At my wits end

[Guest guest]

Help!!!! I'm ready to lock Nick up and throw away the key if that will keep him

from getting anywhere near the opposite sex. Today was not a good day for Nick

at school. The communication sheet explained that Nick had grabbed (in a hug) a

girl at breakfast and would not let her go even though she asked until he

attempted to kiss her and she got away crying. He got 3 days lunch detention

for that (no problem with the consequence, my problem is with Nick's behavior).

Then in 1st period he kept trying to lift the student teacher's skirt, for that

she wrote him up with a Level 1 slip (typically automatic suspension, VP in

charge of Sped isn't sure how she is going to handle this -- teacher told her

waiting a day or more to decide isn't the appropriate choice especially with

Nick as he needs immediate consequences -- I agree with that and would have had

not problem being called to get him this morning and removing him from school

for the day). Once again, more annoyed with Nick's behavior than anything, but

the delay in the consequence also upsets me. (The lunch detention was issued

this morning so he knew he earned it before he left school. Special Ed (home

base) teacher is getting annoyed because stuff is happening and she isn't

getting informed of it until later and she is left trying to explain the delayed

consequences to Nick.)

Tonight Jeff read Nick the riot act about inappropriate touching, keeping hands

to self, etc. I had Nick write letters of apology to those he offended stating:

" I was wrong for _______________. Next time I will _____________ " type thing.

Not sure short of going to school with him and announcing, since Nick can't

handle himself appropriately his mother has to go with him to make sure she can

train him appropriately like she would a toddler.

Any ideas would be greatly appreciated. Shame girls can't slap boys who behave

inappropriately in school these days.

Cari

=

[Guest guest]

How old is Nick? is 13 and starting the hugging and wanting to kiss

girls. He swatted a girl on the bottom last year, and the girl told the

office that he had touched her (which she should have done!), so in

following policy, the police were called. I was not I was told after

the fact when it was all over and the police left. They took one look at

him and after trying to talk to him realized he didn't understand. This is

something we are also working on. I look forward to responses.

Kym...mom to 5 including (13 yrs old with RAGING hormones)

At my wits end

> Help!!!! I'm ready to lock Nick up and throw away the key if that will

> keep him from getting anywhere near the opposite sex. Today was not a

> good day for Nick at school. The communication sheet explained that Nick

> had grabbed (in a hug) a girl at breakfast and would not let her go even

> though she asked until he attempted to kiss her and she got away crying.

> He got 3 days lunch detention for that (no problem with the consequence,

> my problem is with Nick's behavior). Then in 1st period he kept trying to

> lift the student teacher's skirt, for that she wrote him up with a Level 1

> slip (typically automatic suspension, VP in charge of Sped isn't sure how

> she is going to handle this -- teacher told her waiting a day or more to

> decide isn't the appropriate choice especially with Nick as he needs

> immediate consequences -- I agree with that and would have had not problem

> being called to get him this morning and removing him from school for the

> day). Once again, more annoyed with Nick's behavior than anything, but

> the delay in the consequence also upsets me. (The lunch detention was

> issued this morning so he knew he earned it before he left school.

> Special Ed (home base) teacher is getting annoyed because stuff is

> happening and she isn't getting informed of it until later and she is left

> trying to explain the delayed consequences to Nick.)

>

> Tonight Jeff read Nick the riot act about inappropriate touching, keeping

> hands to self, etc. I had Nick write letters of apology to those he

> offended stating: " I was wrong for _______________. Next time I will

> _____________ " type thing. Not sure short of going to school with him and

> announcing, since Nick can't handle himself appropriately his mother has

> to go with him to make sure she can train him appropriately like she would

> a toddler.

>

> Any ideas would be greatly appreciated. Shame girls can't slap boys who

> behave inappropriately in school these days.

>

> Cari

>

>

>

> =

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hmmm, and here I thought the girls and their periods were hardest on moms. ;

)

However, Jess has two brothers and some well timed sessions on sex ed and

the appropriate way for mature young men to treat young ladies never hurts.

