Separation anxiety

[Guest guest]

Dear

When my daughter Annie was first ill with OCD (sudden onset after encephalitis at 4) she had the WORST separation anxiety imaginable. She flipped out if I stepped outside to put the garbage out, she wouldn't go into anyone's house or car, she turned white and shook (and panicked about vomiting, of course!) when she had to go to preschool, etc. And yes, she wouldn't sleep because of all the "what ifs". It gradually got better, but it took a long time. She wasn't diagnosed with OCD for several more years (lots of incompetent doctors later) so I don't know if we would have resolved that issue earlier if she had been. I know severe separation anxiety often appears in kids with sudden onset OCD. But don't panic - your son may just have separation anxiety and nothing else! (My non-OCDer seems to have social anxiety - I guess it would be too much to ask to have a kid with NO problems!) I know that no amount of wheedling, reasoning etc. helped - and neither did all the "helpful" comments of everyone who thought I was just a loser of a parent. Hang in there - someone on this list, or your pediatrician, or your other son's therapist (if he has one) will have some helpful advice. I just have TONS of empathy!!

, previously attached like glue to Annie (8) who now had just the opposite problem! (I can never find her!)

[Guest guest]

Hi you wrote:

> Well - has anyone had any similar [separation] anxiety experiences???

Yes, when Kel had her onset, she suddenly could not bear being in even a

different room from me, and if I turned to take a few steps across a room,

she'd leap up fearfully, demanding to know where I was going. I couldn't

take the trash out (even though she could see me the whole way while walking

to the trash can and back) or use the bathroom or anything else that meant

even a moment's separation without causing her great distress.

What made this very strange is that since Kel could crawl, she made it

pretty plain that it was *my* job to keep up with *her.* The sudden extreme

separation anxiety was bizarre from this formerly (too, IMO) independent

kid.

Dr. E. Swedo of the NIMH (PANDAS researcher) lists abrupt onset of

separation anxiety among her list of PANDAS symptoms. PANDAS is the strep

infection-induced variant of OCD. When your kids are having this symptom,

do they appear ill or have you noticed that they were ill just previously?

We once " caught " Kel with elevated strep titers (and wildly worse OCD

symptoms, plus onset of tics) and she had not been sick at all--well, she

had obviously had a strep infection, but she had had no symptoms of this

other than the abruptly worse OCD.

We had another OCD child on the list awhile back who drug his mattress into

his parent's room to monitor if they tried to leave. This obsessional worry

that he needs to watch you or something bad can happen is straight OCD and

ERP is probably the best approach to free him of it.

Kathy R. in Indiana

[Guest guest]

Hi,

We have had similar experiences with although I suspect for

different reasons. He began getting upset when Joe and I would go

out for dinner or when I had plans (he seems more attached to me than

Joe). However, he expresses concern that he will be overwhelmed with

compulsive behavior if we (I) are not there. We, of course,

accomodated his anxiety by discontinuing a lot of our going out (big

mistake!!). This continues to be a problem, but has lessened since I

have quit accomodating his anxiety. He still follows me from room to

room to come up with a " plan " or schedule for the day. I feel

suffocated by him. I don't know how he will do when I am in Denver,

but to be perfectly honest, I really don't care. As you might guess,

its been a tough day.

Melinda S.

Dallas

> > Well - has anyone had any similar [separation] anxiety

experiences???

>

> Yes, when Kel had her onset, she suddenly could not bear being in

even a

> different room from me, and if I turned to take a few steps across

a room,

> she'd leap up fearfully, demanding to know where I was going. I

couldn't

> take the trash out (even though she could see me the whole way

while walking

> to the trash can and back) or use the bathroom or anything else

that meant

> even a moment's separation without causing her great distress.

>

> What made this very strange is that since Kel could crawl, she made

it

> pretty plain that it was *my* job to keep up with *her.* The

sudden extreme

> separation anxiety was bizarre from this formerly (too, IMO)

independent

> kid.

>

> Dr. E. Swedo of the NIMH (PANDAS researcher) lists abrupt

onset of

> separation anxiety among her list of PANDAS symptoms. PANDAS is

the strep

> infection-induced variant of OCD. When your kids are having this

symptom,

> do they appear ill or have you noticed that they were ill just

previously?

