one more thing

[Guest guest]

Hi Pam:

CY-BOCS = Childrens Yale-Brown Obsessive Compulsive Scale. This

measurement tool is used, mostly in research studies on drugs or behavior

therapy or combined therapy, to determine the severity of OCD symptoms

before and after treatment. It is also used to compare symptom severity

between the experimental group and the control group in a study.

My son went through the March protocol a few times and the CY-BOCS was used

to track his progress. His therapist uses it to communicate with his

psychologist about his improvement. On my home computer I have the link to

the site where you can access the form on line. If you would like me to

send it to you please write back and I can pass it on tonight when I get home.

Perhaps you can find a therapist who is willing to learn how to do CBT in

your area. That is what we had to do as we live in an isolated rural area

where mental health services are practically non-existent when it comes to

OCD. For doctors we have had to fly 500 miles round trip for help.

Happy reading of your OCD books. Please let us know what you think of the

books you read. Take care, aloha, Kathy

You wrote:

>Kathy H: What is the cy-bos. There are not any doctors trained in

>cognitive therapy here. Also i have already sent for the books people

>recommended to me on this list.

>

[Guest guest]

You have my sympathy--what more can I say? You vent very articulately.

Judy

Dana Carvalho wrote:

>

> From: Dana Carvalho <clayvon@...>

>

> Oh, and one more annoying thing. After an hour of discussing Ava's

> trichtillomania symptoms and her BDD tendencies (she's always

> scrutinized her body in odd and intense ways, even before

> pre-adolescence, like is her butt too big/small, are her arms too hairy,

> her feet are too big, what about her ears etc.) and we're wrapping up

> and getting ready to go, March, who has been looking at her for an hour,

> blurts out about how she's going to be so beautiful when she grows up,

> not that she's not beautiful now, but (looking at me) " she is really

> stunning! " . I quickly added " and smart and athletic and nice and

> funny " .

> Nothing like encouraging her to enjoy external validation based on her

> looks when she's at that vulnerable pre- teen age. Never too young for

> a pretty girl to start learning to be the object of someone else's life

> rather than the subject of her own.

> Dana in NC

>

> > You may subscribe to the OCD-L by emailing

> listserv@... .

> In the body of your message write:

> subscribe OCD-L your name.

> The archives for the OCD and

> Parenting List may be accessed by going to

> .

> Enter your email address and password.

> Click on the highlighted list name and then click on index.

[Guest guest]

HI Dana,

Oh those high maintenance children of ours. Your Ava sounds like an

older version of andra. For example, andra has developed an

uncanny habit of interrupting my husband every time he tries to speak to

me. It can be quiet in the room for 15 minutes, but as soon as Masoud

opens his mouth to speak to me, andra immediately discovers

something urgent that she must tell me right away. Sigh....

Do you have an auxilliary pack of energy cells that you strap on in the

morning, or what? So sorry to hear of the broken ornament, I can

imagine your frustration. Feel free to vent as needed.

I'm wondering if andra has the beginnings of BDD. How early did it

start for Ava? andra occasionally remarks that she is ugly, and she

is quite firm about it. When I've asked her why, she says it's because

she wants to have straight, black hair like everybody else.

We live in a largely Asian neighborhood and andra is in a bilingual

(Mandarin Chinese) program at school. Which means that she's one of

only two non-Asian kids in the classroom. (The other is a boy.)

andra has fair skin, freckles on her nose and light brown hair.

The thing is, she's really quite lovely, but she is convinced

otherwise. Was Ava like this at age six or so? I'm not sure if it's

the very normal desire to be like the other first graders or something

more.

Sending peaceful thoughts your way...

Merry Christmas, Dana, take good care of yourself,

Lesli (Bay Area)

Dana Carvalho wrote:

>

> From: Dana Carvalho <clayvon@...>

>

> Oh, and one more annoying thing. After an hour of discussing Ava's

> trichtillomania symptoms and her BDD tendencies (she's always

> scrutinized her body in odd and intense ways, even before

> pre-adolescence, like is her butt too big/small, are her arms too hairy,

> her feet are too big, what about her ears etc.) and we're wrapping up

> and getting ready to go, March, who has been looking at her for an hour,

> blurts out about how she's going to be so beautiful when she grows up,

> not that she's not beautiful now, but (looking at me) " she is really

> stunning! " . I quickly added " and smart and athletic and nice and

> funny " .

