beware of drs/nurses hehehe

[Guest guest]

1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for

over a year.

2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it

disappeared completely.

3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband

states she was very hot in bed last night.

4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began

seeing me in 1993.

5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also

appears to be depressed.

6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male. Mentally

alert but forgetful.

8. The patient refused an autopsy.

9. The patient has no past history of suicides.

10. Patient has left his white blood cells at another

hospital.

11. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably

insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past

three days.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for

lunch.

13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this

lady pregnant.

14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I

thought you might like to work her up.

15. She is numb from her toes down.

16. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent

home.

17. The skin was moist and dry.

18. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

20. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of

her life, until she got a divorce.

22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car

for physical therapy.

23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and

accommodation.

24. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

26. The patient was to have a bowel re-section. However, he

took a job as a lawyer instead.

27. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.

28. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.

29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt

we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

That is hilarious!

Anne