> We once " caught " Kel with elevated strep titers (and wildly worse

OCD

> symptoms, plus onset of tics) and she had not been sick at all--

well, she

> had obviously had a strep infection, but she had had no symptoms of

this

> other than the abruptly worse OCD.

>

> We had another OCD child on the list awhile back who drug his

mattress into

> his parent's room to monitor if they tried to leave. This

obsessional worry

> that he needs to watch you or something bad can happen is straight

OCD and

> ERP is probably the best approach to free him of it.

>

> Kathy R. in Indiana

[Guest guest]

Melinda -

I can identify with the " suffocation. " I said just a little while

ago to that I know why he thinks I'll leave him - he follows me

to every room or to find out where I'm at, and I sometimes say " go

away!! " He did say, " no " that's not why he feels that way.

I can also identify with the " don't care " how does while

you're away. If we didn't live with my mom (who doesn't want us here

anyway) I'd probably " not care " more often; which would help me to

not " enable " 's OCD sometimes and to finally put a stop to my

16 y/o's " I'll do what I want " attitude! ENJOY DENVER!!!!

> > > Well - has anyone had any similar [separation] anxiety

> experiences???

> >

> > Yes, when Kel had her onset, she suddenly could not bear being in

> even a

> > different room from me, and if I turned to take a few steps

across

> a room,

> > she'd leap up fearfully, demanding to know where I was going. I

> couldn't

> > take the trash out (even though she could see me the whole way

> while walking

> > to the trash can and back) or use the bathroom or anything else

> that meant

> > even a moment's separation without causing her great distress.

> >

> > What made this very strange is that since Kel could crawl, she

made

> it

> > pretty plain that it was *my* job to keep up with *her.* The

> sudden extreme

> > separation anxiety was bizarre from this formerly (too, IMO)

> independent

> > kid.

> >

> > Dr. E. Swedo of the NIMH (PANDAS researcher) lists abrupt

> onset of

> > separation anxiety among her list of PANDAS symptoms. PANDAS is

> the strep

> > infection-induced variant of OCD. When your kids are having this

> symptom,

> > do they appear ill or have you noticed that they were ill just

> previously?

> > We once " caught " Kel with elevated strep titers (and wildly worse

> OCD

> > symptoms, plus onset of tics) and she had not been sick at all--

> well, she

> > had obviously had a strep infection, but she had had no symptoms

of

> this

> > other than the abruptly worse OCD.

> >

> > We had another OCD child on the list awhile back who drug his

> mattress into

> > his parent's room to monitor if they tried to leave. This

> obsessional worry

> > that he needs to watch you or something bad can happen is

straight

> OCD and

> > ERP is probably the best approach to free him of it.

> >

> > Kathy R. in Indiana

[Guest guest]

----- Original Message -----

From: <JSh1000@...>

> He still follows me from room to

> room to come up with a " plan " or schedule for the day. I feel

> suffocated by him. I don't know how he will do when I am in Denver,

> but to be perfectly honest, I really don't care. As you might guess,

> its been a tough day.

Hi Melinda, I got a smile out of this. Actually, he will get better while

you are in Denver and not accessible to do your part to keep OCD happy :-)

Another good reason to attend the conference, those of you who are

fence-sitting.

See you there,

Kathy R. in Indiana

[Guest guest]

Hi, Chris!

I can't believe how tough it must be to deal with children, as well

as OCD, while living in another's household! I would not be able to

force the sometimes horrendous situations on anyone else. That must

be so hard! I really applaud your efforts with your boys. I am so

sorry you won't be in Denver. I am looking forward to meeting

my " new friends " !

We had a tough situation this afternoon... was upset because

he couldn't " remember " (OCD doubts reign here) doing a specific

exercise. He wanted me to reassure him that he had done it or OK

doing it again. I would do neither. He had a major

meltdown...insisted that I " listen " which of course meant agree with

his plan. I finally walked out. Jeff had a party to attend and I

drove him to it. (Of course, he says on the way, " Aren't we going to

be way early? " :-) ) I drove around until Joe's car was gone...he

was to take to meet with someone about his Eagle Scout

project. I just couldn't stand it any more. And try as I might, I

couldn't find any humor in the situation!!!

