RE: Punishment/reward ideas

[Guest guest]

What is his absolute favorite thing to do or play with.  Go to the

movies...playground.  We have a movie night every Friday and Micah gets to eat

in front of the boob tube which is a HUGE thing,  Itr is also a HUGE bargaining

chip.  He does not like losing movie night so usually tries to comply if he is

going to lose it.  Of coure he gets rewarded for good behaior but there are

consequences for actions and though it takes time they do figure it out.  Also

you are probably absolutely correct in the fact that he is probably displaying

some developmental age appropriate stuff.  I would have a meeting and remind

them of that fact and ask them about a bhevior plan for use in school.  Have

them do an behavioral assesment to see what usually starts the behavior's.  Is

it avoidance of ALL work or just some that he finds particularly challenging. 

Does it happen in structured or unstructured setting etc.  This way you can

kind of figure out the cause (sometimes lol) and come up with a plan.  Hope

this helps.

 

Loree

Punishment/reward ideas

  Hello all. My son Ivan is almost 7 and in Kindergarden. He is in a mainstream

classroom and has an Aide. Within the last 5 months his behavior has changed

from sweet angel 100% of the time to getting behavior notes sent home 2 to 3

days a week, sometimes more. The behavior in question ranges from refusing to

do his work to running from his teacher on the playground and escaping from the

playground and refusing to come back. I have looked into the situation and I

don't think it's a reaction to the Aide, his teacher, or anything going on in

the classroom. I've sat in the classroom and witnessed his defiance, I've

talked to parents of other students in the classroom and I have many good

friends who teach at his school and see the classroom dynamics on a regular

basis. I really feel like it's the terrible 2's finally manifesting. He

displays the same behaviors at home a lot too. My problem is I haven't been

able to come up with anything to counteract his behavior whether it be reward

for good behavior or punishment for bad. We have tried taking away privileges

and putting him in time out but with Ivan he has a good time wherever he is, no

matter what. We tried using rewards when he was in preschool to potty train him

and he's just as happy whether he gets a reward or not.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Anything that worked for your family? Key

phrases that helped you get a point across to your child?

Thank you.

Young, Mom to Ivan (6 with DS) and Angelina (6 with CP)

[Guest guest]

I use 1-2-3 with .  If I make it to 3, she gets in trouble, and the

punishment is the same no matter what I have asked her to do.  I have had this

incorporated into her behavior assesment goals because it really works for

her. 

I have also used giving her 2 choices...either do this or do that, make a

choice.  I make sure she understands what the consequence will be for making

the

wrong choice.

What motivates him?  For , praise is what motivates her.  She isn't into

the whole reward system, like stickers or treats, even privilages.  But if you

tell her she is doing a great job, she is motivated to continue.  Reminding her

of the good job she has done or that she was good in school, etc. also helps.

Now don't get me wrong...many, many times I get to the number 2 before she moves

her hiney into gear...she is stubborn, but because I have been consistent in

punishing her if I get to 3, she knows what is going to happen and will even

say

" don't say three " . If she is being stubborn and won't make a choice, then I will

tell her I will make the choice for her and she isn't going to like the

choice I

make.

Hope some of that helped

  Graham

Kay Independent Sr. Beauty Consultant

832-816-7992

www.marykay.com/jendmoyers

________________________________

From: Young <t21mom@...>

Sent: Wed, April 13, 2011 4:37:43 PM

Subject: Punishment/reward ideas

 

Hello all. My son Ivan is almost 7 and in Kindergarden. He is in a mainstream

classroom and has an Aide. Within the last 5 months his behavior has changed

from sweet angel 100% of the time to getting behavior notes sent home 2 to 3

days a week, sometimes more. The behavior in question ranges from refusing to

do his work to running from his teacher on the playground and escaping from the

playground and refusing to come back. I have looked into the situation and I

don't think it's a reaction to the Aide, his teacher, or anything going on in

the classroom. I've sat in the classroom and witnessed his defiance, I've

talked to parents of other students in the classroom and I have many good

friends who teach at his school and see the classroom dynamics on a regular

basis. I really feel like it's the terrible 2's finally manifesting. He

displays the same behaviors at home a lot too. My problem is I haven't been

able to come up with anything to counteract his behavior whether it be reward

for good behavior or punishment for bad. We have tried taking away privileges

and putting him in time out but with Ivan he has a good time wherever he is, no

matter what. We tried using rewards when he was in preschool to potty train him

and he's just as happy whether he gets a reward or not.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Anything that worked for your family? Key

phrases that helped you get a point across to your child?

