Re: New situation problems.

[Guest guest]

--

Hi There

My sons are 11, 13 (PDD) We spent more time talking

about placing we were going, what we'd find there, and

visiting before if possible, than we actually spent there

in the end. When we made the transition from kindergarted

to first grade, we spent the whole summer vacation

visiting the grounds of the school, learning the new

teachers' names etc.

The less surprises my boys have the better things are.

We also use pictures (with words underneath) to prepare

them for what's coming up. The school also gives them

preperatory info before field trips or holidays.

My oldest Josh, doesn't miss a trick, I'm sure somewhere

inside himself, he thinks we're the ones that are a

little quirky with all this stuff!!!!

- In autism , " Hoffman "

<patrickahoffman@...> wrote:

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> My son is six years old, and was diagnosed with autism at three.

He's

> verbal, and fairly communicative, at least of his wants and needs.

>

> Our trouble with him is the following: anytime he's presented with

new

> authority figures, or new classes, school type situation, following

> directions, etc., he seems to go crazy.

>

> A few examples:

>

> It took about a month for him to settle down at school this year,

first

> grade, after three years of going to pre-school, and kindergarten

last

> year.

>

> He won't sit at his desk, etc., or in other words, he won't do all

the

> things he already knows how to do, but only at first. Eventually,

he

> settles down.

>

> The problem manifests itself like it did today, when my wife took

him for

> the first time to a theraputic playgroup type setting, and when

told to sit

> in a circle, he laid on the floor in the middle of the circle.

Then he ran

> around the circle, making some sort of nonsense chirping noise.

My wife was

> observing him, and he couldn't see her. And all of these

behaviors are

> things he'd never try with my wife or myself. Again, he's capable

of

> participating, but there's something about a new situation or new

people

> that throws him off.

>

> Has anyone had this variation on the theme? How did you get your

child to

> adhere to the proper behavior in a situation where you weren't

present?

>

> Thanks,

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Our daughter has this problem too; we call it having difficulty making transitions. Or as my next door neighbor (completely typical) says 'Change is hell!'.

I think what you are describing is fairly typical with ASD kids, and there are many ways to address it if this is what's really happening. Here's what helps us:

*When going to a new place/building or starting a new program like the playgroup you described, we would drive past the new place as many times as was reasonable prior to the event or class starting -- previewing the route we drove or walked, parking, then walking up to the door, into the building, etc. -- was really helpful so that this became a known routine prior to having all the other kids around.

*When transitioning to a new school/new classroom, it always helped if some of her familiar/highly preferred materials from the old classroom followed her to the new one (ex., favorite books, rocking chair, beanbag, etc).

*Having a schedule of what is coming also helps. Ours needed to be photos, then line drawings worked, now they are some words & some pictures combined. So your son knows what to predict will happen next in the new situation, and can understand concretely what he is expected to do while he sits in circle or sits at his desk.

*Speaking of sitting, we also needed to include on the schedule regular 'break' times when our daughter knew she could get up and bounce on something or run around. Sitting was not her forte either! Sometimes bringing along a familiar and beloved item to hold or keep in her pocket was calming, too.

*Your school may have a range of 'transition' options that they've already used with other students who experience these same issues. One of ours made a videotape of the new building and teacher to review over the summer; another one took pictures and put them in two books -- the first one was Goodbye Old School and the other Hello New School. They showed pics of 'important' things to our daughter at the time -- the drinking fountains, recess area, cubbies, favorite books in the library area, etc. Along with them they had a simple script in words she could understand, detailing things she COULD do when she was feeling anxious over the new setting or activity. These were called Social Stories. They helped a lot!

*Oddly enough, some of the hardest transitions were when she changed classrooms within the same building, and needed to walk PAST the old classroom. We usually had to put in some big time reinforcers on her schedule, at least in the beginning, in order to reward 'good walking' past the old classroom...otherwise she would try to run in there...so maybe the old teacher would stand in the doorway and say hello or give a quick hug/high five; or we would build time into the schedule when it was OK to go into the old classroom (like when the other kids were in art or PE or lunch).

'Making transitions' has always been a big goal and targeted behaviors in therapy, school and home...there are tons of strategies!

Good luck,

Laurie

New situation problems.