Oh, well, enough whining.

Melinda S. Whose oldest is 3YEARS from leaving for college and is

counting the minutes! (me not him!)

> > > > Well - has anyone had any similar [separation] anxiety

> > experiences???

> > >

> > > Yes, when Kel had her onset, she suddenly could not bear being

in

> > even a

> > > different room from me, and if I turned to take a few steps

> across

> > a room,

> > > she'd leap up fearfully, demanding to know where I was going.

I

> > couldn't

> > > take the trash out (even though she could see me the whole way

> > while walking

> > > to the trash can and back) or use the bathroom or anything else

> > that meant

> > > even a moment's separation without causing her great distress.

> > >

> > > What made this very strange is that since Kel could crawl, she

> made

> > it

> > > pretty plain that it was *my* job to keep up with *her.* The

> > sudden extreme

> > > separation anxiety was bizarre from this formerly (too, IMO)

> > independent

> > > kid.

> > >

> > > Dr. E. Swedo of the NIMH (PANDAS researcher) lists abrupt

> > onset of

> > > separation anxiety among her list of PANDAS symptoms. PANDAS

is

> > the strep

> > > infection-induced variant of OCD. When your kids are having

this

> > symptom,

> > > do they appear ill or have you noticed that they were ill just

> > previously?

> > > We once " caught " Kel with elevated strep titers (and wildly

worse

> > OCD

> > > symptoms, plus onset of tics) and she had not been sick at all--

> > well, she

> > > had obviously had a strep infection, but she had had no

symptoms

> of

> > this

> > > other than the abruptly worse OCD.

> > >

> > > We had another OCD child on the list awhile back who drug his

> > mattress into

> > > his parent's room to monitor if they tried to leave. This

> > obsessional worry

> > > that he needs to watch you or something bad can happen is

> straight

> > OCD and

> > > ERP is probably the best approach to free him of it.

> > >

> > > Kathy R. in Indiana

[Guest guest]

Melinda,

also has had separation axiety problems although it is much better. We had to get a babysitter still when he was in 7th grade. He is more obsessive than compulsive with intrusive thoughts and worries. But last summer and again this summer, he was able to go to sleep away camp for 6 weeks. It was as if OCD took a holiday. It will still come and go, like if I am doing errands and he does know where I am or what I am doing he gets really worried. Once I was late picking him up from rowing last fall by about 25 minutes and he was so angry - I realized it wasn't because I was late, it was because he was so afraid there had been an accident, and he couldn't call my cell phone because they had locked the boat house already. So I apologized for being late (it really was my fault - I messed up the pick-up time) and said I knew he was worried, and to breathe, and relax, I am okay, nothing happened. And he got over it. Now he is in camp again, having the time of his life, and probably not giving me an extra thought.

See you in Denver.

Anne in CT

[Guest guest]

Hi, Lydia!

Sorry to hear that you are in the same boat as we are( is also

15 yo). It is hard to be joined at the hip after 15 years, isn't

it? Except with , it is a new phenomenon...it never bothered

him until OCD hit.

Joe and I have been going out to an occasional dinner lately. We

usually are gone about 1 1/2 hrs. seems to handle it OK when

we are gone, but is very anxious before we go. It's funny...his 14

yo brother reacts differently... " don't let the door hit you on the

way out! "

Oh, well. Keep us posted on your daughter's progress.

Melinda S.

Dallas

> > > > Well - has anyone had any similar [separation] anxiety

> > experiences???

> > >

> > > Yes, when Kel had her onset, she suddenly could not bear being

in

> > even a

> > > different room from me, and if I turned to take a few steps

across

> > a room,

> > > she'd leap up fearfully, demanding to know where I was going. I

> > couldn't

> > > take the trash out (even though she could see me the whole way

> > while walking

> > > to the trash can and back) or use the bathroom or anything else

> > that meant

> > > even a moment's separation without causing her great distress.

> > >

> > > What made this very strange is that since Kel could crawl, she

made

> > it

> > > pretty plain that it was *my* job to keep up with *her.* The

> > sudden extreme

> > > separation anxiety was bizarre from this formerly (too, IMO)

> > independent

> > > kid.

