Re: Let's talk about eating disorders

June 22, 2004

i started to develop anorexia nervosa when i was 14. by the time i was

19-20 i weighed about 80-82 lbs. it was a control thing because my abuse

was bad enough and controlled all of my life that it was a way to

control my life. but also my mother has body image problems and kept

talking about it and once made a remark about if i get to 50kg (110 lbs)

she would take me to jenny craig when i was 14. at the time i was figure

skating and very fit and strong and i weighed 57kg (125.4 lbs). when i

was at the sickest with the anorexia they fed me from a tube in my nose

that went into my tummy and my skin was yellow and they said my body was

going into shut down. i have obsessive compulsive disorder as well and

it was very bad at the same years my anorexia was bad. i think the two

are related in me.

now i am 27 years old and i weigh 116 lbs. i hate my body and all i see

is fat all over me. i keep wanting to keep track of what i eat count

calories lose weight again and exercise but i know if i do then i will

be in danger so i dont. and then i think well i dont have the self

control to anyway because i like food too much and i am weak in the

head. i am aware of what i eat and i think about food or weight most of

the time and i weigh myself at least 2 or 3 times a day. last week i

took up skating again. i am fighting with myself in my head not to use

that to lose a lot of weight because i know with 2 hours a day of figure

skating i probably burn maybe 1000 calories a day just doing that and it

would be very easy to only eat about 1200 calories a day or something

and lose weight. but with the chronic fatigue syndrome and the joint

problems and the flus i get so much and colds i took up skating again so

that my body will get healthier and stronger. after the anorexia my

muscles were all gone away and when i gained back the weight i didnt get

nice muscles i got flab.

i never found the talking therapy stuff to help with my problems. i am

autistic so that might be why. i communicate well in writing and i am

doing better at social communication in real life but i dont find it

easy. what made me get better from the anorexia was being force fed and

i was locked in hospital and they watched everything i did and my tube

feeds i couldnt get rid of because they kept writing down everything i

did for the toilet and i couldnt get away with it. so i had to gain

weight and i realised when my weight was higher that i was lucky i was

alive and then i decided to try to live my life a bit healthier. but i

think the anorexia is still there its just in my head and i fight with

it and i dont lose too much weight. my weight goes from about 100 lbs to

about 120 lbs in a slow up then down thing and i dont let it go outside

of those numbers.

i know another girl online that is autistic and has anorexia and i talk

to her in email about it sometimes but i try not to because talking

about it with other anorexics just makes me want to be thinner and

compete again.

CZ

Don & wrote:

> I think this is a great time for us to discuss eating disorders. Do you

> have an eating disorder? Do you have an idea of what brought it on?

> What have you done to help yourself? Do you have advice for people who

> think they may have an eating disorder?

>

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June 22, 2004

CZ,

I applaud you for sharing this with us. I had never thought of the

competition aspect of it at all. A lot of eating disorders are passed

from mother to daughter, or so I've heard. I'm glad you were able to

get a handle on it.

Hugs,

Re: Let's talk about eating disorders

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