Re: OT: A Complaint-Free World

[Guest guest]

snip..

> How is this NP-related? Well, when I sit down, or just muse about the

> beautiful aromatics, and try to come up with a concept, I really

> meditate. My alpha brain waves slow down to beta, maybe even theta,

> and I try to enter a place of pure creativity. That is when I'm the

> happiest, the most focused, the most intuitive, and the most

> carefree. I believe that being complaint-free in spirit helps me

> achieve that. My life is about the creative process, and the less

> distractions, the less whining and worrying about others, the better

> for that process.

>

>

> Anya McCoy

I am one of the worlds worst complainers, but I have to agree that

when I am in the zone, ie: perfumery or painting I stop seeing chaos

as a negative. My brains' dopamine levels soar and the world simply

floats by. I guess that's how all the famous artists in the old days

got by with very little money, food or comforts, they just rose above it.

Also another note, while at times it seems as if I am never happy

(piscean trait) while I was in labour with each of my 7 children I

made a conscious effort to not complain even once, I knew that if I

went down that road at a time like that I would be swept away. So when

a nurse would ask me " is the " pain " bad? " I would simply reply,

" please do not use that word in my presence " I have to say that not

complaining did help my spirit to soar and it helped me to be my most

creative *ever*.

Ruth

http://www.whitewitch.ie

[Guest guest]

Remember Ren and Stimpy....

That little song, Happy Happy Joy Joy. Call me nuts but I sing that

all the time, For no good reason, to my cats, and in my head.

It puts a lift in my step, along with a lot of other things. Habits,

good habits that I try to incorporate into my everyday.

I think it is wonderful that the religious community is rallying

behind this concept of not complaining.

Growing up in a fundamentalist Christian home, all I ever heard was

complaining. The us against them mentality. Condeming folks who did

not walk the same path. Vile and hateful talk, all in the name of the

Lord. As a child this kind of energy is very damaging to the soul.

Children do not have enough life experience to rationally absorb and

sort out the dynamics of human culture and religious philosophy..

Luckily they have a certain amount of built in resiliance, that

protects them from such things.

I made a vow (or pact with myself), perhaps unknowingly, at a very

young age, to be different. I did not like the way I felt inside when

folks were complaining or disrespecting others.

Today, I do not allow it into my home. No bad jokes, no trashing

others, for any reason. No filthy language, No, oh my aching

back....etc...

As a result my list of friends is a short one. But better a short list

of true friends, than a long list of fair weather friends who were

never friends at all....

So I say, yes, YES, this is a great thing.

Blessings to all, Paying it forward, day by day.

Peace, Z.......

Zz's Petals Parfume Moderne

http://www.zzspetals.com

[Guest guest]

Good topic - I move away from complaining, even though it happens. The

most important reason is, that I find I don't like myself when it

happens. How can one make a positive difference, be creative,

productive, and be liked if you can't like yourself.

With this in mind, every effort to avoid complaint and negativity is

worth it. It's one of the most toxic things known to mankind

There is something good in everything. Sometimes we just have to look

really, really hard to find it

ne

[Guest guest]

Anya wrote:

> Every moment stolen from our good works is lost forever. For

> instance, yesterday I heard some office workers complaining about

> work-related stuff and I realize that commiserating over bad stuff

> helps people bond, but I only want to bond over positive comments and

> shared experiences.

You live longer once you realize that any time spent being unhappy is

wasted.

~ Ruth E. Renkl.

I have tacked up at work in front of me....

Because there are days......ARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!1

Does help when I remember to look at it.....

W. Bourbonais

L'Hermite Aromatique

[Guest guest]

> A pastor, not of my faith, so this is truly meant to be a

> multi-denominational message, has started a movement to help soothe

> the vibes of everyone by encouraging us to stop complaining.

This is very cool and I agree, it's important. Now, not complaining is not a

rationale to be a doormat or in denial but rather to notice what bothers

you and then do something constructive about it. I love the Maya Angelou quote

and she's quite right. Do something or change your attitude.

I don't know if anyone here has seen the movie The Secret but they point out

again and again that pushing against something you don't like is a waste of

time. Notice the problem and then focus on a solution or the opposite of the

difficulty.

> How is this NP-related? Well, when I sit down, or just muse about the

> beautiful aromatics, and try to come up with a concept, I really

> meditate. My alpha brain waves slow down to beta, maybe even theta,

> and I try to enter a place of pure creativity.

You're not trying; you're succeeding. Studies have shown that when people do

something creative that they love they reach a similar physical and mental

state as do people who are meditating. So it's not a coincidence or your

imagination -- it's fact. That's why people can lose track of time doing what

they love.

