Guest guest Posted December 6, 2004 Report Share Posted December 6, 2004 I have a question about manners. My son is 9 years old and HFA. He absolutely refuses to say anything that may be interpreted as manners - please, thank you, sir, ma'am, excuse me. He will belch. I tell him to excuse himself and he will mutter it under his breath in such a way that only by looking at him can you tell that he said anything. At a restaurant, when a waitress brings soda, I will say thank you and tell him he must do the same, same mutter. **********Hi Becky, I have been pondering your question as there are similarities between my 12 year old and your nephew, except my son is more compliant. At restaurants I always have to remind him to say thank you and he will say thanks. I think his mind is so busy taking in the environment it just doesn’t dawn on him. Now if he is seeking information he will go to a counter and say “excuse me maim, (no matter if the person is 17 or 70), is so old fashioned polite it is noticeable. He will say " give me the toy " . I ask if he is requesting something and if so he must ask correctly. He says " never mind " . *********My son doesn’t say give me the toy but he will so “oh whatever”…again I think sometimes his mind isn’t processing what he should do, so confusion sets in. He will do without rather than saying please *******I wonder if he doesn’t like the word. My son has certain words he hates the sound of and refuses to see and will tell other people “don’t say that word, I hate it” He hates the word Yoga. .. We have talked and talked to him about manners and that if you are nice and say please and thank you then people are willing to do more for you and give you more. If you use manners towards other people, it is really setting you up to get more stuff or faster service at restaurants. **********I have said the same things a thousand times and eventually it seems to work. I don’t go on and on just a gentle reminder and why. The ‘why’ is very important. Our kids really need to understand the why or they don’t see the point. ************Early on I have told not to make comments. If we were going to some ones house that it was a mess, I would tell him ahead of time. Last year at a Home School science class, a girl came in with pink hair. I saw looking at her and she said “yah?” and said “my mom says I’m not supposed to make comments”….so eventually the constant simple reminders do sink in. does get disgusted and tells me I have told him whatever a thousand times….Good luck, Gail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2004 Report Share Posted December 6, 2004 I have a question about manners. My son is 9 years old and HFA. He absolutely refuses to say anything that may be interpreted as manners - please, thank you, sir, ma'am, excuse me. He will belch. I tell him to excuse himself and he will mutter it under his breath in such a way that only by looking at him can you tell that he said anything. At a restaurant, when a waitress brings soda, I will say thank you and tell him he must do the same, same mutter. **********Hi Becky, I have been pondering your question as there are similarities between my 12 year old and your nephew, *********correction, I said nephew and meant son….. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 7, 2004 Report Share Posted December 7, 2004 Hi I couldn’t help but reply here. My 7 yr old son has to be constantly reminded to mind his manners. I think it is confusion too unfortunately my husband thinks other wise and he gets upset with him. I have noticed if he is really excited about something (such as giving him a gift) he can’t wait to receive it he wiggles, repeats “please” Dozen’s of times. Other times if we are at the dinner table, he won’t ask to be excused from belching or asking someone pass the beans. There was a time where he did use manners but it fades away and again we have to remind him. RE: Manners I have a question about manners. My son is 9 years old and HFA. He absolutely refuses to say anything that may be interpreted as manners - please, thank you, sir, ma'am, excuse me. He will belch. I tell him to excuse himself and he will mutter it under his breath in such a way that only by looking at him can you tell that he said anything. At a restaurant, when a waitress brings soda, I will say thank you and tell him he must do the same, same mutter. **********Hi Becky, I have been pondering your question as there are similarities between my 12 year old and your nephew, except my son is more compliant. At restaurants I always have to remind him to say thank you and he will say thanks. I think his mind is so busy taking in the environment it just doesn’t dawn on him. Now if he is seeking information he will go to a counter and say “excuse me maim, (no matter if the person is 17 or 70), is so old fashioned polite it is noticeable. He will say " give me the toy " . I ask if he is requesting something and if so he must ask correctly. He says " never mind " . *********My son doesn’t say give me the toy but he will so “oh whatever”…again I think sometimes his mind isn’t processing what he should do, so confusion sets in. He will do without rather than saying please *******I wonder if he doesn’t like the word. My son has certain words he hates the sound of and refuses to see and will tell other people “don’t say that word, I hate it” He hates the word Yoga. .. We have talked and talked to him about manners and that if you are nice and say please and thank you then people are willing to do more for you and give you more. If you use manners towards other people, it is really setting you up to get more stuff or faster service at restaurants. **********I