Thank you.

Young, Mom to Ivan (6 with DS) and Angelina (6 with CP)

[Guest guest]

Positive! Positive! Positive! Reward.. not punishment. Lost of priveleges is

a natural consequence but you gotta go overitme on the rewards.

Think of it as a job.. are you going to go to work if you don't get paid?

Well...why should Ivan? What is his payoff? When Mav was that age we had a

sticker chart and when he did good at school he would get a sticker and when he

brought his sticker chart home full of stickers he would get a pepsi. Or a

matchbox car.. or a set of drumsticks.. whatever. He earned it by doing his

work and having good behavior. His bad behavior was ignored unless it is

harmful to himself or others. If he got too disruptive.. and this is the key to

havin a good aide... they can read when your child is getting to that point..

and Mav had several options.. take a note to the office.. go outside and

practice jump roping.. go outside and have reading time at the picnic table.

So, he was being removed without being punished.

Now we are dealing with it with Logans aide.. negative all the time.. so I talk

to them about why we don't give attention to the negative.. like... she always

has issues about his stuffing his food. WEll, for the 1st 6 yrs of his life he

never knew if he was getting food so he scarfs it now when he gets it.. even tho

he has had regular meals for 3 yrs.. the starvation/survivial is ingrained. We

went to a feeding specialist and she said let it go.. so we are. We work with

him on it.. but not enough to make it an issue. The aide feels that she should

make it an issue.

When we first started going to the new school, Logan liked to kick the sand at

the crosswalk. I made it an issue. I reminded him that we were NOT going to

kick the sand and we are going to take NICE steps down.. well.. wrong choice on

MY part... now it's an issue and I should have ignored it and just praised him

when he stepped down nicely.. and tried to distract him before we got there and

he would forget to kick the sand.. but I TAUGHT him to do what I didn't want him

to do. You need to remind them to praise him alot.. on EVERY thing he does

that they want him to keep up.No negative allowed. Logan loves being praised..

and he loves getting your goat so .. either way he gets attention.. we just work

real hard on giving him the attention for the behavior we LIKE!

As far as the terrible twos.. OH YES they will seem to last forever and as soon

as you think you can't take anymore they will be OUT of it.. and then.. into

PUBERTY! And they stay in that one as long as they stayed in the terrible twos.

LOL. I have Logan in the 2's and Mav in the puberty phase and .. well..

he's just .. LOL.

From: t21mom@...

Date: Wed, 13 Apr 2011 14:37:43 -0700

Subject: Punishment/reward ideas

Hello all. My son Ivan is almost 7 and in Kindergarden. He is in a mainstream

classroom and has an Aide. Within the last 5 months his behavior has changed

from sweet angel 100% of the time to getting behavior notes sent home 2 to 3

days a week, sometimes more. The behavior in question ranges from refusing to

do his work to running from his teacher on the playground and escaping from the

playground and refusing to come back. I have looked into the situation and I

don't think it's a reaction to the Aide, his teacher, or anything going on in

the classroom. I've sat in the classroom and witnessed his defiance, I've

talked to parents of other students in the classroom and I have many good

friends who teach at his school and see the classroom dynamics on a regular

basis. I really feel like it's the terrible 2's finally manifesting. He

displays the same behaviors at home a lot too. My problem is I haven't been

able to come up with anything to counteract his behavior whether it be reward

for good behavior or punishment for bad. We have tried taking away privileges

and putting him in time out but with Ivan he has a good time wherever he is, no

matter what. We tried using rewards when he was in preschool to potty train him

and he's just as happy whether he gets a reward or not.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Anything that worked for your family? Key

phrases that helped you get a point across to your child?

Thank you.

Young, Mom to Ivan (6 with DS) and Angelina (6 with CP)

[Guest guest]

,

What a wise mother you are!  After reading your message about Positive!

Positive!  I saw this short video from an Argentinian father and how he changes

the negative into the positive, inverse psychology.  Is in Spanish but has

English subtitles:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsBon3DTwIY & feature=player_embedded 

Hope you all like it!