And then you have all the therapeutic effects of the essential oils and

aromatics you're using, too.

> That is when I'm the happiest, the most focused, the most intuitive, and the

most carefree. I believe that being complaint-free in spirit helps me

> achieve that. My life is about the creative process, and the less

> distractions, the less whining and worrying about others, the better

> for that process.

Several spiritual and self-help leaders talk about going on a " negativity diet. "

In other words, limit contact with upsetting or negative images,

complaining, etc. It's very liberating and since what we focus on grows, by

focusing on the positive, you get more of it, and creativity is definitely

positive!

BTW, other studies have shown that the things we focus on in the last hour

before going to sleep at night play over in our brains as part of the

integration/learning process. That's why studying before you go asleep helps you

learn quicker, but the flip side is that listening to news late at

night replays the negative images in your mind, thereby affecting your overall

outlook because you're sort of programming yourself to be negative.

Similarly, if you have a problem, whether it's trying to figure out a formula

problem for a perfume creation or a life problem, focus on it before going

to sleep. It may take one night or several but you'll find a solution, often by

the next day.

They also said the first few things we focus on in the morning set our mental

tone for the day, so again, waking up to news radio isn't a good idea.

Pleasant music is better. The studies suggest listening to news in the middle of

the day or early evening so it doesn't affect your attitude and to use

your late night time for considering problems you want to fix or things you want

to learn.

Beth

--

" Don't be afraid of the space between your dreams and reality. If you can dream

it, you can make it so. " - Belva

" It's kind of fun to do the impossible. " -- Walt Disney

" Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, it will be. "

-- Schwartz

" If you can DREAM it, you CAN do it. Always remember, this whole thing was

started by a mouse. " -- Walt Disney

" You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come

true. You may have to work for it, however. " -- From Illusions by

Bach

Clicking on http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com helps abandoned and abused

animals at no cost to you.

ComicSutra http://www.comicsutra.com http://www.elizabethmorgan.net

[Guest guest]

Volunteer needed!!!

OK, this thread is going so well, it's amazing. It's turned into a

tutorial about how to make EO candles. Can somebody volunteer to get

all the info and edit it into good shape and then upload it to the

Files section? There'll probably be stuff coming in for the next few

days, and there's no rush, but this would be a great addition to the

Files section.

Anya McCoy

Anya's Garden of Natural Perfume http://anyasgarden.com

Artisan Natural Perfumers Guild http://artisannaturalperfumers.org

Natural Perfumers Chat Group

/

[Guest guest]

OK, well, this isn't going very well on my end, unless I'm confusing

" not complaining " with having the right to make a statement when called for.

First Instance: At a deli yesterday, see an elderly man behind the

bakery counter, picking up all the rolls and breads with his bare

hands. YUK! The ladies who work there ask me what I want (his back is

to us) and I say " that man to stop touching the breads. " They say

he's the owner, there's nothing they can do. I know the bakery

manager, I ask for her, one of them goes to get her. The man is deaf,

so he doesn't hear me saying " Sir " . I go around the corner, find the

manger with a shocked look on her face, esp. when she sees me because

I have complained in the past about the girls not using the proper

paper to pick up the rolls.

I say " Toni, this is something that the Board of Health would close a

place down for. " Get the " owner " riff again, they're all in fear for

their jobs because of him, not the BoH.

Second Instance: Today at car dealership, warranty only covers a bit

of my car's ailment, due to Catch-22 clause. I state that the

warranty is written for the customer to lose if they can find one

loophole. I will get my lawyer involved. It's only $200, but it's the

principle.

I'm not complaining about the obsessive TV coverage of Britney

Spears, or how I can't find a good housekeeper, stuff I had been

complaining about a bit, which is obviously complaining to me. These

two instances have me perplexed. I obviously made people (the women

at the bakery, the service rep at the dealership) feel bad because of

my statement.

Were they complaints, or merely statements of fact?

Anya McCoy

Anya's Garden of Natural Perfume http://anyasgarden.com

Artisan Natural Perfumers Guild http://artisannaturalperfumers.org

Natural Perfumers Chat Group

/

[Guest guest]

Anya <mccoy@...> wrote: OK, well, this isn't going very well on my end,

unless I'm confusing

" not complaining " with having the right to make a statement when called for.

First Instance: At a deli yesterday, see an elderly man behind the

bakery counter, picking up all the rolls and breads with his bare

hands. YUK! The ladies who work there ask me what I want (his back is

to us) and I say " that man to stop touching the breads. " They say

he's the owner, there's nothing they can do. I know the bakery

manager, I ask for her, one of them goes to get her. The man is deaf,

so he doesn't hear me saying " Sir " . I go around the corner, find the

manger with a shocked look on her face, esp. when she sees me because

I have complained in the past about the girls not using the proper

paper to pick up the rolls.