Hi everyone,

My son is six years old, and was diagnosed with autism at three. He's verbal, and fairly communicative, at least of his wants and needs.

Our trouble with him is the following: anytime he's presented with new authority figures, or new classes, school type situation, following directions, etc., he seems to go crazy.

A few examples:

It took about a month for him to settle down at school this year, first grade, after three years of going to pre-school, and kindergarten last year.

He won't sit at his desk, etc., or in other words, he won't do all the things he already knows how to do, but only at first. Eventually, he settles down.

The problem manifests itself like it did today, when my wife took him for the first time to a theraputic playgroup type setting, and when told to sit in a circle, he laid on the floor in the middle of the circle. Then he ran around the circle, making some sort of nonsense chirping noise. My wife was observing him, and he couldn't see her. And all of these behaviors are things he'd never try with my wife or myself. Again, he's capable of participating, but there's something about a new situation or new people that throws him off. Has anyone had this variation on the theme? How did you get your child to adhere to the proper behavior in a situation where you weren't present?

Thanks,

[Guest guest]

This is very common--My son for example, he had done so well in ABA and

such, that we tried a couple new situations we thought he would do well

in--gymnastics (in a younger age group than his actual age, approp to

where he was) and karate...With the karate, he was supposed to be with

a special needs instructor, but when we got there she was busy and put

him with a teenage helper. He pulled out every annoying and disruptive

behavior he had, and at one point even had a grin on his face as he lay

on the floor making noises while the girl was begging him to get up.

I knew he was testing this place out, and that even if we came back to

the other woman, he was going to keep this up having gotten away with

it the first time. When we did gymnastics, I had one of his ABA

therapists, one who was especially good at thinking on her feet and

getting along with new situations, go along, and after a session or so

he went on his own. When he moved up an age group, however, he was

with a much less attentive guy who was not very assertive at keeping

him in line--I watched him wander away at one point and saw him looking

out of the corner of his eye to see if the instructor was watching, and

decided not to intervene so that when G went into another group and the

instructor announced " Who's student is this? " his own instructor might

be embarrassed enough to pay attention after that!

IN short, these are the more sophisticated counterparts to what your

son is doing (also things my G would do a couple years ago, and even

now will still make noises or flop on the floor) in order to see if

anyone is actually going to expect him to pay attention and

participate. He isn't necessarily being thrown off, he's trying to

throw the new authority figure off and test what he can get away with.

He is " going crazy " with a clear and deliberate intent--to see how he

can manipulate the new person or situation. If the person running

playgroup is going to let him lay in the middle of circle or get away

with running around and chirping, for example, he knows that

participation is really optional for him. THe fact is, even a lot of

teachers and people who supposedly work with autistic children don't

know what to do when faced with behaviors, and they have to be told

that yes, the child is capable of participation IF IT IS EXPECTED of

him, and that he should be calmly but firmly redirected (without

feeding the behavior with too much attention.) Often, if one of us

goes with him the first few times and keeps him in line, it not only

sets up an expectation for the child but shows the authority figure

present what he's capable of and how we handle his behavior. But at

some point early on that person needs to be able to step up and handle

the situation, and earn the child's respect (so to speak.)

Sue F

On May 30, 2006, at 3:53 PM, Hoffman wrote:

> Hi everyone,

>  

> My son is six years old, and was diagnosed with autism at three.  He's

> verbal, and fairly communicative, at least of his wants and needs. 

>  

> Our trouble with him is the following: anytime he's presented with new

> authority figures, or new classes, school type situation, following

> directions, etc., he seems to go crazy.

>  

> A few examples:

>  

> It took about a month for him to settle down at school this year,

> first grade, after three years of going to pre-school, and

> kindergarten last year. 

>  

> He won't sit at his desk, etc., or in other words, he won't do all the

> things he already knows how to do, but only at first.  Eventually, he

> settles down.

>  

> The problem manifests itself like it did today, when my wife took him

> for the first time to a theraputic playgroup type setting, and when

> told to sit in a circle, he laid on the floor in the middle of the

> circle.  Then he ran around the circle, making some sort of nonsense

> chirping noise.  My wife was observing him, and he couldn't see her.  

