OTOT FW: Just had to share these!

[Guest guest]

DR. CHARLES A CAUGHLIN DC CAC

155 NW 1ST

JOHN DAY, OR 97845

541-575-1063

Oregon has its very own Barbie Dolls

Mattel recently announced the release of

the improved limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Oregon market:

" North Portland Barbie "

This Barbie now comes with a stroller and

infant dolls from two different races. Optional accessories include a GED

and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now

very difficult to find since the addition of the second infant.

" Lake Oswego Barbie "

This princess Barbie is sold only at the

Pioneer Square Mall. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags,

a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter

house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken

sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

" Beaverton Barbie "

The modern day homemaker Barbie is available

with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily

and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold

separately.

" Woodburn Barbie "

This recently paroled Bilingual Barbie comes

with a 9mm handgun, a Ray knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows,

and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be

paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) unless you are a

cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

" Bend Barbie "

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of

BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit

card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow

Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

" La Pine Barbie "

This pale model comes dressed in her own

Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and Tweety bird tattoo

on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Jr. CD

set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is

drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag

bumper sticker absolutely free.

" Lebanon Barbie "

This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie

has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the

time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Sweet Home Barbie's house. Her

ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a

see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

" Eugene Barbie "

This doll is made of actual tofu.. She has

long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and

Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow . She

does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Eugene Barbie's

and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for

free.

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