Re: Willow__

[Guest guest]

Hi Willow,

Glad your back with us!!! Has the doctor gotten your tests results back yet??? I think our puppy's help us through a lot at times! I know mine does ) Keep us posted... I sent ya 2 links maybe they will help...

((( Caring Hugs )))Helen

Hello,I just wanted to let my friends know that my computerhas been out of whack and is finally working properlyagain. I know I have emails from several of you. Iwill answer them as quickly as I can. I have 852unread messages ;( so I'll procede as quickly as Ican.My health continues to vary. The nosebleeds that I washaving every 3-4 days have stopped. I am starting backon a lower dose of anticoagulant, balancing the needto prevent a big stroke from having nosebleeds. I amfinally over the bronchitis/pneumonia that I had aswell.It appears that I am developing either a nerve orcirculation problem in my feet and hands. I'm losingfeeling in my feet and my hands sometimes look like aRaynaud's disease patient. My MD drew some bloodworkand I will go back when he has the results.Cali and Luci (my dachshunds)keep me company andactive each day as we go outside several times towalk. Red Pony (my quarterhorse)is looking forward towarmer weather and green grass. Despite the hayshortage in Missouri, we managed to manage our supplyand get through the winter (Thank God).Love and Hugs to you, my family and friends ; )Willow

"When life's problems seem overwhelming, look around and see what other people are coping with. You may consider yourself fortunate."AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free from AOL at AOL.com.

[Guest guest]

Hi Willow!

Glad your back with us, was worrying there for a bit...

Here's my 2 cents worth, Your happy where you are, your financially able to care for what you have, you need to think of you... Stay where you are!!! Worrying about the future just brings us that, worry... None of us asked to be ill, but we are, none of us asked to be put in assisted care, but some of us are... What will happen to us in the future will happen, we can't stop that... Going to live with your Mother is not going to stop you from going to a nursing home if that should arise is it??? Living on your own is not going to stop it either, but in your own place you have to answer to no one but yourself... If and when your Mom goes on to a better place, sounds like you will get half of her estate, you can then take care of your home you have by up keeping it or getting something that you can afford in the place that you like... Sounds like your Mom is lonesome and just wants company... Is she close enough to visit you or you visit her??? If she's lived there a long time she should have friends that she can rely on and visit with... Your brother is there he can always stop in and check on her and care for her... Just don't take on the guilt trip that they might put upon you, you have nothing to feel guilty about... Just my 2 cents worth! )

I do know what family squabbles are, I'm caught in one right now, our family is split in half because of lies from our step mother, its 3 to 3! The only reason I'm in the ousts is because I'm still talking with and seeing the 2 brothers that She doesn't want any of us to have anything to do with ! I'm sorry, but I politely said! " I'm 55 years old, (this started almost 2 years ago) I think I'm old enough to decide on my own who and who not I want to talk with and see..." So She convinced my 2 brothers and sister that not to talk with me either and they always do as she says! Sorry I'm not a robot...

You have to decide on your own Willow, we can all make suggestions, but only you can really decide...

((( Soft Hugs )))Helen

What I wanted to ask you, my peers with disabilities,if this is an issue in your life. My marriagedissolved due to my illnesses. My parents did notunderstand how ill I was for years. Now that she haslost my dad and DOES at last understand I'm truly ill,my mom is determined to make me give up my trailer inthe country to come and live with her once again. Shedangles the fact that I could save money to buy out mybrother's half of the family home when she dies. I'vetold her every way I know that I am happy here. It'swhat I've always wanted. I have friends that help me -one who treats me like a sister and does everything Ineed. I have the only MD who has adequately treatedall my illnesses.The taxes are lower. I can manage onmy disability check. Yes, I will have to buy a newtrailer or build a small house because my place is 30years old. I really felt guided to live here and Ihave been quite happy here. My brother hasn't spokento me in 11 years because of a squabble I had with hiswife. She had written me a nasty letter about comingand helping when my dad was sick when I was firstfighting cancer myself. Mom says that if I move therewhile she's alive, my brother will come around andform a relationship with me. He hasn't come around in11 years and I've done everything possible (even by myparents standards)to mend the relationship. I havefriends who treat me better than family, althoughsince my father died my Mom has begun to understand myillnesses. Like everyone, I guess, I do NOT want to ever have togo to a nursing home. I worked in one for 4 years.Assisted living would be acceptable, but not wishedfor. How do you guys feel when you look at yourfutures? I really need the advice of people who havewalked in my shoes (rode in my wheelchair???<smile>); )Willow

"When life's problems seem overwhelming, look around and see what other people are coping with. You may consider yourself fortunate."Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com.