> > >

> > > Dr. E. Swedo of the NIMH (PANDAS researcher) lists abrupt

> > onset of

> > > separation anxiety among her list of PANDAS symptoms. PANDAS is

> > the strep

> > > infection-induced variant of OCD. When your kids are having

this

> > symptom,

> > > do they appear ill or have you noticed that they were ill just

> > previously?

> > > We once " caught " Kel with elevated strep titers (and wildly

worse

> > OCD

> > > symptoms, plus onset of tics) and she had not been sick at all--

> > well, she

> > > had obviously had a strep infection, but she had had no

symptoms of

> > this

> > > other than the abruptly worse OCD.

> > >

> > > We had another OCD child on the list awhile back who drug his

> > mattress into

> > > his parent's room to monitor if they tried to leave. This

> > obsessional worry

> > > that he needs to watch you or something bad can happen is

straight

> > OCD and

> > > ERP is probably the best approach to free him of it.

> > >

> > > Kathy R. in Indiana

> >

> > You may subscribe to the OCD-L by emailing listserv@v... . In

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> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

My son Austin is 5 and has begun school in a PDD

classroom. Every

morning is a battle. I am a single mom and I rely

on only myself to

get him up and ready and get him to daycare.

***********I’m

wondering two things, one if he is going to bed early enough, as at his age he

should be getting 10-11 hours per night. Melatonin is great if he has trouble

falling asleep. Secondly I am wondering if he is being rushed in the morning(I’m

not criticizing) I know my son was very slow in the AM when he was attending

Ps. I really had to make sure he was up early enough so he had time to do

things at his speed...slow…

started gagging on everything I put in front of

him and just refuses

to eat... then in turn he says he is sick and

can't go to school.

************my son will only eat certain

foods and then for months on end. He is 12 and can’t stand to look at

butter, peanut butter, macaroni and cheese and many other foods. Your son

probably does feel sick, probably from anxiety. This happened to my son,

stomach aches, headaches. This is something to be careful of, as at 9 my son

had severe anxiety, depression and OCD issues. It was very sad to see.

That is his way of being in control.. not eating.

And he knows if he

does this at school they will send him home. I have

been called three

times in the past two weeks to come get him

because he threw his

lunch up.

*********Is someone

making him eat lunch that he doesn’t want too, or rushing him…..

Every morning is a

battle... so bad that the neighbors

think I am beating him to death because Austin

will bang his head on

the walls, kick doors down, even pull knives out

on me to get my

attention.

***********This is very

serious, personally I would consider talking to a child Psychiatrist.

He tells me he hates

school, but I don't think that is the

issue. He says he wants me and he just doesn't

ever want to leave me.

I have no quiet moments at home until he finally

passes out at night.

I can't even go to the bathroom without him.

************This does

sound like a severe anxiety issue. Looking back, when my son wasn’t well

mentally he would be a nervous wreck about if I was in the house, outside, what

room I was in, etc.

This morning was the worst.. he kicked me so hard

I coughed up blood

and he crushed my glasses.. now I can't see. He

gets so upset and

enraged I am afraid of him.... I tell him that it

is ok to not like

school but he still has to go.. what else can I

do?

***********I feel you need to take him to

a Psy. This kind of behavior is really off, and you need some help…Let us

know what happens, Gail

[Guest guest]

Hi

My son was also very difficult to get up in the morning for school. Since he

is already five, you would need to get behavior support through the school

district. If you have a video camera, I would tape his behavior in the

morning. Request an emergency IEP, asking for behavior support. If they say

it not related to his academics, you tell them that you have to be able to

get him to school each morning. Take an advocate with you, to help push for

the behavior support. Even if you can't get the behaviorist for mroning

hours, have them view the tape, maybe they can give you suggestions of

things to do. Without intervention this behavior just escalates and your son

will just get stronger and stronger. My son is still hard to get up in the

morning, but now it more typical behavior, not like Austin's anymore. Really

push on the behavior, once you get approve, call all of them and tell you

need someone who can start right away. What city and state are you in ?

Maybe some of the other members can recommend a good behaviorist to you.

Hope this helps.

