Re: I am so disgusted.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/18/2004 11:06:32 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

pameladouai@... writes:

> I get so frustrated sometimes in looking at all the great progress

> everyone makes here and I end up feeling worse because I can't share

> any positives. I think everyone here has great stories of incredible

> will and determination. I also used to feel that way. I just don't

> know where mine went.

>

If I were you, I would reread the Body for Life book and follow the work outs

and the eating to a tee for the next 5 weeks (nothing more nothing less). I

guarantee you would lose weight and feel better and more energetic.

[Guest guest]

Pam,

Do NOT take a nap! Get up, go for a walk, exercise! First of all, you are not

as bad as others! You can make the change, but first you have to make a

decision that you want to change! After you make that decision, then it will be

small steps that will take you where you want to go, not large, drastic ones!

You can change anything that you put your mind to!

Only you have the power to do it! Not a magic pill or a special diet! You know

what to eat that will help you and what will hurt you! I think you should

consider doing the BFL challenge, just for 4 weeks and see what happens! You

might not lose all of the weight for your cruise, but you will be well on your

way!

pameladouai <pameladouai@...> wrote:

I just need to vent here. Usually I don't but I need to today.

Today I cried for the first time because I am so disgusting morphed.

I weighed in at 154 pounds. The heaviest I have been in eight years

when I was full term with my youngest child.

I have tried so many things since January my brain hurts from it all.

I did the BFL challenge one and didn't do all that great with it.

Then tried South Beach, then tried RPM(spinning classes) three times

a week to burn calories.

I am convinced that it is my fork that is my downfall. Why do I try

to fool myself into thinking that if I workout, I can eat ice cream

sandwiches and cookies and still lose weight.

I know that it's wrong, bad and all that stuff and it is probably

emotional eating but I need to get over it!! I am leaving for my

cruise in 5 weeks and I am not going to fit into all the great

clothes I bought.

I think I am panicking over it. I am afraid I won't lose any weight

and will keep gaining and gaining.

This is so weird for me because I was so skinny a few years ago. I

thought it was my thyroid at first, had it tested and it's normal. It

is probably genes(my mother is huge) and I guess I lucked out somehow

up til now.

I know I am having a major pity party here but I really really really

have tried so hard. I used the cruise to keep me going during

spinning and working out with weights to get that last set in. I just

feel like I am seeing no results and doing it for nothing.

Well, I know I have to start with diet. One that will let me LOSE

weight. WW was awful for me. South Beach worked last year for an 18

pound loss in about a month. It is just so hard to follow!

School is done for me until July 12. I actually did really great with

three A's and a B.

I need to do something fast. I thought about Xenadrine or whatever

that stuff is and then decided that it really wasn't a long term

solution.

I need to meditate on some stuff. Maybe I can self-hypnotize myself

into a 5 pound a week weight loss. Then I would be happy. Maybe with

a lot of self-talk.

I get so frustrated sometimes in looking at all the great progress

everyone makes here and I end up feeling worse because I can't share

any positives. I think everyone here has great stories of incredible

will and determination. I also used to feel that way. I just don't

know where mine went.

Maybe it's turning 40. I don't know. I am bumming myself out even

more so I am going to take a nap and not think for a little while.

This was a such a crappy post and I apologize. I just really needed

to get these bad feelings off my chest.

Thanks for the free therapy!

Take care.

Pam

[Guest guest]

,

Thanks for the support. I actually did TAEbo today to try and get my

spirits up and it made me feel awful. I could get through it but it

doesn't feel like I am making any differences.

I am hoping to shake this funk.

Thanks again.

Pam

[Guest guest]

Pam! I hope I catch you BEFORE you go lie down! Go outside and

please take a brisk walk or a bike ride. You will get MORE energy

from working out than you will from a nap(unless you REALLY need

sleep-but not just because you are frustrated today).

Today I cried for the first time because I am so disgusting morphed.

I weighed in at 154 pounds.

OK, I cry too sometimes, but I'm 175, some people weigh more, you

aren't obese, and it can be changed! You just have to really want it-

not just for a vacation, but for YOU and your life.

I have tried so many things since January my brain hurts from it all.

Its only May, don't give up-keep focused on ONE thing, too many

people keep switching diets and programs and that just confuses the

body even more to hang onto any fat that it can.

I did the BFL challenge one and didn't do all that great with it.

Did you follow it 100%? I'm on week 10 and for the first 6 weeks

I cheated when no one was looking-and I'm STILL 175!