Bonnie

--- El jue 14-abr-11, and FRANK <michdock@...> escribió:

De: and FRANK <michdock@...>

Asunto: RE: Punishment/reward ideas

A: t21mom@..., " "

< >

Fecha: jueves, 14 de abril de 2011, 5:44

Positive! Positive! Positive!    Reward.. not punishment.  Lost of priveleges is

a natural consequence but you gotta go overitme on the rewards.

Think of it as a job.. are you going to go to work if you don't get paid? 

Well...why should Ivan?  What is his payoff?  When Mav was that age we had a

sticker chart and when he did good at school he would get a sticker and when he

brought his sticker chart home full of stickers he would get a pepsi.  Or a

matchbox car.. or a set of drumsticks.. whatever.   He earned it by doing his

work and having good behavior.  His bad behavior was ignored unless it is

harmful to himself or others.  If he got too disruptive.. and this is the key to

havin a good aide... they can read when your child is getting to that point..

and Mav had several options.. take a note to the office.. go outside and

practice jump roping.. go outside and have reading time at the picnic table. 

So, he was being removed without being punished.   

Now we are dealing with it with Logans aide.. negative all the time.. so I talk

to them about why we don't give attention to the negative.. like... she always

has issues about his stuffing his food.  WEll, for the 1st 6 yrs of his life he

never knew if he was getting food so he scarfs it now when he gets it.. even tho

he has had regular meals for 3 yrs.. the starvation/survivial is ingrained.  We

went to a feeding specialist and she said let it go.. so we are.  We work with

him on it.. but not enough to make it an issue.  The aide feels that she should

make it an issue.

When we first started going to the new school, Logan liked to kick the sand at

the crosswalk.  I made it an issue.  I reminded him that we were NOT going to

kick the sand and we are going to take NICE steps down.. well.. wrong choice on

MY part... now it's an issue and I should have ignored it and just praised him

when he stepped down nicely.. and tried to distract him before we got there and

he would forget to kick the sand.. but I TAUGHT him to do what I didn't want him

to do.   You need to remind them to praise him alot.. on EVERY thing he does

that they want him to keep up.No negative allowed.  Logan loves being praised..

and he loves getting your goat so .. either way he gets attention.. we just work

real hard on giving him the attention for the behavior we LIKE!

As far as the terrible twos.. OH YES they will seem to last forever and as soon

as you think you can't take anymore they will be OUT of it.. and then.. into

PUBERTY!  And they stay in that one as long as they stayed in the terrible

twos.  LOL.  I have Logan in the 2's and Mav in the puberty phase and ..

well.. he's just .. LOL.

From: t21mom@...

Date: Wed, 13 Apr 2011 14:37:43 -0700

Subject: Punishment/reward ideas

 

Hello all. My son Ivan is almost 7 and in Kindergarden. He is in a mainstream

classroom and has an Aide. Within the last 5 months his behavior has changed

from sweet angel 100% of the time to getting behavior notes sent home 2 to 3

days a week, sometimes more. The behavior in question ranges from refusing to

do his work to running from his teacher on the playground and escaping from the

playground and refusing to come back. I have looked into the situation and I

don't think it's a reaction to the Aide, his teacher, or anything going on in

the classroom. I've sat in the classroom and witnessed his defiance, I've

talked to parents of other students in the classroom and I have many good

friends who teach at his school and see the classroom dynamics on a regular

basis. I really feel like it's the terrible 2's finally manifesting. He

displays the same behaviors at home a lot too. My problem is I haven't been

able to come up with anything to counteract his behavior whether it be reward

for good behavior or punishment for bad. We have tried taking away privileges

and putting him in time out but with Ivan he has a good time wherever he is, no

matter what. We tried using rewards when he was in preschool to potty train him

and he's just as happy whether he gets a reward or not.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Anything that worked for your family? Key

phrases that helped you get a point across to your child?

Thank you.

Young, Mom to Ivan (6 with DS) and Angelina (6 with CP)

[Guest guest]

I think positive reinforcement is great but I think this generation has gone

overboard with all the positives and not thought about the consequences.  If

you think of it as a job you are right you wouldn't work for no pay.  But you

will also get fired if you don't work.  Consequences.  I think alot of our

younger generation have no idea of what consequences are.  I have always told

my children that their good grades ARE their reward for a job well done.  I

don't need to pay them (or reward) for doing something that they need to do to

get a head in life.  When they brought home those grades we praised them and

always told them how proud we were of them and how proud they should be of

themselves...that WAS the positive reinforcement.  On the flip side my son is

failing algebra and so has lost priveleges that he enjoys like the X-Box..that

is his consequence for not doing his job.  It would be different if he COULDN " T

do the the work he just chooses not to and so that comes with consequences. 