Angels

>From: " " <Jean.Myers@...>

>Reply-Autism and Aspergers Treatment

>Autism and Aspergers Treatment

>Subject: Separation Anxiety

>Date: Mon, 08 Nov 2004 14:15:11 -0000

>

>

>My son Austin is 5 and has begun school in a PDD classroom. Every

>morning is a battle. I am a single mom and I rely on only myself to

>get him up and ready and get him to daycare. Then at daycare a bus

>picks him up for school. As you all know kids with Aspergers can be

>extremely smart.... same goes for Austin. He has been studying other

>children and learning from their behaviors. Just recently Austin has

>started gagging on everything I put in front of him and just refuses

>to eat... then in turn he says he is sick and can't go to school.

>That is his way of being in control.. not eating. And he knows if he

>does this at school they will send him home. I have been called three

>times in the past two weeks to come get him because he threw his

>lunch up. Every morning is a battle... so bad that the neighbors

>think I am beating him to death because Austin will bang his head on

>the walls, kick doors down, even pull knives out on me to get my

>attention. He tells me he hates school, but I don't think that is the

>issue. He says he wants me and he just doesn't ever want to leave me.

>I have no quiet moments at home until he finally passes out at night.

>I can't even go to the bathroom without him. I just don't know what

>to do anymore... I need suggestions how to get him to get ready for

>school and start liking it before one or both of us gets hurt....

>This morning was the worst.. he kicked me so hard I coughed up blood

>and he crushed my glasses.. now I can't see. He gets so upset and

>enraged I am afraid of him.... I tell him that it is ok to not like

>school but he still has to go.. what else can I do?

>

>

>

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[Guest guest]

Austin is going to a psychiatrist... he has been going since he was

2. They want to just keep shoving more drugs down his throat... and

so far.. little to none have worked... the next step is HOSPITAL. I

want to avoid this so therefore this is why I am seeking help here.

It looks like I have to give in to the hospitalization because

unfortunately all of the suggestions I have gotten haven't helped.

Its just hard for me to beleive that putting him in an institution

will help his sever anxiety and seperation anxiety. I just can't see

a 5 year old that will benefit from this... maybe its just me.....

[Guest guest]

Hi

My heart goes out to you today. You say your son has gone to the doctor since he was 2 years old, and they keep "shoving drugs down his throat," that really touched me. I started taking my son to the doctor when he was about 2 also. His problem was he had seizures, all of a sudden out of the blue, was totally normal until then, and the more drugs they tried on him to try and make them stop, the more seizures he had! It was frustrating to say the least. But I do think a psychiatrist's main mission in life is to find a drug that will work, probably a neurologist's main mission also. This is what they do, and not much else.

Like if you go to an orthopedic surgeon for a pain in your leg, he will operate. That is what orthopedic surgeons do. Do you get what I mean?

I was in the same situation you are in many years ago, when they wanted to send my son away to a hospital to live the rest of his life away from his two older brothers, his parents, and his little sister. He was only 3 years old! It seemed like the stupidest idea I had ever heard of in my life, and I REFUSED to do it, and he is 40 now, and sitting right here with me this very minute. When they wanted me to sign him away he was on 45 mg. of Valium a day! Big dose for such a little guy, it is a pure wonder it did not kill him. Anyway I got him off the Valium, which almost did kill him, and we tried other things over the years, but nothing ever "worked" to this day.

Everybody on this list knows how I feel, that Love will overcome a multitude of problems, some very very bad problems. We are living proof of it. And it just did not seem very loving to give my son up, and turn my back, and walk away from him! I could not imagine him alone, cold and scared, and drugged out of his mind, in a mental hospital crying out for his momma the rest of his life. Nope, it seemed to me like he had already been dealt a very hard hand with the epilepsy. Sheesh! Talk about separation anxiety, I get it just thinking about this scenario!

I don't think I have read any of your letters before, would like to know more about you. I agree with you, the doctors are nuts. Mothers rule, doctors drool!

Love,

Carolyn, an mom and grandma who knows what she is talking about.

Re: Separation Anxiety

Austin is going to a psychiatrist... he has been going since he was 2. They want to just keep shoving more drugs down his throat... and so far.. little to none have worked... the next step is HOSPITAL. I want to avoid this so therefore this is why I am seeking help here. It looks like I have to give in to the hospitalization because unfortunately all of the suggestions I have gotten haven't helped. Its just hard for me to beleive that putting him in an institution will help his sever anxiety and seperation anxiety. I just can't see a 5 year old that will benefit from this... maybe its just me.....