[Guest guest]

Dear Helen,

You are absolutely correct and I agree with what you

pointed out. I am sorry that you are also having

family problems. I think that the main lesson we are

to learn on this earth is to learn love. I'm glad I'm

not the one grading the papers ; )

I have no intention of returning to Nashville. I wish

you could see my place. I have a single-wide trailer

that is painted with 3 soft shades of green and a

brown porch and carport. My trailer is surrounded by

at least 25 mature trees. There is such a feeling of

peace here. When I first moved in, butterflies were

landing on my arms which are heavily freckled and

trying to get nectar from my spots. I've had deer

stroll casually down the driveway and down the road in

front of the house. My horse is still in the backyard

(I gave it to the lady who helps me so much).I have

planted some perennial flowers and will plant more. My

neighbor has always mowed my lawn - that's six years

for free. THIS is where I'm supposed to be.

I'm glad you are doing better and I hope that your

husband does well too.

Thanks for your concern!

Love,

Willow

--- angelbear1129@... wrote:

>

>

> Hi Willow!

> Glad your back with us, was worrying there for a

> bit...

> Here's my 2 cents worth, Your happy where you are,

> your financially able to

> care for what you have, you need to think of you...

> Stay where you are!!!

> Worrying about the future just brings us that,

> worry... None of us asked to

> be ill, but we are, none of us asked to be put in

> assisted care, but some of

> us are... What will happen to us in the future will

> happen, we can't stop

> that... Going to live with your Mother is not going

> to stop you from going to a

> nursing home if that should arise is it??? Living

> on your own is not going

> to stop it either, but in your own place you have to

> answer to no one but

> yourself... If and when your Mom goes on to a

> better place, sounds like you

> will get half of her estate, you can then take care

> of your home you have by up

> keeping it or getting something that you can afford

> in the place that you

> like... Sounds like your Mom is lonesome and just

> wants company... Is she

> close enough to visit you or you visit her??? If

> she's lived there a long time

> she should have friends that she can rely on and

> visit with... Your brother

> is there he can always stop in and check on her and

> care for her... Just

> don't take on the guilt trip that they might put

> upon you, you have nothing to

> feel guilty about... Just my 2 cents worth! )

> I do know what family squabbles are, I'm caught in

> one right now, our

> family is split in half because of lies from our

> step mother, its 3 to 3! The

> only reason I'm in the ousts is because I'm still

> talking with and seeing the 2

> brothers that She doesn't want any of us to have

> anything to do with ! I'm

> sorry, but I politely said! " I'm 55 years old,

> (this started almost 2 years

> ago) I think I'm old enough to decide on my own who

> and who not I want to

> talk with and see... " So She convinced my 2

> brothers and sister that not to

> talk with me either and they always do as she says!

> Sorry I'm not a robot...

> You have to decide on your own Willow, we can all

> make suggestions, but

> only you can really decide...

> ((( Soft Hugs )))

> Helen

>

>

> What I wanted to ask you, my peers with

> disabilities,

> if this is an issue in your life. My marriage

> dissolved due to my illnesses. My parents did not

> understand how ill I was for years. Now that she has

> lost my dad and DOES at last understand I'm truly

> ill,

> my mom is determined to make me give up my trailer

> in

> the country to come and live with her once again.

> She

> dangles the fact that I could save money to buy out

> my

> brother's half of the family home when she dies.

> I've

> told her every way I know that I am happy here.

