Fw: thoughts about hitting

[Guest guest]

I am forwarding because I did it again! Hit send without checking the box. Is

there any way to set up this group so that our first " reply " is sent TO the

GROUP? How frustrating! Kiersten

----- Forwarded Message ----

> From: Kiersten <kiersten5560@...>

> Kim Giesting <giesting@...>

> Sent: Mon, October 11, 2010 8:32:09 PM

> Subject: Re: thoughts about hitting

>

>

> I would also suggest that if she is viewing TV or movies, to monitor these

> VERY closely. Where did she learn to hit? Not that you have done anything

> wrong, please do not take it that way, but I know that with Alden, 8 almost

9,

>

> he learns the behavior from somewhere and it only takes ONCE for him to think

>it

>

> is cool, the thing to do, attention seeking, etc. etc. We have had to ban

> movies and shows that we really all would like to watch. We are VERY clear

>with

>

> him about negative behaviors and he loses privileges each and every time he

is

>

> caught in the act!

>

> Be VERY specific with each behavior but a basic, " We keep our hands and feet

>to

>

> ourselves " should be the common rule. Like any kid, you need to find what is

> important to her and TAKE IT AWAY when she does the wrong thing. LOL.

>

> I agree with Kim, too. Social stories, examples, etc. Another thing we do

is

>

> use puppets around here. We " play " act different scenarios. Alden LOVES

>puppets

>

> and responds to them VERY well.

>

> Make sure teachers and aids are watching closely. Alden has learned many

> behaviors from the kids at school. Only it was HE that got caught! He is

>very

>

> verbal, so I am lucky in that way, because I can sit with him and talk about

> this or that and he will confess where he picked up a certain behavior. He

>will

>

> name the movie, the scene, etc. or he will tell me a name from school!

>

> I would not be surprised if she is trying to mimic other children's behavior

> that she has witnessed. TV or playground. Sometimes, a friendly thump on the

> head (I can think of some iCarly episodes...does that ring a bell?) can, from

> our kids, become quite a THUMP!

>

> I would be interested to hear what you think. Hang in there. Be tough, mom,

> yet investigate! Kiersten

>

>

> Re: thoughts about hitting

> >

> > With our son (also 7), we use a lot social stories. The special education

> >teacher makes them whenever necessary and the teacher and aide read them

>with

>

> >him off and on throughout the day.

> >

> > In addition, he has a communication sheet at school with happy, medium and

>sad

>

> >faces on it for a variety of situations (putting backpack away and getting

> >started in the morning, center time, specials, recess, lunch, etc.). It's

> >filled out each day, and if he has all happy faces, he gets two stickers

>when

>

> >he gets home (10 = treasure chest or $1). If he has all happy faces and

>medium

>

> >faces, he gets one sticker. If he has any sad faces, he doesn't get any

> >stickers and he doesn't get to play his Leapster or iPod Touch that

>evening.

>

> >He actually cares about the Leapster and iPod more than the stickers and

>tells

>

> >me each day when I pick him up if he'll get to play with them or not.

> >

> > Does she have a lot of supervision at recess? If so, they could praise

her

>

> >for good behavior as they see it and remind her that we don't hit if they

>think

>

> >it might happen. Does she play with anyone at recess? If not, could she

>have

>

> >a recess-buddy or two (that switches daily) to play with?

> >

> > Behavior can be really tough. It's definitely a work in progress for us .

>. .

>

> >but the general trend seems to improve with time.

> >

> > Kim

> >

> >

> > On Oct 11, 2010, at 8:13 PM, only9minutes wrote:

> >

> > > Howdy - I have a 7 year old with DS who is doing pretty well. She's

> >mainstreamed in our local school and has a number of friends. The big

>problems

>

> >we're having in school (one of many problems this year unfortunately - it's

> >been a rough year and I'm wondering if we shouldn't look into another

> >placement).

> >

> > >

> > > The big problem I'm having right now is that she's hitting people.

>She'll do

>

> >a " friendly " thump on the head of people when they walk by her desk in

>class.

>

> >She's shoving and pushing on the playground equipment at recess.

Afterschool

>

> >today (I want to vomit when I remember seeing this) she was walking up a

>slide

>

> >while a younger boy slid down. She got upset and actually pushed him down

>and

>

> >punched him in the face a number of times.

> >

> > >

> > > I don't think it's fair or right to make everyone else accommodate her -

>she

>

> >has to stop. How do I get her to stop? She knows it's not right. She wants

>to

>

> >go say she sorry afterwards - often times by roughly grabbing the person so

> >that they'll look at her so she can say sorry. She's very smart - she KNOWS

> >it's wrong. No one wants to spend time with her when she's like this. I

> >wouldn't want my child to spend time with another child who is so rough. In

>the

>

> >long run, this is really bad for her and I can see a path to isolation and

> >loneliness in front of her.

> > >

> > > What have you done to temper this type of reaction?

> > > Tabatha

> > > Mom to 2 - Anika (7, DS) and Sevilla (4, curly hair)

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> > Click reply to all for messages to go to the list. Just hit reply for

> >messages to go to the sender of the message.

[Guest guest]

This was meant for the whole group.

Tabatha, please keep us posted on how things are going and what you figure out

that works.

Perhaps we should start a file on UPSNDOWNS of social stories that we have used

in the past and we can share and use each others?

Re: thoughts about hitting

Thanks to everyone who responded. Anika's actually got very good verbal skills.

It does take her a while sometimes to figure out what she wants to say and then

get it out but when she can - it's pretty well stated.

She's watched things like The Incredibles and shows with that level of

cartoonish hitting. Well - we're back to Barney and the Backyardigans.

At school they're putting together the ABC charts - I've pointed out that it

doesn't make any sense to just respond to the behavior if we don't know why she

acted that way.

I forgot about the social stories - I'll try to do more of those again.

Tabatha

>

> One thing to remember is that unstructured time seems to be our kids enemy.

At least with both of my boys it is... well... with all of my children.. not

just the ones with DS. So, perhaps recess is a bit overwhelming to her.

>

> I agree on what is she watching? Where did she learn this?

> I agree on the social stories. I write them all the time when situations

come up.

>

> I would do a social story on taking turns and playing nicely. Have the aide

read it to her before each recess. Have the aide take some time to help her

" plan " what she is going to do during recess. Perhaps have her pick a buddy

each day that she wants to play with. Or each day have a buddy who will teach

her or help her play a new game. If the play equipment seems to cause more

problems.. have her work on jumping rope, or playing with chalk or 4 square.

These are all interactive games that can teach positive play.

>

> I would also have them writing an ABC chart taking data on all negative

problems... what was the Antecendent? Behavior? Consequence? Have someone

taking notes and observing what are her successful times? How can you

incorporate them?

>

> At home, talk about nice things, nice behaviors, really exaggerate kindness to

each other. Older sibs can have A LOT of fun with this. Read the social story

with her at home and talk about ways she can take turns or play nicely.

>

> When she has an issue or negative behavior, down play it.. " Oh how sad, I

guess we won't have ice cream for snack will we? " And then just let it go and

start a new subject.

> Make sure she is not getting a PAYOFF from the consequence.