Re: Public challenges

[Guest guest]

HI and all,

I think Louis was very wise in saying that OCD does need to be explained at one

time or another. We are pretty open about OCD, because we've had to be, but I

do pick and choose who I will

share this information with. In the case of your daughter's Brownie troop

leader, I would probably take her aside and explain that your daughter has an

anxiety disorder which explains the

behavior she was noticing, and hope that her insensitivity was a temporary

lapse. I'm sure she would not have made such a comment if she knew the reality

of the situation.

My feeling is this: either andra can handle the activity without

intervention from me, or we choose those activities where, if she does need my

help, I make sure we are dealing with

someone who is sensitive and kind enough to help us. For example, in school she

needed just a slight modification in the drop-off ritual for a couple of months.

Her wonderful teacher was

more than happy to accomodate us without drawing attention to our situation.

Sometimes I share about OCD if I feel that a slight modification in the program

or concession to andra will

help avoid her being embarrassed in front of the other kids.

As far as parents of her friends go: I judge how much I should tell them based

on what I can learn about them as a person. Many modern-thinking parents are

not upset by this information at

all and become even more warm and supportive toward andra. To some I have

had to explain. For example, one mother who is always very kind to my daughter

received only rude responses

from andra because ( and I know you OCD parents can understand this) this

woman's son had once worn a skeleton shirt that scared andra. I felt that I

really wanted to explain to this

mom and she has become a very good friend to andra. Some parents I cannot

talk with because of a language barrier. We live in a largely Asian

neighborhood near San Francisco and many of

andra's friends' families are Mandarin Chinese.

I'm just learning as I go along and certainly making plenty of mistakes along

the way. I have more free rein to do this now when my daughter is young; I'm

sure she'll have stronger opinions

about it as she matures. I would be interested to know how others handle this

challenge.

Take care,

Lesli

desk@...

Roman wrote:

> From: Roman <ChrisRoman@...>

>

> Hi all,

>

> It was so nice to meet some of you at the OCSDA conference! There's just no

> one who understands like other parents of OCDers. Kelsey still seems to be

> making steady progress with her CBT and is resisting compulsions about 75%

> of the time on her own when I'm around. But if I'm not, she won't try at

> all.

>

> Since she has pretty much managed to keep it together at school, I have

> only talked with her teacher, not parents of friends because I figure they

> wouldn't understand and didn't want her to be labeled. She has enough

> social challenges already without parents discouraging contact. I'm curious

> how others have dealt with the privacy issue. What have been your

> experiences when talking with parents of your kids' friends about OCD?

>

> Also, I've been thankful that we haven't had too many challenges in public.

> But that seems to be changing. Today the leader of her Brownie troop

> approached me and said that Kelsey wouldn't participate at all in projects

> yesterday, wouldn't eat snack and flitted around making noises like the

> " poster child for Autism. " (Pretty sensitive, huh?) She wanted to know

> what's going on. Of course, she was worried everything was poison and was

> anxious. I don't think I really want to tell her but I'm not sure how to

> handle situations like this. I'd appreciate any suggestions you can offer.

>

> in S.D.

>

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[Guest guest]

Hi all,

Thanks for your thoughts on sharing OCD with others and your outrage at the

Brownie troop leader's lapse in judment. (I feel better now.) I should

tell you she is also the mom of one of Kelsey's casual friends who I know

pretty well. She's known Kelsey for two years (working in her class, having

her at her house) and we've shared back and forth some of our kid's more

" normal " challenges. So she probably felt she was speaking as a mom rather

than a girl scout leader and I'm sure would've never been so rude had she

known what was going on. (But still, I have to restrain myself from

purposefully trying to make her feel plagued by guilt!!)

If I do tell her I'm sure the news will become widely known within K's

circle of friends and I'm just not sure I'm ready for that yet. I guess I'm

just hoping (maybe naively) that she's made so much progress dealing with

OCD in the last six weeks and there's just six weeks of school left to get

through. That would give her almost four months from now for further

improvement before second grade starts. Then we could see how things are

going by then. I did tell her art teacher that she was facing some

difficult challenges right now and I'd appreciate it if she'd be extra

gentle with Kelsey because the art really helped. She was happy to oblige.

Maybe I'll just show up at Brownies for now. So far my guage on telling has

been to do so when it starts to feel dishonest instead of protective. I

will say that I've been pleasantly surprised at the reaction by friends and

family that we have shared with. What's been interesting is that almost

everyone has opened up about a personal challenge that they or their kids

have faced and it has seemed to bring these relationships to a more genuine

level. It really is true that the human experience is unique for all of us.

We all have our issues...some just interfere more than others.

in S.D.