RE: Part 2:tom

March 4, 2000

,

I'm sorry to hear about all you have been going through but I think you are

an amazing person. You are seem so together and strong and smart and a

wonderful mother and a career woman too. I will think about you when little

old me starts feeling sorry for herself and try to follow your example of

strength and levelheadedness. Good luck and I hope things start to settle

down a bit for you and the family.

Noelle in NY

March 4, 2000

knows that I prefer wicked wendy, watch out for wendy, which wendy,

wondering wendy... anything but wonderful!! (blush)

YES - I am taking time for myself. I have been relaxing all day today (got

dressed at noon, computer time, lunch at 4, more computer time...) I like to

do puzzles on teh computer. Gabbing away with friends.... no social work

related stuff - I forbid it! I didnt get my ME day this friday b/c of tom's

needs - so I'm looking forward to next week. I love my ME DAY!!!

Tom has been redoing his room. It is funny how he proudly showed me he is

throwing things out - one tiny bag! Ziv has a friend over so I can forget

about them, as long as they get Kraft dinner for lunch. Adi has been on the

phone for hours - so typical! she is walking around in a pair of hospital

pajama bottoms 10 sizes tooo big! Yigal is awake now - but since he hasnt

started vacuuming or washing the floor, I would think he's either relaxed or

not really 'awake' yet!

....I havent dont any body piercing lately.... what should I do next?

*w* whimsical wendy!

======================================

>This is why I call WW.... Wonderful . With all the problems

>that she has herself, she is always there as a good friend and supporter!

> >>She has saved me from the looney bin on many occasions! I just hope

>that she takes care of #1 (herself) as often as she tells us to..... she

>deserves it!

>>Take care everyone!

>mary from La.

> > ,

> > I'm sorry to hear about all you have been going through but I think you

>are an amazing person. You are seem so together and strong and smart and a

>wonderful mother and a career woman too. I will think about you when

>little old me starts feeling sorry for herself and try to follow your

>example of strength and levelheadedness. Good luck and I hope things start

>to settle down a bit for you and the family.

> > Noelle in NY

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March 4, 2000

Noelle,

This is why I call WW.... Wonderful . With all the problems

that she has herself, she is always there as a good friend and supporter!

She has saved me from the looney bin on many occasions! I just hope that

she takes care of #1 (herself) as often as she tells us to..... she deserves it!

Take care everyone!

mary from La.

larkspurmr@... wrote:

> From: larkspurmr@...

>

> ,

> I'm sorry to hear about all you have been going through but I think you are

> an amazing person. You are seem so together and strong and smart and a

> wonderful mother and a career woman too. I will think about you when little

> old me starts feeling sorry for herself and try to follow your example of

> strength and levelheadedness. Good luck and I hope things start to settle

> down a bit for you and the family.

> Noelle in NY

>

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March 6, 2000

Trudy in KC, MO!

Thank you for your very warm and educational letter!

At the doctors today he decided that Tom does not need the zyprexa. The

doc wants to monitor tom, and asked that we let him know if Tom feels like

he's too anxious to cope. He discussed various emotions that tom may have

experienced lately and feels, today, that he is actually doing very well! He

does not assess him as bi-polar, or psychotic - phew!

Today, tom was so wonderfully productive, I couldnt give him enough

positive reinforcements. He took the bus downtown and missed his stop,

con't. on until he came to a familiar stop, took a bus back, and then got

off at the correct stop. A year ago this was impossible for him to do!!! He

went to Legal Aid, asked which papers he needed, went to the court house,

collected the papers, applied for and recieved funding to cover the expense

of his lawyer! All this in 'only' 3 hours!!!!! I then met him and took him

to the doc's appoitment. In the future he will bus there on his own.

The girls are pretty comfortable these days with tom home. its nice to

have an extra pair of tidy hands!! Ziv and Yigal, and me too sometimes, make

such a mess! Adi is just disgusted with this - and rolls her eyes at us!

Tom can be controlling, but the more we work on pointing out that its the

ocd talking, and that not everything needs to be his way, he understands to

back down. In the mean time, he is trying to figure out a way to make the

girls clean up the rec room!! If he finds a solution, I'll let you know!!

The program Tom is working in is only during the school year, sorry. Are

you looking for some volunteer work for the girls? Paid work maybe an

option, let me know how many hours and what they may be interested in, and

I'll look around at Youth Employment.

>Does the ROH have anything geared towards teens? <

The ROH will be servicing the teens starting next year. This year they

are still split between CHEO and the ROH. Its the ROH that has blocked him

out, mostly for political reasons. He has already participated in 3 programs

with CHEO.

>Wrap your arms around yourself tight and hug yourself back for me.<

OW! too tight! thank you! too bad your not coming with the girls!

wendy, in canada

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March 6, 2000

From: " W. Birkhan " <wb4@...>

> Childrens services were sure we are making a mistake, but we're

following our instinct and

> tom is now back home!

Good for you. Children's services is overstaffed and does not have the

time to fully understand each individual case. A parent's instinct is

often best. Good luck with this. I hope your other children are

supportive and ok with Tom coming home and that his presence doesn't put

them back at all.

> Within 2 hours I arranged a job for him as staff in a program for

disabled

> teens. There are 2 staff with 3 students. It will help him with his

g-d

> issues, use his wonderful sensative nature, and help with his self

esteem.

What is this program? As I've said before, Eleena and Coralee will be

spending the summer in Ottawa so I would really be interested in hearing

more about this.

> In the mean time, I have contacted the Ministry of Community and

Social

> Services to complain about his restriction in services in the city.

Does the ROH have anything geared towards teens? I had a friend in

college who worked with 12-16 year olds there as part of her Youth and

Child Social Worker degree at Algonquin.

> The psychiatrist, who I updated constantly all week, has called to

say

> that we're (we are a team) going to try zyprexa (oranzapene). Any one

try

> that one?? Its an anti-pyschotic.

Coralee was on Zyprexa for a while. Her psychiatrist just switched her

to Seroquel, another anti-psychotic, because her moods seemed to be

starting to spiral downward again. He originally chose Zyprexa because

of the voices as well as a consistent hallucinatory character that

haunted her and told her that she was going to die. Yes, I freaked when

I saw her going through an encounter with this figure. She says that

the voices seemed to stop within the first month I believe of starting

on Zyprexa. We meet with her psychiatrist on Wednesday and I want to

discuss whether or not the " voices " and some of her seemingly obsessive

thoughts could be related to OCD rather than just depression since we

now officially know that her sister Eleena suffers from OCD. Eleena's

psychiatrist mentioned that anti-psychotic drugs are usually more of a

third line type of drug for OCD and that he almost always tries a full

range of others before attempting the anti-psychotics. Does Tom's

psychiatrist really think that he needs an anti-psychotic? Usually

these are used more for those with either schizophrenia (sp?) or some

form of psychotic features like hallucinations or voices. Oh yeah, to

answer your question, Coralee did seem to do well at first. After about

only 2 months, she started getting more depressed again. That's when

the doctor switched her to Seroquel. I guess it wasn't the right drug

for her. One side effect that I'm sure didn't help was the weight gain,

since she's already over weight and gets very upset about it (not that

she'll stop eating her 5 snacks every evening). I'm still concerned,

even on the new medication, that her thoughts seem to be all consuming

at times. She can't seem to get beyond certain thoughts, which is

another reason that I'm brining OCD up to her psychiatrist. If

anything, I think this type of thought pattern seems more obvious now,

with the drugs, than before treatment started, but maybe that's because

I'm not having to focus on her HORRIBLE moods and outbursts now.

Wrap your arms around yourself tight and hug yourself back for me.

Trudy in KC, MO

March 6, 2000

HI :

Such good news about Tom! What a relief for him not to feel he is being

considered a " bad " kid all the time. Please tell him I say hi and am very

impressed with all that bus taking. Living in the boonies here I don't

know if I would know how to catch a bus anymore. Take care, aloha, Kathy (H)

kathyh@...

P.S. What is ROH and what is CHEO? K

At 05:37 PM 03/06/2000 -0500, you wrote:

>From: " W. Birkhan " <wb4@...>

>

>Trudy in KC, MO!

>

> Thank you for your very warm and educational letter!

>

> At the doctors today he decided that Tom does not need the zyprexa. The

>doc wants to monitor tom, and asked that we let him know if Tom feels like

>he's too anxious to cope. He discussed various emotions that tom may have

>experienced lately and feels, today, that he is actually doing very well! He

>does not assess him as bi-polar, or psychotic - phew!

>

> Today, tom was so wonderfully productive, I couldnt give him enough

>positive reinforcements. He took the bus downtown and missed his stop,

>con't. on until he came to a familiar stop, took a bus back, and then got

>off at the correct stop. A year ago this was impossible for him to do!!! He

>went to Legal Aid, asked which papers he needed, went to the court house,

>collected the papers, applied for and recieved funding to cover the expense

>of his lawyer! All this in 'only' 3 hours!!!!! I then met him and took him

>to the doc's appoitment. In the future he will bus there on his own.

>

> The girls are pretty comfortable these days with tom home. its nice to

>have an extra pair of tidy hands!! Ziv and Yigal, and me too sometimes, make

>such a mess! Adi is just disgusted with this - and rolls her eyes at us!

>Tom can be controlling, but the more we work on pointing out that its the

>ocd talking, and that not everything needs to be his way, he understands to

>back down. In the mean time, he is trying to figure out a way to make the

>girls clean up the rec room!! If he finds a solution, I'll let you know!!

>

> The program Tom is working in is only during the school year, sorry. Are

>you looking for some volunteer work for the girls? Paid work maybe an

>option, let me know how many hours and what they may be interested in, and

>I'll look around at Youth Employment.

>

>>Does the ROH have anything geared towards teens? <

>

> The ROH will be servicing the teens starting next year. This year they

>are still split between CHEO and the ROH. Its the ROH that has blocked him

>out, mostly for political reasons. He has already participated in 3 programs

>with CHEO.

>

>>Wrap your arms around yourself tight and hug yourself back for me.<

>

>OW! too tight! thank you! too bad your not coming with the girls!

>

>wendy, in canada

>

March 7, 2000

,

I'm glad the doctor re-evaluated Tom and decided he's not bipolar or

psychotic. The psychotic one can be pretty scary at times. It sounds

like you found a therapist whose willing to take the time to evaluate

and monitor him properly. That's wonderful.

CONGRATULATIONS on the bus!! Tom must be proud. Eleena's at the point

where she doesn't want to drive, but she doesn't want to take the city

bus. I told her that next year, she doesn't have a choice since she

starts college and there's no school bus to college, but she's nervous.

She has a driving lesson tomorrow. She's driven before, but all of a

sudden she's petrified. Her new instructor seems to be pretty good, so

I'm crossing my fingers that he'll be able to get her past her fear.

I think that the girls would prefer paid work, but I'm pretty sure that

they would also do volunteer work. Basically, Eleena wants as many

hours as she can get since she doesn't have a lot of friends in Ottawa

any more so she expects to be bored silly. Coralee I think would be

happy with 8-16 hours/week, give or take since she has a lot of

(so-called) friends there. I know that Coralee REALLY wants to do some

kind of work with the elderly, with or without pay. Eleena just wants

to be able to pass time, but I know that she would like to earn money

this summer since she can't legally work and earn money down her. She

is great with kids. She's been doing some help in a grade 4 class down

here once/week through her high school. I don't believe that Coralee

has a SIN, but Eleena does. I guess I should contact their mother to

file the papers for Coralee. I know she'll got to that little bit of

trouble.

Certainly one big problem in Canada is the politics. I know all the

Americans on this list will think that it exists here too, which it

does, but not NEARLY as bad. I guess in DC maybe it would be close, but

I doubt it. Thank goodness for CHEO. I know my brother spent time

there as a kid (we were active and he was accident prone). The ER

leaves a lot to be desired (WAY too slow), but the hospital itself is

great.

I wish I could come up this summer, but since I'm due with my second on

August 2, summer won't be a good time for me to travel. We're thinking

of coming up around Christmas time. I'd love to get together with you

if we make it up.

Hugs can never be too tight. Just ask my 2 year old. Give yourself

another!

Trudy in KC, MO

March 7, 2000