Re: Talk to THIS, OCD! (Emotional immaturity)

[Guest guest]

Joni - Enjoyed your comments, as always!!

Just a note, that it's my non-OCD twin who throws the remote and hits

people; and my non-OCD 16-year-old who hits things (walls, doors,

etc.)! My OCDer, , has always been the most passive (non-

hitter, non-thrower, non-kicker/puncher). I have noticed a more

explosive temper in that he has actually yelled at me some since this

began. That was new!!

in N.C.

[Guest guest]

Hi Joni:

You are so right, the more we reassure and rationalize with our anxious

kids the more we trigger their OCD. Coping with OCD requires that

we take the risk and move beyond the reasonable or typical response to

anxiety.

Triggering a meltdown is something that we learn to do to help our kids

experience habituation to their anxiety. It is hard to do, but this

is strangely enough how they get better and learn that their anxiety will

not kill them even if it feels like it will.

When things get tough during a meltdown discretion is often the better

part of valor so giving oneself a time out is an important coping

strategy. It is even better if you can label the OCD, and give

prior warning to your child that you plan to give yourself time out when

OCD starts bossing you around. This is important modelling

behavior.

Meltdowns can seem like emotional immaturity, but they are really

incredibly powerful anxiety spikes. WHat can happen is that left

untreated, our kids can be so busy with OCD that they miss out on their

normal development. When our son, Steve, started to learn how to

deal with OCD, he often seemed to have regressed, particularly in his

social skills. We had to address this as a separate problem and

often I would wonder if it would get better. I am happy to report

that we have had considerable improvement in this area, even though it

has taken a bit of time. Steve is now 14 and we finally figured out

his OCD when he was 10.

OCD sends our kids error messages about what they need to fear and when

we rationalize with them and pay attention to it, this only reinforces

their fears. When we learn to spit in the eye or laugh at OCD

(always in a respectful way) while making it clear to our beloved OCDers

that we are on a team with them against OCD (externalizing OCD) then

things get a lot easier. Good luck, you are well on your way, hang

in there, the effort is well worth it, aloha, Kathy (h)

kathyh@...

At 09:42 AM 04/30/2001 -0400, you wrote:

Chris

in NC asked me in a post recently 'How do you handle the emotional

immaturity??'

I don't have a clue, Chris! This I *do* know. I feel that

many times I

ENABLE to be emotionally immature!

I need to let go...

I don't think I should EVER give up on my son, but I DO need to let go of

HIS problems, HIS OCD, HIS lack of maturity. If *I'M* the one

that thinks

for him, emotes for him, communicates for him, *rationalizes for him* (a

big

one), and/or takes too much responsibility for him/his OCD, his quirks,

etc... then why would he ever need to GROW

and take responsibility for

HIMSELF/his problems? What I'm doing is CRIPPLING him and therefore,

emotional maturity ain't gonna happen as long as I'm being too

responsible.

Notice the word 'response' in in the word responsible. I've got to

STOP

over-responding, over-reacting, over-analyzing, over-reading,

over-watching,

over-DOING, because I'm a human BEing, NOT a human doing!

The only way that my son is EVER going to become emotionally

mature

is if I get OUT OF HIS WAY. Sometimes I wish I never knew that he

had a

chemical imbalance or OCD because I've been helping him *carry it* and

that's

just made him more irresponsible and immature, IMO.

Does anyone else feel this way? Geez, psychological problems are so

much

more difficult to deal with than physical problems. If my son had a

physical

disability, I wouldn't be so engaged in the inner workings of it.

However,

OCD is about irrational FEARS. The last thing a parent wants is for

their

child to be fearful of every little thing. Therefore, we get too

involved.

It's what parents DO! But, in my experience, OCD takes advantage of

that---

stealing our energy and *reinforcing the very behaviors we're trying to

eliminate. *

had a meltdown this weekend because, and get this, he seemed very

tired

and flushed in the face all day. So what did I do late in the

afternoon? I

did what ANY parent would do and asked him if he felt sick.

HolyMotherOfGod!!! He went completely berserk!!!! The word

'sick' throws

him into a tail spin, and believe me, we all paid for my

'mistake.' Another

TV remote control is broken because he threw it against the wall.

The more I

tried to comfort , calm him down, rationalize with him, make him see

how

silly this fear of being sick was, etc... the LESS believed me that

he

wasn't sick. (!!!!???!!!) Lightbulb moment!