Then tried South Beach, then tried RPM(spinning classes) three times

a week to burn calories.

How long did you stick with the diet or the exercise?

>

> I am convinced that it is my fork that is my downfall. Why do I try

> to fool myself into thinking that if I workout, I can eat ice cream

> sandwiches and cookies and still lose weight.

> I know that it's wrong, bad and all that stuff and it is probably

> emotional eating but I need to get over it!!

Maybe you can attend OA meetings? Journal your feelings when

you want to eat. Retrain your brain/body to be active rather than

eat junk food when you are feeling emotional.

I am leaving for my

> cruise in 5 weeks and I am not going to fit into all the great

> clothes I bought.

Buy clothes that fit you now-your going on the cruise no matter

what, wear the small clothes later-you'll feel better in clothes that

fit.

>

> I know I am having a major pity party here but I really really

really

> have tried so hard. I used the cruise to keep me going during

> spinning and working out with weights to get that last set in. I

just

> feel like I am seeing no results and doing it for nothing.

> It totally sucks to work hard and not have changes, but if you

give up,then what? THen you'll gain even MORE weight! You ahve to

journal your food, increase your exercise, really really focus-you

can do this!!!

> School is done for me until July 12. I actually did really great

with

> three A's and a B.

SEE?!! You can accomplish GREAT things! CongratulationS!

>

> I need to do something fast. I thought about Xenadrine or whatever

> that stuff is and then decided that it really wasn't a long term

> solution.

> NO PILLS!!!! EXERCISE and EAT RIGHT!!! BORING BUT EFFECTIVE!!!

[Guest guest]

Pam...

First of all, I'm sending you a big hug!

I have struggled a lot too, and a lot of what you said sounds exactly

like me. I have gone back and forth 20-30 pounds and have felt so out

of control...and I know what it is like to want results yet how

difficult it is to change bad habits.

You said you lost 18 pounds in a month with South Beach...well, I'm

here to tell you that you're setting yourself up for disappointment

with that. You probably didn't gain your weight that fast, so you

cannot lose it that fast. The key to long term weight loss is to

slowly change your habits and focus on the positive. Eat Less, Move

More. It sounds simple, but if you start by cutting small things

that equal out to big calories, it will make a difference. Use " I

can't believe it's not butter spray " instead of butter, or change to

diet soda or start eating whole grain bread instead of white...try to

eat 2 more servings of vegetables a day, etc....if you think about

what you're eating now, I can guarantee there are lower calorie,

lower fat substitutes...Pay attention to what goes into your mouth.

A year ago I wasn't ready for Body-For-Life, but then after losing 30

pounds and gaining back 15, I realized I cannot give up any one food.

With this lifestyle, yes, you have to put A LOT of thought into your

meals, but you get that control back. You have VARIETY and on your

free day, you shouldn't go hog-wild, but you can have what you want,

and that's great to think about if you're having a craving.

You won't succeed if you expect to lose more than a pound or two a

week...and you may have weeks where you don't lose anything. If you

follow this plan you will replace your fat with muscle and you will

enhance your metabolism in ways you've only dreamed of.

Whatever lifestyle choice you decide, don't think of it as a

diet...you have to find something you can live with. Please don't go

to Xenadrine or any of those things. They will make you feel like

crap, and if you don't get results, you'll feel even worse.

Feel better! Love yourself!

> I just need to vent here. Usually I don't but I need to today.

>

> Today I cried for the first time because I am so disgusting

morphed.

> I weighed in at 154 pounds. The heaviest I have been in eight years

> when I was full term with my youngest child.

>

> I have tried so many things since January my brain hurts from it

all.

> I did the BFL challenge one and didn't do all that great with it.

> Then tried South Beach, then tried RPM(spinning classes) three

times

> a week to burn calories.

>

> I am convinced that it is my fork that is my downfall. Why do I try

> to fool myself into thinking that if I workout, I can eat ice cream

> sandwiches and cookies and still lose weight.

>

> I know that it's wrong, bad and all that stuff and it is probably

> emotional eating but I need to get over it!! I am leaving for my

> cruise in 5 weeks and I am not going to fit into all the great

> clothes I bought.

>

> I think I am panicking over it. I am afraid I won't lose any weight

> and will keep gaining and gaining.

>

> This is so weird for me because I was so skinny a few years ago. I

> thought it was my thyroid at first, had it tested and it's normal.

It

> is probably genes(my mother is huge) and I guess I lucked out

somehow

> up til now.

>

> I know I am having a major pity party here but I really really

really

> have tried so hard. I used the cruise to keep me going during

> spinning and working out with weights to get that last set in. I

just

> feel like I am seeing no results and doing it for nothing.

>

>

> Well, I know I have to start with diet. One that will let me LOSE

> weight. WW was awful for me. South Beach worked last year for an 18

> pound loss in about a month. It is just so hard to follow!

>

> School is done for me until July 12. I actually did really great

with

> three A's and a B.

>

> I need to do something fast. I thought about Xenadrine or whatever

> that stuff is and then decided that it really wasn't a long term

> solution.

>

> I need to meditate on some stuff. Maybe I can self-hypnotize myself

> into a 5 pound a week weight loss. Then I would be happy. Maybe

with

> a lot of self-talk.

>

> I get so frustrated sometimes in looking at all the great progress

> everyone makes here and I end up feeling worse because I can't

share

> any positives. I think everyone here has great stories of

incredible

> will and determination. I also used to feel that way. I just don't

> know where mine went.

>

> Maybe it's turning 40. I don't know. I am bumming myself out even

> more so I am going to take a nap and not think for a little while.

> This was a such a crappy post and I apologize. I just really needed

> to get these bad feelings off my chest.

> Thanks for the free therapy!

> Take care.

> Pam

[Guest guest]

Pam,

Maybe you need a budy to keep you motivated! I will be there for you if you

want a buddy, just let me know!

Thanks,

pameladouai <pameladouai@...> wrote:

,

Thanks for the support. I actually did TAEbo today to try and get my

spirits up and it made me feel awful. I could get through it but it

doesn't feel like I am making any differences.

I am hoping to shake this funk.

Thanks again.

Pam

[Guest guest]

You will Pam! Keep working at it! It will happen! Keep logging in

here too, these gals are wonderful!

> ,

>

> Thanks for the support. I actually did TAEbo today to try and get

my

> spirits up and it made me feel awful. I could get through it but it

> doesn't feel like I am making any differences.

>

> I am hoping to shake this funk.

>

> Thanks again.

>

> Pam

[Guest guest]

I hate to hear you so down, Pam, but I know where you're coming from.

Usually it's at this point when I get so disgusted with myself that the

discipline and dedication kicks in because I've just had it with myself.

I'm 5'6 " and I feel very in shape and control when I weigh about 153 or so.

That puts me around 18-19% body fat. When I get up to anything over 156,

which is more around 21% body fat I feel yucky, my clothes are just that

much tighter to make most everything I have feel tight and uncomfortable to

wear.

But you know what I did? The last time I was at a lower body fat I got rid

of all my " hide me " clothes. My big overshirts, oversized t-shirts - the

clothes that I used to wear to hide my body. So now I have nothing to hide

in, so it's either feel uncomfortable or eat right and get rid of the fat.

I have issues with cookie dough - basically anything sugary and chocolate.

Once I start it's hard to stop, so I do what I can to just not start in the

first place. I think you have to just basically decide that you want to

live a healthy life and find that balance between eating healthy/exercising

and the occasional indulgence if needed. I was thinking about looking into

the Dr. Phill weight loss book, just to see what all the hub-bub is about

with all these keys. It seems to be working as a lifestyle change for a lot

of people. Maybe worth checking out of the library?

Anyhow - you are not along with your disgusting phase, but please know that

it has to be just that - a phase. You're hurting nobody but yourself when

you wallow in self pity. Austin has a newsletter that I get everyday

that has nice morale boosters - maybe you should look into signing up for

those... www.deniseaustin.com

I hope your day turns around for you!

in WI

I am so disgusted.

> I just need to vent here. Usually I don't but I need to today.

>

> Today I cried for the first time because I am so disgusting morphed.

> I weighed in at 154 pounds. The heaviest I have been in eight years

> when I was full term with my youngest child.

>

> I have tried so many things since January my brain hurts from it all.

> I did the BFL challenge one and didn't do all that great with it.

> Then tried South Beach, then tried RPM(spinning classes) three times

> a week to burn calories.

>

> I am convinced that it is my fork that is my downfall. Why do I try

> to fool myself into thinking that if I workout, I can eat ice cream

> sandwiches and cookies and still lose weight.

>

> I know that it's wrong, bad and all that stuff and it is probably

> emotional eating but I need to get over it!! I am leaving for my

> cruise in 5 weeks and I am not going to fit into all the great

> clothes I bought.

>

> I think I am panicking over it. I am afraid I won't lose any weight

> and will keep gaining and gaining.

>

> This is so weird for me because I was so skinny a few years ago. I

> thought it was my thyroid at first, had it tested and it's normal. It

> is probably genes(my mother is huge) and I guess I lucked out somehow

> up til now.

>

> I know I am having a major pity party here but I really really really

> have tried so hard. I used the cruise to keep me going during

> spinning and working out with weights to get that last set in. I just

> feel like I am seeing no results and doing it for nothing.

>

>

> Well, I know I have to start with diet. One that will let me LOSE

> weight. WW was awful for me. South Beach worked last year for an 18

> pound loss in about a month. It is just so hard to follow!

>

> School is done for me until July 12. I actually did really great with

> three A's and a B.

>

> I need to do something fast. I thought about Xenadrine or whatever

> that stuff is and then decided that it really wasn't a long term

> solution.

>

> I need to meditate on some stuff. Maybe I can self-hypnotize myself

> into a 5 pound a week weight loss. Then I would be happy. Maybe with

> a lot of self-talk.

>

> I get so frustrated sometimes in looking at all the great progress

> everyone makes here and I end up feeling worse because I can't share

> any positives. I think everyone here has great stories of incredible

> will and determination. I also used to feel that way. I just don't

> know where mine went.

>

> Maybe it's turning 40. I don't know. I am bumming myself out even

> more so I am going to take a nap and not think for a little while.

> This was a such a crappy post and I apologize. I just really needed

> to get these bad feelings off my chest.

> Thanks for the free therapy!

> Take care.

> Pam

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Great post Ruth!

> > I just need to vent here. Usually I don't but I need to today.

> >

> > Today I cried for the first time because I am so disgusting

> morphed.

> > I weighed in at 154 pounds. The heaviest I have been in eight

years

> > when I was full term with my youngest child.

> >

> > I have tried so many things since January my brain hurts from it

> all.

> > I did the BFL challenge one and didn't do all that great with it.

> > Then tried South Beach, then tried RPM(spinning classes) three

> times

> > a week to burn calories.

> >

> > I am convinced that it is my fork that is my downfall. Why do I

try

> > to fool myself into thinking that if I workout, I can eat ice

cream

> > sandwiches and cookies and still lose weight.

> >

> > I know that it's wrong, bad and all that stuff and it is probably

> > emotional eating but I need to get over it!! I am leaving for my

> > cruise in 5 weeks and I am not going to fit into all the great

> > clothes I bought.

> >

> > I think I am panicking over it. I am afraid I won't lose any

weight

> > and will keep gaining and gaining.

> >

> > This is so weird for me because I was so skinny a few years ago.

I

> > thought it was my thyroid at first, had it tested and it's

normal.

> It

> > is probably genes(my mother is huge) and I guess I lucked out

> somehow

> > up til now.

> >

> > I know I am having a major pity party here but I really really

> really

> > have tried so hard. I used the cruise to keep me going during

> > spinning and working out with weights to get that last set in. I

> just

> > feel like I am seeing no results and doing it for nothing.

> >

> >

> > Well, I know I have to start with diet. One that will let me LOSE

> > weight. WW was awful for me. South Beach worked last year for an

18

> > pound loss in about a month. It is just so hard to follow!

> >

> > School is done for me until July 12. I actually did really great

> with

> > three A's and a B.

> >

> > I need to do something fast. I thought about Xenadrine or

whatever

> > that stuff is and then decided that it really wasn't a long term

> > solution.

> >

> > I need to meditate on some stuff. Maybe I can self-hypnotize

myself

> > into a 5 pound a week weight loss. Then I would be happy. Maybe

> with

> > a lot of self-talk.

> >

> > I get so frustrated sometimes in looking at all the great

progress

> > everyone makes here and I end up feeling worse because I can't

> share

> > any positives. I think everyone here has great stories of

> incredible

> > will and determination. I also used to feel that way. I just

don't

> > know where mine went.

> >

> > Maybe it's turning 40. I don't know. I am bumming myself out even

> > more so I am going to take a nap and not think for a little while.

> > This was a such a crappy post and I apologize. I just really

needed

> > to get these bad feelings off my chest.

> > Thanks for the free therapy!

> > Take care.

> > Pam

[Guest guest]

Hi !

I took Dr PHils book out of the library to see what it was all

about too-some good tips, most of what we already know, but

sometimes/often forget. Definitely libary worthy, I wouldn't buy

it.

gina

> I hate to hear you so down, Pam, but I know where you're coming

from.

