feeling very discouraged lately

[Guest guest]

I know that it isn't complain day and the holidays are just around the corner.

This is not the holiday blues. I am so very tired of stuff right now.

I am in pain daily. I know that I need to lose weight and I try to watch what I

eat. My days seem fairly full, even though I now have all 3 kids back into

school. Going to PT 3 times a week for injuries/arthritis. My joints hurt so

much every day so I guess I am going to have to take the Mobic on a regular

basis, which I have tried to avoid. Still very disappointed with El Paso and

the schools, even though I liked the teacher I interviewed and allowed Alden to

go back to school in the stupid AIM program, which is all they give unless you

fight it all the way with a lawyer and I just didn't have the energy.

I feel as though I am failing Alden. He wants to go to school. I know that he

does not want to be home schooled. It is too difficult for me to find enough

people who will co-teach and get him the interaction that he craves. Finding

friends with a special needs child is a lot harder than when my girls were

younger and I home schooled them. Honestly, I am just fed up with so much right

now!

I have asked for more clear communication from the school regarding Alden's

behavior. He gets notes constantly that he hit someone or misbehaved or didn't

finish his work, needed much redirection, doesn't want to do his work, etc. I

am going to have to go over there and insist on some observations and I know

that I will be met with crap about that.

He doesn't have behavior problems day after day in other environments. No, he

isn't an angel but he knows right from wrong and when he does wrong, we correct

him and it lasts. When I did home school him last year, he never had these

problems in the co op classes on Friday from 9-noon.

Every time I turn around there is a substitute. The teacher is gone a lot. I

am sure that it is for meetings and of course, I do not know if it is half a

day, a few hours, or most of the day. She is there when I drop him off, usually

but often gone by the time I or his respite care provider picks him up.

Here is the note that I received today, which would not have been written if the

respite care provider did not tell the sub that I expect a notebook entry about

Alden's day.

" 12-6-10 Student hitting and tugging with <studen'ts name>, also misbehaved at

PE. "

What do I do with that? I try to get Alden to explain and he does a little but

then he says another student and what happened with that student, which isn't

written down at all.

Alden has pretty good speech. He communicates fairly well, I guess, but not

well enough that I can feel comfortable with no feedback! From most of the

children, young and old, that " I " have met... Alden's speech is some of the

best, so what the heck are they doing that they cannot get the classroom and

Alden under control? I mean, he is DOING this for a REASON and I have asked

over and over again for communication on what was happening before, during, and

after such events. They just don't comply. Often, it seems they just don't

know, so who the heck is watching the kids? Perhaps in this exclusive

environment with everything from severe autism to blatant neglect to what seems

to only be mild learning disabilities... they need another AID! God knows, the

refuse inclusion for most kids here unless you fight the school system HARD and

no one wants our kids in their class. Add to the fact that I cannot seem to get

him potty trained, especially in the poop department, and it just makes it all

that much harder. He is not getting help in that area consistently, either,

even though they say he is on a regular schedule. I just don't believe it.

Poop episodes with his clothes just covered, I guess they send him in there to

do it himself. Wet pull ups so heavy that his gonads are raw from sitting in

pee. And they will tell me that he was taken but didn't go? Give me a break!

I am NOT a happy mom right now.

I need a good glass of wine tonight, I think. And I just don't drink that

often, let me tell you! Chronic pain is making me a real grouch this season

plus that I really, really hate public school stuff with a passion but my kids

want to go.

Feeling like a complete failure in so many ways. Thanks for listening.

Kiersten