> It's

> what I've always wanted. I have friends that help me

> -

> one who treats me like a sister and does everything

> I

> need. I have the only MD who has adequately treated

> all my illnesses.The taxes are lower. I can manage

> on

> my disability check. Yes, I will have to buy a new

> trailer or build a small house because my place is

> 30

> years old. I really felt guided to live here and I

> have been quite happy here. My brother hasn't spoken

> to me in 11 years because of a squabble I had with

> his

> wife. She had written me a nasty letter about

> coming

> and helping when my dad was sick when I was first

> fighting cancer myself. Mom says that if I move

> there

> while she's alive, my brother will come around and

> form a relationship with me. He hasn't come around

> in

> 11 years and I've done everything possible (even by

> my

> parents standards)to mend the relationship. I have

> friends who treat me better than family, although

> since my father died my Mom has begun to understand

> my

> illnesses.

>

> Like everyone, I guess, I do NOT want to ever have

> to

> go to a nursing home. I worked in one for 4 years.

> Assisted living would be acceptable, but not wished

> for. How do you guys feel when you look at your

> futures? I really need the advice of people who have

> walked in my shoes (rode in my

> wheelchair??w<smile>)

>

> ; )

>

> Willow

>

>

>

>

>

>

> " When life's problems seem overwhelming,

> look around and see what other people are coping

> with. You may consider

> yourself fortunate. "

>

>

>

>

> ************************************** Get a sneak

> peek of the all-new AOL at

> http://discover.aol.com/memed/aolcom30tour

>

[Guest guest]

Willow-

As a fellow CFSer, I know how helpless it can feel at times. I swear

that every relapse I went through, even though they were less and

less often, I would lay there in terror, thinking that " this time is

it " and Id never get up again. It takes a lot of self- brainwashing

to not panic.

Heres what im going through:

I had a great business in Chgo as an organic landscaping company for

15 yrs, founded a NFP org, had a life like a normal person does.

Then the CFS hit and i really struggled terribly to keep going,

eventually just screwing it all up due to my being so brainfogged

and weak. Landscaping really isnt a business that can be done from

bed. During relapses, I lose ALL my memory and become totally

confused when I come out of it. It was impossible to do what i was

trying to do. I had to give it up.

My mom was simultaneously getting more ill with Alzheimers and

dementia. And she was a big abuser to me as a kid Willow. Im

talking the real deal " abuser " . Beatings, hatefulness, fueled by

her bipolar issues and self medicating etc...

So the thought of having to live with her was pretty horrifying.

However, the demntia made her into a very agreeable old lady and it

has been good.....weirdly good. We have become " friends " of sorts.

Maybe because both of us have been incapacitated to a degree. and

now, with her cancer, our roles have changed even more. This really

is " just " a phase that you and i are going through. i dont know

what the next phase will be, but i find it oddly comforting that

whatever Im in the midst of, that " change " will occur eventually.

OK.... that being said and no, I do know it doesnt apply to most

other people with our pasts, I am in extreme financial crisis. I

actually live on something like 200.00 a month after my bills from

Chgo are paid. And her SS covers her meds and the bills here. So

we are talking about walking a crazy thin tightrope.

but i have been here 9 months already, and nothing REALLY bad has

happened. So i am assuming that my luck will continue and am not

worrying about things like money and bills right now. As a matter

of fact, my boyfrieed will be calling creditors for me this week,

telling them nothing is going to happen for at least 6 months for

them. He will be dealing with my old accountant as well. Because I

dont have the life-energy to do all of that on top of carng for the

mom now.

Where was i going with this..... ok. You dont have to make any

decisions right now Willow. THATS what I meant to say. You can

tell your mom that you arent prepared for that type of life change

right now, but may take her up on it in the future.

As for the brother being an idiot (and thats just idiotic behavior,

not talking) you cant do anything to change that. He will have to

do that himself. and there is no promise he ever will, so it almost

isnt worth even thinking about. if you have done everythin gthat

you know how to -to make things right, then its time to gve it up

and let him figure things out for himself.

But...try to remember that this is a phase. Try other things to get

your CFS helped. Keep your options & heart and eyes open. Stay

where you are happiest right now. And dont make any decisions until

you feel like you want to. I always think i have to make decisions

right then, but i dont have to. I dont even have to answer a direct

question until I want to. I have to live life on my terms for the

time being. so a lot of people; creditors, friends, family &

business associates, etc... are just going to have to deal with it.

I sure have had to deal with their " stuff " often enough.

be good to yourself- Tilia

>

>

>

> Hi Willow!