For Micah time out ALways worked for him.  He loved being with the other kids

so to put him in time out was a really motivation to do what he needed to do. 

The school did not want to use time out but he was having MAJOR behavioral

issues in school with the positive reinforcement approach.  " Micah if you will

sit here and do your work then you can use the computer for 10 minutes? "  

NOT...a typical kid given that choice might choose not to do his work but OUR

kids who are great for task avoidance.  I watched this go on (during an

observance of class) and watched him walk all around the room as they continued

to say " Micah if you do whatever then you will get whatever "   It was a true

joke.  I insisted they do time out with him and guess what?  Within 10 days he

was on track and they were having this problem ALL year.   When he would

comply and come back to do his work he got praised for doing the right thing and

how proud they were of him.  Positive reinforcement.  But if you are not

going to do your work...consequences.They grudgingly admitted that it worked. 

I told them that after 36 years of parenting I think I figured some things

out.  Now I know many of you won't agree with me and maybe I am from the old

school but I gotta tell you what I am seeing in our schools from the time my

oldest was there and now with Micah scares the heck out of me.  So yes I agree

with positive reinforcement but in life we have to be accountable for our

actions as well.  When someone gets hurt the police are not going to say " If

you give me the weapon I will let you go. "   That was what I had with Micah in

school....ain't gonna work.  Please don't scream at me it is just my opinion

and you don't have to agree but I feel very strongly about this as I watched how

my son actually went the other way AFTER he started school with all the positive

reinforcement programs.

 

Loree

Punishment/reward ideas

 

Hello all. My son Ivan is almost 7 and in Kindergarden. He is in a mainstream

classroom and has an Aide. Within the last 5 months his behavior has changed

from sweet angel 100% of the time to getting behavior notes sent home 2 to 3

days a week, sometimes more. The behavior in question ranges from refusing to

do his work to running from his teacher on the playground and escaping from the

playground and refusing to come back. I have looked into the situation and I

don't think it's a reaction to the Aide, his teacher, or anything going on in

the classroom. I've sat in the classroom and witnessed his defiance, I've

talked to parents of other students in the classroom and I have many good

friends who teach at his school and see the classroom dynamics on a regular

basis. I really feel like it's the terrible 2's finally manifesting. He

displays the same behaviors at home a lot too. My problem is I haven't been

able to come up with anything to counteract his behavior whether it be reward

for good behavior or punishment for bad. We have tried taking away privileges

and putting him in time out but with Ivan he has a good time wherever he is, no

matter what. We tried using rewards when he was in preschool to potty train him

and he's just as happy whether he gets a reward or not.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Anything that worked for your family? Key

phrases that helped you get a point across to your child?

Thank you.

Young, Mom to Ivan (6 with DS) and Angelina (6 with CP)

[Guest guest]

I wholehartedly agree with you Loree. I am not always good on the consequence

part but do believe it is important to teach them that our choices have a

consequence - good or bad. Good choices make for good results and so on. Kids

always being told all the right things they are doing & ignoring the poor

choices they won't change the behavior.

Dawn in NJ

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Punishment/reward ideas

 

Hello all. My son Ivan is almost 7 and in Kindergarden. He is in a mainstream

classroom and has an Aide. Within the last 5 months his behavior has changed

from sweet angel 100% of the time to getting behavior notes sent home 2 to 3

days a week, sometimes more. The behavior in question ranges from refusing to

do his work to running from his teacher on the playground and escaping from the

playground and refusing to come back. I have looked into the situation and I

don't think it's a reaction to the Aide, his teacher, or anything going on in

the classroom. I've sat in the classroom and witnessed his defiance, I've

talked to parents of other students in the classroom and I have many good

friends who teach at his school and see the classroom dynamics on a regular

basis. I really feel like it's the terrible 2's finally manifesting. He

displays the same behaviors at home a lot too. My problem is I haven't been

able to come up with anything to counteract his behavior whether it be reward

for good behavior or punishment for bad. We have tried taking away privileges

and putting him in time out but with Ivan he has a good time wherever he is, no

matter what. We tried using rewards when he was in preschool to potty train him

and he's just as happy whether he gets a reward or not.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Anything that worked for your family? Key

phrases that helped you get a point across to your child?