I say " Toni, this is something that the Board of Health would close a

place down for. " Get the " owner " riff again, they're all in fear for

their jobs because of him, not the BoH.

Second Instance: Today at car dealership, warranty only covers a bit

of my car's ailment, due to Catch-22 clause. I state that the

warranty is written for the customer to lose if they can find one

loophole. I will get my lawyer involved. It's only $200, but it's the

principle.

I'm not complaining about the obsessive TV coverage of Britney

Spears, or how I can't find a good housekeeper, stuff I had been

complaining about a bit, which is obviously complaining to me. These

two instances have me perplexed. I obviously made people (the women

at the bakery, the service rep at the dealership) feel bad because of

my statement.

Were they complaints, or merely statements of fact?

Anya McCoy

Anya's Garden of Natural Perfume http://anyasgarden.com

Artisan Natural Perfumers Guild http://artisannaturalperfumers.org

Natural Perfumers Chat Group

/

Hi Anya -

I sounds like you were following Maya Angelou's advise by trying to change

things. Now if you had just complained to the person next to you at the bakery,

that would be a different story. Good luck with the car dealership!

After a couple of days like that you need to light some of those good candles

everyone is talking about!

Elise

http://www.tambela.com

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[Guest guest]

Anya <mccoy@...> wrote:

Were they complaints, or merely statements of fact?

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[Guest guest]

>By totally ignoring them, such great stuff has flowed into my life

it's beyond measure. Such are the rewards of refocusing on positives.<

You have no idea how much I needed to know from someone who has " been

there " ...that one really can ignore something like this. I have been

in your shoes; big time! In fact, I happen to know we share a

common " enemy " for lack of a better word. I have been trying to let

it go but I keep being drawn back in with a desire to #1 defend

myself without sounding defensive; #2 clarify myself [serious

misquoting and misunderstanding has gone on]; #3 let people know

about lies that have been told.

I've really been suffering with what to do, what to say, now to let

it go. I bought a book; " Crones Don't Whine " by Shinoda Bolen.

Have I read it yet...nope. It's gathering dust. Just the other day

I bought the Element Encyclopedia of 5,000 Spells and the

Encyclopedia of Witch Craft [like I don't already have DOZENS of such

books already] in the hopes that something in there would be a ritual

or spell or SOMETHING I could do to just move on, let go, and feel

closure.

Well, the books are three inches thick...I guess I hoped I'd find the

right answer by Magic! And what did I do? I picked a post at random

here to read. This one.

So...I got my answer and I am ABSOLUTELY getting one of those

bracelets! THANK YOU!! I am not a crier, but my Mom died on Dec.

23rd of last year and I just went shopping for some craft supplies

for making potpourri as gifts for people at work and ended up coming

home so overwhelmed emotionally, that I just fell apart.

Anyway...again...THANK YOU! Blessings and Peace, Sue

P.S. - Belated Introduction: My name is Sue Apito and I live in CT

with my husband, two children, the most beautiful dog in the world, a

bird and a fish. I am just returning to my study of natural

perfumery. [in fact I just found a Jasmine phytol extracted by Dr.

Wilde of England from when I attended Synergia!]

I work at the CT Audubon Society Center at Glastonbury, a non-profit

environmental and educational organization. My profession is Computer

Graphics Artist, and I am a web designer. I first learned about

Aromatherapy when I managed a Holistic Health Care Center owned by a

Naturopathic Doctor who specialized in Homeopathy. I eventually left

that job to study aromatherapy and start a Candle Business

[Earthtones]. I have a very " one thing leads to another " history.

I became the CT Director for NAHA. While on a buying trip to

Extracts, I met Barbara Bobo & Suzanne Mancini. I became Barbara's

web designer and a Sales Rep. for Woodspirits Soap, herbanario and

later Indigo Wild [Zum Bars].

Those jobs were more successful than my candle and aromatherapy

product business so I abandoned that. I became the web designer for

Jeanne Rose and The Aromatic Plant Project. Somewhere in all this I

was hired as the Office Manager, then Secretary/Treasurer of the

Handcrafted Soap Makers Guild.

There were some things I wanted to accomplish that were outside the

mission of the Soap Guild so I founded the Botanical Elements Trade

Association [which I sold last year]. After I separated from the

Soap Guild, I freelanced again, then founded the International

Association of Natural Product Producers with Darrin C. Duber-.

Later resigned [we have very different ideas it turns out].