> Glad your back with us, was worrying there for a bit...

> Here's my 2 cents worth, Your happy where you are, your

financially able to

> care for what you have, you need to think of you... Stay where

you are!!!

> Worrying about the future just brings us that, worry... None of

us asked to

> be ill, but we are, none of us asked to be put in assisted care,

but some of

> us are... What will happen to us in the future will happen, we

can't stop

> that... Going to live with your Mother is not going to stop you

from going to a

> nursing home if that should arise is it??? Living on your own is

not going

> to stop it either, but in your own place you have to answer to no

one but

> yourself... If and when your Mom goes on to a better place,

sounds like you

> will get half of her estate, you can then take care of your home

you have by up

> keeping it or getting something that you can afford in the place

that you

> like... Sounds like your Mom is lonesome and just wants

company... Is she

> close enough to visit you or you visit her??? If she's lived

there a long time

> she should have friends that she can rely on and visit with...

Your brother

> is there he can always stop in and check on her and care for

her... Just

> don't take on the guilt trip that they might put upon you, you

have nothing to

> feel guilty about... Just my 2 cents worth! )

> I do know what family squabbles are, I'm caught in one right

now, our

> family is split in half because of lies from our step mother, its

3 to 3! The

> only reason I'm in the ousts is because I'm still talking with

and seeing the 2

> brothers that She doesn't want any of us to have anything to do

with ! I'm

> sorry, but I politely said! " I'm 55 years old, (this started

almost 2 years

> ago) I think I'm old enough to decide on my own who and who not I

want to

> talk with and see... " So She convinced my 2 brothers and sister

that not to

> talk with me either and they always do as she says! Sorry I'm

not a robot...

> You have to decide on your own Willow, we can all make

suggestions, but

> only you can really decide...

> ((( Soft Hugs )))

> Helen

>

>

> What I wanted to ask you, my peers with disabilities,

> if this is an issue in your life. My marriage

> dissolved due to my illnesses. My parents did not

> understand how ill I was for years. Now that she has

> lost my dad and DOES at last understand I'm truly ill,

> my mom is determined to make me give up my trailer in

> the country to come and live with her once again. She

> dangles the fact that I could save money to buy out my

> brother's half of the family home when she dies. I've

> told her every way I know that I am happy here. It's

> what I've always wanted. I have friends that help me -

> one who treats me like a sister and does everything I

> need. I have the only MD who has adequately treated

> all my illnesses.The taxes are lower. I can manage on

> my disability check. Yes, I will have to buy a new

> trailer or build a small house because my place is 30

> years old. I really felt guided to live here and I

> have been quite happy here. My brother hasn't spoken

> to me in 11 years because of a squabble I had with his

> wife. She had written me a nasty letter about coming

> and helping when my dad was sick when I was first

> fighting cancer myself. Mom says that if I move there

> while she's alive, my brother will come around and

> form a relationship with me. He hasn't come around in

> 11 years and I've done everything possible (even by my

> parents standards)to mend the relationship. I have

> friends who treat me better than family, although

> since my father died my Mom has begun to understand my

> illnesses.

>

> Like everyone, I guess, I do NOT want to ever have to

> go to a nursing home. I worked in one for 4 years.

> Assisted living would be acceptable, but not wished

> for. How do you guys feel when you look at your

> futures? I really need the advice of people who have

> walked in my shoes (rode in my wheelchair??w<smile>)

>

> ; )

>

> Willow

>

>

>

>

>

>

> " When life's problems seem overwhelming,

> look around and see what other people are coping with. You may

consider

> yourself fortunate. "

>

>

>

>

> ************************************** Get a sneak peek of the all-

new AOL at

> http://discover.aol.com/memed/aolcom30tour

>

[Guest guest]

Ah Willow, with all that additional info, seems to me that there is NO question about whether you go or stay!

What you have where you are sounds just right.

To be your best for all concerned, I'd agree you stay where you are.