Thank you.

Young, Mom to Ivan (6 with DS) and Angelina (6 with CP)

[Guest guest]

My son, is 10. For many years, if he doesn't want to do something, we

will say first, we will do this, next we will do this, then we will do the

desired activity of his choice. Most of the time it works. I hope it works!

Molly

Sent from my iPhone

[Guest guest]

Loree.. and all,

I totally agree that there have to be consequences along with the positive or it

won't work. I just feel that too often people look to punish or be punitive or

be reactive rather than proactive. I feel this with ALL my kids, not just my

kids with sp needs. Loss of priveleges, lost of games, tv, cell phones,

computers.. those are good and appropriate consequences, natural consequences,

rather than punishments, in my view point. (Which we ALL know is often

skewered! LOL). I feel that our kids have to be held accountable while at the

same time being rewarded for what you DO want them to do. Now, we as mothers of

our kids know that we need to praise and praise and praise some more to make it

stick. However, there are those in our schools, daycares, workplaces who do not

get that.. they will be the first one to jump on someone and criticize them

rather than praise them. Perhaps a better way of looking at it is...

rewards/consequence rather than punishment/reward.... ?

ANYWAY.. I have to say that it is totally like OLD HOME week to have all this

chatter going on our listserv again! Face book is great but you don't get that

personal connect that we do on ... don't you think?

[Guest guest]

I learned when I first had (my oldest) that I could spend ALL DAY LONG

finding things he did wrong.  I had to learn the hard way that it is better

to be proactive rather than reactive (what said).  For , my baby

girl

with DS, praise is just her motivation.  That doesn't mean she doesn't get into

trouble, she does.  There are some behaviors, in my opinion, that require

immediate action, not here is your choice, make one, or the 1-2-3.  I also

didn't specify what the punishment for getting to 3 is because most people would

be shocked to know I spank.  just does not respond to rewards.  She

doesn't care if you take her stuff away, she can make up a game without any

toys.  Praising her when she does well or makes the right choice is what works

for her.

Graham

Kay Independent Sr. Beauty Consultant

832-816-7992

www.marykay.com/jendmoyers

________________________________

From: and FRANK <michdock@...>

" Loree5@... " <loree5@...>; bonniand@...;

t21mom@...; " " < >

Sent: Thu, April 14, 2011 7:20:44 PM

Subject: RE: Punishment/reward ideas

 

Loree.. and all,

I totally agree that there have to be consequences along with the positive or it

won't work. I just feel that too often people look to punish or be punitive or

be reactive rather than proactive. I feel this with ALL my kids, not just my

kids with sp needs. Loss of priveleges, lost of games, tv, cell phones,

computers.. those are good and appropriate consequences, natural consequences,

rather than punishments, in my view point. (Which we ALL know is often skewered!

LOL). I feel that our kids have to be held accountable while at the same time

being rewarded for what you DO want them to do. Now, we as mothers of our kids

know that we need to praise and praise and praise some more to make it stick.

However, there are those in our schools, daycares, workplaces who do not get

that.. they will be the first one to jump on someone and criticize them rather

than praise them. Perhaps a better way of looking at it is...

rewards/consequence rather than punishment/reward.... ?

ANYWAY.. I have to say that it is totally like OLD HOME week to have all this

chatter going on our listserv again! Face book is great but you don't get that

personal connect that we do on ... don't you think?

[Guest guest]

? ..You are absolutely right in that most of our schools etc.? DO jump to

the negative first.,? I happen to be very lucky in our district as that is

really not a problem.?But if your school personnel?, daycare workers etc. are

quick to punish then you don't want to add to the problem you want to correct

it.?And you are right it should be called reward/consequences because if done

right it really is not punishment just the consequences of the actions.? You

really have to know your own child as well.? For my stubborn Micah NOTHING

worked except the time out because being the social butterfly that he is it was

a HUGE consequence to be seperated from the other kids.?

And yes...yes...yes I miss everyone on he group chattering.? Facebook has it's

place I guess but nothing takes the place of talking to each other.

?

Loree?