> Usually it's at this point when I get so disgusted with myself that

the

> discipline and dedication kicks in because I've just had it with

myself.

> I'm 5'6 " and I feel very in shape and control when I weigh about

153 or so.

> That puts me around 18-19% body fat. When I get up to anything

over 156,

> which is more around 21% body fat I feel yucky, my clothes are just

that

> much tighter to make most everything I have feel tight and

uncomfortable to

> wear.

>

> But you know what I did? The last time I was at a lower body fat I

got rid

> of all my " hide me " clothes. My big overshirts, oversized t-

shirts - the

> clothes that I used to wear to hide my body. So now I have nothing

to hide

> in, so it's either feel uncomfortable or eat right and get rid of

the fat.

>

> I have issues with cookie dough - basically anything sugary and

chocolate.

> Once I start it's hard to stop, so I do what I can to just not

start in the

> first place. I think you have to just basically decide that you

want to

> live a healthy life and find that balance between eating

healthy/exercising

> and the occasional indulgence if needed. I was thinking about

looking into

> the Dr. Phill weight loss book, just to see what all the hub-bub is

about

> with all these keys. It seems to be working as a lifestyle change

for a lot

> of people. Maybe worth checking out of the library?

>

> Anyhow - you are not along with your disgusting phase, but please

know that

> it has to be just that - a phase. You're hurting nobody but

yourself when

> you wallow in self pity. Austin has a newsletter that I get

everyday

> that has nice morale boosters - maybe you should look into signing

up for

> those... www.deniseaustin.com

>

> I hope your day turns around for you!

>

> in WI

>

> I am so disgusted.

>

>

> > I just need to vent here. Usually I don't but I need to today.

> >

> > Today I cried for the first time because I am so disgusting

morphed.

> > I weighed in at 154 pounds. The heaviest I have been in eight

years

> > when I was full term with my youngest child.

> >

> > I have tried so many things since January my brain hurts from it

all.

> > I did the BFL challenge one and didn't do all that great with it.

> > Then tried South Beach, then tried RPM(spinning classes) three

times

> > a week to burn calories.

> >

> > I am convinced that it is my fork that is my downfall. Why do I

try

> > to fool myself into thinking that if I workout, I can eat ice

cream

> > sandwiches and cookies and still lose weight.

> >

> > I know that it's wrong, bad and all that stuff and it is probably

> > emotional eating but I need to get over it!! I am leaving for my

> > cruise in 5 weeks and I am not going to fit into all the great

> > clothes I bought.

> >

> > I think I am panicking over it. I am afraid I won't lose any

weight

> > and will keep gaining and gaining.

> >

> > This is so weird for me because I was so skinny a few years ago. I

> > thought it was my thyroid at first, had it tested and it's

normal. It

> > is probably genes(my mother is huge) and I guess I lucked out

somehow

> > up til now.

> >

> > I know I am having a major pity party here but I really really

really

> > have tried so hard. I used the cruise to keep me going during

> > spinning and working out with weights to get that last set in. I

just

> > feel like I am seeing no results and doing it for nothing.

> >

> >

> > Well, I know I have to start with diet. One that will let me LOSE

> > weight. WW was awful for me. South Beach worked last year for an

18

> > pound loss in about a month. It is just so hard to follow!

> >

> > School is done for me until July 12. I actually did really great

with

> > three A's and a B.

> >

> > I need to do something fast. I thought about Xenadrine or whatever

> > that stuff is and then decided that it really wasn't a long term

> > solution.

> >

> > I need to meditate on some stuff. Maybe I can self-hypnotize

myself

> > into a 5 pound a week weight loss. Then I would be happy. Maybe

with

> > a lot of self-talk.

> >

> > I get so frustrated sometimes in looking at all the great progress

> > everyone makes here and I end up feeling worse because I can't

share

> > any positives. I think everyone here has great stories of

incredible

> > will and determination. I also used to feel that way. I just don't

> > know where mine went.

> >

> > Maybe it's turning 40. I don't know. I am bumming myself out even

> > more so I am going to take a nap and not think for a little while.

> > This was a such a crappy post and I apologize. I just really

needed

> > to get these bad feelings off my chest.

> > Thanks for the free therapy!

> > Take care.

> > Pam

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Pamela,

I can't speak for everyone here, but I can speak for myself. I've been there

many times. I have lost my motivation so badly and doubted it would ever come

back. I resigned myself to being heavy and out of shape. It doesn't help when

those around you tell you that you look good and there is no way you weigh what

you do, blah, blah, blah. What I needed was a big dose of reality from myself

and not anyone else. It's very difficult to get started again once you've come

to a screeching halt.

One thing you have going for you is that you are not that overweight. I am not

sure what height you are, but I'm only 5'1 " and as of this morning, weigh 151.

So you can start now before it gets out of hand. I can understand how someone

gets up to over 200 and so on. Once you pass a certain point, it's like " what's

the point now " . I was giving myself those same talks and then realized that I

didn't want to give up.

And forget turning 40....girl, these are about to be the best years of your

life. If someone asked me what age I would like to be if I had to remain there

forever, I would easily answer " forty-something " and I'm not yet 31. My mother

really enjoyed those years and they were some of the best years of her life.

Embrace turning 40.....learn to love yourself, even if you are what you consider

overweight. Think back to when you were a teenager and you never really liked

what you saw in the mirror (or at least most teenage girls don't). I had am

amazing body back in high school and never realized it. I see these young girls

walking around and although they look great and you think they are confident,

they usually aren't. You have passed that point. I look at those girls and

smile to myself because although I'm 20+ overweight, I can walk around naked and

enjoy it!!! I don't worry what anyone else thinks because I love myself, fat or

not. I'm doing BFL so that I can feel healthy and

run around with my kids. I want to be able to walk into a store and buy

clothes without breaking down and crying because NOTHING looks good. But for

the inside, I feel terrific.

Everyone has those setbacks where they think there is no way they will ever feel

good again. Hell, I have days like that still and probably always will. I then

get mad at myself for feeling that way and punish myself with a good workout or

a walk around the block. It's only been about a week now, but I'm determined

not to slump back into that " I don't care and I'm just going to be chubby "

feeling.

Go for a walk...I don't know what the weather is like where you are, but it's

sunny here and sometimes, all I need is a walk around the block to think about

all the good things in my life. I focus on what I don't have way too much and I

have to constantly remind myself what I DO have. I hope you day goes better and

cheer up....fabulous and 40!!!

M. (who is playing " Little Suzie Sunshine " due to a warped mindset

because of her nursing finals this week) = )

pameladouai <pameladouai@...> wrote:

I just need to vent here. Usually I don't but I need to today.

Today I cried for the first time because I am so disgusting morphed.

I weighed in at 154 pounds. The heaviest I have been in eight years

when I was full term with my youngest child.

I have tried so many things since January my brain hurts from it all.

I did the BFL challenge one and didn't do all that great with it.

Then tried South Beach, then tried RPM(spinning classes) three times

a week to burn calories.

I am convinced that it is my fork that is my downfall. Why do I try

to fool myself into thinking that if I workout, I can eat ice cream

sandwiches and cookies and still lose weight.

I know that it's wrong, bad and all that stuff and it is probably

emotional eating but I need to get over it!! I am leaving for my

cruise in 5 weeks and I am not going to fit into all the great

clothes I bought.

I think I am panicking over it. I am afraid I won't lose any weight

and will keep gaining and gaining.

This is so weird for me because I was so skinny a few years ago. I

thought it was my thyroid at first, had it tested and it's normal. It

is probably genes(my mother is huge) and I guess I lucked out somehow

up til now.

I know I am having a major pity party here but I really really really

have tried so hard. I used the cruise to keep me going during

spinning and working out with weights to get that last set in. I just

feel like I am seeing no results and doing it for nothing.

Well, I know I have to start with diet. One that will let me LOSE

weight. WW was awful for me. South Beach worked last year for an 18

pound loss in about a month. It is just so hard to follow!

School is done for me until July 12. I actually did really great with

three A's and a B.

I need to do something fast. I thought about Xenadrine or whatever

that stuff is and then decided that it really wasn't a long term

solution.

I need to meditate on some stuff. Maybe I can self-hypnotize myself

into a 5 pound a week weight loss. Then I would be happy. Maybe with

a lot of self-talk.

I get so frustrated sometimes in looking at all the great progress

everyone makes here and I end up feeling worse because I can't share

any positives. I think everyone here has great stories of incredible

will and determination. I also used to feel that way. I just don't

know where mine went.

Maybe it's turning 40. I don't know. I am bumming myself out even

more so I am going to take a nap and not think for a little while.

This was a such a crappy post and I apologize. I just really needed

to get these bad feelings off my chest.

Thanks for the free therapy!

Take care.

Pam