[Guest guest]

Carolyn,

I would love to tell you my story but it is very long. I can't get

your entire e-mail address to e-mail you directly. If you could just

send me your address I will send my story. Maybe you are just what I

have been looking for in support. Thanks so much!!

Jean

> Hi

>

> My heart goes out to you today. You say your son has

> gone to the doctor since he was 2 years old, and they keep

> " shoving drugs down his throat, " that really touched me. I

> started taking my son to the doctor when he was about 2

> also. His problem was he had seizures, all of a sudden out

> of the blue, was totally normal until then, and the more

> drugs they tried on him to try and make them stop, the more

> seizures he had! It was frustrating to say the least. But I

> do think a psychiatrist's main mission in life is to find a

> drug that will work, probably a neurologist's main mission

> also. This is what they do, and not much else.

>

> Like if you go to an orthopedic surgeon for a pain in

> your leg, he will operate. That is what orthopedic surgeons

> do. Do you get what I mean?

>

> I was in the same situation you are in many years ago,

> when they wanted to send my son away to a hospital to live

> the rest of his life away from his two older brothers, his

> parents, and his little sister. He was only 3 years old! It

> seemed like the stupidest idea I had ever heard of in my

> life, and I REFUSED to do it, and he is 40 now, and sitting

> right here with me this very minute. When they wanted me to

> sign him away he was on 45 mg. of Valium a day! Big dose for

> such a little guy, it is a pure wonder it did not kill him.

> Anyway I got him off the Valium, which almost did kill him,

> and we tried other things over the years, but nothing ever

> " worked " to this day.

>

> Everybody on this list knows how I feel, that Love will

> overcome a multitude of problems, some very very bad

> problems. We are living proof of it. And it just did not

> seem very loving to give my son up, and turn my back, and

> walk away from him! I could not imagine him alone, cold and

> scared, and drugged out of his mind, in a mental hospital

> crying out for his momma the rest of his life. Nope, it

> seemed to me like he had already been dealt a very hard hand

> with the epilepsy. Sheesh! Talk about separation anxiety, I

> get it just thinking about this scenario!

>

> I don't think I have read any of your letters before,

> would like to know more about you. I agree with you, the

> doctors are nuts. Mothers rule, doctors drool!

>

> Love,

> Carolyn, an mom and grandma who knows what she is

> talking about.

>

> Re: Separation Anxiety

>

>

>

> Austin is going to a psychiatrist... he has been going since

> he was

> 2. They want to just keep shoving more drugs down his

> throat... and

> so far.. little to none have worked... the next step is

> HOSPITAL. I

> want to avoid this so therefore this is why I am seeking

> help here.

> It looks like I have to give in to the hospitalization

> because

> unfortunately all of the suggestions I have gotten haven't

> helped.

> Its just hard for me to beleive that putting him in an

> institution

> will help his sever anxiety and seperation anxiety. I just

> can't see

> a 5 year old that will benefit from this... maybe its just

> me.....

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Carolyn,

I would love to tell you my story but it is very long. I can't get

your entire e-mail address to e-mail you directly. If you could just

send me your address I will send my story. Maybe you are just what I

have been looking for in support. Thanks so much!!

Jean

> Hi

>

> My heart goes out to you today. You say your son has

> gone to the doctor since he was 2 years old, and they keep

> " shoving drugs down his throat, " that really touched me. I

> started taking my son to the doctor when he was about 2

> also. His problem was he had seizures, all of a sudden out

> of the blue, was totally normal until then, and the more

> drugs they tried on him to try and make them stop, the more

> seizures he had! It was frustrating to say the least. But I

> do think a psychiatrist's main mission in life is to find a

> drug that will work, probably a neurologist's main mission

> also. This is what they do, and not much else.

>

> Like if you go to an orthopedic surgeon for a pain in

> your leg, he will operate. That is what orthopedic surgeons

> do. Do you get what I mean?

