Guest guest Posted March 6, 2001 Report Share Posted March 6, 2001 Thank you, Kathy. My fights are more with 1.) Tim's father, 2.) the school system and 3.) his therapists, who refuse to identify his problems and treat them correctly. I may take Tim to Boston for a psychiatric evaluation (of course I'm broke right now to top it all off) - maybe then I can bring those results back to this rural area and get better treatment plans going. As it is, he is being treated more like a troubled teen, which he certainly is - but when I ask for the REASON for his behaviour, they poo-poo me as an overly soft, enabling parent. Yet my other two children (one with diagnosed OCD, btw, only because I brought her in for evaluation!) do not act like this, so I keep asking how my parenting could be so terrible for Tim and OK for and . No answer, just the same old " enforce consequences and he will learn. " But he doesn't. -- >From: Kathy Hammes <kathyh@...> >Reply- > >Subject: Re: Raquel/answer and NEW QUESTION >Date: Tue, 06 Mar 2001 08:35:02 -1000 > >HI : > >You are describing very typical OCD symptoms. Fear of harm is very typical >of violent obsessions, this harm can be to self or to one's loved ones. It >can be a result of OCD hyperresponsibility where errors in thinking make >the sufferer believe that an omission on their part will lead to harm. We >have found the best thing for this is using paradoxical humor. > >When Steve thinks he has done something which will kill him or me I just >tell him, " Honey it is only thanks to the 1-900 psychic hotline that you >and I are able to communicate from beyond the grave! " It is good to warn >your child that you will be using this approach as it can seem a bit >abrupt. However it is very powerful as it makes OCD seem less invincible. >Kids do this naturally as they joke about scary monsters and people to feel >safer. > >Manipulative and oppositional is how our kids appear. Abject fear is >behind their behavior, not meanness. It is very helpful to externalize OCD >as something you and your children are teaming up against rather than >letting symptoms of the disorder drive a wedge between you. This can be >very hard to do especially during a tough meltdown. Good luck, take care, >aloha, kathy (h) >kathyh@... > >At 09:48 AM 03/06/2001 -0500, you wrote: > >Yes, all 3 of my kids have OCD symptoms (though I have a lot of trouble > >getting diagnoses!) and all 3 have violent and/or disgusting and/or >violent > >obssessive images and thoughts. These are called, according to my >daughter's > >counselor, " intrusive thoughts " and are part of OCD. > > > >My daughter's thoughts cause her a lot of fear - she sees pictures of our > >beloved cat getting killed, especially if she tries to resist her >compulsive > >rituals. > > > >Question for everyone - my son, aged 12, has refused to go to school so > >often that I have had to go to court for a Child in Need of Support >Petition > >- otherwise the school was threatening to get one. He can be manipulative > >and is very oppositional, but lately he has told me of many OCD symptoms. >He > >said in a conversation recently that he has had the idea many times that >if > >he goes to school we all will be killed. He says he " hears, " " Stay home >or > >everybody gets killed. " Is this believable to anyone out there? I don't >know > >what to think! > >-- > > _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2001 Report Share Posted March 6, 2001 " Irland Shields " As another mom of three kids with OCD++, I know exactly what you mean!! One of the biggest frustrations I had was to trying to get the correct treatment for my kids. We were told too often that we needed parenting skills - resulting in one time me teaching the worker how to really parent ocd kids, and another time the doc cut the # of sessions short since it was a waste of his time when we obviously knew what to do!! We have had years of conflict between my son tom, now 17.5, and his father. His dad's ocd+ is barely under control. They both can set each other off which can take ME days to recover from! About 2 years ago I made an ultimatum and carried through with it. It made a big difference for us. We put tom in care for a year so that we could get the rest of the family treated without his ocd controlling the household. Tom's ocd was severe, and his compulsions were violent. Since returning things are going amazingly well.... Tom was diagnosed (by me, btw) in the spring of grade 7. For grade 8, Tom didnt attend until after March. He still passed the year, btw. He stopped school again in grade 10 when the school asked that he not return since his violent obsessions were getting dangerous. He is now attending a wonderful public alternative program which offers high school credits, on an individual basis, and only during the mornings. He is on the honour role! My advice is to follow your instinct. You know what your kids need - go out and get it!! take care, wendy in canada =============================================================> > Thank you, Kathy. My fights are more with 1.) Tim's father, 2.) the school system and 3.) his therapists, who refuse to identify his problems and treat them correctly. I may take Tim to Boston for a psychiatric evaluation (of course I'm broke right now to top it all off) - maybe then I can bring those results back to this rural area and get better treatment plans going. As it is, he is being treated more like a troubled teen, which he certainly is - but when I ask for the REASON for his behaviour, they poo-poo me as an overly soft, enabling parent. Yet my other two children (one with diagnosed > OCD, btw, only because I brought her in for evaluation!) do not act like this, so I keep asking how my parenting could be so terrible for Tim and OK for and . No answer, just the same old " enforce consequences and he will learn. " But he doesn't. > -- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 7, 2001 Report Share Posted March 7, 2001 Thank you so much - it helps to know there is a similar situation out there. I have a meeting with the psychiatrist in 2 weeks and am going to demand that he be tested for OCD - and that if it is found (which it SHOULD be), appropriate treatment be provided. The crisis worker the other day was concentrating more on Tim's " bad " behaviour (not going to school, being oppositional) and " consequences " such as the Juvenile Court probation officer thing, which I have set in motion because I think it might lead (in a roundabout way) through the beaurocracy back to a diagnosis and appropriate help!!!! When I mentioned OCD he said, " Well, I wouldn't be surprised if he's obssessive, if not really OCD. " Well, why wouldn't my feelings that he may have OCD maybe - just maybe - be exactly right? At least worth testing? (And I'm really playing the game to be polite here because I KNOW he has hoarding problems, symmetry problems, having to have things in groups of 4, violent intrusive thoughts, sexual intrusive thoughts, etc.) It's frustrating - I feel I am often treated with disrespect by these clinicians who, after all, don't already live with the disorder!!! -- >From: wb4@... >Reply- > >Subject: Re: consequences >Date: Wed, 07 Mar 2001 01:58:40 -0000 > > " Irland Shields " > > As another mom of three kids with OCD++, I know exactly what you >mean!! One of the biggest frustrations I had was to trying to get the >correct treatment for my kids. We were told too often that we needed >parenting skills - resulting in one time me teaching the worker how >to really parent ocd kids, and another time the doc cut the # of >sessions short since it was a waste of his time when we obviously knew >what to do!! > > We have had years of conflict between my son tom, now 17.5, and his >father. His dad's ocd+ is barely under control. They both can set each >other off which can take ME days to recover from! About 2 years ago I >made an ultimatum and carried through with it. It made a big >difference for us. We put tom in care for a year so that we could get >the rest of the family treated without his ocd controlling the >household. Tom's ocd was severe, and his compulsions were violent. >Since returning things are going amazingly well.... > > Tom was diagnosed (by me, btw) in the spring of grade 7. For grade >8, Tom didnt attend until after March. He still passed the year, btw. >He stopped school again in grade 10 when the school asked that he not >return since his violent obsessions were getting dangerous. He is now >attending a wonderful public alternative program which offers high >school credits, on an individual basis, and only during the mornings. >He is on the honour role! > >My advice is to follow your instinct. You know what your kids need - >go out and get it!! > >take care, wendy in canada >=============================================================> > > Thank you, Kathy. My fights are more with 1.) Tim's father, 2.) the >school system and 3.) his therapists, who refuse to identify his >problems and treat them correctly. I may take Tim to Boston for a >psychiatric evaluation (of course I'm broke right now to top it all >off) - maybe then I can bring those results back to this rural area >and get better treatment plans going. As it is, he is being treated >more like a troubled teen, which he certainly is - but when I ask for >the REASON for his behaviour, they poo-poo me as an overly soft, >enabling parent. Yet my other two children (one with diagnosed > > OCD, btw, only because I brought her in for evaluation!) do not act >like this, so I keep asking how my parenting could be so terrible for >Tim and OK for and . No answer, just the same old " enforce >consequences and he will learn. " But he doesn't. > > -- > _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 20, 2011 Report Share Posted April 20, 2011 Since the discussion on consequences the other day, yesterday I carried through on my threat we will leave! For some time now, Trent has been saying f off, though not very clear and sometimes I am not sure if he isn't just making another sound which he does. Yesterday, we went out for the day and his behaviour though not bad wasn't good either not a big deal and nothing I would make a fuss about in public. That is until his treat at Mcs - he has a thing about reading the paper but yesterday for some reason wanted them all. He had a large stack of papers in front of him and got up to get more while I was in line, told him if he took anymore we would leave, fair enough. He sat back down and very loudly with an arm action said 'f off' - that loud and scary the little girl at the next table started crying. With that, I went back to him told him I wasn't happy with that behaviour and as such we were leaving and I walked out of the store. Mr. Determined was staying but had put all the papers away except for one which he was reading. I went back inside and told him I was going and to come now, again I left the store - again he stayed put but was on his best behaviour. Figured we were at a stalemate, so went back and ordered an ice-cream cone for me and sat at the opposite end of the restaurant, he soon came up to me and sat down. The message got through I was far from happy and he left with me when I had finished eating. Got back to the car, he knew he was in big trouble as he hopped in the back seat - Trent never gives up the front seat for anyone. All the way home (45 min drive), I had a nice chatty person beside me, closer to home we stopped at the supermarket where again he listened and did what he was told. Before I cooked tea, I needed to finish defrosting the freezer as I had had it off all day, Trent came and helped me, even this morning he has been more helpful and chattier than usual. I have walked out of a cafe/restaurant on him before, as such he normally waits until I have ordered before doing something which he knows I will not like. I have threatened to leave even if we have ordered, guessing I just may have to do that to prove to him I will. When he was a bus traveller, every now and again I would get the bus driver to leave without him, as he would get slower and slower of a morning, seems to enjoy having people wait for him. After being home with me and missing out on school, which was his favourite place to be he would be ready and waiting for several days after. Keep smiling Jan, mother of Trent 26yo w/Ds from the LandDownUnder Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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