Sorry, Mom, but no, not moving to your house.

hugs, Jean

Re: Willow__

Dear Helen,You are absolutely correct and I agree with what youpointed out. I am sorry that you are also havingfamily problems. I think that the main lesson we areto learn on this earth is to learn love. I'm glad I'mnot the one grading the papers ; )I have no intention of returning to Nashville. I wishyou could see my place. I have a single-wide trailerthat is painted with 3 soft shades of green and abrown porch and carport. My trailer is surrounded byat least 25 mature trees. There is such a feeling ofpeace here. When I first moved in, butterflies werelanding on my arms which are heavily freckled andtrying to get nectar from my spots. I've had deerstroll casually down the driveway and down the road infront of the house. My horse is still in the backyard(I gave it to the lady who helps me so much).I haveplanted some perennial flowers and will plant more. Myneighbor has always mowed my lawn - that's six yearsfor free. THIS is where I'm supposed to be.I'm glad you are doing better and I hope that yourhusband does well too.Thanks for your concern!Love,Willow--- angelbear1129aol wrote:> > > Hi Willow!> Glad your back with us, was worrying there for a> bit...> Here's my 2 cents worth, Your happy where you are,> your financially able to > care for what you have, you need to think of you... > Stay where you are!!! > Worrying about the future just brings us that,> worry... None of us asked to > be ill, but we are, none of us asked to be put in> assisted care, but some of > us are... What will happen to us in the future will> happen, we can't stop > that... Going to live with your Mother is not going> to stop you from going to a > nursing home if that should arise is it??? Living> on your own is not going > to stop it either, but in your own place you have to> answer to no one but > yourself... If and when your Mom goes on to a> better place, sounds like you > will get half of her estate, you can then take care> of your home you have by up > keeping it or getting something that you can afford> in the place that you > like... Sounds like your Mom is lonesome and just> wants company... Is she > close enough to visit you or you visit her??? If > she's lived there a long time > she should have friends that she can rely on and > visit with... Your brother > is there he can always stop in and check on her and> care for her... Just > don't take on the guilt trip that they might put > upon you, you have nothing to > feel guilty about... Just my 2 cents worth! )> I do know what family squabbles are, I'm caught in> one right now, our > family is split in half because of lies from our> step mother, its 3 to 3! The > only reason I'm in the ousts is because I'm still> talking with and seeing the 2 > brothers that She doesn't want any of us to have> anything to do with ! I'm > sorry, but I politely said! " I'm 55 years old,> (this started almost 2 years > ago) I think I'm old enough to decide on my own who> and who not I want to > talk with and see..." So She convinced my 2> brothers and sister that not to > talk with me either and they always do as she says! > Sorry I'm not a robot...> You have to decide on your own Willow, we can all> make suggestions, but > only you can really decide...> ((( Soft Hugs )))> Helen> > > What I wanted to ask you, my peers with> disabilities,> if this is an issue in your life. My marriage> dissolved due to my illnesses. My parents did not> understand how ill I was for years. Now that she has> lost my dad and DOES at last understand I'm truly> ill,> my mom is determined to make me give up my trailer> in> the country to come and live with her once again. > She> dangles the fact that I could save money to buy out> my> brother's half of the family home when she dies.> I've> told her every way I know that I am happy here.> It's> what I've always wanted. I have friends that help me> -> one who treats me like a sister and does everything> I> need. I have the only MD who has adequately treated> all my illnesses.The taxes are lower. I can manage> on> my disability check. Yes, I will have to buy a new> trailer or build a small house because my place is> 30> years old. I really felt guided to live here and I> have been quite happy here. My brother hasn't spoken> to me in 11 years because of a squabble I had with> his> wife. She had written me a nasty letter about> coming> and helping when my dad was sick when I was first> fighting cancer myself. Mom says that if I move> there> while she's alive, my brother will come around and> form a relationship with me. He hasn't come around> in> 11 years and I've done everything possible (even by > my> parents standards)to mend the relationship. I have> friends who treat me better than family, although> since my father died my Mom has begun to understand> my> illnesses. > > Like everyone, I guess, I do NOT want to ever have> to> go to a nursing home. I worked in one for 4 years.> Assisted living would be acceptable, but not wished> for. How do you guys feel when you look at your> futures? I really need the advice of people who have> walked in my shoes (rode in my> wheelchair??w<smile>)> > ; )> > Willow> > > > > > > "When life's problems seem overwhelming, > look around and see what other people are coping> with. You may consider > yourself fortunate."> > > > > ************************************** Get a sneak> peek of the all-new AOL at > http://discover.aol.com/memed/aolcom30tour>