>

> I was in the same situation you are in many years ago,

> when they wanted to send my son away to a hospital to live

> the rest of his life away from his two older brothers, his

> parents, and his little sister. He was only 3 years old! It

> seemed like the stupidest idea I had ever heard of in my

> life, and I REFUSED to do it, and he is 40 now, and sitting

> right here with me this very minute. When they wanted me to

> sign him away he was on 45 mg. of Valium a day! Big dose for

> such a little guy, it is a pure wonder it did not kill him.

> Anyway I got him off the Valium, which almost did kill him,

> and we tried other things over the years, but nothing ever

> " worked " to this day.

>

> Everybody on this list knows how I feel, that Love will

> overcome a multitude of problems, some very very bad

> problems. We are living proof of it. And it just did not

> seem very loving to give my son up, and turn my back, and

> walk away from him! I could not imagine him alone, cold and

> scared, and drugged out of his mind, in a mental hospital

> crying out for his momma the rest of his life. Nope, it

> seemed to me like he had already been dealt a very hard hand

> with the epilepsy. Sheesh! Talk about separation anxiety, I

> get it just thinking about this scenario!

>

> I don't think I have read any of your letters before,

> would like to know more about you. I agree with you, the

> doctors are nuts. Mothers rule, doctors drool!

>

> Love,

> Carolyn, an mom and grandma who knows what she is

> talking about.

>

> Re: Separation Anxiety

>

>

>

> Austin is going to a psychiatrist... he has been going since

> he was

> 2. They want to just keep shoving more drugs down his

> throat... and

> so far.. little to none have worked... the next step is

> HOSPITAL. I

> want to avoid this so therefore this is why I am seeking

> help here.

> It looks like I have to give in to the hospitalization

> because

> unfortunately all of the suggestions I have gotten haven't

> helped.

> Its just hard for me to beleive that putting him in an

> institution

> will help his sever anxiety and seperation anxiety. I just

> can't see

> a 5 year old that will benefit from this... maybe its just

> me.....

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi

I don't mind you writing to me privately. My address is charper777@... I know it is helpful at times to pour out our stories one on one this way. So write to me, and write to the group both, that would be fine. We are all here to support one another I think, much as a support group does.

Boy am I agreeable today! I just got back from taking my two little grandsons out for a bit. It is real nice and warm here, didn't even have to wear our coats today, sunshine and colored leaves everywhere. It is beautiful! is 4, and Lucas is almost 4 months. My goodness, what a production it is trying to pick out baby bottles and nipples. Have any of you noticed? I stopped at the store when I took Sierra to school this morning, to buy Lucas a couple of new bottles and when I got them home I discovered they had no bottoms! Well I had picked up two packs of nipples at Wal Mart a week or so ago, and silly me thought that any old nipple would fit any old bottle. Noooooot.

So now I have to take back the two bottles with holes in the bottom to one store, and the two packs of nipples that don't fit anything to another store. I know it is petty, but that totals to $16. there! I did find a pack of three bottles that I think will do just fine, the old fashioned kind I guess.

Well that is about it here, kids are playing out in the sand box building a castle, and the baby wants me to pick him up. Talk to you all soon.

Love,

Carolyn

Re: Separation Anxiety> > > > Austin is going to a psychiatrist... he has been going since> he was> 2. They want to just keep shoving more drugs down his> throat... and> so far.. little to none have worked... the next step is> HOSPITAL. I> want to avoid this so therefore this is why I am seeking> help here.> It looks like I have to give in to the hospitalization> because> unfortunately all of the suggestions I have gotten haven't> helped.> Its just hard for me to beleive that putting him in an> institution> will help his sever anxiety and seperation anxiety. I just> can't see> a 5 year old that will benefit from this... maybe its just> me.....> > > > >

[Guest guest]

A member posted a message about separation anxiety issues at school. Here are some strategies that might help:

1. Have your child carry some kind of memento that reminds his or you. Depending on the age of the child this could be a photo kept in a pant pocket or school folder. It could be a locket necklace with your photo inside. It could also be an object. The idea is when the child becomes anxious he can look or hold onto the object to feel connected to you.