> And all of these behaviors are things he'd never try with my wife or

> myself.  Again, he's capable of participating, but there's something

> about a new situation or new people that throws him off. 

>

> Has anyone had this variation on the theme?  How did you get your

> child to adhere to the proper behavior in a situation where you

> weren't present?

>  

> Thanks,

>  

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sue,

This is very common

I thought it might be.

-- He pulled out every annoying and disruptivebehavior he had, and at one point even had a grin on his face as he lay

on the floor making noises while the girl was begging him to get up.

Oh yes, I know well the impish grin of misbehavior. I guess that's what's so frustrating.

I knew he was testing this place out, and that even if we came back tothe other woman, he was going to keep this up having gotten away with

it the first time. When we did gymnastics, I had one of his ABAtherapists, one who was especially good at thinking on her feet andgetting along with new situations, go along, and after a session or sohe went on his own.

Okay, another point, that yes, we've experienced. With his ABA therapists we went through a couple who simply didn't have the will or authority to correct his bad behavior. Of course, we found someone who was superb with him, but she has since moved away.

IN short, these are the more sophisticated counterparts to what yourson is doing (also things my G would do a couple years ago, and evennow will still make noises or flop on the floor) in order to see if

anyone is actually going to expect him to pay attention andparticipate. He isn't necessarily being thrown off, he's trying tothrow the new authority figure off and test what he can get away with.

I think this is pretty close to what is happening with us. There are times when change does throw him off. He's on the spectrum after all.

He is " going crazy " with a clear and deliberate intent--to see how hecan manipulate the new person or situation. If the person runningplaygroup is going to let him lay in the middle of circle or get away

with running around and chirping, for example, he knows thatparticipation is really optional for him.

Bingo.

THe fact is, even a lot ofteachers and people who supposedly work with autistic children don'tknow what to do when faced with behaviors, and they have to be toldthat yes, the child is capable of participation IF IT IS EXPECTED of

him, and that he should be calmly but firmly redirected (withoutfeeding the behavior with too much attention.) Often, if one of usgoes with him the first few times and keeps him in line, it not onlysets up an expectation for the child but shows the authority figure

present what he's capable of and how we handle his behavior. But atsome point early on that person needs to be able to step up and handlethe situation, and earn the child's respect (so to speak.)

Thanks. I agree. Sometimes the frustrating part is not my son, because I KNOW what he's going to try and pull, but the " educators " who want to know what to do with a child on the spectrum when he's acting up. Sometimes I want to holler (that's what we do here in Texas) that I'm arguably not the professional here. That traditional strategies won't work because wonder of wonders, my child is not traditional. Hmm. Its even worse when we explain in detail what he is going to do . . . and then they come to us and tell us he is doing what we told them he would do.

Well, thanks for letting me vent. At least I know my strategies are not off base, just subject to continual confirmation. ;-)

Sue F :)On May 30, 2006, at 3:53 PM, Hoffman wrote:> Hi everyone,> > My son is six years old, and was diagnosed with autism at three. He's> verbal, and fairly communicative, at least of his wants and needs.

> > Our trouble with him is the following: anytime he's presented with new> authority figures, or new classes, school type situation, following> directions, etc., he seems to go crazy.> > A few examples:> > It took about a month for him to settle down at school this year,> first grade, after three years of going to pre-school, and> kindergarten last year.> > He won't sit at his desk, etc., or in other words, he won't do all the

> things he already knows how to do, but only at first. Eventually, he> settles down.> > The problem manifests itself like it did today, when my wife took him> for the first time to a theraputic playgroup type setting, and when

> told to sit in a circle, he laid on the floor in the middle of the> circle. Then he ran around the circle, making some sort of nonsense> chirping noise. My wife was observing him, and he couldn't see her.

> And all of these behaviors are things he'd never try with my wife or> myself. Again, he's capable of participating, but there's something> about a new situation or new people that throws him off.

>> Has anyone had thisvariationon the theme? How did youget your> child to adhere to the proper behavior in a situation where you> weren't present?> > Thanks,> >

>>>

[Guest guest]



Hi again,

You're his dad so obviously you would know him best. Maybe he isn't experiencing the transition or generalization issues that we had with my daughter, but please take care with whom you share this hypothesis that he is merely being 'noncompliant' or 'testing' or 'manipulative'. We had so many awful experiences with schools where the staff was very willing to buy into the idea that a child 'could behave if they wanted to' and once you go down that road you may start running into all sorts of disciplinary actions that none of us could count on.