[Guest guest]

Hi Willow,

I'm glad you decided to stay where you are... Sounds like you have a lovely place there... There's no place like home!!! )

Hubby see's the Dr. next tues. hopefully they will be able to fix him up. We're worried about him being able to do the steps here though, we have an old farm house and he has to get up 4 steps to just get into the house...Plus the bedrooms are upstairs... We already put a bed in the living room as he is unable now to manage the steps now... He's getting some what down because he is unable to do anything to help out around here, I try to make light of it but I know how and why he's feeling that way ( He is always so active doing everything.,He was taking care of our place, his Dads place and part of his sister's and now he is unable to do anything for anyone including himself... I just hope we don't have to move into a one story place as that will be an unbelievable task for us to do... We have 40 years of accumulation here! Besides, I don't think we'd get that much for our old house and there's no way we could afford a mortgage, ours has been paid off for over 16 years... House's in our area average $165 thousand!!! That's unbelievable...

Family problems around here are the norm... No one even told me my younger brother had had a stroke! The 3 of us that are in the oust keep trying to include the other ones in everything, but they never show up or call... I figure it's their loss, not mine, you can only do so much, everything can not be just their way... Same as you said, I'm not the Judge and Jury, they can do as they wish...

Oh well...

((( Happier Hugs )))Helen

Dear Helen,You are absolutely correct and I agree with what youpointed out. I am sorry that you are also havingfamily problems. I think that the main lesson we areto learn on this earth is to learn love. I'm glad I'mnot the one grading the papers ; )I have no intention of returning to Nashville. I wishyou could see my place. I have a single-wide trailerthat is painted with 3 soft shades of green and abrown porch and carport. My trailer is surrounded byat least 25 mature trees. There is such a feeling ofpeace here. When I first moved in, butterflies werelanding on my arms which are heavily freckled andtrying to get nectar from my spots. I've had deerstroll casually down the driveway and down the road infront of the house. My horse is still in the backyard(I gave it to the lady who helps me so much).I haveplanted some perennial flowers and will plant more. Myneighbor has always mowed my lawn - that's six yearsfor free. THIS is where I'm supposed to be.I'm glad you are doing better and I hope that yourhusband does well too.Thanks for your concern!Love,Willow

"When life's problems seem overwhelming, look around and see what other people are coping with. You may consider yourself fortunate."Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com.

[Guest guest]

Dear Tilia,

I appreciate so much that you take your time and

energy to share with me when you really must not feel

well yourself. I agree with so much of what you said.

You accomplished so much in this part of your life. I

had too. I had to turn it over to other people a

little bit at a time. It has taught me a lot about

boundaries and self-worth. Taking care of ourselves is

a primary objective in this life. Yes, we need to help

others, but we have to take care of ourselves in order

to be able to help other people.

Financial responsibility is another prime

responsibility. My divorce cost me $20,000 because my

husband would not do things in a timely manner and

thought he deserved everthing we had after a 28year

marriage. In the end I DID give him most of what we

had acquired as a couple and took the things I brought

into the marriage with me.

Because my hubby had done the finances by himself and

never showed me, it was hard to remember how to take

care of my finances. I didn't know how much it cost

for home or car insurance. I had some lessons to learn

on taking care of myself. Since I DID learn those

lessons, I know I can take care of me financially.

Money will always be tight, but I can manage.

I have the only MD here who has ever been able to

manage all my health problems. His trust and working

with me has been a lifesaver. I'm prone to heavy,

heavy nosebleeds. Between Thanksgiving and New Years

last year, I was in the ER with tremendous nosebleeds.

I could lose a pint of blood at a time. I had to go to

the ER 3 times on Christmas Day. My next-door neighbor

drove me all 3 times. Since the ER cauterizes inside

my nose once it's stopped bleeding, I asked my MD if

he could give me some of what the ER used to cauterize

my nose. He prescribed it for me. I had a more

hands-on practice that the usual pharmacist. That has

come in very handy. My doctors let me do more than the

average doc would let the average patient do.

