Re: Re: family support ???

[Guest guest]

I think it is because my dh feels lost and wish he could make me feel better but doesnt' realize that helping with the kids, is helping me. does that make sense??

Neither of our parents were ones that we could really call and say, we are sick with this or that and we have to go to ER. They may take us but then we would get the criticitism later.

course i could be wrong and only going by how my life is now versus afraid to ask because of what saying i get now when my h/a are constant and i "should" be doing "this" or "that" or "I wouldn't have my problems."

melissa g

,I guess my only awnser to this is as much as they want to and can be. I am allergic to Wheat. My husband's favorite food is Pizza. I have to make a seperate meal when we have family pizza night. I don't expect him to give this up, but I do expect him not to put the pizza in my face a do a silly dance. (Like my 4 year old does) He sings, "Mama's allergic to pizza.... yummy yummy pizza."We discussed this very thing as a family. It does need to be discussed because we need to have expectations in line.1) We agreed when I am sick hubby has to pick up the slack or find help to do so, neighbors family.2) I stay in my room and watch movies if meds are affecting me.3) If am having a bad day, I let my family know. I don't hide it or push through the symptoms.4) We have emergency plans set in place where kids go next door, either side for help. I have an EMT living right next door (Nice for us). Dad is on speed dial and works 5 minutes from home. Also Dad is willing to take sick days to help with the kids, he calls it playing hooky for an all kids buffet.5) Dad lets me vent, or talk things out between the hours of 9pm and midnight. I am not allowed to take things out on Dad like pain and frustrations. 6) Dad educates himself about my conditions so he can have empathy and understanding.7) I am allowed to seek outside help, support and comfort to take pressure off of Dad. Dad is allowed to seek help and support too. 8) When I am well I give Daddy down time to recharge his own bateries.9) Hugs when we don't feel well. Kisses when we do.Dawn>> How is family suppose to be supportive??? Like a boyfriend or husband who lives with you. Esp if you are chronically sick.> > i have no idea what normal is suppose to be so i have nothing to compare to> > bad enough that i didn't go to the doctor before i was 18, then to start going to counseling when i was 19 and finding out that i was emotionally abandoned by my parents, etc. > > anyways, if anyone can answer this question, i would appreciate it.> > >

[Guest guest]

I was in the hospital all last week well four days of it my seizures had gotten worse my blood sugars were out of control and my meds had to be changed. You want to talk no family support not one of them called me not once. I had to call them to let them know I was out. My son had the first day I had gone in called everyone telling them the hospital room number. I broke into tears on Labor Day my mothers birthday as my sister asked me about the upcoming operation on tethered cord tomorrow. My mother asked what was I crying about ((knowing her I said nothing just nothing)). My sister said to her about her operation. Mom said to me what are they operating on you this time I rold her and she goes to me amazing simply amazing isn't it something they never found this when you were growing up. She said it isn;t worse than what my older sister has of cysts in her breasts. Yep I can see how any of my sister have a incision from their

heads all the way down their necks because of the past surgeries for Arnold Chiari I and 5 of the 7 discs being operated on. I can see how much my sisters have trying to walk or hypersensitive arms or loss of feeling in their legs or the fact that because the nerves were caught in their necks they have no muscles in their hand. Or the fact they look like they have a neurological stroke on their left hand side. My mother comes out and says well you were never right anyway when you were younger were you. You know family support because I still am looking for it when someone finds it let me know. Granada Family <robert_g54463@...> wrote: I think it is because my dh feels lost and wish he could make me feel better but doesnt' realize that helping with the kids, is helping me. does that make sense?? Neither of our parents were ones that we could really call and say, we are sick with this or that and we have to go to ER. They may take us but then we would get the criticitism later. course i could be wrong and only going by how my life is now versus afraid to ask because of what saying i get now when my h/a are constant and i "should" be doing "this" or "that" or "I wouldn't have my

problems." melissa g ,I guess my only awnser to this is as much as they want to and can be. I am allergic to Wheat. My husband's favorite food is Pizza. I have to make a seperate meal when we have family pizza night. I don't expect him to give this up, but I do expect him not to put the pizza in my face a do a silly dance. (Like my 4 year old does) He sings, "Mama's allergic to pizza.... yummy yummy pizza."We discussed this very thing as a family. It does need to be discussed because we need to have expectations in line.1) We agreed when I am sick hubby has to pick up the slack or find help to do so,

neighbors family.2) I stay in my room and watch movies if meds are affecting me.3) If am having a bad day, I let my family know. I don't hide it or push through the symptoms.4) We have emergency plans set in place where kids go next door, either side for help. I have an EMT living right next door (Nice for us). Dad is on speed dial and works 5 minutes from home. Also Dad is willing to take sick days to help with the kids, he calls it playing hooky for an all kids buffet.5) Dad lets me vent, or talk things out between the hours of 9pm and midnight. I am not allowed to take things out on Dad like pain and frustrations. 6) Dad educates himself about my conditions so he can have empathy and understanding.7) I am allowed to seek outside help, support and comfort to take pressure off of Dad. Dad is allowed to seek help and support too. 8) When I am well I give Daddy down time to recharge

his own bateries.9) Hugs when we don't feel well. Kisses when we do.Dawn>> How is family suppose to be supportive??? Like a boyfriend or husband who lives with you. Esp if you are chronically sick.> > i have no idea what normal is suppose to be so i have nothing to compare to> > bad enough that i didn't go to the doctor before i was 18, then to start going to counseling when i was 19 and finding out that i was emotionally abandoned by my parents, etc. > > anyways, if anyone can answer this question, i would appreciate it.> > >

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[Guest guest]

I was in the hospital all last week well four days of it my seizures had gotten worse my blood sugars were out of control and my meds had to be changed. You want to talk no family support not one of them called me not once. I had to call them to let them know I was out. My son had the first day I had gone in called everyone telling them the hospital room number. I broke into tears on Labor Day my mothers birthday as my sister asked me about the upcoming operation on tethered cord tomorrow. My mother asked what was I crying about ((knowing her I said nothing just nothing)). My sister said to her about her operation. Mom said to me what are they operating on you this time I rold her and she goes to me amazing simply amazing isn't it something they never found this when you were growing up. She said it isn;t worse than what my older sister has of cysts in her breasts. Yep I can see how any of my sister have a incision from their

heads all the way down their necks because of the past surgeries for Arnold Chiari I and 5 of the 7 discs being operated on. I can see how much my sisters have trying to walk or hypersensitive arms or loss of feeling in their legs or the fact that because the nerves were caught in their necks they have no muscles in their hand. Or the fact they look like they have a neurological stroke on their left hand side. My mother comes out and says well you were never right anyway when you were younger were you. You know family support because I still am looking for it when someone finds it let me know. Granada Family <robert_g54463@...> wrote: I think it is because my dh feels lost and wish he could make me feel better but doesnt' realize that helping with the kids, is helping me. does that make sense?? Neither of our parents were ones that we could really call and say, we are sick with this or that and we have to go to ER. They may take us but then we would get the criticitism later. course i could be wrong and only going by how my life is now versus afraid to ask because of what saying i get now when my h/a are constant and i "should" be doing "this" or "that" or "I wouldn't have my

problems." melissa g ,I guess my only awnser to this is as much as they want to and can be. I am allergic to Wheat. My husband's favorite food is Pizza. I have to make a seperate meal when we have family pizza night. I don't expect him to give this up, but I do expect him not to put the pizza in my face a do a silly dance. (Like my 4 year old does) He sings, "Mama's allergic to pizza.... yummy yummy pizza."We discussed this very thing as a family. It does need to be discussed because we need to have expectations in line.1) We agreed when I am sick hubby has to pick up the slack or find help to do so,

neighbors family.2) I stay in my room and watch movies if meds are affecting me.3) If am having a bad day, I let my family know. I don't hide it or push through the symptoms.4) We have emergency plans set in place where kids go next door, either side for help. I have an EMT living right next door (Nice for us). Dad is on speed dial and works 5 minutes from home. Also Dad is willing to take sick days to help with the kids, he calls it playing hooky for an all kids buffet.5) Dad lets me vent, or talk things out between the hours of 9pm and midnight. I am not allowed to take things out on Dad like pain and frustrations. 6) Dad educates himself about my conditions so he can have empathy and understanding.7) I am allowed to seek outside help, support and comfort to take pressure off of Dad. Dad is allowed to seek help and support too. 8) When I am well I give Daddy down time to recharge

his own bateries.9) Hugs when we don't feel well. Kisses when we do.Dawn>> How is family suppose to be supportive??? Like a boyfriend or husband who lives with you. Esp if you are chronically sick.> > i have no idea what normal is suppose to be so i have nothing to compare to> > bad enough that i didn't go to the doctor before i was 18, then to start going to counseling when i was 19 and finding out that i was emotionally abandoned by my parents, etc. > > anyways, if anyone can answer this question, i would appreciate it.> > >

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[Guest guest]

,

Wow, I'm so sorry your Mother has such a difficult time supporting you. It sounds like she needs to get some counseling herself...this is definately her problem, not yours. Do you get support from your siblings?

Hugs,

-----Original Message-----From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of BuergerhoffSent: Wednesday, September 06, 2006 5:16 AM Subject: Re: Re: family support ???

I was in the hospital all last week well four days of it my seizures had gotten worse my blood sugars were out of control and my meds had to be changed. You want to talk no family support not one of them called me not once. I had to call them to let them know I was out. My son had the first day I had gone in called everyone telling them the hospital room number.

I broke into tears on Labor Day my mothers birthday as my sister asked me about the upcoming operation on tethered cord tomorrow. My mother asked what was I crying about ((knowing her I said nothing just nothing)). My sister said to her about her operation. Mom said to me what are they operating on you this time I rold her and she goes to me amazing simply amazing isn't it something they never found this when you were growing up. She said it isn;t worse than what my older sister has of cysts in her breasts. Yep I can see how any of my sister have a incision from their heads all the way down their necks because of the past surgeries for Arnold Chiari I and 5 of the 7 discs being operated on. I can see how much my sisters have trying to walk or hypersensitive arms or loss of feeling in their legs or the fact that because the nerves were caught in their necks they have no muscles in their hand. Or the fact they look like they have a neurological stroke on their left hand side.

My mother comes out and says well you were never right anyway when you were younger were you. You know family support because I still am looking for it when someone finds it let me know. Granada Family <robert_g54463frontiernet (DOT) net> wrote:

I think it is because my dh feels lost and wish he could make me feel better but doesnt' realize that helping with the kids, is helping me. does that make sense??

Neither of our parents were ones that we could really call and say, we are sick with this or that and we have to go to ER. They may take us but then we would get the criticitism later.

course i could be wrong and only going by how my life is now versus afraid to ask because of what saying i get now when my h/a are constant and i "should" be doing "this" or "that" or "I wouldn't have my problems."

melissa g

,I guess my only awnser to this is as much as they want to and can be. I am allergic to Wheat. My husband's favorite food is Pizza. I have to make a seperate meal when we have family pizza night. I don't expect him to give this up, but I do expect him not to put the pizza in my face a do a silly dance. (Like my 4 year old does) He sings, "Mama's allergic to pizza.... yummy yummy pizza."We discussed this very thing as a family. It does need to be discussed because we need to have expectations in line.1) We agreed when I am sick hubby has to pick up the slack or find help to do so, neighbors family.2) I stay in my room and watch movies if meds are affecting me.3) If am having a bad day, I let my family know. I don't hide it or push through the symptoms.4) We have emergency plans set in place where kids go next door, either side for help. I have an EMT living right next door (Nice for us). Dad is on speed dial and works 5 minutes from home. Also Dad is willing to take sick days to help with the kids, he calls it playing hooky for an all kids buffet.5) Dad lets me vent, or talk things out between the hours of 9pm and midnight. I am not allowed to take things out on Dad like pain and frustrations. 6) Dad educates himself about my conditions so he can have empathy and understanding.7) I am allowed to seek outside help, support and comfort to take pressure off of Dad. Dad is allowed to seek help and support too. 8) When I am well I give Daddy down time to recharge his own bateries.9) Hugs when we don't feel well. Kisses when we do.Dawn>> How is family suppose to be supportive??? Like a boyfriend or husband who lives with you. Esp if you are chronically sick.> > i have no idea what normal is suppose to be so i have nothing to compare to> > bad enough that i didn't go to the doctor before i was 18, then to start going to counseling when i was 19 and finding out that i was emotionally abandoned by my parents, etc. > > anyways, if anyone can answer this question, i would appreciate it.> > >

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[Guest guest]

,

Wow, I'm so sorry your Mother has such a difficult time supporting you. It sounds like she needs to get some counseling herself...this is definately her problem, not yours. Do you get support from your siblings?

Hugs,

-----Original Message-----From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of BuergerhoffSent: Wednesday, September 06, 2006 5:16 AM Subject: Re: Re: family support ???

I was in the hospital all last week well four days of it my seizures had gotten worse my blood sugars were out of control and my meds had to be changed. You want to talk no family support not one of them called me not once. I had to call them to let them know I was out. My son had the first day I had gone in called everyone telling them the hospital room number.

I broke into tears on Labor Day my mothers birthday as my sister asked me about the upcoming operation on tethered cord tomorrow. My mother asked what was I crying about ((knowing her I said nothing just nothing)). My sister said to her about her operation. Mom said to me what are they operating on you this time I rold her and she goes to me amazing simply amazing isn't it something they never found this when you were growing up. She said it isn;t worse than what my older sister has of cysts in her breasts. Yep I can see how any of my sister have a incision from their heads all the way down their necks because of the past surgeries for Arnold Chiari I and 5 of the 7 discs being operated on. I can see how much my sisters have trying to walk or hypersensitive arms or loss of feeling in their legs or the fact that because the nerves were caught in their necks they have no muscles in their hand. Or the fact they look like they have a neurological stroke on their left hand side.

My mother comes out and says well you were never right anyway when you were younger were you. You know family support because I still am looking for it when someone finds it let me know. Granada Family <robert_g54463frontiernet (DOT) net> wrote:

I think it is because my dh feels lost and wish he could make me feel better but doesnt' realize that helping with the kids, is helping me. does that make sense??

Neither of our parents were ones that we could really call and say, we are sick with this or that and we have to go to ER. They may take us but then we would get the criticitism later.

course i could be wrong and only going by how my life is now versus afraid to ask because of what saying i get now when my h/a are constant and i "should" be doing "this" or "that" or "I wouldn't have my problems."

melissa g

,I guess my only awnser to this is as much as they want to and can be. I am allergic to Wheat. My husband's favorite food is Pizza. I have to make a seperate meal when we have family pizza night. I don't expect him to give this up, but I do expect him not to put the pizza in my face a do a silly dance. (Like my 4 year old does) He sings, "Mama's allergic to pizza.... yummy yummy pizza."We discussed this very thing as a family. It does need to be discussed because we need to have expectations in line.1) We agreed when I am sick hubby has to pick up the slack or find help to do so, neighbors family.2) I stay in my room and watch movies if meds are affecting me.3) If am having a bad day, I let my family know. I don't hide it or push through the symptoms.4) We have emergency plans set in place where kids go next door, either side for help. I have an EMT living right next door (Nice for us). Dad is on speed dial and works 5 minutes from home. Also Dad is willing to take sick days to help with the kids, he calls it playing hooky for an all kids buffet.5) Dad lets me vent, or talk things out between the hours of 9pm and midnight. I am not allowed to take things out on Dad like pain and frustrations. 6) Dad educates himself about my conditions so he can have empathy and understanding.7) I am allowed to seek outside help, support and comfort to take pressure off of Dad. Dad is allowed to seek help and support too. 8) When I am well I give Daddy down time to recharge his own bateries.9) Hugs when we don't feel well. Kisses when we do.Dawn>> How is family suppose to be supportive??? Like a boyfriend or husband who lives with you. Esp if you are chronically sick.> > i have no idea what normal is suppose to be so i have nothing to compare to> > bad enough that i didn't go to the doctor before i was 18, then to start going to counseling when i was 19 and finding out that i was emotionally abandoned by my parents, etc. > > anyways, if anyone can answer this question, i would appreciate it.> > >

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[Guest guest]

Hi I have had no service and not written in a while but HAD TO on this topic. I have lupus sjogrens and fribro, diagnosed at 30 and now 36. my family has never supported me in any way they treat me like they are doing me a favor even talking to me or having me around at holidays. I can not talk about anything about my illness to my family and if I mention anything Im shot down and snide comments like'you need to stay off the internet' are made like I get ideas off the internet and have made all of this up. I am single and very alone in dealing with all aspects of being disabled and on SSDI. it sucks. If not for these groups I would really have nowhere to go with my frustrations. I am learning a whole new way of being self sufficient.

take care and hugs to all Colleen C in KS

[Guest guest]

I wish you luck and will be thinking about you.

Wish me luck hon going for the blood work so I can get operated on tomorrow for tethered cord 3 states away

Hugs

..

[Guest guest]

I think my stepma is getting better about that after she had her liver scare. I guess it is hard to change too much when you've been doing X and Y for so long.

I can keep trying, though.

can't hurt.

thank you

,There is a very fine line between support and trying to fix. When people feel helpless, men especially they may try to fix, instead of listening. Maybe you could kindly ask them to listen to you without suggestions and ways to fix the problem, because you are old enough and smart enough to handle this, but a little supportive listening would make things a lot easier for you.Dawn> >> > How is family suppose to be supportive??? Like a boyfriend or > husband who lives with you. Esp if you are chronically sick.> > > > i have no idea what normal is suppose to be so i have nothing to > compare to> > > > bad enough that i didn't go to the doctor before i was 18, then to > start going to counseling when i was 19 and finding out that i was > emotionally abandoned by my parents, etc. > > > > anyways, if anyone can answer this question, i would appreciate it.> > > > > >>

[Guest guest]

it would be nice to find sooner more than later.

i will be thinking of you.

G

My mother comes out and says well you were never right anyway when you were younger were you. You know family support because I still am looking for it when someone finds it let me know.

..

[Guest guest]

hi i discuss my illness's with my mom alot she has to know how i am feeling. my brother dosent want anything to do with me which is fine with me.the only support i have is my mom now she has arthritis of the knee cap so i have to help her when i can i have fibro asthma thyroid hypothryroid osteoporsis osteoarthritis cordination i am tired all the time my thyroid is low they gave me more thyroid meds now in 4 weeks i go for more blood work.i have high blood pressure also. josieccomm777@... wrote: Hi I have had no service and not written in a while but HAD TO on this topic. I have lupus sjogrens and fribro, diagnosed at 30 and now 36. my family has never supported me in any way they treat me like they are

doing me a favor even talking to me or having me around at holidays. I can not talk about anything about my illness to my family and if I mention anything Im shot down and snide comments like'you need to stay off the internet' are made like I get ideas off the internet and have made all of this up. I am single and very alone in dealing with all aspects of being disabled and on SSDI. it sucks. If not for these groups I would really have nowhere to go with my frustrations. I am learning a whole new way of being self sufficient.take care and hugs to all Colleen C in KS

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[Guest guest]

Coleen I can't say I understand it I know exactly what you mean however in my case as well my husband has passed on of malignant brain cancer. Isn't that a kick an exact family as yours and I was the one who had to tell the doctors that don't use life support for the only one who ever truly loved me. Hugs ccomm777@... wrote: Hi I have had no service and not written in a while but HAD TO on this topic. I have lupus sjogrens and fribro, diagnosed at 30 and now 36. my family has never supported me in any way they treat me like they are doing me a favor even talking to me or having me around at holidays. I can not talk about anything about my illness to my family and if I mention anything Im shot down and snide comments like'you need to stay off the internet' are made like I get ideas off the internet and have made all

of this up. I am single and very alone in dealing with all aspects of being disabled and on SSDI. it sucks. If not for these groups I would really have nowhere to go with my frustrations. I am learning a whole new way of being self sufficient.take care and hugs to all Colleen C in KS

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[Guest guest]

,Do you have Spina Bifida?TraceyOn 9/6/06, Buergerhoff <forevermylove50@...

> wrote:

No hon in the family I grew up in my father was my support he was very protective of me. My father passed on April 8th. My sisters always went overboard trying to get my mothers approval so I was the one they ganged up on kinda thing. When I went through the hell with the spinal cord fluid in the brain I had to finally call my sister and tell her to lock me up so she would wake up how severe it was. They couldn't even use a shunt and had to manually decompress that was the severity. Wish me luck hon going for the blood work so I can get operated on tomorrow for tethered cord 3 states away

-- Tracey White (tracey.white@...)Life Partner to Piskur (Commitment Ceremony: 8/5/00) " They go dancing, around and around, without any cares; and her very first true love is holding her close; and for a moment, she isn't scared. " - Skin (Sarabeth) by Rascal Flatts

[Guest guest]

I guess I am lucky; my family has always at least *tried* to understand my medical issues and to be emotionally supportive and helpful in any way they could. My MIL drives me crazy, though. My Partner, , has the same disability as I do, and a lot of the same health problems. A few summers ago, he was in the hospital for six weeks, and during most of that time, he was VERY sick; close to death a few times. At one point he asked me to call his mom and ask her to come so that I could have occassional breaks from being by his bedside 24/7. As far as I'm concerned that was a MAJOR mistake. By the time she came, had already been in the hospital for 2-3 weeks, and emotionally, he was a wreck. His mother was NO help in this area. He went through several procedures he'd never been through before, and while usually he does not like to be medicated for " minor " procedures, this time, his emotions were so raw that the thought of some of them absolutely terrified him, so he asked to be given sedatives before 2-3 procedures. His mother did NOT like this at all. She was constantly belittling him for " being emotional " and " being difficult " (which is what she called it when he asked for sedation). When he tried to talk to her about it, she was constantly cutting him off. She was trying to look at things from a *logical* perspective ( " If it will make you better, just do it and get it over with " ), when, by that point, could only see things from an *emotional* perspective ( " Yes, it will make me better, but I'm SCARED. " ) As if her reactions to him weren't bad enough, it was brought to my attention *by * that as far as his mom was concerned, *I* was the problem. I suffer from anxiety, depression, PTSD and OCD, and his mom believes that mental illnesses are a sign of weakness. She seemed to believe that had never had trouble handling his hospitalizations before, but my " weaknesses " were " rubbing off " on him. The truth (and these were 's words, not mine) was that he was " weak " (showing fear, emotion) was because not only had he already been in the hospital for three weeks, but it was his fourth hospitalization in a month-and-a-half!

Her responses to his anxiety and depression made me angry enough, but when I realized she had brought her concerns about *me* to *him,* I was livid. First, if you have a problem with me, talk to ME. Second, he had enough to deal with medically; he didn't need the added stress of feeling he had to defend himself AND me in the face of her verbal cut-downs.

His mom continues to frustrate me. One thing I forgot to mention earlier is that she is a Physical Therapist. The few times that he has called her for emotional support during a medical crisis, she has always responded as a medical professional to a patient. I have NEVER ONCE seen/heard her respond to him as a mother to a son. It makes me hurt for him knowing that he cannot count on emotional support from the one person he SHOULD be able to count on.

Tracey White (tracey.white@...)Life Partner to Piskur (Commitment Ceremony: 8/5/00) " They go dancing, around and around, without any cares; and her very first true love is holding her close; and for a moment, she isn't scared. " - Skin (Sarabeth) by Rascal Flatts

[Guest guest]

i like that song by rascal flats josieTracey White <tracey.white@...> wrote: I guess I am lucky; my family has always at least *tried* to understand my medical issues and to be emotionally supportive and helpful in any way they could. My MIL drives me crazy, though. My Partner, , has the same disability as I do, and a lot of the same health problems. A few summers ago, he was in the hospital for six weeks, and during most of that time, he was VERY sick; close to death a few times. At one point he asked me to call his mom and ask her to come so that I could have occassional breaks from being by his bedside 24/7. As far as I'm concerned that was a MAJOR mistake. By the time she came, had already been in the hospital for 2-3 weeks, and emotionally, he was a wreck. His mother was NO help in this area. He went through

several procedures he'd never been through before, and while usually he does not like to be medicated for "minor" procedures, this time, his emotions were so raw that the thought of some of them absolutely terrified him, so he asked to be given sedatives before 2-3 procedures. His mother did NOT like this at all. She was constantly belittling him for "being emotional" and "being difficult" (which is what she called it when he asked for sedation). When he tried to talk to her about it, she was constantly cutting him off. She was trying to look at things from a *logical* perspective ("If it will make you better, just do it and get it over with"), when, by that point, could only see things from an *emotional* perspective ("Yes, it will make me better, but I'm SCARED.") As if her reactions to him weren't bad enough, it was brought to my attention *by * that as far as his mom was concerned, *I* was the problem. I suffer from anxiety, depression, PTSD and OCD,

and his mom believes that mental illnesses are a sign of weakness. She seemed to believe that had never had trouble handling his hospitalizations before, but my "weaknesses" were "rubbing off" on him. The truth (and these were 's words, not mine) was that he was "weak" (showing fear, emotion) was because not only had he already been in the hospital for three weeks, but it was his fourth hospitalization in a month-and-a-half! Her responses to his anxiety and depression made me angry enough, but when I realized she had brought her concerns about *me* to *him,* I was livid. First, if you have a problem with me, talk to ME. Second, he had enough to deal with medically; he didn't need the added stress of feeling he had to defend himself AND me in the face of her verbal cut-downs. His mom continues to frustrate me. One thing I forgot to mention earlier is that she is a Physical Therapist. The few times that he has called her for emotional support

during a medical crisis, she has always responded as a medical professional to a patient. I have NEVER ONCE seen/heard her respond to him as a mother to a son. It makes me hurt for him knowing that he cannot count on emotional support from the one person he SHOULD be able to count on. Tracey White (tracey.white@...)Life Partner to Piskur (Commitment Ceremony: 8/5/00) "They go dancing, around and around, without any cares; and her very first true love is holding her close; and for a moment, she isn't scared." - Skin (Sarabeth) by Rascal Flatts

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[Guest guest]

i Know age doesn't matter and if you don't want to answer this question I will understand

how old are you all??

and what is PTSD?

, 39 and married to 41,3 children and 2 dogs and 3 cats

Tracey White <tracey.whitegmail> wrote: I guess I am lucky; my family has always at least *tried* to understand my medical issues and to be emotionally supportive and helpful in any way they could. My MIL drives me crazy, though. My Partner, , has the same disability as I do, and a lot of the same health problems. A few summers ago, he was in the hospital for six weeks, and during most of that time, he was VERY sick; close to death a few times. At one point he asked me to call his mom and ask her to come so that I could have occassional breaks from being by his bedside 24/7. As far as I'm concerned that was a MAJOR mistake. By the time she came, had already been in the hospital for 2-3 weeks, and emotionally, he was a wreck. His mother was NO help in this area. He went through several procedures he'd never been through before, and while usually he does not like to be medicated for "minor" procedures, this time, his emotions were so raw that the thought of some of them absolutely terrified him, so he asked to be given sedatives before 2-3 procedures. His mother did NOT like this at all. She was constantly belittling him for "being emotional" and "being difficult" (which is what she called it when he asked for sedation). When he tried to talk to her about it, she was constantly cutting him off. She was trying to look at things from a *logical* perspective ("If it will make you better, just do it and get it over with"), when, by that point, could only see things from an *emotional* perspective ("Yes, it will make me better, but I'm SCARED.") As if her reactions to him weren't bad enough, it was brought to my attention *by * that as far as his mom was concerned, *I* was the problem. I suffer from anxiety, depression, PTSD and OCD, and his mom believes that mental illnesses are a sign of weakness. She seemed to believe that had never had trouble handling his hospitalizations before, but my "weaknesses" were "rubbing off" on him. The truth (and these were 's words, not mine) was that he was "weak" (showing fear, emotion) was because not only had he already been in the hospital for three weeks, but it was his fourth hospitalization in a month-and-a-half! Her responses to his anxiety and depression made me angry enough, but when I realized she had brought her concerns about *me* to *him,* I was livid. First, if you have a problem with me, talk to ME. Second, he had enough to deal with medically; he didn't need the added stress of feeling he had to defend himself AND me in the face of her verbal cut-downs. His mom continues to frustrate me. One thing I forgot to mention earlier is that she is a Physical Therapist. The few times that he has called her for emotional support during a medical crisis, she has always responded as a medical professional to a patient. I have NEVER ONCE seen/heard her respond to him as a mother to a son. It makes me hurt for him knowing that he cannot count on emotional support from the one person he SHOULD be able to count on. Tracey White (tracey.whitegmail)Life Partner to Piskur (Commitment Ceremony: 8/5/00) "They go dancing, around and around, without any cares; and her very first true love is holding her close; and for a moment, she isn't scared." - Skin (Sarabeth) by Rascal Flatts

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[Guest guest]

will be 36 in October; I will be 31 in January. PTSD is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.On 9/6/06, Granada Family <

robert_g54463@...> wrote:

i Know age doesn't matter and if you don't want to answer this question I will understand

how old are you all??

and what is PTSD?-- Tracey White (

tracey.white@...)Life Partner to Piskur (Commitment Ceremony: 8/5/00) " They go dancing, around and around, without any cares; and her very first true love is holding her close; and for a moment, she isn't scared. " - Skin (Sarabeth) by Rascal Flatts

[Guest guest]

!!!

((( FAMILY HUGS )))

It does hurt when family members don't acknowledge your ill and or in such pain... The same thing happens here and to probably a Lot of us on here! Also having their Favorite child being worse off then yourself! Yea, it does hurt... BUT, I have mainly gotten pass all that and its their loss not mine... Yes it would be nice to have their support, I do have my son. husband and granddaughters that are here for me, as for my extended family, no, gave up on them years ago...

We're Here for you now!!!

((( Family Hugs )))Helen

I was in the hospital all last week well four days of it my seizures had gotten worse my blood sugars were out of control and my meds had to be changed. You want to talk no family support not one of them called me not once. I had to call them to let them know I was out. My son had the first day I had gone in called everyone telling them the hospital room number.

I broke into tears on Labor Day my mothers birthday as my sister asked me about the upcoming operation on tethered cord tomorrow. My mother asked what was I crying about ((knowing her I said nothing just nothing)). My sister said to her about her operation. Mom said to me what are they operating on you this time I rold her and she goes to me amazing simply amazing isn't it something they never found this when you were growing up. She said it isn;t worse than what my older sister has of cysts in her breasts. Yep I can see how any of my sister have a incision from their heads all the way down their necks because of the past surgeries for Arnold Chiari I and 5 of the 7 discs being operated on. I can see how much my sisters have trying to walk or hypersensitive arms or loss of feeling in their legs or the fact that because the nerves were caught in their necks they have no muscles in their hand. Or the fact they look like they have a neurological stroke on their left hand side.

My mother comes out and says well you were never right anyway when you were younger were you. You know family support because I still am looking for it when someone finds it let me know.

"When life's problems seem overwhelming, look around and see what other people are coping with. You may consider yourself fortunate."

