Talk to THIS, OCD! (Emotional immaturity)

[Guest guest]

asked me in a post recently 'How do you handle the emotional immaturity??'

I don't have a clue, Chris! This I *do* know. I feel that many times I ENABLE to be emotionally immature!

I need to let go...

I don't think I should EVER give up on my son, but I DO need to let go of HIS problems, HIS OCD, HIS lack of maturity. If *I'M* the one that thinks for him, emotes for him, communicates for him, *rationalizes for him* (a big one), and/or takes too much responsibility for him/his OCD, his quirks, etc... then why would he ever need to GROW and take responsibility for HIMSELF/his problems? What I'm doing is CRIPPLING him and therefore, emotional maturity ain't gonna happen as long as I'm being too responsible.

Notice the word 'response' in in the word responsible. I've got to STOP over-responding, over-reacting, over-analyzing, over-reading, over-watching, over-DOING, because I'm a human BEing, NOT a human doing!

The only way that my son is EVER going to become emotionally mature is if I get OUT OF HIS WAY. Sometimes I wish I never knew that he had a chemical imbalance or OCD because I've been helping him *carry it* and that's just made him more irresponsible and immature, IMO.

Does anyone else feel this way? Geez, psychological problems are so much more difficult to deal with than physical problems. If my son had a physical disability, I wouldn't be so engaged in the inner workings of it. However, OCD is about irrational FEARS. The last thing a parent wants is for their child to be fearful of every little thing. Therefore, we get too involved.

It's what parents DO! But, in my experience, OCD takes advantage of that--- stealing our energy and *reinforcing the very behaviors we're trying to eliminate. *

had a meltdown this weekend because, and get this, he seemed very tired and flushed in the face all day. So what did I do late in the afternoon? I did what ANY parent would do and asked him if he felt sick.

HolyMotherOfGod!!! He went completely berserk!!!! The word 'sick' throws him into a tail spin, and believe me, we all paid for my 'mistake.' Another TV remote control is broken because he threw it against the wall. The more I tried to comfort , calm him down, rationalize with him, make him see how silly this fear of being sick was, etc... the LESS believed me that he wasn't sick. (!!!!???!!!) Lightbulb moment! LOL! (big laugh) I told my husband that I think *we're* the ones that are sick here!!

Finally, my husband and I had had ENOUGH of this controlling behavior, so we DIS-ENGAGED and walked away-- in the middle of his meltdown/temper tantrum.

I put on my walkman and went outside and cut the grass (so I couldn't hear him wail) and mumbled to myself 'it's NOT my problem anymore' and 'Talk to my backside, OCD!' My husband washed the car and turned the radio up-- WAY UP! Amazingly, was FINE after we walked away!!! Go figure!! I thought he was so terrified and having an emotional crisis! He was having one, however I think by being too involved, I FED THE FEAR like blowing air on a fire. I guess I *am* full of hot air!

But, I think I'm going to go back to treating him like he's 'normal' and discount his fears by being less involved-- and WALKING AWAY. Talk doesn't work, nor does humor and my anger and frustration only enflames him. I hope it works, but I've definitely noticed a pattern in the last few years that the more 'concern' or care I show (out of sympathy and a desire to make him well) the worse OCD gets!!!! How freakin' weird is that? Most 'sicknesses' get better with attention and love, but OCD seems to feed off of it!!

This week will be a 'Less is More!' and 'Let Go' week. will NEVER learn to handle his own problems and become more responsible and MATURE if I don't. The more I TALK to OCD or try to help him by being his emotional CRUTCH, the bigger it gets. I'll let you know how it works. If I don't write back in awhile, I was knocked out by an air-born remote control or worse yet, a flying TV!!! Don't worry. Been there, done that... I WILL survive.

Joni