I'd still like to know what it is he's trying to communicate with these behaviors, and if he truly understands what appropriate behaviors or words he can use INSTEAD of the disruptive stuff. And if he really knows what this is all about, and is merely trying to 'test' the authority, then I'm jealous in a way!! Because if I ever thought our daughter had made that developmental leap to 'theory of mind' where she even understood she COULD manipulate another's behavior thru hers, we'd leap for joy at that developmental milestone!

Good luck with it all. Hope he starts liking those circles soon (although if he's moving into first grade next year, another thought is that the 'circle' basically goes away...after all, as we get older, how often are we expected to sit on the floor in a circle? LOL).

Re: New situation problems.

Sue,

This is very common

I thought it might be.

-- He pulled out every annoying and disruptivebehavior he had, and at one point even had a grin on his face as he lay on the floor making noises while the girl was begging him to get up.

Oh yes, I know well the impish grin of misbehavior. I guess that's what's so frustrating.

I knew he was testing this place out, and that even if we came back tothe other woman, he was going to keep this up having gotten away with it the first time. When we did gymnastics, I had one of his ABAtherapists, one who was especially good at thinking on her feet andgetting along with new situations, go along, and after a session or sohe went on his own.

Okay, another point, that yes, we've experienced. With his ABA therapists we went through a couple who simply didn't have the will or authority to correct his bad behavior. Of course, we found someone who was superb with him, but she has since moved away.

IN short, these are the more sophisticated counterparts to what yourson is doing (also things my G would do a couple years ago, and evennow will still make noises or flop on the floor) in order to see if anyone is actually going to expect him to pay attention andparticipate. He isn't necessarily being thrown off, he's trying tothrow the new authority figure off and test what he can get away with.

I think this is pretty close to what is happening with us. There are times when change does throw him off. He's on the spectrum after all.

He is "going crazy" with a clear and deliberate intent--to see how hecan manipulate the new person or situation. If the person runningplaygroup is going to let him lay in the middle of circle or get away with running around and chirping, for example, he knows thatparticipation is really optional for him.

Bingo.

THe fact is, even a lot ofteachers and people who supposedly work with autistic children don'tknow what to do when faced with behaviors, and they have to be toldthat yes, the child is capable of participation IF IT IS EXPECTED of him, and that he should be calmly but firmly redirected (withoutfeeding the behavior with too much attention.) Often, if one of usgoes with him the first few times and keeps him in line, it not onlysets up an expectation for the child but shows the authority figure present what he's capable of and how we handle his behavior. But atsome point early on that person needs to be able to step up and handlethe situation, and earn the child's respect (so to speak.)

Thanks. I agree. Sometimes the frustrating part is not my son, because I KNOW what he's going to try and pull, but the "educators" who want to know what to do with a child on the spectrum when he's acting up. Sometimes I want to holler (that's what we do here in Texas) that I'm arguably not the professional here. That traditional strategies won't work because wonder of wonders, my child is not traditional. Hmm. Its even worse when we explain in detail what he is going to do . . . and then they come to us and tell us he is doing what we told them he would do.

Well, thanks for letting me vent. At least I know my strategies are not off base, just subject to continual confirmation. ;-)

Sue F :)On May 30, 2006, at 3:53 PM, Hoffman wrote:> Hi everyone,> > My son is six years old, and was diagnosed with autism at three. He's> verbal, and fairly communicative, at least of his wants and needs. > > Our trouble with him is the following: anytime he's presented with new> authority figures, or new classes, school type situation, following> directions, etc., he seems to go crazy.> > A few examples:> > It took about a month for him to settle down at school this year,> first grade, after three years of going to pre-school, and> kindergarten last year.> > He won't sit at his desk, etc., or in other words, he won't do all the > things he already knows how to do, but only at first. Eventually, he> settles down.> > The problem manifests itself like it did today, when my wife took him> for the first time to a theraputic playgroup type setting, and when > told to sit in a circle, he laid on the floor in the middle of the> circle. Then he ran around the circle, making some sort of nonsense> chirping noise. My wife was observing him, and he couldn't see her. > And all of these behaviors are things he'd never try with my wife or> myself. Again, he's capable of participating, but there's something> about a new situation or new people that throws him off.>> Has anyone had thisvariationon the theme? How did youget your> child to adhere to the proper behavior in a situation where you> weren't present?> > Thanks,> > >>>

[Guest guest]

Hi,

You're his dad so obviously you would know him best. Maybe he isn't experiencing the transition or generalization issues that we had with my daughter, but please take care with whom you share this hypothesis that he is merely being 'noncompliant' or 'testing' or 'manipulative'. We had so many awful experiences with schools where the staff was very willing to buy into the idea that a child 'could behave if they wanted to' and once you go down that road you may start running into all sorts of disciplinary actions that none of us could count on.

Your very right. I don't think I would share that he was being " non-compliant " or suggesting that he's misbehaving in the same way an NT would. I would probably emphasize that 1) he is capable of these things 2) here is a way we've found to overcome the fact that he can't generalize and think to himself " hmm, this is just like the other times I " m supposed to sit in a circle and behave. " So your point is very well taken. I think I'm more of the opinion that if he understands what is expected of him, he'll make the attempt. However, if he's given the option to do what he wants, he's not the slightest bit concerned about reigning himself in.

I'd still like to know what it is he's trying to communicate with these behaviors, and if he truly understands what appropriate behaviors or words he can use INSTEAD of the disruptive stuff. And if he really knows what this is all about, and is merely trying to 'test' the authority, then I'm jealous in a way!! Because if I ever thought our daughter had made that developmental leap to 'theory of mind' where she even understood she COULD manipulate another's behavior thru hers, we'd leap for joy at that developmental milestone!

Its kind of funny, but I don't think he really fully understands what's going on, but he does understand (much like a two year old), getting attention for acting up in strange ways. So yes, he's testing his boundaries, but at the same time, figuring out what he's communicating with his behaviors almost seems secondary to getting him to settle down (which he can do) to learn.

So, yes, I am going to work on the generalizations of one situation to another, but in a situation such as this, I do think that when I know he is making some sort of choice, I do want to give the folks he's working with strategies for helping him understand what is expected of him.

This isn't like the times when he's upset or sick and really has trouble processing information or truly doesn't understand what is going on.

Good luck with it all. Hope he starts liking those circles soon (although if he's moving into first grade next year, another thought is that the 'circle' basically goes away...after all, as we get older, how often are we expected to sit on the floor in a circle? LOL).

Thanks!

Re: New situation problems.

Sue,

This is very common

I thought it might be.

-- He pulled out every annoying and disruptivebehavior he had, and at one point even had a grin on his face as he lay on the floor making noises while the girl was begging him to get up.

Oh yes, I know well the impish grin of misbehavior. I guess that's what's so frustrating.

I knew he was testing this place out, and that even if we came back tothe other woman, he was going to keep this up having gotten away with it the first time. When we did gymnastics, I had one of his ABAtherapists, one who was especially good at thinking on her feet andgetting along with new situations, go along, and after a session or sohe went on his own.

Okay, another point, that yes, we've experienced. With his ABA therapists we went through a couple who simply didn't have the will or authority to correct his bad behavior. Of course, we found someone who was superb with him, but she has since moved away.

IN short, these are the more sophisticated counterparts to what yourson is doing (also things my G would do a couple years ago, and evennow will still make noises or flop on the floor) in order to see if anyone is actually going to expect him to pay attention andparticipate. He isn't necessarily being thrown off, he's trying tothrow the new authority figure off and test what he can get away with.

I think this is pretty close to what is happening with us. There are times when change does throw him off. He's on the spectrum after all.

He is " going crazy " with a clear and deliberate intent--to see how hecan manipulate the new person or situation. If the person runningplaygroup is going to let him lay in the middle of circle or get away with running around and chirping, for example, he knows thatparticipation is really optional for him.

Bingo.