> Nothing like encouraging her to enjoy external validation based on her

> looks when she's at that vulnerable pre- teen age. Never too young for

> a pretty girl to start learning to be the object of someone else's life

> rather than the subject of her own.

> Dana in NC

>

> > You may subscribe to the OCD-L by emailing

> listserv@... .

> In the body of your message write:

> subscribe OCD-L your name.

> The archives for the OCD and

> Parenting List may be accessed by going to

> .

> Enter your email address and password.

> Click on the highlighted list name and then click on index.

[Guest guest]

Hi Lesli,

Energy pack - I wish! Thank God I got the H part of ADHD, since it's the only

energy pack I'm likely to get!

I had to laugh about andra's urgent need to speak to you as soon as your

husband opens his mouth. Ava , when she was about 4, always had somewhere

important to go the second I stood up to go to the bathroom or the kitchen or

wherever. And she always had to walk very slowly right in front of me. She

could be laying on the floor with a puzzle or playing with dolls or painting,

it didn't matter. She had to go somewhere immediately real slow. At that

time I didn't know about OCD so I would try to find psychological reasons

(control issues, divorce issues, fear of abandonment, blah blah blah).

Finally I said I don't care what the issue is, I have to be able to walk in my

house unimpeded! Lucky for me I had 100 pounds on her.

As far as early signs of BDD, I don't know if the stuff Ava did and still does

or that andra does, leads to BDD or not. I can remember fighting with Ava

about shaving her legs when she was in kindergarten and ever since her Dad's

girlfriend's teenage daughter told her her arms were too hairy she's been

overly concerned about it. I had a long and interesting talk with both the

Mom and the teenager about the " beauty myth " and got the teenager to think

about if she had any peers who actually liked their bodies (no) and asked her

to come up with ways to help Ava avoid that misery (hey, wanna be a role

model!) and also told her to can the disparaging remarks esp. about hair.

So far I think Ava's concern about her looks in general have more to do with

" just so " stuff and also the typical wanting what you haven't got thing most

girls in our culture have. You know, people w/curly hair wish it were

straight and those with straight want curly. When Ava has a meltdowns though,

one of the things she says is she's ugly. When she's okay she thinks she's

pretty.

The kind of questions March asked her about BDD were if there was a part of

her body she didn't like and/or thought about a lot. The key, I think, is the

" does it interfere with daily life? " question.

Thanks for the support. It really is uplifting and I appreciate it. A lot.

Merry Christmas to you and your family!

Dana in NC

Masoud & Lesli Molaei wrote:

> From: Masoud & Lesli Molaei <desk@...>

>

> HI Dana,

>

> Oh those high maintenance children of ours. Your Ava sounds like an

> older version of andra. For example, andra has developed an

> uncanny habit of interrupting my husband every time he tries to speak to

> me. It can be quiet in the room for 15 minutes, but as soon as Masoud

> opens his mouth to speak to me, andra immediately discovers

> something urgent that she must tell me right away. Sigh....

>

> Do you have an auxilliary pack of energy cells that you strap on in the

> morning, or what? So sorry to hear of the broken ornament, I can

> imagine your frustration. Feel free to vent as needed.

>

> I'm wondering if andra has the beginnings of BDD. How early did it

> start for Ava? andra occasionally remarks that she is ugly, and she

> is quite firm about it. When I've asked her why, she says it's because

> she wants to have straight, black hair like everybody else.

>

> We live in a largely Asian neighborhood and andra is in a bilingual

> (Mandarin Chinese) program at school. Which means that she's one of

> only two non-Asian kids in the classroom. (The other is a boy.)

> andra has fair skin, freckles on her nose and light brown hair.

>

> The thing is, she's really quite lovely, but she is convinced

> otherwise. Was Ava like this at age six or so? I'm not sure if it's

> the very normal desire to be like the other first graders or something

> more.