When nothing happened with the IANPP I founded the Natural

Ingredients Resource Center to continue the efforts to create a

definition of " natural " for the purposes of product labeling. I

recently turned that organization over to an Advisory Panel.

During much of this I also worked for EGW publishing company as an

Advertising Sales Rep for The Herb Quarterly, and their other [no

longer being published] magazines. [i think that's it.]

[Guest guest]

> Several spiritual and self-help leaders talk about going on

> a " negativity diet. " In other words, limit contact with upsetting

> or negative images, complaining, etc.

I did this in our home a few years back. I took a good look at what

is on TV (fifty-leven channels of it) and saw that it's mostly crime

dramas (full of victimization, and teaching viewers to be

entertained by the misery of others -- not good or healthy) and sit-

coms (all about laughing at others and making them the butt of

jokes) and " news " (mostly gloom and doom and fear). I thought " How

can this be good for anyone? " So it doesn't come into this

household. Cancelled the newspaper too -- more gloom and doom and

chock full of ads for garbage that no one really needs to buy. I

don't need a newspaper to tell me what to put on my shopping list.

It's such a nice feeling to know that this stuff doesn't have to

come into our homes. Just say No! Life is so full of opportunities

to explore and learn -- why waste it on non-value-added activities?

Bless our wonderful group of artisans -- I'm so thankful for our

diversity!

Andrine

[Guest guest]

At 01:59 AM 12/5/2006, you wrote:

> > Were they complaints, or merely statements of fact?

>

>I think you're confusing (and it's easy to do) complaining (as in

>whining but doing nothing) with complaining (as in making a protest

>in regard to a

>problem and asking or demanding corrective action). The former is

>not productive. The latter is productive. No one in the right mind

>expects someone to

>be a doormat. The problem would have been if you said nothing and

>then repeated the story to your friends about how wrong the

>situations were. That's the kind of complaining that we need to stop.

Beth, everyone who wrote about my two incidents, thanks. Yes, after I

had time to think about it and discuss it with a RL friend (who knows

the store I wrote about), I got the clear picture. I had to step up,

and I was a bit confused about the article, but on second thought, I

wasn't complaining, I was just stating facts.

I did not bring those stories home or share with my neighbors or

friends. Nobody knows but y'all here where I started the thread, and

then the one friend, who called me, which she did right after I wrote

about my confusion on the issue. She's a strong-minded Rasta who has

a good take on things, so I guess I'm on day three of no complaining! Yay!

Anya McCoy

Anya's Garden of Natural Perfume http://anyasgarden.com

Artisan Natural Perfumers Guild http://artisannaturalperfumers.org

Natural Perfumers Chat Group

/

[Guest guest]

>

You have no idea how much I needed to know from someone who has " been

there " ...that one really can ignore something like this. I have been

in your shoes; big time! In fact, I happen to know we share a

common " enemy " for lack of a better word. I have been trying to let

it go but I keep being drawn back in with a desire to #1 defend

myself without sounding defensive; #2 clarify myself [serious

misquoting and misunderstanding has gone on]; #3 let people know

about lies that have been told.

I've really been suffering with what to do, what to say, now to let

it go. I bought a book; " Crones Don't Whine " by Shinoda Bolen.

Have I read it yet...nope. It's gathering dust. Just the other day

I bought the Element Encyclopedia of 5,000 Spells and the

Encyclopedia of Witch Craft [like I don't already have DOZENS of such

books already] in the hopes that something in there would be a ritual

or spell or SOMETHING I could do to just move on, let go, and feel

closure.

Well, the books are three inches thick...I guess I hoped I'd find the

right answer by Magic! And what did I do? I picked a post at random

here to read. This one.

So...I got my answer

Sue, seems you have had a rough time. Sorry to hear that. Remembering

that life sometimes throws us challenges to help us grow and move

towards a better future, helps. Loss is never easy, and often seems

without sense. Concerning Magic -it lies within. You had a hard time

finding anything in all the books, because you were not ready to connect

with the type of energy needed. And still, magic works without spells if

we want it bad enough. It lead you to the starting point of working

things out, maybe it was this, that started this thread.

I also find that many spells and formulas written serve better as

inspirational reading, but always need to be somewhat adjusted to fit

the individual situation. The best spells come from the core of your own

being, as you find the place of total neutrality, truly only concerned

for the best of all. Sometimes a hard place to find, but this starts

with compassion and forgiving, knowing that whatever someone does, they

have their own reasoning (however twisted and wrong) to justify their

actions.

This has nothing to do with perfumery, so I keep it short, but if you

need help, or need to talk, feel free to contact me in e-mail. I am also

in CT

Brightest Blessings

ne