THe fact is, even a lot ofteachers and people who supposedly work with autistic children don'tknow what to do when faced with behaviors, and they have to be toldthat yes, the child is capable of participation IF IT IS EXPECTED of him, and that he should be calmly but firmly redirected (withoutfeeding the behavior with too much attention.) Often, if one of usgoes with him the first few times and keeps him in line, it not onlysets up an expectation for the child but shows the authority figure present what he's capable of and how we handle his behavior. But atsome point early on that person needs to be able to step up and handlethe situation, and earn the child's respect (so to speak.)

Thanks. I agree. Sometimes the frustrating part is not my son, because I KNOW what he's going to try and pull, but the " educators " who want to know what to do with a child on the spectrum when he's acting up. Sometimes I want to holler (that's what we do here in Texas) that I'm arguably not the professional here. That traditional strategies won't work because wonder of wonders, my child is not traditional. Hmm. Its even worse when we explain in detail what he is going to do . . . and then they come to us and tell us he is doing what we told them he would do.

Well, thanks for letting me vent. At least I know my strategies are not off base, just subject to continual confirmation. ;-)

Sue F :)On May 30, 2006, at 3:53 PM, Hoffman wrote:> Hi everyone,> > My son is six years old, and was diagnosed with autism at three. He's> verbal, and fairly communicative, at least of his wants and needs. > > Our trouble with him is the following: anytime he's presented with new> authority figures, or new classes, school type situation, following> directions, etc., he seems to go crazy.> > A few examples:> > It took about a month for him to settle down at school this year,> first grade, after three years of going to pre-school, and> kindergarten last year.> > He won't sit at his desk, etc., or in other words, he won't do all the > things he already knows how to do, but only at first. Eventually, he> settles down.> > The problem manifests itself like it did today, when my wife took him> for the first time to a theraputic playgroup type setting, and when > told to sit in a circle, he laid on the floor in the middle of the> circle. Then he ran around the circle, making some sort of nonsense> chirping noise. My wife was observing him, and he couldn't see her. > And all of these behaviors are things he'd never try with my wife or> myself. Again, he's capable of participating, but there's something> about a new situation or new people that throws him off.

>> Has anyone had thisvariationon the theme? How did youget your> child to adhere to the proper behavior in a situation where you> weren't present?> > Thanks,> > >>>

[Guest guest]

Sue, you are so right. Many times I have said that Karac is so much smarter than some of the teachers who have tried to work with him. He learned how to avoid work and go swing, jump on a trampoline, go to the counselors to play with toys. I tried so hard to help them see that they were allowing him to be in control, but they just forbid me to come back to the school ( I am not the mother; I am the grandmother who had run his ABA program since he was 3) Karac was high functioning until he started to public school. Pat K

[Guest guest]

I have to agree with this. As the poster mentioned, " theory of mind "

would be a HUGE developmental leap for most of our children.

Yes, there are times that my son does things to get attention (Yipee!

I love it when he THINKS!) and there are times when he uses behavior

to get his way. I honestly LOVE that when it happens because it shows

me there are some " normal " wheels turning in the beautiful red head

of his!

HOWEVER.... Most of the time, they just react. Transitions are a HUGE

arena of " just reacting. " Too much going on, noise, lights, action,

whatever... mostly change of environment or their idea of what should

be.

For example.... Our son has HUGE transition problems. We'll be

driving down the road and he'll go into a fit because he wanted to

keep going in the same direction but we made a left, " NO! I wanna go

dat way! DAT way!! Dat waaaaaayyyyyy!!!!!!. " Scream, scream, scream.

Or... I tell him it's time for bed... Meltdown.

The simplest of transitions are really hard for him. He's not putting

on a show to get his way, he just can go from here to there (wherever

and whatever here and there may be) well at all.

Part of our frustration in helping him through transitions is that he

doesn't like/want to listen. When we talk to him, we're only able to

get about three words out before he starts talking over us (usually

TV talk or whining about how much he doesn't want to listen). As a

result, he doesn't hear what we're saying to him. SO... we've

discovered that if we use rapid-fire two-word communication with him,

he gets it. For example, " School soon! " or " Store soon! " or, " Bed

soon! " I know that he hears us because he immediately starts

saying, " I don't WANT the school! " or " I don't WANT the store! " and

rants about it for a while. At least we know we got the message

across and it's in his head.

We've tried using pictures with him but he just takes them to the

trash can and throws them in there. (Gotta love the little guy!)