2. For younger children, the Kissing Hand is a wonderful story to help alleviate fears. I am including a link of activities that teachers use for their Kindergarten students but these also work well at home to build up the concept for your child. http://www.kinderthemes.com/thekissinghand.html

3. A visual schedule. Many times the anxiety is that they don't know if and when you are going to pick them up from school. The concept of time is difficult for children with autism and one hour can seem like an eternity. It might help to have at the school a small visual schedule of all the main activities in school and ending with a pic -- "Get picked up by Mom." This promotes security because it is right there on the schedule that you are going to pick him up.

4. A social story on feeling safe in school. Your story should use the teacher and aides names. That they are there to help him learn and keep him safe when you are not there. That it's okay to miss mom but that now it is time to learn. Mom will be home and pick me up when school is over. And what are some things he can do when he misses mom. ie. If I miss mom, I can open my folder and look at her picture. If I miss mom I can tell my teacher."

My son no longer has separation issues. Many times if I drop him off at school, he will remark to me, "I go to school and mom will wait at home." He used to even say at bedtime, "I go to bed and you sit on the couch and watch a show." I can tell he took great comfort in knowing exactly where I would be while he was away.

[Guest guest]

How long is the class? (sessions?) If it is more than a few times, I would

talk to the teacher ahead of time. If it is short term, and his symptoms

wouldnt typically show up in that situation, I, personally, wouldnt say

anything, and I don't with my dd. But if it is long term or a situation where

his symptoms would appear, I would let the teacher know. I HIGHLY doubt they

will say they cant accommidate him (too risky of being non-inclusive). It would

be more likely that they might have extra staff on hand if he needs more

attention (which would be a great benefit to him).

I am not sure if I would make a plan with him or just do more and more

seperation. I know my dd would have anxiety about it coming up, which would

make the seperation harder. I think I would probably just do it. And I would

talk about it at other times, when you are not seperating. Let him know what a

good job he did last time, how he was fine and you were fine, that you got back

together again, that you are proud of him and he should be proud of himself, and

that you know he can do it for even longer another time, and just leave it at

that.

Also, I would have him complete the whole thing, no matter how bad it gets. My

5 yo dd did a week of dance/drama camp and was begging to quit, to stay home,

for me to pick her up early, for me to stay, etc. She was crying, near

hysterics the last day (nervous because they were doing a play). I knew if she

quit, she would always feel bad about the whole thing, so I made her complete

it. She was SOOOOO PROUD of herself when the week was over, it was WELL worth

the horrible feelings I had making her go. She LOVED it and wants to go again

next summer. I think the sense of accomplishment and pride is wonderful!

Sharon

separation anxiety

We homeschool my 7 year old, so we haven't had much chance for exposure

therapy for Separation Anxiety. He stays with friends our ours, sitters and

grandparents for a few hours at a time, but never overnight or anything. But, so

far has been unable to go to a class for an hour or so, without me or dad right

there with him.

I think I may have come up with a plan. Normally, when he takes classes at the

local science center, I go in with him for the classes and I stay. Lots of

parents do it, since some of the kids are 5, so it isn't a big deal. This year,

he wants to take a Robotics class in the spring. I told him that he would have

to go in alone, if he wants to go. He hesitated but agreed. He is taking a

computer class with animation and movie making, and is very excited about that

too, so he is highly motivated to go. My plan is that, we are going to try each

month to have me leave for longer increments of time working our way up to fully

dropping him off at the class meeting place. A couple of questions:

1. I'm trying to decide if I want to involve the teacher or not. I'm not sure

if I should just let him go in as a regular kid and have it happen more

naturally and gradually, or if I should talk to the teacher and get them to

help, if they will. I'm afraid he will get treated differently or they will just

say they can't help with special needs or something. Or they could be very

willing to help and work with us. What has been your experience with this type

of situation and teachers?

2.I'm also trying to decide how to handle it with him. Do I present it to him

as a plan or do I just started stepping out for longer periods of time,

bathroom, water, something at the car? He tends to worry about coming events. I

do get up and go to the bathroom, etc... now, but not for very long.

I'm also worried about him not being able to do it and then feeling worse and

less secure. Is it time to make a plan and try or should I just let him

gradually grow out of it. That was our plan in the past, but that may not work,

at this point, taking a diagnosis into account.

Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Mom to Ben 7yr