LOL! (big laugh) I

told my husband that I think *we're* the ones that are sick here!!

Finally, my husband and I had had ENOUGH of this controlling behavior, so

we

DIS-ENGAGED and walked away-- in the middle of his meltdown/temper

tantrum.

I put on my walkman and went outside and cut the grass (so I couldn't

hear

him wail) and mumbled to myself 'it's NOT my problem anymore' and 'Talk

to my

backside, OCD!' My husband washed the car and turned the

radio up-- WAY

UP! Amazingly, was FINE after we walked away!!!

Go figure!! I

thought he was so terrified and having an emotional crisis! He was

having

one, however I think by being too involved,

I FED THE FEAR like blowing air

on a fire. I guess I *am* full of hot air!

But, I think I'm going to go back to treating him like he's 'normal' and

discount his fears by being less involved-- and WALKING AWAY. Talk

doesn't

work, nor does humor and my anger and frustration only enflames

him. I hope

it works, but I've definitely noticed a pattern in the last few years

that

the more 'concern' or care I show (out of sympathy and a desire to

make

him well) the worse OCD gets!!!! How freakin' weird is that?

Most

'sicknesses' get better with attention and love, but OCD seems to feed

off of

it!!

This week will be a 'Less is More!' and 'Let Go' week. will

NEVER

learn to handle his own problems and become more responsible and MATURE

if I

don't. The more I TALK to OCD or try to help him by being his

emotional

CRUTCH, the bigger it gets. I'll let you know how it works.

If I don't

write back in awhile, I was knocked out by an air-born remote control or

worse yet, a flying TV!!! Don't worry. Been there,

done that... I WILL

survive.

Joni

[Guest guest]

Hi there,

About physical vs. psychological problems: Last week Annie was falling

apart again, refused to eat for several days, panicked about vomiting, cried

at school, etc. I was at wit's end and scheduled an emergency appointment

with her psychiatrist to discuss new meds. (He switched her to Luvox) An hour

later she fell at school and broke her arm. Poof! It distracted her and all

of us from all her OCD for several days and she is happy as a clam. She

forgot about her fear of eating (which could make her throw up or get fat)

and started to eat, sleep, smile... Who would have thought that a broken arm

could be such a great thing?? I'll take broken bones over OCD anyday!

[Guest guest]

Dear Jule,

That is a heart-breaking statement from your son. These poor kids go

through so much. At least our kids have diagnoses and concerned parents. I

often wonder about all the other kids out there suffering with this alone.

And I think with horror about all those years we misunderstood our daughter

and blamed ourselves for things like her SI difficulties and social anxiety!

Unfortunately the broken arm vacation has now ended and Annie is in her

room screaming at her father about how she DOESN'T NEED TO DO RELAXATION

EXERCISES BECAUSE SHE IS ALREADY COMPLETELY RELAXED!!!!!

Bye for now,

[Guest guest]

> Hi there,

> About physical vs. psychological problems: Last week Annie was

falling

> apart again, refused to eat for several days, panicked about

vomiting, cried

> at school, etc. An hour

> later she fell at school and broke her arm. Poof! It distracted her

and all

> of us from all her OCD for several days and she is happy as a clam.

Who would have thought that a

broken arm

> could be such a great thing?? I'll take broken bones over OCD

anyday!

:

My son broke his collarbone just before the end of the school year

last year. For him, too, it was a vacation from OCD. In fact tonight

he talked about how physical pain doesn't bother him very much because

he is " in mental pain every day " . Quite a sad statement from a 12 yo.

Jule

[Guest guest]

Dear Joni:

I need to take your advice and do what you are doing with . Again, how old is ? I find if I walk away during the temper tantrum he calms down faster, and if he's trying to discuss the situation I don't respond -- it feeds the fire. But then, he always comes back after calming down to say "Why didn't you come and give me some hugs to calm me down?" He forgets he didn't want me even near him at the time. Anyway, thanks for the reality check and I believe I need to more of what you're doing. We too have many broken remotes!!

Tamra

Talk to THIS, OCD! (Emotional immaturity)

asked me in a post recently 'How do you handle the emotional immaturity??' I don't have a clue, Chris! This I *do* know. I feel that many times I ENABLE to be emotionally immature! I need to let go... I don't think I should EVER give up on my son, but I DO need to let go of HIS problems, HIS OCD, HIS lack of maturity. If *I'M* the one that thinks for him, emotes for him, communicates for him, *rationalizes for him* (a big one), and/or takes too much responsibility for him/his OCD, his quirks, etc... then why would he ever need to GROW and take responsibility for HIMSELF/his problems? What I'm doing is CRIPPLING him and therefore, emotional maturity ain't gonna happen as long as I'm being too responsible. Notice the word 'response' in in the word responsible. I've got to STOP over-responding, over-reacting, over-analyzing, over-reading, over-watching, over-DOING, because I'm a human BEing, NOT a human doing! The only way that my son is EVER going to become emotionally mature is if I get OUT OF HIS WAY. Sometimes I wish I never knew that he had a chemical imbalance or OCD because I've been helping him *carry it* and that's just made him more irresponsible and immature, IMO. Does anyone else feel this way? Geez, psychological problems are so much more difficult to deal with than physical problems. If my son had a physical disability, I wouldn't be so engaged in the inner workings of it. However, OCD is about irrational FEARS. The last thing a parent wants is for their child to be fearful of every little thing. Therefore, we get too involved. It's what parents DO! But, in my experience, OCD takes advantage of that--- stealing our energy and *reinforcing the very behaviors we're trying to eliminate. * had a meltdown this weekend because, and get this, he seemed very tired and flushed in the face all day. So what did I do late in the afternoon? I did what ANY parent would do and asked him if he felt sick. HolyMotherOfGod!!! He went completely berserk!!!! The word 'sick' throws him into a tail spin, and believe me, we all paid for my 'mistake.' Another TV remote control is broken because he threw it against the wall. The more I tried to comfort , calm him down, rationalize with him, make him see how silly this fear of being sick was, etc... the LESS believed me that he wasn't sick. (!!!!???!!!) Lightbulb moment! LOL! (big laugh) I told my husband that I think *we're* the ones that are sick here!! Finally, my husband and I had had ENOUGH of this controlling behavior, so we DIS-ENGAGED and walked away-- in the middle of his meltdown/temper tantrum. I put on my walkman and went outside and cut the grass (so I couldn't hear him wail) and mumbled to myself 'it's NOT my problem anymore' and 'Talk to my backside, OCD!' My husband washed the car and turned the radio up-- WAY UP! Amazingly, was FINE after we walked away!!! Go figure!! I thought he was so terrified and having an emotional crisis! He was having one, however I think by being too involved, I FED THE FEAR like blowing air on a fire. I guess I *am* full of hot air! But, I think I'm going to go back to treating him like he's 'normal' and discount his fears by being less involved-- and WALKING AWAY. Talk doesn't work, nor does humor and my anger and frustration only enflames him. I hope it works, but I've definitely noticed a pattern in the last few years that the more 'concern' or care I show (out of sympathy and a desire to make him well) the worse OCD gets!!!! How freakin' weird is that? Most 'sicknesses' get better with attention and love, but OCD seems to feed off of it!! This week will be a 'Less is More!' and 'Let Go' week. will NEVER learn to handle his own problems and become more responsible and MATURE if I don't. The more I TALK to OCD or try to help him by being his emotional CRUTCH, the bigger it gets. I'll let you know how it works. If I don't write back in awhile, I was knocked out by an air-born remote control or worse yet, a flying TV!!! Don't worry. Been there, done that... I WILL survive. Joni You may subscribe to the OCD-L by emailing listserv@... . In the body of your message write: subscribe OCD-L your name. You may subscribe to the Parents of Adults with OCD List at parentsofadultswithOCD-subscribe . You may subscribe to the OCD and Homeschooling List at ocdandhomeschooling-subscribe . You may change your subscription format or access the files, bookmarks, and archives for our list at . Our list advisors are Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., and Dan Geller, M.D. Our list moderators are Birkhan, Kathy Hammes, Jule Monnens, Gail Pesses, Kathy , and Jackie Stout. Subscription issues or suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner, at lharkins@... .

[Guest guest]

-Joni,

I certainly enjoyed reading your post and I certainly could relate!

andra and I have been gently reminded to " back off " on more than

one occasion. We don't want our kids to fall or be short changed by

life and we often are trying harder than they are to " heal them " . It's

hard to blame us parents (no blame really), but soon we realize that

we are paradoxically " feeding " OCD.

So we have to walk the fine line between offering too much and being

there for our kids to cheer them on and support them in any way

possible. This is a daunting task. But I think all of our kids' picked

us because we could handle it! At times we go crazy with it but

ultimately we can handle it. So please, let's be easy on ourselves

when we overfunction! It'll probably happen another 10,000 times!

Hopefully we will be AWARE.

Thank you for so cheerfully showing your backside to you know what!

It's so important for our children to know what we are venting at.

Keeping up the good fight with all of you......

-- In @y..., lyricaldreamer@y... wrote:

> asked me in a post recently 'How do you handle the

emotional

> immaturity??'

>

> I don't have a clue, Chris! This I *do* know. I feel that many

times I

> ENABLE to be emotionally immature!

>

> I need to let go...

>

> I don't think I should EVER give up on my son, but I DO need to let

go of

> HIS problems, HIS OCD, HIS lack of maturity. If *I'M* the one that

thinks

> for him, emotes for him, communicates for him, *rationalizes for

him* (a big

> one), and/or takes too much responsibility for him/his OCD, his

quirks,

> etc... then why would he ever need to GROW and take responsibility

for

> HIMSELF/his problems? What I'm doing is CRIPPLING him and therefore,

> emotional maturity ain't gonna happen as long as I'm being too

responsible.

> Notice the word 'response' in in the word responsible. I've got to

STOP

> over-responding, over-reacting, over-analyzing, over-reading,

over-watching,

> over-DOING, because I'm a human BEing, NOT a human doing!

>

> The only way that my son is EVER going to become emotionally

mature

> is if I get OUT OF HIS WAY. Sometimes I wish I never knew that he

had a

> chemical imbalance or OCD because I've been helping him *carry it*

and that's

> just made him more irresponsible and immature, IMO.

>

> Does anyone else feel this way? Geez, psychological problems are so

much

> more difficult to deal with than physical problems. If my son had a

physical

> disability, I wouldn't be so engaged in the inner workings of it.

However,

> OCD is about irrational FEARS. The last thing a parent wants is for

their

> child to be fearful of every little thing. Therefore, we get too

involved.

> It's what parents DO! But, in my experience, OCD takes advantage of

that---

> stealing our energy and *reinforcing the very behaviors we're trying

to

> eliminate. *

>

> had a meltdown this weekend because, and get this, he seemed

very tired

> and flushed in the face all day. So what did I do late in the

afternoon? I

> did what ANY parent would do and asked him if he felt sick.

> HolyMotherOfGod!!! He went completely berserk!!!! The word 'sick'

throws

> him into a tail spin, and believe me, we all paid for my 'mistake.'

Another

> TV remote control is broken because he threw it against the wall.

The more I

> tried to comfort , calm him down, rationalize with him, make

him see how

> silly this fear of being sick was, etc... the LESS believed me

that he

> wasn't sick. (!!!!???!!!) Lightbulb moment! LOL! (big

laugh) I

> told my husband that I think *we're* the ones that are sick here!!

>

> Finally, my husband and I had had ENOUGH of this controlling

behavior, so we

> DIS-ENGAGED and walked away-- in the middle of his meltdown/temper

tantrum.

> I put on my walkman and went outside and cut the grass (so I

couldn't hear

> him wail) and mumbled to myself 'it's NOT my problem anymore' and

'Talk to my

> backside, OCD!' My husband washed the car and turned the radio

up-- WAY

> UP! Amazingly, was FINE after we walked away!!! Go figure!!

I

> thought he was so terrified and having an emotional crisis! He was

having

> one, however I think by being too involved, I FED THE FEAR like

blowing air

> on a fire. I guess I *am* full of hot air!

>

> But, I think I'm going to go back to treating him like he's 'normal'

and

> discount his fears by being less involved-- and WALKING AWAY. Talk

doesn't

> work, nor does humor and my anger and frustration only enflames him.

I hope

> it works, but I've definitely noticed a pattern in the last few

years that

> the more 'concern' or care I show (out of sympathy and a

desire to make

> him well) the worse OCD gets!!!! How freakin' weird is that? Most

> 'sicknesses' get better with attention and love, but OCD seems to

feed off of

> it!!

>

> This week will be a 'Less is More!' and 'Let Go' week. will

NEVER

> learn to handle his own problems and become more responsible and

MATURE if I

> don't. The more I TALK to OCD or try to help him by being his

emotional

> CRUTCH, the bigger it gets. I'll let you know how it works. If I

don't

> write back in awhile, I was knocked out by an air-born remote

control or

> worse yet, a flying TV!!! Don't worry. Been there, done

that... I WILL

> survive.

> Joni

[Guest guest]

Dear Tamra,

is 10 years old (with the *emotional maturity* of a 5 year

old). He's the youngest of my 3 sons (19, 17, 10). My middle son

has ADHD (with some minor OCD) and thank God, my oldest son

is 'normal' = which means 'plain crazy like everyone on the

planet.' If it wasn't for him though, I wouldn't know

what 'normal' really was! It seems that as soon as I got 17 year old

's ADHD under control, here comesssssssss with his OCD!!

Talk about switching gears and feeling emotionally SPENT!! I must

say that in hindsight, I think dealing with 's hyperactivity

and ADD stuff was alot easier than OCD. At least the irrational

fears weren't there-- which is SOOO tough to deal with!! Plus,

was soooooo active and ~^~hyper~^~ I *couldn't* get overly

involved with his 'stuff' or issues because it was impossible. Just

getting him to sit down for one second was a miracle! 's OCD is

another challenge all together. I've become WAY too involved trying

to HELP him get well, but as I said in my last post, my over-

involvement has proved to be a waste of time and an EMOTIONAL

CRUTCH. All of my sons have been better off when I let them handle

their own problems and issues because it's how they LEARN. Like

Kathy stated (so brilliantly I might add) - it is IMPORTANT MODELLING

BEHAVIOR to remain calm during a meltdown and not get so pulled in to

it (or bullied by it like said). I really needed to hear that

because for some strange reason, I felt I had to HELP him calm down

when I really should just take a time out AWAY from his bossy OCD.

Knowing this is one thing, *doing it* is another. I plan to DO IT.

I'm TIRED OF BEING BULLIED!!!

Kathy (in Hawaii) and -- thank you for your posts and the

VALUABLE information you always provide. I've printed BOTH of them

to refer back to when/if I slip and erroneously think that I

can 'talk' 's fears/anger away. It ain't gonna happen!!

And, taking my OWN time out away from his meltdowns was another great

idea, because if I don't, THIS mom will end up unable to help ANYONE,

including herself.

Joni

> Dear Joni:

>

> I need to take your advice and do what you are doing with .

Again, how old is ? I find if I walk away during the temper

tantrum he calms down faster, and if he's trying to discuss the

situation I don't respond -- it feeds the fire. But then, he always

comes back after calming down to say " Why didn't you come and give me

some hugs to calm me down? " He forgets he didn't want me even near

him at the time. Anyway, thanks for the reality check and I believe

I need to more of what you're doing. We too have many broken

remotes!!

>

> Tamra

> Talk to THIS, OCD! (Emotional

immaturity)

>

>

> asked me in a post recently 'How do you handle the

emotional

> immaturity??'

>

> I don't have a clue, Chris! This I *do* know. I feel that many

times I

> ENABLE to be emotionally immature!

>

> I need to let go...

>

> I don't think I should EVER give up on my son, but I DO need to

let go of

> HIS problems, HIS OCD, HIS lack of maturity. If *I'M* the one

that thinks

> for him, emotes for him, communicates for him, *rationalizes for

him* (a big

> one), and/or takes too much responsibility for him/his OCD, his

quirks,

> etc... then why would he ever need to GROW and take

responsibility for

> HIMSELF/his problems? What I'm doing is CRIPPLING him and

therefore,

> emotional maturity ain't gonna happen as long as I'm being too

responsible.

> Notice the word 'response' in in the word responsible. I've got

to STOP

> over-responding, over-reacting, over-analyzing, over-reading,

over-watching,

> over-DOING, because I'm a human BEing, NOT a human doing!

>

> The only way that my son is EVER going to become

emotionally mature

> is if I get OUT OF HIS WAY. Sometimes I wish I never knew that

he had a

> chemical imbalance or OCD because I've been helping him *carry

it* and that's

> just made him more irresponsible and immature, IMO.

>

> Does anyone else feel this way? Geez, psychological problems are

so much

> more difficult to deal with than physical problems. If my son

had a physical

> disability, I wouldn't be so engaged in the inner workings of

it. However,

> OCD is about irrational FEARS. The last thing a parent wants is

for their

> child to be fearful of every little thing. Therefore, we get too

involved.

> It's what parents DO! But, in my experience, OCD takes advantage

of that---

> stealing our energy and *reinforcing the very behaviors we're

trying to

> eliminate. *

>

> had a meltdown this weekend because, and get this, he

seemed very tired

> and flushed in the face all day. So what did I do late in the

afternoon? I

> did what ANY parent would do and asked him if he felt sick.

> HolyMotherOfGod!!! He went completely berserk!!!! The

word 'sick' throws

> him into a tail spin, and believe me, we all paid for

my 'mistake.' Another

> TV remote control is broken because he threw it against the

wall. The more I

> tried to comfort , calm him down, rationalize with him, make

him see how

> silly this fear of being sick was, etc... the LESS believed

me that he

> wasn't sick. (!!!!???!!!) Lightbulb moment! LOL! (big

laugh) I

> told my husband that I think *we're* the ones that are sick

here!!

>

> Finally, my husband and I had had ENOUGH of this controlling

behavior, so we

> DIS-ENGAGED and walked away-- in the middle of his

meltdown/temper tantrum.

> I put on my walkman and went outside and cut the grass (so I

couldn't hear

> him wail) and mumbled to myself 'it's NOT my problem anymore'

and 'Talk to my

> backside, OCD!' My husband washed the car and turned the

radio up-- WAY

> UP! Amazingly, was FINE after we walked away!!! Go

figure!! I

> thought he was so terrified and having an emotional crisis! He

was having

> one, however I think by being too involved, I FED THE FEAR like

blowing air

> on a fire. I guess I *am* full of hot air!

>

> But, I think I'm going to go back to treating him like

he's 'normal' and

> discount his fears by being less involved-- and WALKING AWAY.

Talk doesn't

> work, nor does humor and my anger and frustration only enflames

him. I hope

> it works, but I've definitely noticed a pattern in the last few

years that

> the more 'concern' or care I show (out of sympathy and a

desire to make

> him well) the worse OCD gets!!!! How freakin' weird is that?

Most

> 'sicknesses' get better with attention and love, but OCD seems to

feed off of

> it!!

>

> This week will be a 'Less is More!' and 'Let Go' week.

will NEVER

> learn to handle his own problems and become more responsible and

MATURE if I

> don't. The more I TALK to OCD or try to help him by being his

emotional

> CRUTCH, the bigger it gets. I'll let you know how it works. If

I don't

> write back in awhile, I was knocked out by an air-born remote

control or

> worse yet, a flying TV!!! Don't worry. Been there, done

that... I WILL

> survive.

> Joni

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Joni, I too found out the more emotion I showed around my daughter's symptoms, the higher they would escalate. The counselor at the time told me my "high expressed emotion" was counterproductive. I went home and sulked and rationalized for awhile (my daughter was a young five, and was all of a sudden so sick and impaired! What Mom wouldn't be "emotional"!!!) However a few days later I tried it the counselor's way and adopted a matter-of-fact approach to Kellen's OCD behaviors, and what do you know, things improved rather quickly.

My calming down and not getting engaged with Kellen's symptoms was a big piece of her eventual upward turn. But it was one of the hardest things I ever did, and for a long time I cried in the shower, and raged against OCD when driving alone in the car, and any other time I found myself alone. But in time this approach felt natural.

Kathy R. in Indiana

----- Original Message -----

From: lyricaldreamer@...

(snip)Finally, my husband and I had had ENOUGH of this controlling behavior, so we DIS-ENGAGED and walked away-- in the middle of his meltdown/temper tantrum. I put on my walkman and went outside and cut the grass (so I couldn't hear him wail) and mumbled to myself 'it's NOT my problem anymore' and 'Talk to my backside, OCD!' My husband washed the car and turned the radio up-- WAY UP! Amazingly, was FINE after we walked away!!! Go figure!! I thought he was so terrified and having an emotional crisis! He was having one, however I think by being too involved, I FED THE FEAR like blowing air on a fire. I guess I *am* full of hot air! But, I think I'm going to go back to treating him like he's 'normal' and discount his fears by being less involved-- and WALKING AWAY. Talk doesn't work, nor does humor and my anger and frustration only enflames him. I hope it works, but I've definitely noticed a pattern in the last few years that the more 'concern' or care I show (out of sympathy and a desire to make him well) the worse OCD gets!!!! How freakin' weird is that? Most 'sicknesses' get better with attention and love, but OCD seems to feed off of it!! (snip)

[Guest guest]

hi, , this is sarah. i have 14 years old boy who has OCD, TS, AS and social anxiety disoder.

i agree with you 100 %, whenever i go through with drs, schools, i always think about others who is suffering without knowing. at least my son gets all kinds of bset care.

it was hard when i did not know why he is behaving like that. even after diagnosed about year ago. now i am accepting little better, still long way to go. bye