One transition tool we're going to try is music. I've heard tell that

a CD player with head phones does wonders sometimes. He's such a

little music guy that we just know in our hearts that this might help

him. We're going to get a CD player and head phones this weekend and

put on some nice soothing music for him to listen to during difficult

transition times (like the doctor's office).

Sorry to ramble. It's all about transitioning your precious one from

one reality to another. The suggestion of little toys was a great

one. We've used that and it's helped a lot! " Here, Timmy, take this

little bunny to your teacher for me, won't you? " And off he goes onto

the bus without the proverbial fuss. He has a mission after all!

I agree that you shouldn't always share the " non-comliant " theory

with just anybody. Yes, there are non-compliant issues with our kids,

it's a blessed gift because it's a glimpse at normal childhood

behavior and fills our hearts with hope.

However, I think that that aspect of our children's behavior

shouldn't be shared with too much emphasis with people that might

place too much value on IT in lieu a more beneficial response to the

individual child's special needs.

Does that make sense?

Hugs!

Kat

>

> > Hi everyone,

> >

> > My son is six years old, and was diagnosed with autism at

three. He's

> > verbal, and fairly communicative, at least of his wants and

needs.

> >

> > Our trouble with him is the following: anytime he's presented

with new

> > authority figures, or new classes, school type situation,

following

> > directions, etc., he seems to go crazy.

> >

> > A few examples:

> >

> > It took about a month for him to settle down at school this

year,

> > first grade, after three years of going to pre-school, and

> > kindergarten last year.

> >

> > He won't sit at his desk, etc., or in other words, he won't do

all the

> > things he already knows how to do, but only at first.

Eventually, he

> > settles down.

> >

> > The problem manifests itself like it did today, when my wife

took him

> > for the first time to a theraputic playgroup type setting, and

when

> > told to sit in a circle, he laid on the floor in the middle of

the

> > circle. Then he ran around the circle, making some sort of

nonsense

> > chirping noise. My wife was observing him, and he couldn't see

her.

> > And all of these behaviors are things he'd never try with my

wife or

> > myself. Again, he's capable of participating, but there's

something

> > about a new situation or new people that throws him off.

> >

> > Has anyone had thisvariationon the theme? How did youget your

> > child to adhere to the proper behavior in a situation where you

> > weren't present?

> >

> > Thanks,

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Yes we do the same sort of thing. I do social stories with pictures as

well. Now that they are getting a little older, I just find myself

telling them, tomorrow we are going here, it may be loud, and there may

be a lot of toys. You can not get a toy here, if you are good in the

store you may get something out of the gum machine. etc. IF it is a

place like Disney or a new school (we are still transitioning into the

new school) it takes much more.

Then I reinforce it when we get there, asking what are the " rules? "

mayelouise wrote:

> --

>

> Hi There

> My sons are 11, 13 (PDD) We spent more time talking

> about placing we were going, what we'd find there, and

> visiting before if possible, than we actually spent there

> in the end.

[Guest guest]

Hi All-

My son is now 18 years with autism and transitions well for the most part.

However, when he was young ages 2-5 years old, he had the hardest time even

walking 3-4 feet without constant tantrums. It was a very difficult time!

How did we manage? We went HIKING! Every weekend we took out our kids ( his

sis is 2 years older) along with our dog ( a lovely Malamute).

We'd put the dog on a leash, have my son hold the leash (with one us also

holding it with him). Then we would walk him forward on the hiking trails around

a lovely lake. We'd walk a mile or so stop for a drink/or snacks and keep going

until we were completely around the lake. IN the summer our son would swim in

the lake after the hike!

The first time was the hardest, with our son literally shrieking and screaming

as he walked down a hill holding our dog's leash for a quarter mile! But after

an few minutes- he began to get into a walking/hiking rhythms with us. We just

kept going!

As Helen Keller said, " The best way is always through...... "

That's what we did and since that time, he never tantrums with transitions. He

learned to tolerate change early this way.

We are grateful!

B :-)

-------------- Original message ----------------------

From: " Kat " <beedo4me@...>

> I have to agree with this. As the poster mentioned, " theory of mind "

> would be a HUGE developmental leap for most of our children.

