Toastmaste Speech on Santa..and now xmas is offically over

[Guest guest]

Did you all have a good Christmas? I certainly did.This is the twelfth day of Christmas, you know. Andalso, my birthday. To celebrate the end of the Christmas season, Ipropose to roast our friend Santa Claus.Now why are so many of you looking skeptical. Doesn'teveryone here believe in Santa Claus? Where do youthink all your presents came from?Well, if you don’t believe in Santa, I think you'rejust a bunch of rebels without a Claus. Ooh!Did you leave a nice rich slab of Christmas cake outfor Santa and a carrot for his reindeer? You don't dothat? Well, we used to do that in Northern Manitobawhere I grew up. I used to think—and still do—thatsomeone as rotund as Santa would be better off eatingthe carrots and feeding the cake to his reindeer. Anyway as he travels South, Santa tends to get rounderand rounder from all that cake, and the chimneys getnarrower and narrower, so inevitably he gets stuckwhen he's sliding down one. That's why he alwayscarries a bottle of Santiflush.I've spoken to him suggesting that in view of his agehe ought to stop sliding down chimneys. And do youknow what he said? He was going to keep doing itbecause it soots him.Have you heard that Santa has taken up a summer abodeon the southern tip of Baffin Island? That's right,now because of global warming, he can even grow agarden there. And do you know why he does? Because helikes to hoe, hoe, hoe.Santa is more than a little concerned about globalwarming. It was actually quite a shock the first timehe saw rain in the far North. Do you know what he saidto Mrs. Claus? "Look rain, dear."And since Santa has moved further south ElectionsCanada has actually been thinking of closing Canada'smost northerly polling station--the North Pole. OK! OK! I'm going to tell you a little secret. I thinkSanta is really a woman. I mean men can't pack a bag.And what man would be caught dead or alive runningaround in a red velvet suit? But you know what theclincher is? You know what the clincher is? No manwould ever admit to being an elf-made man.Finally, let me say, in all sincerity, “Thank youSanta for all the presents and all the joy you'vebrought us through the years.”-Philip LilliesinMoncton, NBCanada

[Guest guest]

That was cute, Thanks for sharing...

Did you all have a good Christmas? I certainly did.This is the twelfth day of Christmas, you know. Andalso, my birthday. To celebrate the end of the Christmas season, Ipropose to roast our friend Santa Claus.Now why are so many of you looking skeptical. Doesn'teveryone here believe in Santa Claus? Where do youthink all your presents came from?Well, if you don’t believe in Santa, I think you'rejust a bunch of rebels without a Claus. Ooh!Did you leave a nice rich slab of Christmas cake outfor Santa and a carrot for his reindeer? You don't dothat? Well, we used to do that in Northern Manitobawhere I grew up. I used to think—and still do—thatsomeone as rotund as Santa would be better off eatingthe carrots and feeding the cake to his reindeer. Anyway as he travels South, Santa tends to get rounderand rounder from all that cake, and the chimneys getnarrower and narrower, so inevitably he gets stuckwhen he's sliding down one. That's why he alwayscarries a bottle of Santiflush.I've spoken to him suggesting that in view of his agehe ought to stop sliding down chimneys. And do youknow what he said? He was going to keep doing itbecause it soots him.Have you heard that Santa has taken up a summer abodeon the southern tip of Baffin Island? That's right,now because of global warming, he can even grow agarden there. And do you know why he does? Because helikes to hoe, hoe, hoe.Santa is more than a little concerned about globalwarming. It was actually quite a shock the first timehe saw rain in the far North. Do you know what he saidto Mrs. Claus? "Look rain, dear."And since Santa has moved further south ElectionsCanada has actually been thinking of closing Canada'smost northerly polling station--the North Pole. OK! OK! I'm going to tell you a little secret. I thinkSanta is really a woman. I mean men can't pack a bag.And what man would be caught dead or alive runningaround in a red velvet suit? But you know what theclincher is? You know what the clincher is? No manwould ever admit to being an elf-made man.Finally, let me say, in all sincerity, “Thank youSanta for all the presents and all the joy you'vebrought us through the years.â€-Philip LilliesinMoncton, NBCanada

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