I know that any one of the spokes of this wheel I call

life could break and need to be changed at any time,

but for now, I've got things under apparent control

and I am HAPPY. That's what I have to measure my

situation against. Am I happy? Am I getting by

financially? Do I have good MD's? Am I eating

nutritous foods that I can prepare without too much

fuss? If all of those parts of my world are in place,

I think I'm doing okay IMHO. I know my mom does not

believe that this is my situation, but that is HER

problem. I am not going to substitute anyone's

judgement for mine.

I know that these goals will be harder some days than

others. That's when it's so wonderful to have friends

who don't judge. They just have my well-being in mind.

I appreciate all of you more than you'll ever know.

Love,

Willow

--- tednkate <acermay@...> wrote:

> Willow-

>

> As a fellow CFSer, I know how helpless it can feel

> at times. I swear

> that every relapse I went through, even though they

> were less and

> less often, I would lay there in terror, thinking

> that " this time is

> it " and Id never get up again. It takes a lot of

> self- brainwashing

> to not panic.

>

> Heres what im going through:

>

> I had a great business in Chgo as an organic

> landscaping company for

> 15 yrs, founded a NFP org, had a life like a normal

> person does.

> Then the CFS hit and i really struggled terribly to

> keep going,

> eventually just screwing it all up due to my being

> so brainfogged

> and weak. Landscaping really isnt a business that

> can be done from

> bed. During relapses, I lose ALL my memory and

> become totally

> confused when I come out of it. It was impossible

> to do what i was

> trying to do. I had to give it up.

>

> My mom was simultaneously getting more ill with

> Alzheimers and

> dementia. And she was a big abuser to me as a kid

> Willow. Im

> talking the real deal " abuser " . Beatings,

> hatefulness, fueled by

> her bipolar issues and self medicating etc...

>

> So the thought of having to live with her was pretty

> horrifying.

> However, the demntia made her into a very agreeable

> old lady and it

> has been good.....weirdly good. We have become

> " friends " of sorts.

> Maybe because both of us have been incapacitated to

> a degree. and

> now, with her cancer, our roles have changed even

> more. This really

> is " just " a phase that you and i are going through.

> i dont know

> what the next phase will be, but i find it oddly

> comforting that

> whatever Im in the midst of, that " change " will

> occur eventually.

>

> OK.... that being said and no, I do know it doesnt

> apply to most

> other people with our pasts, I am in extreme

> financial crisis. I

> actually live on something like 200.00 a month after

> my bills from

> Chgo are paid. And her SS covers her meds and the

> bills here. So

> we are talking about walking a crazy thin tightrope.

>

> but i have been here 9 months already, and nothing

> REALLY bad has

> happened. So i am assuming that my luck will

> continue and am not

> worrying about things like money and bills right

> now. As a matter

> of fact, my boyfrieed will be calling creditors for

> me this week,

> telling them nothing is going to happen for at least

> 6 months for

> them. He will be dealing with my old accountant as

> well. Because I

> dont have the life-energy to do all of that on top

> of carng for the

> mom now.

>

> Where was i going with this..... ok. You dont have

> to make any

> decisions right now Willow. THATS what I meant to

> say. You can

> tell your mom that you arent prepared for that type

> of life change

> right now, but may take her up on it in the future.

>

> As for the brother being an idiot (and thats just

> idiotic behavior,

> not talking) you cant do anything to change that.

> He will have to

> do that himself. and there is no promise he ever

> will, so it almost

> isnt worth even thinking about. if you have done

> everythin gthat

> you know how to -to make things right, then its time

> to gve it up

> and let him figure things out for himself.

>

> But...try to remember that this is a phase. Try

> other things to get

> your CFS helped. Keep your options & heart and eyes

> open. Stay

> where you are happiest right now. And dont make any

> decisions until

> you feel like you want to. I always think i have to

> make decisions

> right then, but i dont have to. I dont even have to

> answer a direct

> question until I want to. I have to live life on my

> terms for the

> time being. so a lot of people; creditors, friends,

> family &

> business associates, etc... are just going to have

> to deal with it.

>

> I sure have had to deal with their " stuff " often

> enough.

>

> be good to yourself- Tilia

>

>

>

>

>

>

> >

> >

> >

> > Hi Willow!

> > Glad your back with us, was worrying there for a

> bit...

> > Here's my 2 cents worth, Your happy where you are,

> your

> financially able to

> > care for what you have, you need to think of

> you... Stay where

> you are!!!

> > Worrying about the future just brings us that,

> worry... None of

> us asked to

> > be ill, but we are, none of us asked to be put in

> assisted care,

> but some of

> > us are... What will happen to us in the future

> will happen, we

> can't stop

> > that... Going to live with your Mother is not

> going to stop you

> from going to a

> > nursing home if that should arise is it??? Living

> on your own is

> not going

> > to stop it either, but in your own place you have

> to answer to no

> one but

> > yourself... If and when your Mom goes on to a

> better place,

> sounds like you

> > will get half of her estate, you can then take

> care of your home

> you have by up

> > keeping it or getting something that you can

> afford in the place

> that you

> > like... Sounds like your Mom is lonesome and just

> wants

> company... Is she

> > close enough to visit you or you visit her??? If

> she's lived

> there a long time

> > she should have friends that she can rely on and

> visit with...

> Your brother

> > is there he can always stop in and check on her

> and care for

> her... Just

> > don't take on the guilt trip that they might put

> upon you, you

> have nothing to

> > feel guilty about... Just my 2 cents worth! )

> > I do know what family squabbles are, I'm caught

> in one right

> now, our

> > family is split in half because of lies from our

> step mother, its

> 3 to 3! The

> > only reason I'm in the ousts is because I'm still

> talking with

> and seeing the 2

> > brothers that She doesn't want any of us to have

> anything to do

> with ! I'm

> > sorry, but I politely said! " I'm 55 years old,

> (this started

> almost 2 years

> > ago) I think I'm old enough to decide on my own

> who and who not I

>

=== message truncated ===

[Guest guest]

Willow-

It never ceases to amaze me how many people i know who have lost so

much- yet can swear that they have a true " happiness " with in

themselves.

I certainly unerstand your comparing your carefully balanced life

with the spokes of a wheel. I feel that way myself right now.

the nose bleeds soudn pretty scary! Good thing you have a good Dr.

Take care- Tilia

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Hi Willow!

> > > Glad your back with us, was worrying there for a

> > bit...

> > > Here's my 2 cents worth, Your happy where you are,

> > your

> > financially able to

> > > care for what you have, you need to think of

> > you... Stay where

> > you are!!!

> > > Worrying about the future just brings us that,

> > worry... None of

> > us asked to

> > > be ill, but we are, none of us asked to be put in

> > assisted care,

> > but some of

> > > us are... What will happen to us in the future

> > will happen, we

> > can't stop

> > > that... Going to live with your Mother is not

> > going to stop you

> > from going to a

> > > nursing home if that should arise is it??? Living

> > on your own is

> > not going

> > > to stop it either, but in your own place you have

> > to answer to no

> > one but

> > > yourself... If and when your Mom goes on to a

> > better place,

> > sounds like you

> > > will get half of her estate, you can then take

> > care of your home

> > you have by up

> > > keeping it or getting something that you can

> > afford in the place

> > that you

> > > like... Sounds like your Mom is lonesome and just

> > wants

> > company... Is she

> > > close enough to visit you or you visit her??? If

> > she's lived

> > there a long time

> > > she should have friends that she can rely on and

> > visit with...

> > Your brother

> > > is there he can always stop in and check on her

> > and care for

> > her... Just

> > > don't take on the guilt trip that they might put

> > upon you, you

> > have nothing to

> > > feel guilty about... Just my 2 cents worth! )

> > > I do know what family squabbles are, I'm caught

> > in one right

> > now, our

> > > family is split in half because of lies from our

> > step mother, its

> > 3 to 3! The

> > > only reason I'm in the ousts is because I'm still

> > talking with

> > and seeing the 2

> > > brothers that She doesn't want any of us to have

> > anything to do

> > with ! I'm

> > > sorry, but I politely said! " I'm 55 years old,

> > (this started

> > almost 2 years

> > > ago) I think I'm old enough to decide on my own

> > who and who not I

> >

> === message truncated ===

>