the

grounds of disability.

It claims that many schools tackle other forms of bullying by

targeting the bully - but for disability-based bullying the strategy

usually involves helping the bullied pupil.

The tougher powers given to schools within the education act

include giving teachers the unquestionable right to discipline and the

right to use reasonable force.

Schools will also be able to ask the courts to impose £1,000

fines on parents - before this was the preserve of the local authority.

Story from BBC NEWS:

http://news. bbc.co.uk/ go/pr/fr/ -/1/hi/education /6169660. stm

Published: 2006/11/22 01:21:33 GMT

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[Guest guest]

It doesen't have to be physical abuse though, they can feel complete outsiders, this has been the problem with my oldest, other children making a huge fuss if they have to pair with him for any reason, deliberately not picking him when choosing team mates for any activity, verbal abuse, etc.

I think over here we are likely to have the perpetarators parents up at the school screaming blue murder if their child is to miss out on anything by way of punishment, and possible getting legal aid to fight the schools!

My sons school had an anti bullying theme today, all about advising the victims about how they should respond to bullying. I may be such a sweet old fashioned thing but why can't we just advise the bullies they will be in serious trouble if caught or reported for bullying and zero tolerance.

tells me his school have "think again" time for punishment, they would probably think a lot harder if their parents were told to come down to the school and take them home.

Vicky

[Guest guest]

Home ed? I think home ed is the option of choice for ASD. More or less

perfect. Nearly everyone seems to feel that their children are bullied.

Perhaps secondary schools are such horrible places (I certainly

remember them as such) that everyone feels bullied. By the time they

get to 16 they can all handle their hormones better and seem nicer. My

NTish one has just gone to 6th form college and her experience has been

transformed and her with it by the greater maturity of the other

children. Worst time is 11-14.

Sally

MaddiganV@... wrote:

I have been round the block with this problem so many times with

my HFA 11yr old.

He is due in secondary next Sept and this time I am not even

going to discuss it, if he is picked on or deliberately ostracised then

I will withdraw him instantly, no ifs, buts or maybe, no waiting around

to hear the other side of the story, schools may not have zero

tolerance but my son and myself most certainly do and he will not be

sent anywhere to suffer.

Vicky

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[Guest guest]

Not sure if this is the same in the UK, but here, principal's and school counselors have been successfully sued for failing to take the necessary measures to stop bullying after it was documented that the bullying was happening.

I have had young patients (always boys) who were bullied and I have instructed their parents to conduct all communication by written letter. Even if there was a verbal conversation I ask that they follow up with a synopsis of that conversation with a written letter. Then I have phoned the school counselor and/or principal and made them aware of their responsibility under the law and their legal culpability by letting them know that others have been sued for not preventing the bullying.

I've never had one kid with one more problem after this. You have a right to send your kid to school and be reasonably assured that they will be safe. Adults can stop this with a minimum amount of effort. Once other kids are firmly made aware that the school has a zero tolerance for bullying, it stops.

Course we have had the school shootings which illustrate the importance, even to thick-headed adults, that this stuff can get out of hand and that even adults are in danger.

Re: O/T bullying

Home ed? I think home ed is the option of choice for ASD. More or less perfect. Nearly everyone seems to feel that their children are bullied. Perhaps secondary schools are such horrible places (I certainly remember them as such) that everyone feels bullied. By the time they get to 16 they can all handle their hormones better and seem nicer. My NTish one has just gone to 6th form college and her experience has been transformed and her with it by the greater maturity of the other children. Worst time is 11-14. SallyMaddiganVaol wrote:

I have been round the block with this problem so many times with my HFA 11yr old.

He is due in secondary next Sept and this time I am not even going to discuss it, if he is picked on or deliberately ostracised then I will withdraw him instantly, no ifs, buts or maybe, no waiting around to hear the other side of the story, schools may not have zero tolerance but my son and myself most certainly do and he will not be sent anywhere to suffer.

Vicky

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[Guest guest]

and here we've had two deaths when one parent set the other set of

parent's house on fire.

Sally

Cochran wrote:

Not sure if this is the same in the UK, but here, principal's

and school counselors have been successfully sued for failing to take

the necessary measures to stop bullying after it was documented that

the bullying was happening.

I have had young patients (always boys) who were bullied and I

have instructed their parents to conduct all communication by written

letter. Even if there was a verbal conversation I ask that they follow

up with a synopsis of that conversation with a written letter. Then I

have phoned the school counselor and/or principal and made them aware

of their responsibility under the law and their legal culpability by

letting them know that others have been sued for not preventing the

bullying.

I've never had one kid with one more problem after this. You

have a right to send your kid to school and be reasonably assured that

they will be safe. Adults can stop this with a minimum amount of

effort. Once other kids are firmly made aware that the school has a

zero tolerance for bullying, it stops.

Course we have had the school shootings which illustrate the

importance, even to thick-headed adults, that this stuff can get out of

hand and that even adults are in danger.

Re: O/T bullying

Home ed? I think home ed is the option of choice for ASD. More

or less perfect. Nearly everyone seems to feel that their children are

bullied. Perhaps secondary schools are such horrible places (I

certainly remember them as such) that everyone feels bullied. By the

time they get to 16 they can all handle their hormones better and seem

nicer. My NTish one has just gone to 6th form college and her

experience has been transformed and her with it by the greater maturity

of the other children. Worst time is 11-14.

Sally

MaddiganVaol (DOT) com wrote:

I have been round the block with this problem so many times

with my HFA 11yr old.

He is due in secondary next Sept and this time I am not even

going to discuss it, if he is picked on or deliberately ostracised then

I will withdraw him instantly, no ifs, buts or maybe, no waiting around

to hear the other side of the story, schools may not have zero

tolerance but my son and myself most certainly do and he will not be

sent anywhere to suffer.

Vicky

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[Guest guest]

Unfortunately, it usually takes a series of these things before school administrators sit up and take notice. I have had conversations with school principals who have told me that "all kids" get bullied and treat it like some kind of rite of passage of childhood. And this after the child in his charge had actually been hit by somebody's CAR as part of the bullying.

Not that I condone violence at all, but if my child were being picked on and the school failed to take action I can understand the wrath of the parents as I can get quite heated up about this when it is someone else's child I am working with.

I actually had to undue much of my dd's earlier training to be polite and nice and considerate and in about the fifth grade taught her how to be mean to people who just don't understand anything else but someone getting in their face and giving them a taste of their own medicine. It was a difficult task and we are starting earlier with the dgd, teaching her to be mean, that is. Terrible that you even have to do this, but it's either that or they can get run over.

What I always am dumbfounded about all of this is what kind of a person does it take to see someone smaller getting picked on and not take any action? Honestly, a lot of people have no heart or courage anymore.

I noticed that my dgd's kindergarten teacher is spending a lot of time talking about how to treat other people and giving rules about how to handle things if someone is even hurting your feelings and your body. She has come down hard on anyone who violates these rules and the kids are pretty nice to one another. You cannot start too young and make no mistake about it, the teacher and the school set the tone for what the kids are allowed to do.

Everytime I talk with school administrators they begin by telling me they cannot control the bullying, but by the end of my conversation with them.......somehow they manage to figure out exactly just how it can be stopped.

Re: O/T bullying

Home ed? I think home ed is the option of choice for ASD. More or less perfect. Nearly everyone seems to feel that their children are bullied. Perhaps secondary schools are such horrible places (I certainly remember them as such) that everyone feels bullied. By the time they get to 16 they can all handle their hormones better and seem nicer. My NTish one has just gone to 6th form college and her experience has been transformed and her with it by the greater maturity of the other children. Worst time is 11-14. SallyMaddiganVaol (DOT) com wrote:

I have been round the block with this problem so many times with my HFA 11yr old.

He is due in secondary next Sept and this time I am not even going to discuss it, if he is picked on or deliberately ostracised then I will withdraw him instantly, no ifs, buts or maybe, no waiting around to hear the other side of the story, schools may not have zero tolerance but my son and myself most certainly do and he will not be sent anywhere to suffer.

Vicky No virus found in this incoming message.

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[Guest guest]

It doesen't have to be physical abuse though, they can feel complete outsiders, this has been the problem with my oldest, other children making a huge fuss if they have to pair with him for any reason, deliberately not picking him when choosing team mates for any activity, verbal abuse, etc.

***You're right, feelings matter also. No need for this kind of stuff, where is the teacher?***

I think over here we are likely to have the perpetarators parents up at the school screaming blue murder if their child is to miss out on anything by way of punishment, and possible getting legal aid to fight the schools!

**Yes, but here the school and its principal and counselor individually can be sued if they fail to protect. If the school documents the abuse the perpetrator's parents can still sue, but not likely to get anywhere.****

My sons school had an anti bullying theme today, all about advising the victims about how they should respond to bullying. I may be such a sweet old fashioned thing but why can't we just advise the bullies they will be in serious trouble if caught or reported for bullying and zero tolerance.

***Double yes, agree that asking the victims to handle things a different way is ridiculous if the child is older or stronger. However, I have pulled our little one away from other kids to help her figure out how to handle someone near her age or even a little older who was taking advantage of her, processing different responses and then sending her back in to try them out, fosters efficacy and a sense that she can take care of herself. I like the double approach, stiff penalities for the bullies and teaching all kids how to handle things if they find themselves in a bad situation, but not making the secondary scenario the primary way of handling things.

I remember one time having a 3 year old patient in preschool and a 5 year old was picking on her. Instead of the teachers taking care of it with the 5, they started following the 3....ostensibly to protect her. Her mother and I decided NO, this is not the way to handle it and her mom went back to the school and insisted the 5 be dealt with appropriately and her dd left alone. Honestly, what message does this send?

tells me his school have "think again" time for punishment, they would probably think a lot harder if their parents were told to come down to the school and take them home.

One of my favorite teachers keeps a cell phone in his classroom, if a child misbehaves, won't listen or does something really bad, they are made to call their parents immediately, love that!!!! Parents are told in the beginning of school that they must be available by phone during schooltime. That would stop most kids dead in their tracks....wish I would have thought of that.

Vicky