Re: sorry....been so long (am i a hypochondriac)

[Guest guest]

hi there. im pretty new to the group so you probably dont know me.

im 'newly' disabled.. new to me... with 90% of my diaphram

paralyzed. it started out with a virus which caused the spinal cord to

swell, it hit old spinal damage from early child abuse in my neck. cut

into my diaphram nerve.. caused pnuemonia. that scarred half my lungs

and im on oxygen now. i have xrays and mris and oxygen tests and

everything.. but i still think i should be well 'by now'. i still

think that yeah, i most be a hypochondriac. i think it would be easier

if there was some outward sign.. of course that would really bother me,

so it wouldnt be 'easier'. my blood pressure got a little high after

becoming disabled and um, swelling in feet is worse. if i get a cold

or flu it lasts forever and so on. i think part of my problem is also

that my parents were alcoholics and being sick was a punishable

offense. so im always on the defense. but i think sometimes its

wishful thinking. after all the prognosis on paralysis isnt exactly

good. if however i am merely a hypochondriac i can 'get better'. and

all the things being wrong.. well one thing led to another, the

diaphram led to the pnuemonia to the scarring to low oxygen, still have

cognitive problems so i cant work a desk job.. private insurance is

still fighting me on that although SSDI accepted me right away.. turns

out that is a well known scam. they simply ignore test results and lie

outright about the results so if you cant read the report yourself you

might believe them. more stress... more illness. . anyway the low

oxygen causes immune system deficencies and so on.. so anyway, yeah i

know how you feel if that is any help. and defiitely i got feedback

from other people who treated me as if i were, especially before i got

the oxygen tube. it seems without the validation of something they can

see, people assume you are okay. im still very hurt over some comments

that were made to me by one friend in particular. i try to hope it was

partially not wanting to believe im really that sick. but even caring

friends sometimes blow it by accident. lonliness is a big issue, and i

was saying something to one friend. and she said something about

getting out more... which one of the big reasons is that im often too

sick to go anywhere. if i can get out of bed i may not be able to

drive (at best short distances) and its not easy to meet people to go

hang out with either. im fortunate im in SCA, society of creative

anachronism, a social/historical thing and im in AA. but still, i

ended up moving to a small town in utah just to be able to live on my

disability, and most people here are in couples, and they dont need

anyone to hang out with. okay i guess i got a little venting out.

anyway my neighbor has bad spine problems and she has problems with

people treating her like shes not sick and yelling at her for taking

the supermarket electric cart. i think i might make her up a fake

oxygen bag and hose to help her out with that <wink>.

Verdaeni

>

> Hi there! Sorry it has been so long since I have written. I am

> starting to feel like everything is in my head. I am still dealing

> with the thyroid, anemia, extremely high blood sugar, high blood

> pressure and all the other stuff. I went yesterday and they finally

> put a cast on my arm where I have been falling and falling. My

blood

> sugars register too high for the meter sometimes and they can't seem

> to kick start my thyroid. It just feels like I have too many things

> to deal with. Does anyone ever feel like a hypochondriac or think

> people feel that way?

>

> Thanks....Barb frombarb41@...

>