Guest guest Posted October 4, 2003 Report Share Posted October 4, 2003 all the time. i'm lucky if i can get out of bed on a really bad 'fat' day. these are entirely psychological fat days, of course, but they all equate to feelings of complete inadequacy, lack of self worth, negative internal dialouge, zero motivation, etc. i have less and less of these the more i engage in physical activity that i find joyful, that takes my focus off of looking a certain way and puts it more on performance ability. but i'm a dancer, and there are still some days where there's not enough money in the world to get me to spend the day in spandex surrounded by full length mirrors. -cera www.strangestlittlemonster.com www.mp3.com/glassbeadgame blueruffian wrote: >I always seems to ask the heavy and intense questions around the >beginning of the wekend, so here's my next thought: > >Has anyone felt or changed their social life, daily activity, or just >leaving the house because of your body size or situation? I have >found myself not accepting certain social interactions when I am not >feeling as " prime " or when I have been not training...and I wondered >if anyone else has put things on " hold " (I know Dr. Phil talked about >this in his book) or changed how they are socially or just living...I >can relate to some of this as I feel that when I am at my goal >weight, my relation to the world will be different and even in social >situations, I feel better... > >Anyone? > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2003 Report Share Posted October 4, 2003 Ya know - I used to be that way before I got married. I remember a specific night that I went out to a club (with my Mom no less) and had the hardest time getting ready to go. Nothing looked good on me that night - I was having a classic " bad body image " day and was very familiar with them. Although I knew it was probably all in my head, I still didn't feel good about myself going out. After I got married, before I had my kids, I was conscious of myself, but not as bad as before because I didn't feel I needed to impress any more. It didn't weigh me down as much (excuse the pun). After I had my kids, and especially after I stopped working (for pay, that is) I pretty much stopped caring about what other people thought about how I looked. I spent time getting myself ready, but I certainly didn't agonize over it. My kids don't care how good or bad I look in those sweats or jeans, and I guess, as a credit to my husband, he has convinced me that I'm just as beautiful first thing in the morning as compared to spending an hour primping and trying to get the right outfit. I am wearing a pair of jeans right now that I used to think I looked " fat " in 8 years ago. I'm 5'6 " -they're a size 9/10 from Express - give me a break! It's amazing how much a person matures in life. I wasted so much time worrying about how I looked when in reality I probably looked awesome. I sometimes sit in a room full of other women (like at storytime...) and wonder how much effort they put into how they looked and how little they realize that noone really notices.... Probably why I don't wear lipstick. It looks good on me - I usually get complements when I wear it, but I don't like how it feels so I only put it on when I'm feeling spunky and know I can take it off in a couple of hours. I don't know if that had anything to do with your question, but that's what came to my mind when I read it and I just wanted to share. That's what this board is all about, right? Sharing? Thanks... in WI Re: Heavy Question all the time. i'm lucky if i can get out of bed on a really bad 'fat' day. these are entirely psychological fat days, of course, but they all equate to feelings of complete inadequacy, lack of self worth, negative internal dialouge, zero motivation, etc. i have less and less of these the more i engage in physical activity that i find joyful, that takes my focus off of looking a certain way and puts it more on performance ability. but i'm a dancer, and there are still some days where there's not enough money in the world to get me to spend the day in spandex surrounded by full length mirrors. -cera www.strangestlittlemonster.com www.mp3.com/glassbeadgame blueruffian wrote: >I always seems to ask the heavy and intense questions around the >beginning of the wekend, so here's my next thought: > >Has anyone felt or changed their social life, daily activity, or just >leaving the house because of your body size or situation? I have >found myself not accepting certain social interactions when I am not >feeling as " prime " or when I have been not training...and I wondered >if anyone else has put things on " hold " (I know Dr. Phil talked about >this in his book) or changed how they are socially or just living...I >can relate to some of this as I feel that when I am at my goal >weight, my relation to the world will be different and even in social >situations, I feel better... > >Anyone? > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2003 Report Share Posted October 4, 2003 PS - Cera - how did your dancing and drumming weekend go? I checked out the website you gave and it looked very serene and free-ing... if that's a word... Re: Heavy Question all the time. i'm lucky if i can get out of bed on a really bad 'fat' day. these are entirely psychological fat days, of course, but they all equate to feelings of complete inadequacy, lack of self worth, negative internal dialouge, zero motivation, etc. i have less and less of these the more i engage in physical activity that i find joyful, that takes my focus off of looking a certain way and puts it more on performance ability. but i'm a dancer, and there are still some days where there's not enough money in the world to get me to spend the day in spandex surrounded by full length mirrors. -cera www.strangestlittlemonster.com www.mp3.com/glassbeadgame blueruffian wrote: >I always seems to ask the heavy and intense questions around the >beginning of the wekend, so here's my next thought: > >Has anyone felt or changed their social life, daily activity, or just >leaving the house because of your body size or situation? I have >found myself not accepting certain social interactions when I am not >feeling as " prime " or when I have been not training...and I wondered >if anyone else has put things on " hold " (I know Dr. Phil talked about >this in his book) or changed how they are socially or just living...I >can relate to some of this as I feel that when I am at my goal >weight, my relation to the world will be different and even in social >situations, I feel better... > >Anyone? > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2003 Report Share Posted October 4, 2003 hey jennifer- it was so wonderful! it was physicially rigorous and mentally intense, and also very peacefull. we danced 8 hours a day and slept outside. it was a little chilly, but not too cold. the camp ground was beautiful. i fell asleep at night listening to some of the best haitian drummers alive playing and singing and drinking around the campfire right outside my tent. i learned a LOT, and i've been having a chance to reconfirm all of what i learned this week by teaching it to my dance class, which always helps me to cement things for myself. at the end of the weekend jean-leon destine told me that he could really 'feel me' when i danced, and could tell i was more than just a 'physical' dancer. that pretty much made my next 10 years. so yeah. all in all it was totally gratifying and exciting and uplifting and free-ing. =) of course, being gone 3 days, then coming back home and diving right into a busy work week has left my house looking like a tornado's been through, but i cant be on top of everything all the time! thank you for asking! cera www.strangestlittlemonster.com www.mp3.com/glassbeadgame Dupree wrote: >PS - Cera - how did your dancing and drumming weekend go? I checked out the website you gave and it looked very serene and free-ing... if that's a word... > Re: Heavy Question > > > all the time. > i'm lucky if i can get out of bed on a really bad 'fat' day. these are > entirely psychological fat days, of course, but they all equate to > feelings of complete inadequacy, lack of self worth, negative internal > dialouge, zero motivation, etc. i have less and less of these the more i > engage in physical activity that i find joyful, that takes my focus off > of looking a certain way and puts it more on performance ability. > but i'm a dancer, and there are still some days where there's not enough > money in the world to get me to spend the day in spandex surrounded by > full length mirrors. > > -cera > > www.strangestlittlemonster.com > www.mp3.com/glassbeadgame > > blueruffian wrote: > > >I always seems to ask the heavy and intense questions around the > >beginning of the wekend, so here's my next thought: > > > >Has anyone felt or changed their social life, daily activity, or just > >leaving the house because of your body size or situation? I have > >found myself not accepting certain social interactions when I am not > >feeling as " prime " or when I have been not training...and I wondered > >if anyone else has put things on " hold " (I know Dr. Phil talked about > >this in his book) or changed how they are socially or just living...I > >can relate to some of this as I feel that when I am at my goal > >weight, my relation to the world will be different and even in social > >situations, I feel better... > > > >Anyone? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2003 Report Share Posted October 4, 2003 ---I can't believe you asked this tonight ! this is how I am feeling today...and last weekend...and all the time..lol I may be loosing my fat..slowly but surely...but I am not all the socialite just yet. I have really good days where I feel really really great and feel like going out and about and showing off so to speak. but I don't like to be around big groups of people who I do not know at this point in my life. I don't want questions about weight or talk of weightloss to come up in any situations. I don't want to feel like the " fattest " one at the party. right now..at most things..I still am. but that is okay..I know my body is changing and I am okay with putting off the parties for now. I strongly believe when I get to my goal and have some really great clothes to wear I will feel better in social situations and going to things. That is why I wear black workout pants with the white stripes down the side all the time. I don't want to buy all these new clothes when I have an image of myself that does not involve bigger sizes. I have had to buy dresses for church. but other than church...I don't go anywhere fancy right now. and really..I am okay with this. I guess you could say I am putting some things on " hold " till I get to my goal of where I want to be. Even though I am sooo proud of what I have accomplished and I see all the changes..I am not " there " yet. I just feel more comfortable being a home body right now...cause..I know..in maybe like another 4 months or so I will be at my goal and that will be my " party " time so to speak..lol. It will be obvious I work out and that will be that. nobody wondering if I am doing something about myself so they strike up conversations about " weightloss " . I am just kind of keeping to myself and my family and a few close friends..and ofcourse you guys right now. But I like this...please do not get me wrong. this is what I like to do when I am loosing my fat. It may sound sad to someone..but to me..this is how I handle my changes my body is making. Kind of like what Stasia said...about sweaters in winter. you wear the sweaters all winter..then take them off in summer and voila..new body! I stay away from big groups of people until voila...here I am a new woman! I like to surprise people that way. So I am okay this way cause I know in like 4 months I can go to parties and be the " trophy " wife..lol. I know it is coming soooo no reason to be sad. I am soooo happy right now but I guess I tend to " hide " out till I can shock people when I have lost ALOT of my fat! does any of this make sense? kathi In , " blueruffian " <blueruffian@y...> wrote: > I always seems to ask the heavy and intense questions around the > beginning of the wekend, so here's my next thought: > > Has anyone felt or changed their social life, daily activity, or just > leaving the house because of your body size or situation? I have > found myself not accepting certain social interactions when I am not > feeling as " prime " or when I have been not training...and I wondered > if anyone else has put things on " hold " (I know Dr. Phil talked about > this in his book) or changed how they are socially or just living...I > can relate to some of this as I feel that when I am at my goal > weight, my relation to the world will be different and even in social > situations, I feel better... > > Anyone? > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2003 Report Share Posted October 4, 2003 I did everything even when I was heavy, but I do it now with more confidence. I feel better about myself. I think for me it is important to be social at any weight and I think I actually was a little preoccupied with myself to think people were looking at me when I was heavy and that it was all about me and how bad I felt. It turns out, everyone was worried about their own inadequacies and people didn't really notice how I looked. I do dress differently. I definitely dress more hip and more casual. I feel I look okay in jeans and a tank. I smile more aand I present better posture. So I have a better time because I feel better about myself, BUT if I had been confident at a heavier weight, I could have been having a nice, fun time all along. Because I'm still the same nice, funny person I was at 148 pounds as I am now.So looking back it actually was my loss that I sometimes felt bad. I wish I would have tried harder to fake some confidence because when I fake it, I end up feeling more confident after awhile. I hope this makes sense. Bridgette > > I always seems to ask the heavy and intense questions around the > > beginning of the wekend, so here's my next thought: > > > > Has anyone felt or changed their social life, daily activity, or > just > > leaving the house because of your body size or situation? I have > > found myself not accepting certain social interactions when I am > not > > feeling as " prime " or when I have been not training...and I > wondered > > if anyone else has put things on " hold " (I know Dr. Phil talked > about > > this in his book) or changed how they are socially or just > living...I > > can relate to some of this as I feel that when I am at my goal > > weight, my relation to the world will be different and even in > social > > situations, I feel better... > > > > Anyone? > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2003 Report Share Posted October 4, 2003 I just wanted to chime in here. I found all of your responses so eye- opening. I find it frightening that we live in a world body size matters to such degree. I have an extremely difficult time separating my inner sense of self worth from my body image. I've never had a good body image, and it's only gotten worse over the years, this despite having two children. When I was thin, I was much more outgoing, more even-tempered and more sure of myself. Hubby and I would go out all the time, or I would go out with my girlfriends. I wanted to be seen. Even when I went to my daughters' school functions, I dressed in semi-sexy clothes, because I wanted everyone to know that their mom was a hottie. Now that I'm 40 pounds heavier (although not really fat, as I weigh 160 at 5'7 " and wear a size 12), I feel invisible. I'm grumpy more often and have freak-out fat days where nothing looks good, and I don't feel capable of dealing with work, home and everything else. I'm embarrassed to eat in front of people, and I'm very, very uncomfortable discussing any kind of " diet " or weight loss stories, because I don't want to talk about my having lost weight and then gained it. Just recently, a woman at my office had massive plastic surgery done. She had a boob job and major lipo, including a tummy tuck and chin lift. She's back after 3 months, and she looks incredible. Of course, it cost her $12,000. She's been buying tighter and sexier clothes and talking about it ALL the time. And everyone else has been talking about it, too. I must admit that I'm jealous that she's getting all the attention. I want a great body, too. I wish she would just shut up about it. I know I'm being petty, but when I'm at a heavier weight, I just don't function as well socially. Thanks for bringing this up, ! Devyn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2003 Report Share Posted October 4, 2003 Not the body size but everything I do revolves around what am I gonna eat? For example, we are leaving for a gathering in about thirty minutes which is at a Japanese restaurant whose menu I am unfamiliar with. So the " what am I gonna eat? " dilemma begins. This is the case no matter where I go or who I'm with. It is really phobic I know but it's better than being unprepared and having to eat crap. My husband gets irritated with me for dragging a camping size " lunchbox " everywhere we go. But a lot of the time we end up being out longer than I had expected and I don't have to stop into the quik mart for some junk. I did have to do that last week because he wouldn't take me home to get my food but thankfully the quik mart had a protein bar and a fruit bin. Stasia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.