[Guest guest]

thank you Tracey, knowing my luck, everyone is too young to have anything on this list anyways, why am i even asking. sorry, been no sleep for over 24 hours now so if i can't type or write, please understand.

melissa granada

will be 36 in October; I will be 31 in January. PTSD is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

On 9/6/06, Granada Family < robert_g54463frontiernet (DOT) net> wrote:

i Know age doesn't matter and if you don't want to answer this question I will understand

how old are you all??

and what is PTSD?-- Tracey White ( tracey.whitegmail)Life Partner to Piskur (Commitment Ceremony: 8/5/00) "They go dancing, around and around, without any cares; and her very first true love is holding her close; and for a moment, she isn't scared." - Skin (Sarabeth) by Rascal Flatts

[Guest guest]

Very Well Said!!

!!!

((( FAMILY HUGS )))

It does hurt when family members don't acknowledge your ill and or in such pain... The same thing happens here and to probably a Lot of us on here! Also having their Favorite child being worse off then yourself! Yea, it does hurt... BUT, I have mainly gotten pass all that and its their loss not mine... Yes it would be nice to have their support, I do have my son. husband and granddaughters that are here for me, as for my extended family, no, gave up on them years ago...

We're Here for you now!!!

((( Family Hugs )))Helen

I was in the hospital all last week well four days of it my seizures had gotten worse my blood sugars were out of control and my meds had to be changed. You want to talk no family support not one of them called me not once. I had to call them to let them know I was out. My son had the first day I had gone in called everyone telling them the hospital room number.

I broke into tears on Labor Day my mothers birthday as my sister asked me about the upcoming operation on tethered cord tomorrow. My mother asked what was I crying about ((knowing her I said nothing just nothing)). My sister said to her about her operation. Mom said to me what are they operating on you this time I rold her and she goes to me amazing simply amazing isn't it something they never found this when you were growing up. She said it isn;t worse than what my older sister has of cysts in her breasts. Yep I can see how any of my sister have a incision from their heads all the way down their necks because of the past surgeries for Arnold Chiari I and 5 of the 7 discs being operated on. I can see how much my sisters have trying to walk or hypersensitive arms or loss of feeling in their legs or the fact that because the nerves were caught in their necks they have no muscles in their hand. Or the fact they look like they have a neurological stroke on their left hand side.

My mother comes out and says well you were never right anyway when you were younger were you. You know family support because I still am looking for it when someone finds it let me know.

"When life's problems seem overwhelming, look around and see what other people are coping with. You may consider yourself fortunate."

[Guest guest]

well, said because it is all true also. That is all i have been feeling as well.

Granada

After a while you learn who you can discuss your health issues with and who you cannot. Even if it is your family, if they are more of a hindance to health that a help it best to leave them out of it. Generally people that have not had a major sickness have less capacity to understand. I know because i was once one of them. Illness is a great teacher if it is good for no other profit. It is wonderful to see the support you have been to your husband and keep talking here-that should be helpful also. i have often felt I got more help from strangers than my own family. It is usually because they have walked in my shoes and i can benefit from their knowledge.

..

[Guest guest]

,

There are many on here with PTSD is that what your asking?

Hugs

Helen

thank you Tracey, knowing my luck, everyone is too young to have anything on this list anyways, why am i even asking. sorry, been no sleep for over 24 hours now so if i can't type or write, please understand.

melissa granada

"When life's problems seem overwhelming, look around and see what other people are coping with. You may consider yourself fortunate."

[Guest guest]

i just didn't know what the intials stood for and also

i guess i have a hard time with us being young or old and our parents/families not helping, type thing, when that is what they are their for, i thought.

melissa granada,

,

There are many on here with PTSD is that what your asking?

Hugs

Helen

thank you Tracey, knowing my luck, everyone is too young to have anything on this list anyways, why am i even asking. sorry, been no sleep for over 24 hours now so if i can't type or write, please understand.

melissa granada

"When life's problems seem overwhelming, look around and see what other people are coping with. You may consider yourself fortunate."

[Guest guest]

when i was bitten by 2 dogs they told me i have post dramtic destress syndrome i am ver jittery i am blue alot now i dont know whats going on a mystery josie melissa you dont ramble i like reading what you write i am on predisone 10 mg aday i have asthma high blood pressure hypothryoid anxitey and fibro also email me any time josieGranada Family <robert_g54463@...> wrote: i just didn't know what the intials stood for and also i guess i have a hard time with us being young or old and our parents/families not helping, type thing, when that is what they are their for, i thought. melissa granada, , There are many on here with PTSD is that what your asking? Hugs Helen thank you Tracey, knowing my luck, everyone is too young to have anything on this list anyways, why am i even asking. sorry, been no sleep for over 24 hours now so if i can't type or write, please understand. melissa granada "When life's problems seem overwhelming, look around and see what other people are coping with. You may consider yourself fortunate."

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