RE: Punishment/reward ideas

Loree.. and all,

I totally agree that there have to be consequences along with the positive or it

won't work.? I just feel that too often people look to punish or be punitive or

be reactive rather than proactive.?? I feel this with ALL my kids, not just my

kids with sp needs.? Loss of priveleges, lost of games, tv, cell phones,

computers.. those are good and appropriate consequences, natural consequences,

?rather than punishments, in my view point.? (Which we ALL know is often

skewered!? LOL).? I feel that our kids have to be held accountable while at the

same time being rewarded for what you DO want them to do.? Now, we as mothers of

our kids know that we need to praise and praise and praise some more to make it

stick.? However, there are those in our schools, daycares, workplaces who do not

get that.. they will be the first one to jump on someone and criticize them

rather than praise them.??? Perhaps a better way of looking at it is...

rewards/consequence rather than punishment/reward.... ???

ANYWAY.. I have to say that it is totally like OLD HOME week to have all this

chatter going on our listserv again!? Face book is great but you don't get that

personal connect that we do on ... don't you think?

=

[Guest guest]

I cannot tell you how much I appreciate everyone's input. And I agree with

everyone regarding punishment or consequences vs reward. It definitely has to

be a balance with the emphasis on reward.

We really did hit the jackpot this year with Ivan's teacher and his aide. The

teacher I requested and got for Ivan is the most requested teacher in the

district and his aide is exceptional. I feel like I'm just handing him over to

a surrogate mother when he gets to school. She does a great job of praising his

successes and pushing him to do more and she is very intuitive about hovering

nearby when she needs to and backing off and letting him be independent when he

is making good choices. I think in our tough economy and times of school

cutbacks her remarkable sense of professionalism and mothering is what got her

the job again for next year.

I met with the teacher and the aide yesterday morning and we have narrowed it

down to his acting out being at the end of free time when he doesn't want to

come back in. They said that other than the benchmark tests when he would

refuse to pick his pencil up and finish the test, he's not normally defiant

during work time. What I'm trying to figure out now is an appropriate reward,

that will matter to him, to get him to come back to class. I think they do a

pretty good job of separating behavior that's worth mentioning and what is just

typical Kindergarden behavior. The things that make him have to move his name

on the behavior chart is running off the playground, which is extremely

dangerous, and getting under a table and refusing to come out. I definitely

think both are worth mentioning and correcting. The playground is an issue

because that 30 minute recess is when they have scheduled his aide to take her

own lunch so she isn't there shadowing him. There are always 3 teachers on duty

on the playground so I don't feel like the school doesn't have it covered. I

just think he's fast and crafty! And I really believe that it's important that

he learn he can't run from people. It's a safety issue plain and simple.

Thank you again everyone for the input! And for anything else anyone has to

add!!

Young, Mom to Ivan (6 with DS) and Angelina (6 with CP)

________________________________

From: " loree5@... " <loree5@...>

michdock@...; bonniand@...; t21mom@...;

Sent: Fri, April 15, 2011 11:04:03 AM

Subject: RE: Punishment/reward ideas

..You are absolutely right in that most of our schools etc. DO jump to

the negative first., I happen to be very lucky in our district as that is

really not a problem. But if your school personnel , daycare workers etc. are

quick to punish then you don't want to add to the problem you want to correct

it. And you are right it should be called reward/consequences because if done

right it really is not punishment just the consequences of the actions. You

really have to know your own child as well. For my stubborn Micah NOTHING

worked except the time out because being the social butterfly that he is it was

a HUGE consequence to be seperated from the other kids.

And yes...yes...yes I miss everyone on he group chattering. Facebook has it's

place I guess but nothing takes the place of talking to each other.

Loree

RE: Punishment/reward ideas

Loree.. and all,

I totally agree that there have to be consequences along with the positive or it

won't work. I just feel that too often people look to punish or be punitive or

be reactive rather than proactive. I feel this with ALL my kids, not just my

kids with sp needs. Loss of priveleges, lost of games, tv, cell phones,

computers.. those are good and appropriate consequences, natural consequences,

rather than punishments, in my view point. (Which we ALL know is often

skewered! LOL). I feel that our kids have to be held accountable while at the

same time being rewarded for what you DO want them to do. Now, we as mothers of

our kids know that we need to praise and praise and praise some more to make it

stick. However, there are those in our schools, daycares, workplaces who do not

get that.. they will be the first one to jump on someone and criticize them

rather than praise them. Perhaps a better way of looking at it is...

rewards/consequence rather than punishment/reward.... ?

ANYWAY.. I have to say that it is totally like OLD HOME week to have all this

chatter going on our listserv again! Face book is great but you don't get that

personal connect that we do on ... don't you think?

=

[Guest guest]

Hi .. I have to totally agree with you that this list is such a wealth

of information and support. There are so many different personalities both in

the parents and the kdis that all the advice hits someone....

We are so lucky to have each other.

Here is my experience....with recess.. Logan at 9, has no problem coming in when

the whistles blow. He is enjoying being with the rest of the 2nd graders and he

loves doing whatever they do. He gets in line, looks at the feet painted on the

drive and makes sure he is lined up there.. then looks over at his brothers

class line to make sure he is also there.

Now, Maverick, at that age.. 1st/2nd grade.. he just wanted to stay outside and

play. I think that is when I first started with social stories.. one about time

to come in from recess. It would be read to him right before he went out... and

we read it to him at night and again in the am before he left for school. We

also used this opportunity to teach the staff to " prerehearse " with him. (We

are going out for recess. We'll play on the toys. We'll play with our

friends.. and when the whistle blows we will line up to go back inside. " In

addition to this.. we talked to them about Mav's need to process... it isn't

always that he is ignoring.. he is just processling it. So, he was told.. OK..

in 3 in the whistle will blow for us to line up to go back to the class. We

need to start getting ready. Ok.. now we have one minute before the whistle

blows.. let's start heading over there. Oh.. that was the whistle.. let's get

in line......

Another thing that we were aware of with Mav is that unstructured time with him

is/was the hardest time. THAT is when he needed the aide. The aide either went

to lunch before his lunch or after his recess. Times that we unstructured were

NOT her time to take a break.

I will be looking forward to other input on this since I know in the past recess

issues has been discussed. Please share with us what is decided and how it

works.

More input for us to file away for future issues.

[Guest guest]

I keep a monthly visual calendar on 's bedroom door with our regularly

scheduled items and special things he's trying to earn based on his school and

home behavior. I give him something weekly to work towards. At school he has a

behavior chart that he carries to each class and the teacher grades him at the

end of each class. He decides each morning what his goal for the day will be,

ex: 88%. Each teacher can grade him a 0-1-2 based on how he did in that class.

There is specific criteria on the chart ex: listened/followed directions, kept

feet/hands to self and worked appropriately with peers. At the end of the day

adds up his points and then comes up with a percentage for the day. If he

meets his goal I add a smiley face to his calendar and at the end of the week if

he has 4/5 smiley faces he gets his reward. The only time I make him have a 5/5

week at school is if he is working for a movie/meal combo or a new board game.

If he is working for Ice Cream or renting a movie I use 4/5 days.

Marcia Freeman

loree5@...; michdock@...; bonniand@...;

From: t21mom@...

Date: Fri, 15 Apr 2011 14:25:51 -0700

Subject: Re: Punishment/reward ideas

I cannot tell you how much I appreciate everyone's input. And I agree with

everyone regarding punishment or consequences vs reward. It definitely has to

be a balance with the emphasis on reward.

We really did hit the jackpot this year with Ivan's teacher and his aide. The

teacher I requested and got for Ivan is the most requested teacher in the

district and his aide is exceptional. I feel like I'm just handing him over to

a surrogate mother when he gets to school. She does a great job of praising his

successes and pushing him to do more and she is very intuitive about hovering

nearby when she needs to and backing off and letting him be independent when he

is making good choices. I think in our tough economy and times of school

cutbacks her remarkable sense of professionalism and mothering is what got her

the job again for next year.

I met with the teacher and the aide yesterday morning and we have narrowed it

down to his acting out being at the end of free time when he doesn't want to

come back in. They said that other than the benchmark tests when he would

refuse to pick his pencil up and finish the test, he's not normally defiant

during work time. What I'm trying to figure out now is an appropriate reward,

that will matter to him, to get him to come back to class. I think they do a

pretty good job of separating behavior that's worth mentioning and what is just

typical Kindergarden behavior. The things that make him have to move his name

on the behavior chart is running off the playground, which is extremely

dangerous, and getting under a table and refusing to come out. I definitely

think both are worth mentioning and correcting. The playground is an issue

because that 30 minute recess is when they have scheduled his aide to take her

own lunch so she isn't there shadowing him. There are always 3 teachers on duty

on the playground so I don't feel like the school doesn't have it covered. I

just think he's fast and crafty! And I really believe that it's important that

he learn he can't run from people. It's a safety issue plain and simple.