>

> Sending peaceful thoughts your way...

>

> Merry Christmas, Dana, take good care of yourself,

> Lesli (Bay Area)

>

> Dana Carvalho wrote:

> >

> > From: Dana Carvalho <clayvon@...>

> >

> > Oh, and one more annoying thing. After an hour of discussing Ava's

> > trichtillomania symptoms and her BDD tendencies (she's always

> > scrutinized her body in odd and intense ways, even before

> > pre-adolescence, like is her butt too big/small, are her arms too hairy,

> > her feet are too big, what about her ears etc.) and we're wrapping up

> > and getting ready to go, March, who has been looking at her for an hour,

> > blurts out about how she's going to be so beautiful when she grows up,

> > not that she's not beautiful now, but (looking at me) " she is really

> > stunning! " . I quickly added " and smart and athletic and nice and

> > funny " .

> > Nothing like encouraging her to enjoy external validation based on her

> > looks when she's at that vulnerable pre- teen age. Never too young for

> > a pretty girl to start learning to be the object of someone else's life

> > rather than the subject of her own.

> > Dana in NC

> >

> > > You may subscribe to the OCD-L by emailing

> > listserv@... .

> > In the body of your message write:

> > subscribe OCD-L your name.

> > The archives for the OCD and

> > Parenting List may be accessed by going to

> > .

> > Enter your email address and password.

> > Click on the highlighted list name and then click on index.

>

> > You may subscribe to the OCD-L by emailing

> listserv@... .

> In the body of your message write:

> subscribe OCD-L your name.

> The archives for the OCD and

> Parenting List may be accessed by going to

> .

> Enter your email address and password.

> Click on the highlighted list name and then click on index.

[Guest guest]

Yes, it's a blessing really. Anyone else I try to say these things to, they

get hung up on the fascinating variety of tics and compulsions, whereas

here I can say things like this and then get on to the point. :-)

Kathy R in Indiana

----- Original Message -----

From: " / Guenther " <guenthers@...>

> I just have to add......Isn't it great that we have a place where we can

> say things like, " My kid poops in his pants, will eat only sardines,

> screams obscenities in church, kicks the dog, and does all of these things

> only in even numbers, " just for example, and no one bats an eye. Pardon

> the ticcy expression.

>

>

> You may subscribe to the OCD-L by emailing listserv@... . In

the body of your message write: subscribe OCD-L your name. You may

subscribe to the Parents of Adults with OCD List at

parentsofadultswithOCD-subscribe . You may access the

files, bookmarks, and archives for our list at

. Our list advisors are

Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., and Dan Geller, M.D. Our

list moderators are Birkhan, Kathy Hammes, Jule Monnens, Gail Pesses,

Kathy , and Jackie Stout. Subscription issues or suggestions may

be addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner, at harkins@... .

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Tell him all the things you appreciate about him. smile, Pat K

Re: Re: When do you its over?

Hi Lori and Lindy and anyone else feeling this way. Some of this reminds me of my husband, except for having a feeling that he is cheating. That I dont have. but, every opportunity that Jim has to be gone out of the house and helping his grandmas who are both in their 90s he takes and he is hardly ever here with us. And when I try talking to him, he is always running out the door to do this or that, becauase it is not on his time. He works 2nd shift which makes it difficult too, because I am like a single mom who is married. It is very hard.

Stacie

In a message dated 5/20/2009 7:06:54 A.M. Hawaiian Standard Time, lorijm1117 writes:

Lindy,

This is such a difficult question to answer! For me, I thought about divorcing my ex for awhile. I felt we were having problems. I tried to talk to him & he didn't want to talk about anything or try to resolve any of what I felt our issues were. When we learned that my son did have autism, I tried to turn to him for support. I tried to get him to talk about our son's condition & our plan of action for his needs. He told me he didn't want to think about it & couldn't deal with it. I gave him time. I talked to the guy I work with who asked questions about autism & gave me someone to talk to. (He's like a brother to me now.) There were a few people who would just let me talk, cry or whatever I needed. My husband continued to shut me out & would go out with his friends or his family to sporting events. I tried everything to from a weekend alone to romantic dinners & such to reconnect. Nothing was working. His best friend asked me what was wrong with my husband & I told him. His friend offered me advice from a guy's view & from knowing my husband. All stuff I tried with no success. His participation with the kids went down even more than what it had been. He refused to help me with our son when I needed a break or some sleep. Even if it was the weekend & he was off. Little things led me to believe he was cheating. I finally had a breaking point & he crossed it. I told him that I wanted a divorce. (This was in Jan.) He suggested then that we work on our marriage. I told him things I needed & different things I thought we could improve on. I told him I would agree to work on it but that he was on a time limit. His effort lasted less than a month. I gave up. He knew the ball was in his court & our marriage just wasn't important to him. I took the kids & moved in with my parents. I slowly moved our stuff out of our apartment, still giving him the chance. I decided to file for the divorce. He signed agreeing to the divorce & before I even filed the paperwork, he had a new girlfriend. The new girlfriend was pregnant before our 90 days wait for the divorce to be finalized. He then drug out our divorce for until after the baby was born to get the child support amount reduced for having another child. For me, getting divorced was the right option. I am much happier as are my kids. I've had difficulty the entire time collecting child support. Right now, I'm not getting child support (whole other long story) & he hasn't seen my kids in almost 2 yrs. He lives less than 15 minutes away. His family also stopped being involved with the kids pretty much since I left him in 2000. Being a divorced mom with a child with autism is very difficult. If you have other options, I would really encourage you to try them first. I saw someone mention church retreats or counseling. If at all possible, try them. Let me know if you need to talk. I'm here if you have any questions.

Lori

>

> When do you know your marriage is over? Some of you know that I have lots of trouble with my husband. I have given up and can't do it anymore so I have left it up to him to make the first step in trying. If he wants too i'm willing too but its up to him. I him for the next 6 months that we needed to try some things. Do things to reconnect and if we couldn't we need to go ahead and seperate. Cause this is working for me anymore,, Girls I mean it is so bad I can't even make love to him anymore. I have no intrest in doing things like with him. But what I want to know should I keep giving him time to fix this? Or am I just doing this all over again for nothing?

>

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[Guest guest]

Forgot one more thing. Sometimes she has these creaky burpy noises coming from

her throat but she doesn't burp.

[Guest guest]

A month later, is still like this.  When we went for our recheck a week later, the doctor told us it was normal.  It's a bit because of the way she was casted.Unfortunately, Addie is not an eater - she's been about the same weight for a year now.  She only grazes occasionally.  She usually has one day of the week where she just can't get full, and then the rest of the week, it's a chore to get her to eat.

- Father of , 3 years old, 1st cast in San Diego, 57 " to 35 "

On Tue, Mar 8, 2011 at 5:34 AM, Tame <dazies2001@...> wrote:

 

Out of curiosity when Ben first got his cast his tummy would pooch way out of the hole in front when he ate (looked like a muffin baking in the oven). Now it doesn't do that and I was wondering why. Do you think he's loosing weight or maybe growing? I can reach my hand fairly far down the back of his cast and a bit up the bottom but I remember many people commented the cast gets looser over time. I guess u was a little worried about the weight. He eats when he feels like it but that's a constant for him:)

t

[Guest guest]

A month later, is still like this.  When we went for our recheck a week later, the doctor told us it was normal.  It's a bit because of the way she was casted.Unfortunately, Addie is not an eater - she's been about the same weight for a year now.  She only grazes occasionally.  She usually has one day of the week where she just can't get full, and then the rest of the week, it's a chore to get her to eat.

- Father of , 3 years old, 1st cast in San Diego, 57 " to 35 "

On Tue, Mar 8, 2011 at 5:34 AM, Tame <dazies2001@...> wrote:

 

Out of curiosity when Ben first got his cast his tummy would pooch way out of the hole in front when he ate (looked like a muffin baking in the oven). Now it doesn't do that and I was wondering why. Do you think he's loosing weight or maybe growing? I can reach my hand fairly far down the back of his cast and a bit up the bottom but I remember many people commented the cast gets looser over time. I guess u was a little worried about the weight. He eats when he feels like it but that's a constant for him:)

t