have said the same things a thousand times and eventually it seems to work. I don’t go on and on just a gentle reminder and why. The ‘why’ is very important. Our kids really need to understand the why or they don’t see the point. ************Early on I have told not to make comments. If we were going to some ones house that it was a mess, I would tell him ahead of time. Last year at a Home School science class, a girl came in with pink hair. I saw looking at her and she said “yah?” and said “my mom says I’m not supposed to make comments”….so eventually the constant simple reminders do sink in. does get disgusted and tells me I have told him whatever a thousand times….Good luck, Gail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 7, 2004 Report Share Posted December 7, 2004 Thank you to whoever said the jan pauly show was re-airing the aspergers/autism show, this is amazing! My son at age 3 1/2 now is great about saying please and thankyou, i think its just cuase we implemented it early and it became a fixated routine. Deb RE: Manners Hi I couldn’t help but reply here. My 7 yr old son has to be constantly reminded to mind his manners. I think it is confusion too unfortunately my husband thinks other wise and he gets upset with him. I have noticed if he is really excited about something (such as giving him a gift) he can’t wait to receive it he wiggles, repeats “please” Dozen’s of times. Other times if we are at the dinner table, he won’t ask to be excused from belching or asking someone pass the beans. There was a time where he did use manners but it fades away and again we have to remind him. -----Original Message-----From: Gail Africa [mailto:lilies@...] Sent: Monday, December 06, 2004 7:29 AMAutism and Aspergers Treatment Subject: RE: Manners I have a question about manners. My son is 9 years old and HFA. He absolutely refuses to say anything that may be interpreted as manners - please, thank you, sir, ma'am, excuse me. He will belch. I tell him to excuse himself and he will mutter it under his breath in such a way that only by looking at him can you tell that he said anything. At a restaurant, when a waitress brings soda, I will say thank you and tell him he must do the same, same mutter. **********Hi Becky, I have been pondering your question as there are similarities between my 12 year old and your nephew, except my son is more compliant. At restaurants I always have to remind him to say thank you and he will say thanks. I think his mind is so busy taking in the environment it just doesn’t dawn on him. Now if he is seeking information he will go to a counter and say “excuse me maim, (no matter if the person is 17 or 70), is so old fashioned polite it is noticeable. He will say "give me the toy". I ask if he is requesting something and if so he must ask correctly. He says "never mind". *********My son doesn’t say give me the toy but he will so “oh whatever”…again I think sometimes his mind isn’t processing what he should do, so confusion sets in. He will do without rather than saying please *******I wonder if he doesn’t like the word. My son has certain words he hates the sound of and refuses to see and will tell other people “don’t say that word, I hate it” He hates the word Yoga. .. We have talked and talked to him about manners and that if you are nice and say please and thank you then people are willing to do more for you and give you more. If you use manners towards other people, it is really setting you up to get more stuff or faster service at restaurants. **********I have said the same things a thousand times and eventually it seems to work. I don’t go on and on just a gentle reminder and why. The ‘why’ is very important. Our kids really need to understand the why or they don’t see the point. ************Early on I have told not to make comments. If we were going to some ones house that it was a mess, I would tell him ahead of time. Last year at a Home School science class, a girl came in with pink hair. I saw looking at her and she said “yah?” and said “my mom says I’m not supposed to make comments”….so eventually the constant simple reminders do sink in. does get disgusted and tells me I have told him whatever a thousand times….Good luck, Gail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2012 Report Share Posted July 18, 2012 I am a bit disappointed in myself & my inability to instill in Alden some other " manners " that seem to be lacking. He knows how to behave in many social situations. He uses " Please & Thank You " . He is able to sit through a movie, a full musical, or concerts of all genres. He knows these things. We are able to go out to a fancy restaurant. I have always taken my children out & practiced proper manners for various venues. That has not been a problem! What IS a problem is Alden's brutal honesty of his own observations of the world. For instance: " Is there a baby in there? " , said to a rotund man. " You look like an alien! " , said to my sensitive nephew who has a long, triangular shaped face. I have spoken to him in words he understands. I have play-acted roles. He knows, to some extent, what a compliment is. Yet at times when things like this come out of his mouth, I can tell that he isn't being mean or anything but it always shocks me because I cannot know, number one, when this will occur and two, he just isn't getting it! What am I doing wrong? Will he get this in time & I am just expecting too much? Any advice is appreciated. He is 10 now & I don't want him to hurt others' feelings! Thanks in advance. Kiersten. Sent from my iPhone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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