Thank you again everyone for the input! And for anything else anyone has to

add!!

Young, Mom to Ivan (6 with DS) and Angelina (6 with CP)

________________________________

From: " loree5@... " <loree5@...>

michdock@...; bonniand@...; t21mom@...;

Sent: Fri, April 15, 2011 11:04:03 AM

Subject: RE: Punishment/reward ideas

..You are absolutely right in that most of our schools etc. DO jump to

the negative first., I happen to be very lucky in our district as that is

really not a problem. But if your school personnel , daycare workers etc. are

quick to punish then you don't want to add to the problem you want to correct

it. And you are right it should be called reward/consequences because if done

right it really is not punishment just the consequences of the actions. You

really have to know your own child as well. For my stubborn Micah NOTHING

worked except the time out because being the social butterfly that he is it was

a HUGE consequence to be seperated from the other kids.

And yes...yes...yes I miss everyone on he group chattering. Facebook has it's

place I guess but nothing takes the place of talking to each other.

Loree

RE: Punishment/reward ideas

Loree.. and all,

I totally agree that there have to be consequences along with the positive or it

won't work. I just feel that too often people look to punish or be punitive or

be reactive rather than proactive. I feel this with ALL my kids, not just my

kids with sp needs. Loss of priveleges, lost of games, tv, cell phones,

computers.. those are good and appropriate consequences, natural consequences,

rather than punishments, in my view point. (Which we ALL know is often

skewered! LOL). I feel that our kids have to be held accountable while at the

same time being rewarded for what you DO want them to do. Now, we as mothers of

our kids know that we need to praise and praise and praise some more to make it

stick. However, there are those in our schools, daycares, workplaces who do not

get that.. they will be the first one to jump on someone and criticize them

rather than praise them. Perhaps a better way of looking at it is...

rewards/consequence rather than punishment/reward.... ?

ANYWAY.. I have to say that it is totally like OLD HOME week to have all this

chatter going on our listserv again! Face book is great but you don't get that

personal connect that we do on ... don't you think?

=

[Guest guest]

Not sure if anyone has mentioned this or not, but what about giving him a " job "

to do towards the end of recess? We did this with my daughter when she was in

1st grade and it seemed to help (didn't totally correct the problem--but it

became better). They tried a few different things one was letting her be the

one to blow the whistle to signal the kids to line up and then she had a

clipboard where she checked off the kids as they lined up--it wasn't a " real "

list, but she didn't know that. My daughter also loved her computer time so

that was also used as an incentive...if she lined up and returned to her class

with the rest of the kids she got to play ONE game on the computer before being

required to do whatever else was scheduled. The good thing is that this too

will pass. At least it did for both of my kids...1st and 2nd grades were the

worst with the whole recess thing--by 3rd it was better and by 4th not even an

issue.

Good luck.

Jill

Mom to Mac (13 yrs., 7th grade, Ds) and Kit (9 yrs., 3rd grade, Ds)

----- RE: Punishment/reward ideas

>

>

>

>Loree.. and all,

>I totally agree that there have to be consequences along with the positive or

it

>won't work. I just feel that too often people look to punish or be punitive or

>be reactive rather than proactive. I feel this with ALL my kids, not just my

>kids with sp needs. Loss of priveleges, lost of games, tv, cell phones,

>computers.. those are good and appropriate consequences, natural consequences,

> rather than punishments, in my view point. (Which we ALL know is often

>skewered! LOL). I feel that our kids have to be held accountable while at the

>same time being rewarded for what you DO want them to do. Now, we as mothers

of

>our kids know that we need to praise and praise and praise some more to make it

>stick. However, there are those in our schools, daycares, workplaces who do

not

>get that.. they will be the first one to jump on someone and criticize them

>rather than praise them. Perhaps a better way of looking at it is...

>rewards/consequence rather than punishment/reward.... ?

>

>ANYWAY.. I have to say that it is totally like OLD HOME week to have all this

>chatter going on our listserv again! Face book is great but you don't get that

>personal connect that we do on ... don't you think?

>

>

>=

>

>