Re: Parents illnesses

January 20, 2001

Hi Jan, I have irritable bowel syndrome, Migraines, prsoriasis, all stress related the doc says. I feel for you my friend, this is alot of stress on the whole family. I have a 10.5yr old daughter with OCD and now I am trying to come to grips with the fact that my 6yr old either has OCD or GAD. I just havnt taken her for a full eval yet. My husband has been working in Japan for the last 3months so I have had no help. I know exactly how you feel. Remember to take some time for yourself even if its 30min. and don't feel guilty about it. You have to keep yourself strong. Feel free to write anytime my friend!

My prayers are with you,

Nikki in Orlando

January 20, 2001

Jan, (jmb152@...)

Your concerns are 100% legitimate! Many of us have physical and emotional

ailments due to the stress of our lives.

Many times I have written about the concerns of the primary caregiver

collapsing from the weight of the responsibilities we carry. Some of us

have been prescribed anti-depressants to help deal with the stress, some use

exercise, time away, and therapy to help them cope.

I too worry about what will be when I'm no longer here to pick up the

pieces when one of my ocd'ers has a set back. I have looked into all kinds

of options, including semi-independent living. But when the kids are well,

they dont fit the criteria for this kind of housing!

I will repost a note a wrote about a month ago about self care...

For you, I suggest looking into a therapist with experience in dealing

with OCD in the family, or at least with other mental health issues. You

dont necessarily need a psychologist (you could work with a social worker,

clergy or any one trained in the field). Talking to someone face to face can

be quite helpful. Writing here with your concerns can also help you... we

are here to support each other.

Please, take care of yourself. wendy in canada

=========================================================

>Hi all. I was just wondering if any of you parents developed any

>illness due to the high stress of living with an OCD child.

>Sometimes I think I am developing an ulcer from all the up and down

>emotions, the meltdowns, the successes and then letdowns, the

>constant psycological advice I give my son to bolster him up, etc.

>Does anyone develop high blood pressure, etc. from all this?

>Sometimes I wonder how long I am going to live, due to the constant

>everyday stress of it all. Its bound to have an effect on our mental,

>physical well-being. Also, having a child with severe OCD, I

>wonder who will be around for him when I'm gone, if he is never able

>to support himself? Thanks for listening.

>Jan

>

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January 20, 2001

Hi Jan:

I could have written your post!!

About three years after Steve's OCD became unmistakable I started to

realize that I was dealing with life in a less effective way. Anxiety is

incredibly contagious. His CBT therapist told me perhaps I had PTSD from

not being able to find competent help for months and months and actually

getting care that was damaging to Steve and his family. I thought I had

depression but it did not seem quite to match the DSM-IV criteria. With

the encouragement of buddies on this list I went to my GP and got an

anti-depressant.

When I read the insert on Effexor and read more about GAD, slowly the penny

started to drop. At the last OCF conference there were a couple of

sessions on GAD and they really clarified for me what my problem (or at

least one of them) is.

I would tell myself anyone facing what I was would worry, and it was hard

for me to recognize that it had gotten out of hand. One thing was obvious,

I had an eternal committee meeting going on in my head! I believe I have

GAD, now quite well treated by Effexor XR and CBT treatments using E & RP.

It seems that GAD is pretty closely related to OCD. I call it OCD but

without a good imagination. ALso worries do not stick in our brains and

get repeated over and over but they float from one thing to another quite

rapidly.

I remind myself that worry is interest paid on a debt which has not yet

become due. My goals for parenting Steve include getting him to learn how

to live with his OCD and other alphabet soup and become as independent as

possible. It is hard work, but the success he has achieved in learning how

to live with OCD is astounding to me. This will happen for your son too.

Our job as parents, of both NT and NBD kids, is to encourage them to feel

they are capable of managing well on their own. Unfortunately when we

worry about this, they pick up on it and we can unknowingly sabotage their

self-confidence that we are striving so hard to reinforce.

I tell myself that when I am gone, if Steve can't cope there is nothing I

can do about it. There is no point in worrying about things I cannot do

anything about (I read the Serenity Prayer often) as it is only me beating

myself up unnecessarily and stops me enjoying the moment. What will my

worry do to address the problem? Nothing, probably; possibly make my life

worse and affect Steve negatively. So I expose myself to my worry by

imagining I am dead and Steve is suffering terrribly and stay with that

thought until I get tired of it. It would take an hour when I first

started this. Also I get coaching from my therapist. HE does paradoxical

stuff with me and this shocks me into seeing things differently.

Good luck, take care, aloha, Kathy (h)

kathyh@...

At 05:49 AM 01/20/2001 -0000, you wrote: