Reply to 'Eggshells' :) Re: Fw: Suggestions????

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Dear WOES (Walking On Egg Shells

Chin up. Your son sounds like a typical teenager! My 17 yo, ,

was diagnosed with 'borderline ADHD' when he was 9 - and he had some

mild OCD/anxiety that went with it. When he hit his teens, it was

anything but 'borderline.' Full blown is a better description.

Naturally, he rebelled against going to the shrink because 'there's

nothing wrong with me.' He went 3 times and that was it. He even

threw the bottle of Adderall at me one day and said he refused to

take anything that made him feel weird. I replied, 'ok, fine - it

*is* your life.' But! I reminded him that if he's abusive ONE MORE

TIME, that was it! He'd be COURT ORDERED by a juvenile judge to get

help. He knew I meant it because I've done it before - he

impulsively slugged me once (when he was 16) during one of his rages

and he ended up in court having to pull 50 hours of community

service. CONSEQUENCES! He never did it again. And believe me, the

judge didn't care if had ADHD or ABC disorder!

has calmed down quite a bit. How? We gave him a car (it only

cost $1000). If you're looking for a way to motivate your 17yo, a

car is the BEST tool. You now have ammunition other than court.

Those keys can be taken away until he EARNS the privilege to drive,

which means treating everyone in the house with respect, no video

games, no computer till he goes to school, and if he goes to school -

he can drive to school! Don't worry about his personal grooming or

the mess in his room. Peer pressure (and future girlfriends) will

take care of the way he looks. Shut the door to his bedroom-- it's

not your problem. It's HIS problem. Try to find a Tough Love

parenting group. I know that many people on this list think that we

shouldn't use Tough Love techniqes on our OCD children, but I

disagree (especially with teenagers). OCD is NOT an excuse for bad

behavior. tried to use the ADHD excuse in high school ONCE--

and the administration added another WEEK to his suspension time.

Friends, when your child gets to high school, the buck stops with

your kid. They expect them to have self-control by the time they hit

their teens and if they don't, CONSEQUENCES. No excuses. I think

our children are best served if they are prepared for the REAL

WORLD. One day, they'll be employess and no boss on the planet that

*I* live on will tolerate an anxiety excuse. If you don't show up

for work ready to meet your responsibilities, kiss your job goodbye.

Get tough. I would NOT tolerate my son missing school to sit on a

computer or play video games all day- no matter WHAT his 'disorder'

is. I'd take away the computer (unplug it and hide the cord-- or,

lock it up in your car trunk along with the Playstation or N64).

Believe it or not, he'll respect you for it.

Joni (mom of 3 sons, 19, 17, and 10)

>

>

> Hello List

> I'll try not to make this too long. I am an old list member from a

few years back that has a, now,17 year old son w/ ocd, adhd, major

depression, insomnia, problems with major anger/rage and possibly TS.

>

> He's been diagnosed for 7 years now and I feel quite discouraged as

we have tried many different things but it seems we are not much

further today than we were in the beginning, other than being a bit

more educated.

>

> He's tried Clonidine, Imiprimine, Luvox, Zoloft, Risperdol and

Imovane. A short while ago his psych said the " best way to find out

if he is getting any benefit from the meds is to take him off them "

so that is exactly what we have done. Only I am a little smarter this

time and have titrated the Zoloft and Risperdol down very slowly. He

is now completely off. There have been no changes yet. He is still

VERY depressed, moody, lacks ANY motivation, his ocd symptoms are

about the same with control issues, contamination fears, etc. I know

that he is not suddenly going to get well without the meds. I just

don't know where to go from here. He doesn't go to school, has an

extremely limited social life, doesn't work, mostly spends his time

playing video/role playing games on the computer, and doesn't get any

exercise

> We have devised a basic contract in regards to the minimal

expectations that we would like to see ie: personal grooming, picking

up after himself, school, computer time, and controlling his anger.

The hard part is we really can't even inforce the contract as this

makes his depression/anger worse and then life is very difficult for

all of us in the family.

> We are receiving the help of a " therapeutic counsellor " that has

been helping with the anger management etc. and CBT once per month

working on some E & RP.

> The problem is he knows what he needs to do but has NO motivation

to do it.

> The rest of us are getting depressed seeing this and feeling so

helpless and frustrated.

> There's so much more but I promised not to make this long.

> Any suggestions?????

>

> Thanks in advance,

> Just call me... Walking on eggshells.