Re: Missing children/ ID'ing them

[Guest guest]

Hi :

What a scarey incident this must have been for your mother or Mother in law. How far away does this grandparent live from you? Is this the first time he was visiting there?

Besides getting a bracelet ID or name tag item you also have to teach your son about what he did that was wrong. You said he is verbal but only four. I would do a search over at amazon for books about being lost and stranger danger.

Do you know for how long he was gone? Have you contacted the woman who brought him to the post office to get a sense of how he seemed?

Now that your son is okay the next step is to turn this episode into a learning experience for everyone around. What type of locks does the grandparent have, where did he sleep, was the door locked? You will have to look at their house and yours as if you are a child and see the gaps needed to be fixed to prevent this from happening again.

I have purchased t shirts on ebay that say my child has autism, but that will not always work since this happened when others were sleeping? An alarm for the door would be worth looking into, I saw a website that sells something like that, but again very expensive.

But seeing as this was a very close disaster the price might be worth your son's life. What state are you in? In CA you might be able to get the Regional Center to assist after you tell them of this occurence, then again it depends if you want other agencies involved.

I am on two other groups that are run by a parent who is also in law enforcement. One is called Autism Risk Safety and the other one is Law Enforcement. One other concern is that with the warmer weather kids go near the water and do not make it out. This was a very close call and a warning sign for everyone. Do you know if any of the homes in the neighborhood have pools. Go around the neighborhood and let those know of autism and print out brochures to educate them. What about loose dogs in the areas.

I would walk around the area your son was at and contact as many of the people there to let them know about your son and autism.

What was the reason your son was staying the night, how well prepared is the grandparent, are there other relatives living at this residence, maybe someone left the door open or a pet went outside?

Good luck and keep us apprised. My non verbal son has no idea how to even open the gate and one time my hands were full with bags and I thought about teaching him and decided it was not worth it.

Hope my ideas are helpful. Your family is so lucky that this worked out in the end. Also there are cards you can buy to give to police personnel that they keep in their cars and have the child point to the problem they are experiencing. The police and fire and other security personnel need to know about autism. I would make a visit to their office and thank them and give them some reading material on the subject.

Bonnie

====================eashtonb <eashtonb@...> wrote:

My son was with his grandmother Thursday night. He spent the night, and the next morning he was gone. No one could find him. They went to nearby playgrounds, knocking on neighbors doors,etc... I dont know how he was found or how they figured out where he belonged... but he had walked a few blocks to the courthouse with lots of traffic and commotion going on for the morning rush to work. He is not non-verbal but he is 4 and doesnt know his phone number address or our names( much less his grandmothers name or address). And although he can talk, one of his major issues is strangers. He totally shuts down and will refuse to talk and if they persist, he gets angry. A Lady found him and took him to the police station. I cant imagine how scared and confused he was. I am looking for some sort of

ID for him... I found free bracelets that are like the ones you get at an event... cheap thin plastic, but they are reusable, and adjustable. I have found velcro nylon( material of dog colar) but they were VERY large and bulky and he loves velcro and would be constantly playing with it. I am not sure a neclace would be welcomed either. I looked at bracelets and all were very 'girly' looking. I found some with trains and other boy stuff on them, but they looked cheap... and again I am not sure he'd let them stay on. The Medicalert bracelet was expensive, and very ugly. I also found shoe labels, but who'd think to look in the shoe for ID info... and I know any of my children's would get rubbed off, and considering he left with no shoes on as far as I know, it wouldnt have helped in this situation. I could get tags for all his clothes... I did order the free plastic

bracelets, and over the next few days will order more of different types just to see if they work for us LOL... but I wanted to get any input from you guys as to what works and doesnt for your child.

[Guest guest]

This was at my mother in laws house. She is VERY condescending(

read denial) about or son... SHE can handle him, we cannot...He NEVER

(yeah right) misbehaves or does anything with her. He has been with

her probably 4 times his entire life. She lives about 30 minutes from

us.

After the fact,I did keep repeating to him that we NEVER leave the

house without an adult. The only reason he gave was " I was look for

you " , my oldest said he said the police were scary, and I kept

telling him they were NICE... he is to always find a police officer

if he is lost or scared. I will definately be checking the library

tomorrow for anything on safety and how he SHOULD have behaved.

Nope, dont have a clue how long he was gone. No one will talk with me

about it. All I get is " Its over, he's safe, drop it " ... not very

helpful in preventing this from happening again. I wanted to thank

the lady who took him to the police. But I doubt my MIL even asked...

she is pretty self centered. She still wont speak to me.

He did seem in shock though when he came home that afternoon. He was

white as a ghost and very meek, which is NOT him.

My MIL has a house alarm which does make a beeping sound when the

door opens. She has dead bolts and other such locks... they have a

house alrm which must not have been activated. She told my daughters

the doors were unlocked...in a downtown area...<rollseyes> He slept

with her, and I guess she just let him get up and do as he pleased as

my 2 girls and their greatgrandmother slept upstairs. Whether she was

up or not I dont know...

My mother in law just called and insisted he stay with her... I

ALWAYS object and 99% of the time dont let him go with her... she

cannot handle him, she has let him run in front of cars before, left

my older 2 girls with strangers or alone. But my husband said he

couldnt say no again... and let them go against my wishes.

Family peace or not... I am going to put my foot down from now on and

if I dont feel comfortable they will not go.

[Guest guest]

How old are your other children and the great grandmother? If they only live 30 minutes away why the need to spend the night?

I think what happened is reason enough and you and your husband should go to some type of counseling and perhaps the kids as well.

This is not something that should not be discussed, it was a dangerous incident that could have been left with a child gone for good.

I would seriously consider never leaving your child there again and if it presents a problem with your husband you have to think what is more important, his mothers feelings or your child's life.

I stopped all contact with my family five years ago and we live in CA and they are in NJ, the ex has supervised visits only. I would contact some sort of organization that you use for your child and see about making sure your child is not forced with that family again.

What state are you in? You need to have control over your own child's life and this does not sound like you do. I would suggest forcing the issue with the grandmother and she is at fault for this - you might even think about bringing her up on charges. She should not be intimidating you or your husband.

Maybe you should see someone solely and share this with them and get some advice. Your child is giving you cues by saying he was looking for you - he did not want to be there or was ready for his time to end there.

I urge you to seek professional guidance for everyone involved and especially the grandparent - whose home is unsafe for your child.

I get paid IHSS for providing protective supervision for my son - this is the state of CA.

You may want to try social stories with your son and role playing with the rest of the kids and show him the right and wrong way to do things. I just sold a video I bought that explains safety for kids and shows right and wrong way to do things.

http://www.safetynetkids.com

This is the group you need to join as well:

Autism-Risk-Safety/

and then post about this there as well, including your response to me. I am a member there as well.

I personally do not allow any negativity around my family. Both my boys are on the spectrum. The father has a mental illness and is not in the right frame of mind and I got the family law system to make sure he is on his meds and a note from Dr before he can start visiting again and he needs to pay for the supervising agency, they cost about $50- 75 per hour for a professional to be there when the person is visiting. Before the court agreeed I paid for it for piece of mind and to make sure we were not alone in the house with the father.

I wish I had more information for you, but will do a google search and see what I can find out. Your mother in law should not be speaking to you like this, your child left her home unattended and she was in charge. she lost that right to have your child in her home and alone in her presence and you need to convey that to her and let her know it is your child and you call the shots. Be strong and tough for your child, forget what your husband or mother in law says, your child was missing and could have been gone forever or found dead in the water somewhere. use this experience to make you strong and overcome their ignorance and insecurities.

Bonnie

===================

eashtonb <eashtonb@...> wrote:

This was at my mother in laws house. She is VERY condescending( read denial) about or son... SHE can handle him, we cannot...He NEVER(yeah right) misbehaves or does anything with her. He has been with her probably 4 times his entire life. She lives about 30 minutes from us. After the fact,I did keep repeating to him that we NEVER leave the house without an adult. The only reason he gave was "I was look for you" , my oldest said he said the police were scary, and I kept telling him they were NICE... he is to always find a police officer if he is lost or scared. I will definately be checking the library tomorrow for anything on safety and how he SHOULD have behaved. Nope, dont have a clue how long he was gone. No one will talk with me about it. All I get is " Its over, he's safe, drop

it"... not very helpful in preventing this from happening again. I wanted to thank the lady who took him to the police. But I doubt my MIL even asked... she is pretty self centered. She still wont speak to me. He did seem in shock though when he came home that afternoon. He was white as a ghost and very meek, which is NOT him.My MIL has a house alarm which does make a beeping sound when the door opens. She has dead bolts and other such locks... they have a house alrm which must not have been activated. She told my daughters the doors were unlocked...in a downtown area...<rollseyes> He slept with her, and I guess she just let him get up and do as he pleased as my 2 girls and their greatgrandmother slept upstairs. Whether she was up or not I dont know... My mother in law just called and insisted he stay with her... I ALWAYS object and 99% of the time dont let him go with her... she

cannot handle him, she has let him run in front of cars before, left my older 2 girls with strangers or alone. But my husband said he couldnt say no again... and let them go against my wishes. Family peace or not... I am going to put my foot down from now on and if I dont feel comfortable they will not go.

[Guest guest]

Here are some links to stories about tragedies and also they have lists of what to do to keep your children safe and autism proof your home.

One story mentions this -

In 2000, Tonya Rhodus, 28, was charged with misdemeanor negligent child abuse after her autistic son had wandered away from their Conifer home during a rainstorm, according to court records.

The mother had called sheriff's deputies to help her find her son, who had wandered about three- fourths of a mile from home. Tyler was discovered on a ridge, a report said.

The mother told sheriff's deputies she had been sleeping because of medication she had taken to help her with a toothache.

A county jury acquitted her of the charge. A few years later - earlier this year this same child died in a house fire - http://www.insidedenver.com/drmn/local/article/0,1299,DRMN_15_2751265,00.html

This is the story of the child in FL who drowned, the father was in the bathroom when the child left the house, at the end of the story are tips to make your home secure, etc.

http://autism.about.com/library/weekly/aa021402a.htm

Autism proof your home - http://autism.about.com/cs/familyissues/a/safety.htm

Digital Angel - http://www.digitalangel.net/works_faq.asp

http://www.awol-texas.org/articles/copsover.html

Hopefully others will have some advice and maybe experience from this type of mishap.

Have you applied for membership in the safety group yet? That should be done ASAP. There are many parents on there who also are in law enforcement and there are adults with Autism on that list that could assist as well.

Bonnie

============

[Guest guest]

> How old are your other children and the great grandmother? If they

only live 30 minutes away why the need to spend the night?

>

They are 13, 8 (and the great grandmother is nearly 90), But she left

them alone and with strangers when they were 7.... maybe younger with

the older daughter. I stand up to my mother who is an alchoholic and

dont make him the scapegoat when I tell her no the children cant

spend the night. My husband will bite someones head off for the

tiniest thing. But will let something huge like this go. ???( He

wouldnt if it were ME, of course. )

>

> I would seriously consider never leaving your child there again and

if it presents a problem with your husband you have to think what is

more important, his mothers feelings or your child's life.

I agree...and thats a huge issue for us. His family is allowed too

much freedon with and influence on our lives.

I told him tonight that this was my sign that our son was definately

not going to Kindergarten this year, and he just rolled his eyes and

asked WHAT about this made me come to that conclusion... I told him

we could continue the discussion after his eyes quit rolling, and he

could talk like an adult.... I have a feeling I will be waiting a

while LOL.

> Your child is giving you cues by saying he was looking for you -

he did not want to be there or was ready for his time to end there.

He is not the clingy type with me, so when he said he was looking

for me, it really hit me hard.

> I urge you to seek professional guidance for everyone involved and

especially the grandparent - whose home is unsafe for your child.

>

They are all acting as if nothing happened. If he keeps acting as if

I overreated, I think the professional I will seek guidance with is a

divorce lawyer LOL. If anything I underreated by not immediately

goving over there and taking my children.

>

> You may want to try social stories with your son and role playing

with the rest of the kids and show him the right and wrong way to do

things. I just sold a video I bought that explains safety for kids

and shows right and wrong way to do things. >>

I am looking for social stories for other issues, but havent found

any realy applicable. I will be looking again tonight.

[Guest guest]

Horrible stories... It is very scary to think what could have

happened... On the other side of the courthouse is a HUGE cliff with

waterfall. Not to mention all the traffic and who knows what kind of

people wandering around.

One other thing I'd like to remind people of, is... you can look

online for convicted sex offenders... I found a search engine for

them last night in my search for a child ID kit... I found 3 within

half a mile of here and 1 within SIGHT of my house that I did not

know about. One is a man we do alot of business with( farming) who

has a young daughter who keeps asking my middle girl to spend the

night!

I applied to that other list, but the approval hasnt taken place yet.

[Guest guest]

Hi :

At the about autism site I saw some other links, not sure if you did also, but these two were interesting reads.

Child abduction and autism -

http://autism.about.com/cs/hiddenproblems/l/blabduction.htm

In - laws and your ASD child -

http://autism.about.com/cs/extendedfamily/a/inlawproblem.htm

Good luck, probably a smart think to wait another year before Kindergarten, but what are the plans for summer and then next year, is he in pre school, what forms of therapy does he get?

Bonnie

================eashtonb <eashtonb@...> wrote:

[Guest guest]

, we have been there with the missing child and Evan IS nonverbal.

We used the medic-alert bracelet for years but he is allergic to the

stainless-steel one and we had to keep moving it from one arm to the other

or take it off until his arms healed. We finally went with the athletic

bands that have the information printed on the metal strip. Evan wore it

until the phone number was hard to read and I ordered a new one and forgot

to have the phone number stamped on it. Turns out that it does not matter.

Evan has figured out how to unsnap it and keeps taking it off. As for the

shoe labels, Evan also goes around barefoot all the time. Now even at

school.

I have been thinking about using the plastic bracelets. They may not look

that great but if the boy would keep them on, it would make us feel better

to have him wearing at least that much.

BETTY ANN-62 yo, possibly undx'd Bipolar

grandma to

ANDREW - 12 yo-- Bipolar/ADHD, Homeschooled

EVAN - 10 yo-- low - med. functioning,nonverbal autism

DAVID 8 yo Bipolar/ADHD

and mother to ANDREA -33 yo, their mom, also

Bipolar/ADHD

wife to BOB - 72 yo, a very tired grandpa