>

> Yes, there are times that my son does things to get attention (Yipee!

> I love it when he THINKS!) and there are times when he uses behavior

> to get his way. I honestly LOVE that when it happens because it shows

> me there are some " normal " wheels turning in the beautiful red head

> of his!

>

> HOWEVER.... Most of the time, they just react. Transitions are a HUGE

> arena of " just reacting. " Too much going on, noise, lights, action,

> whatever... mostly change of environment or their idea of what should

> be.

>

> For example.... Our son has HUGE transition problems. We'll be

> driving down the road and he'll go into a fit because he wanted to

> keep going in the same direction but we made a left, " NO! I wanna go

> dat way! DAT way!! Dat waaaaaayyyyyy!!!!!!. " Scream, scream, scream.

> Or... I tell him it's time for bed... Meltdown.

>

> The simplest of transitions are really hard for him. He's not putting

> on a show to get his way, he just can go from here to there (wherever

> and whatever here and there may be) well at all.

>

> Part of our frustration in helping him through transitions is that he

> doesn't like/want to listen. When we talk to him, we're only able to

> get about three words out before he starts talking over us (usually

> TV talk or whining about how much he doesn't want to listen). As a

> result, he doesn't hear what we're saying to him. SO... we've

> discovered that if we use rapid-fire two-word communication with him,

> he gets it. For example, " School soon! " or " Store soon! " or, " Bed

> soon! " I know that he hears us because he immediately starts

> saying, " I don't WANT the school! " or " I don't WANT the store! " and

> rants about it for a while. At least we know we got the message

> across and it's in his head.

>

> We've tried using pictures with him but he just takes them to the

> trash can and throws them in there. (Gotta love the little guy!)

>

> One transition tool we're going to try is music. I've heard tell that

> a CD player with head phones does wonders sometimes. He's such a

> little music guy that we just know in our hearts that this might help

> him. We're going to get a CD player and head phones this weekend and

> put on some nice soothing music for him to listen to during difficult

> transition times (like the doctor's office).

>

> Sorry to ramble. It's all about transitioning your precious one from

> one reality to another. The suggestion of little toys was a great

> one. We've used that and it's helped a lot! " Here, Timmy, take this

> little bunny to your teacher for me, won't you? " And off he goes onto

> the bus without the proverbial fuss. He has a mission after all!

>

> I agree that you shouldn't always share the " non-comliant " theory

> with just anybody. Yes, there are non-compliant issues with our kids,

> it's a blessed gift because it's a glimpse at normal childhood

> behavior and fills our hearts with hope.

>

> However, I think that that aspect of our children's behavior

> shouldn't be shared with too much emphasis with people that might

> place too much value on IT in lieu a more beneficial response to the

> individual child's special needs.

>

> Does that make sense?

>

> Hugs!

> Kat

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> >

> > > Hi everyone,

> > >

> > > My son is six years old, and was diagnosed with autism at

> three. He's

> > > verbal, and fairly communicative, at least of his wants and

> needs.

> > >

> > > Our trouble with him is the following: anytime he's presented

> with new

> > > authority figures, or new classes, school type situation,

> following

> > > directions, etc., he seems to go crazy.

> > >

> > > A few examples:

> > >

> > > It took about a month for him to settle down at school this

> year,

> > > first grade, after three years of going to pre-school, and

> > > kindergarten last year.

> > >

> > > He won't sit at his desk, etc., or in other words, he won't do

> all the

> > > things he already knows how to do, but only at first.

> Eventually, he

> > > settles down.

> > >

> > > The problem manifests itself like it did today, when my wife

> took him

> > > for the first time to a theraputic playgroup type setting, and

> when

> > > told to sit in a circle, he laid on the floor in the middle of

> the

> > > circle. Then he ran around the circle, making some sort of

> nonsense

> > > chirping noise. My wife was observing him, and he couldn't see

> her.

> > > And all of these behaviors are things he'd never try with my

> wife or

> > > myself. Again, he's capable of participating, but there's

> something

> > > about a new situation or new people that throws him off.

> > >

> > > Has anyone had thisvariationon the theme? How did youget your

> > > child to adhere to the proper behavior in a situation where you

> > > weren't present?

> > >

> > > Thanks,

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >