Re: Psychiatric Illness and Family Stigma (http://www.medscape.com/govmt/NIMH/Schiz

[Guest guest]

Oh , I am so very proud of Adi! What

a girl!!!

Take Care!

mary

" W.Birk " wrote:

> From: W.Birk <wb4@...>

>

> Terry,

>

> I would like to commend you for encouraging Kelsey to be herself. That

> is so important!! Adi used to walk with her head down, wouldnt participate

> in things, was just very depressed. Over the past year she got contacts, med

> adjustment, does kick boxing, excelled in night school, educates herself

> about ocd, and participates in the ocd teen list, deals well with her ocd

> and depression. She has always been very popular, and now that she's a teen

> she looks and walks like a model!! I am so proud of her!

>

> The other two are very different from her. Tom is much less secure and

> Ziv doesnt understand yet what is ocd!

>

> take care, wendy in canada

>

> ---------------------------

[Guest guest]

Psychiatric Illness and Family Stigma

(http://www.medscape.com/govmt/NIMH/Schiz

>From: W.Birk <wb4@...>

>

>Terry,

>

> I would like to commend you for encouraging Kelsey to be herself. That

>is so important!! Adi used to walk with her head down, wouldnt participate

>in things, was just very depressed. Over the past year she got contacts,

med

>adjustment, does kick boxing, excelled in night school, educates herself

>about ocd, and participates in the ocd teen list, deals well with her ocd

>and depression. She has always been very popular, and now that she's a teen

>she looks and walks like a model!! I am so proud of her!

>

> The other two are very different from her. Tom is much less secure and

>Ziv doesnt understand yet what is ocd!

>

> take care, wendy in canada

>

>,

Thanks, After I sent it I thought that I had really got on my soap box.

Thanks for letting me know it was ok. Being new to the list and a one month

old OCD parent I certainly don't want to offend any one and I surley don't

consider myself an expert but my wife and I are determined to have our

daughter be all that she can be and walk tall without guilt through out her

life. We have raised one son that has done very well, married and a sixth

grade teacher and loves it. We see

no reason to let ANYTHING prevent our daughter from doing as well.

Thanks again

Terry

>---------------------------

[Guest guest]

Psychiatric Illness and Family Stigma

(http://www.medscape.com/govmt/NIMH/Schiz

>From: W.Birk <wb4@...>

>

>Terry,

>

> I would like to commend you for encouraging Kelsey to be herself. That

>is so important!! Adi used to walk with her head down, wouldnt participate

>in things, was just very depressed. Over the past year she got contacts,

med

>adjustment, does kick boxing, excelled in night school, educates herself

>about ocd, and participates in the ocd teen list, deals well with her ocd

>and depression. She has always been very popular, and now that she's a teen

>she looks and walks like a model!! I am so proud of her!

>

> The other two are very different from her. Tom is much less secure and

>Ziv doesnt understand yet what is ocd!

>

> take care, wendy in canada

>

>

So glad to hear Adi is doing so well, Tom will be fine once your able to

make him feel more secure. I'm reminded of my son when he was a very young

cub scout. we live in a small town ( pop 1200 ) and when it was time to go

door to door to sell tickets to a cub scout fundraiser I found myself

walking up to the doors and doing all the talking while he stood there and

looked very cute in his uniform. It took awhile for me to catch on to what

was going on, (Dads are pretty dense sometimes)but when I did, I was able to

get him to talk and low and behold once he got over that initial fear,

shyness, and became more secure in his own abilities a whole new world

opened up for him. (I should mention that he had always been very reserved.)

He not only continued to sell tickets in town but we were driving to farms

in the country and also to neighboring towns for more sales. He eventually

ended up the top selling cub scout in the district without

competing for that title. We had no idea that he was even in the running for

it and it was not his motivation for doing it. It was like he was set free

from something that he had been struggling with for a long time and once it

was gone he could'nt do it enough. This was a turning point for me in the

way I approached my resposibilities as a father and also for my son. He went

on to

participate in music and sports thru out elementary and high shool. And took

on leadership roles as well as singing and dancing in the swing choir at the

university he attended.

The point of all this is not to brag about my son, although I love to do it,

but to try to make some sense of this OCD thing, to put it in perspective,

and reduce it to a managable size if possible. Fear is fear and anxiety is

anxiety regardless of where it originates from. Over coming our fears is the

hardest thing we have to do and must be 1000 times harder for those that

have OCD. However in order to move forward anyone with controlling fears and

anxieties Must overcome them. We are trying to consetrate on our daughters

small victories and build them into larger ones and so far it seems to be

working. She is more active now then she ever has been, and is constantly

trying new things. She is not free of OCD. We are just praising her

accomplishments and encoraging her to do more. I view this as a counter

attack on the OCD rather then just dealing with the symtoms. The more

positive accomplishments ( outside of the OCD concept) we are able to talk

about the more responsive she is to getting rid of the rituals and fighting

this ugly monster in her head. I don't know enough about this yet to know

if what we are doing is correct but I do know that we are seeing some very

positive results.

So long for now,

Terry in WI

>---------------------------

[Guest guest]

>Hi All,

I'm wading through all the posts as I just got back from visiting my mom in

Portland, OR for five days with the kids. It was a WONDERFUL trip! Before

10 weeks of CBT, Kelsey would NOT have been one of those kids who " took a

vacation " from their OCD while on vacation. But I'm happy to report that

" recovery " is holding! Nothing " OCD " came up, except for one meltdown last

night when her cousins had to leave. (I suspect these temper trantrums when

friends leave may still be problems leaving things " unfinished. " We need to

get going on this.)

Anyway, there were lots of new things, new places, etc. etc. and she didn't

balk once. I was quite proud. In fact, I think she doesn't much think in

terms of OCD these days, sort of forgetting she has it. This is quite a

change from when we were " battling " 30+ contamination events a day on

clothes, food, the order she did things, whether something was first or

last, touching sticky things, showering, washing, etc!!!

It's pretty amazing but in two weeks of using a E & RP approach on

shynes/social phobia, that already seems to be easing up a little. This has

been a lifelong trouble for her!

Terry-Thanks for the inspiring words on how your son shook his own shyness

and went on to become top selling cub scout. It gives me a vision of how

much change is possible! I have always been very aware of the need to not

talk for my shy kids and give them opportunities to communicate and build

social skills, but before this more structured approach (E & RP) it hasn't

seem to make much difference. You're right fear is fear and once I

understood her shyness in terms of anxiety it helped me to understand how

to approach it better. It's been so hard to watch her social fears dominate

(like when she was simply unable to give a goodbye hug to the first grade

teacher she idolized this year and watched her teacher's face fall in

disappointment as Kelsey shook her head and turned away!)

Good luck with your Kelsey and her OCD. This " counterattack and

cheerleader " approach is exactly what worked for us (in conjunction with

the CBT) and in just 10 weeks!

Take care,

Chris

>

>

> Psychiatric Illness and Family Stigma

>(http://www.medscape.com/govmt/NIMH/Schiz

>

>

>>From: W.Birk <wb4@...>

>>

>>Terry,

>>

>> I would like to commend you for encouraging Kelsey to be herself. That

>>is so important!! Adi used to walk with her head down, wouldnt participate

>>in things, was just very depressed. Over the past year she got contacts,

>med

>>adjustment, does kick boxing, excelled in night school, educates herself

>>about ocd, and participates in the ocd teen list, deals well with her ocd

>>and depression. She has always been very popular, and now that she's a teen

>>she looks and walks like a model!! I am so proud of her!

>>

>> The other two are very different from her. Tom is much less secure and

>>Ziv doesnt understand yet what is ocd!

>>

>> take care, wendy in canada

>>

>>

>So glad to hear Adi is doing so well, Tom will be fine once your able to

>make him feel more secure. I'm reminded of my son when he was a very young

>cub scout. we live in a small town ( pop 1200 ) and when it was time to go

>door to door to sell tickets to a cub scout fundraiser I found myself

>walking up to the doors and doing all the talking while he stood there and

>looked very cute in his uniform. It took awhile for me to catch on to what

>was going on, (Dads are pretty dense sometimes)but when I did, I was able to

>get him to talk and low and behold once he got over that initial fear,

>shyness, and became more secure in his own abilities a whole new world

>opened up for him. (I should mention that he had always been very reserved.)

>He not only continued to sell tickets in town but we were driving to farms

>in the country and also to neighboring towns for more sales. He eventually

>ended up the top selling cub scout in the district without

>competing for that title. We had no idea that he was even in the running for

>it and it was not his motivation for doing it. It was like he was set free

>from something that he had been struggling with for a long time and once it

>was gone he could'nt do it enough. This was a turning point for me in the

>way I approached my resposibilities as a father and also for my son. He went

>on to

>participate in music and sports thru out elementary and high shool. And took

>on leadership roles as well as singing and dancing in the swing choir at the

>university he attended.

>

>The point of all this is not to brag about my son, although I love to do it,

>but to try to make some sense of this OCD thing, to put it in perspective,

>and reduce it to a managable size if possible. Fear is fear and anxiety is

>anxiety regardless of where it originates from. Over coming our fears is the

>hardest thing we have to do and must be 1000 times harder for those that

>have OCD. However in order to move forward anyone with controlling fears and

>anxieties Must overcome them. We are trying to consetrate on our daughters

>small victories and build them into larger ones and so far it seems to be

>working. She is more active now then she ever has been, and is constantly

>trying new things. She is not free of OCD. We are just praising her

>accomplishments and encoraging her to do more. I view this as a counter

>attack on the OCD rather then just dealing with the symtoms. The more

>positive accomplishments ( outside of the OCD concept) we are able to talk

>about the more responsive she is to getting rid of the rituals and fighting

>this ugly monster in her head. I don't know enough about this yet to know

>if what we are doing is correct but I do know that we are seeing some very

>positive results.

>

>So long for now,

>

>Terry in WI

>

>>---------------------------

[Guest guest]

HI;

I thought this might be a good time to write about Steve's progress on our

trip. After canceling his trip last year because I went on a trip with him

and his school all over the East Coast which was very, very difficult, we

sent him this year with his brother to visit relatives in CA for a couple

of weeks. It seems he pretty much had an OCD vacation except for once when

someone threw up on a ride (Space Mountain) at Disneyland. He had a great

time and a lot of socializing with his cousins who are of an age. Now he

is interested in teen mags, etc.

Right now we are in DC and are having a great time visiting the museums.

Yesterday we went to the National Gallery of American Art to see the Abbot

Thayer exhibit which was mentioned on the OCD-L. Thayer seems to have

suffered scrupulosity, and probably other OCD stuff too. I thought it

would be good for Steve to see the art of such a person who was coping with

OCD without any treatment. Also Thayer's first wife suffered MDD (another

of Steve's dxs).

Well we enjoyed the exhibit and then went on a tour of their New England

art. At the end of the tour another visitor to the museum discussed the

Thayer exhibit with our docent. She told the docent who had mentioned that

Thayer's wife was mentally ill, that the wife was not the only " crazy " one

there. THe docent replied yes there were others at the artist colony that

Thayer had formed. The visitor replied that she meant that Thayer was

crazy. I could see this really upset Steve and I told him I was sorry but

that he just heard a lot of ignorance. Well it will be interesting to

listen to the special talk on stigma at the conference.

Steve is struggling with holding/opening doors to public places and

yesterday I tried to encourage him to boss back and keep doors open for

others. As I was following him out of the Museum of American History, he

nudged the door and let it slam right in front of me. So I said " Steve

please keep the door open for me behind you " . So when he went through the

next set of doors, he bossed back well and held the door for me, and then

he held the door for the guy behind me, who unknowingly helped us being a

cheerleader against OCD by saying " Thank you Steve! "

We are enjoying the trip despite the scorching weather. We miss the cooler

80 degree heat of Hawaii but are enjoying the greater amenities of DC. I

hope everyone is enjoying their summer too. Take care, aloha, Kathy (Ha)

kathyh@...

At 04:57 PM 7/4/99 -0700, you wrote:

>From: Roman <ChrisRoman@...>

>

>>Hi All,

>

>I'm wading through all the posts as I just got back from visiting my mom in

>Portland, OR for five days with the kids. It was a WONDERFUL trip! Before

>10 weeks of CBT, Kelsey would NOT have been one of those kids who " took a

>vacation " from their OCD while on vacation. But I'm happy to report that

> " recovery " is holding! Nothing " OCD " came up, except for one meltdown last

>night when her cousins had to leave. (I suspect these temper trantrums when

>friends leave may still be problems leaving things " unfinished. " We need to

>get going on this.)

>

>Anyway, there were lots of new things, new places, etc. etc. and she didn't

>balk once. I was quite proud. In fact, I think she doesn't much think in

>terms of OCD these days, sort of forgetting she has it. This is quite a

>change from when we were " battling " 30+ contamination events a day on

>clothes, food, the order she did things, whether something was first or

>last, touching sticky things, showering, washing, etc!!!

>

>It's pretty amazing but in two weeks of using a E & RP approach on

>shynes/social phobia, that already seems to be easing up a little. This has

>been a lifelong trouble for her!

>

>Terry-Thanks for the inspiring words on how your son shook his own shyness

>and went on to become top selling cub scout. It gives me a vision of how

>much change is possible! I have always been very aware of the need to not

>talk for my shy kids and give them opportunities to communicate and build

>social skills, but before this more structured approach (E & RP) it hasn't

>seem to make much difference. You're right fear is fear and once I

>understood her shyness in terms of anxiety it helped me to understand how

>to approach it better. It's been so hard to watch her social fears dominate

>(like when she was simply unable to give a goodbye hug to the first grade

>teacher she idolized this year and watched her teacher's face fall in

>disappointment as Kelsey shook her head and turned away!)

>

>Good luck with your Kelsey and her OCD. This " counterattack and

>cheerleader " approach is exactly what worked for us (in conjunction with

>the CBT) and in just 10 weeks!

>

>Take care,

>

>Chris

[Guest guest]

Hi Kathy H,

Kudos to Steve on his bossing back on doors in public places! I'm sure

you're pointing out to him how well he's handling this trip compared to the

East coast trip last year. You must be so proud of how far he has come.

What a brave and wonderful kid!!

Will you and others who attend the OCF conference share with the list any

interesting tidbits you learn while there? I'm esp. interested in hearing

more about the family stigma issue as well. Kelsey's OCD has been a very

growthful experience for me personally in terms of bossing back my own

fears about mental illness and what others might think. My father is an

untreated manic-depressive, who basically let a highly successful career

with NASA fall apart and now lives in a quasi-homeless situation in

Cleveland. He used to be a very warm, loving father with a lot of

intellectual curiosity. I felt quite cheated when he refused to take his

meds and spiraled down into his current state.

I think my greatest fear was that it might happen to me someday, that it

might be lurking around the corner. So imagine my grief when Kelsey spun

out of control! It shattered my vision of being " the perfect parent " who

could protect her kids from anything. Anyway, these days I'm feeling like

there's not much to fear after conquering that one:)

Have a wonderful time in Washington,

in San Diego

[Guest guest]

Hi Chris:

Certainly I will pass on information about the OCF conference stigma

presentation. I am sorry to hear about your dad's untreated bipolar

disorder. This experience must have made Kelsey's OCD even more difficult

for you to deal with. My mother-in-law suffered from MDD all her life

which ended in suicide and I think this made Steve's OCD more difficult for

(my spouse) to accept than it was for me.

Thank goodness for the insight that most OCDers have, this is so helpful in

getting them to accept the necessary treatments. I was very proud of the

compliments Steve received from his aunt about taking his SSRI. She was

particularly impressed how he just handles taking his meds by himself

compared to his cousin, who has asthma and often avoids taking his meds.

Washington DC is hot, hot, hot but lots of fun. Take care, aloha, Kathy (Ha)

kathyh@...

At 10:22 AM 7/6/99 -0700, you wrote:

>From: Roman <ChrisRoman@...>

>

>Hi Kathy H,

>

>Kudos to Steve on his bossing back on doors in public places! I'm sure

>you're pointing out to him how well he's handling this trip compared to the

>East coast trip last year. You must be so proud of how far he has come.

>What a brave and wonderful kid!!

>

>Will you and others who attend the OCF conference share with the list any

>interesting tidbits you learn while there? I'm esp. interested in hearing

>more about the family stigma issue as well. Kelsey's OCD has been a very

>growthful experience for me personally in terms of bossing back my own

>fears about mental illness and what others might think. My father is an

>untreated manic-depressive, who basically let a highly successful career

>with NASA fall apart and now lives in a quasi-homeless situation in

>Cleveland. He used to be a very warm, loving father with a lot of

>intellectual curiosity. I felt quite cheated when he refused to take his

>meds and spiraled down into his current state.

>

>I think my greatest fear was that it might happen to me someday, that it

>might be lurking around the corner. So imagine my grief when Kelsey spun

>out of control! It shattered my vision of being " the perfect parent " who

>could protect her kids from anything. Anyway, these days I'm feeling like

>there's not much to fear after conquering that one:)

>

>Have a wonderful time in Washington,

>

>in San Diego

>

>

>

>---------------------------