Nick's plenty old enough to start learning.

Could teachers/ staff maybe work up some signals or even picture card cues

(stressing gentlemanliness?) to remind him when he looks to be getting out

of line? On he's out of line, I agree that immediate action would be

best-although you'll need to coordinate with school on what that might be.

If he has particular young ladies who are the objects of his affections,

some pointers for them on redirecting him, his hands to more appropriate

gestures or touching (hand clasp, hi-five, etc.) might also be a good idea

and give them a means of advocating for their right to privacy without being

" mean. "

Judi

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf

Of CMancari@...

Sent: Tuesday, September 21, 2010 7:28 PM

Subject: At my wits end

Help!!!! I'm ready to lock Nick up and throw away the key if that will keep

him from getting anywhere near the opposite sex. Today was not a good day

for Nick at school. The communication sheet explained that Nick had grabbed

(in a hug) a girl at breakfast and would not let her go even though she

asked until he attempted to kiss her and she got away crying. He got 3 days

lunch detention for that (no problem with the consequence, my problem is

with Nick's behavior). Then in 1st period he kept trying to lift the student

teacher's skirt, for that she wrote him up with a Level 1 slip (typically

automatic suspension, VP in charge of Sped isn't sure how she is going to

handle this -- teacher told her waiting a day or more to decide isn't the

appropriate choice especially with Nick as he needs immediate consequences

-- I agree with that and would have had not problem being called to get him

this morning and removing him from school for the day). Once again, more

annoyed with Nick's behavior than anything, but the delay in the consequence

also upsets me. (The lunch detention was issued this morning so he knew he

earned it before he left school. Special Ed (home base) teacher is getting

annoyed because stuff is happening and she isn't getting informed of it

until later and she is left trying to explain the delayed consequences to

Nick.)

Tonight Jeff read Nick the riot act about inappropriate touching, keeping

hands to self, etc. I had Nick write letters of apology to those he offended

stating: " I was wrong for _______________. Next time I will _____________ "

type thing. Not sure short of going to school with him and announcing, since

Nick can't handle himself appropriately his mother has to go with him to

make sure she can train him appropriately like she would a toddler.

Any ideas would be greatly appreciated. Shame girls can't slap boys who

behave inappropriately in school these days.

Cari

=

[Guest guest]

I purchased a book called, Teaching Children with Down Syndrome about their

bodies, boundaries, and sexuality, by: Terri Couwenhoven, M.S. thru Amazon. It

has all sorts of good material such as, red light/green light, pictures of boy

and girl bodies at different stages, a checkoff list of good touch/bad touch,

conversations with your child, etc. I took it with me to 's IEP last year

and the school bought a copy for all kids not just the SPED kids.

has been in trouble for hitting a girl in the butt (2 day in school

suspension) and for touching a girl on the outside of her clothing (1 day

suspension and safety plan that states he is never to be left alone with another

student) and he just turned 12 in March.

Marcia Freeman

CMancari@...;

From: FireRose@...

Date: Tue, 21 Sep 2010 23:36:49 -0400

Subject: RE: At my wits end

Hmmm, and here I thought the girls and their periods were hardest on moms. ;

)

However, Jess has two brothers and some well timed sessions on sex ed and

the appropriate way for mature young men to treat young ladies never hurts.

Nick's plenty old enough to start learning.

Could teachers/ staff maybe work up some signals or even picture card cues

(stressing gentlemanliness?) to remind him when he looks to be getting out

of line? On he's out of line, I agree that immediate action would be

best-although you'll need to coordinate with school on what that might be.

If he has particular young ladies who are the objects of his affections,

some pointers for them on redirecting him, his hands to more appropriate

gestures or touching (hand clasp, hi-five, etc.) might also be a good idea

and give them a means of advocating for their right to privacy without being

" mean. "

Judi

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf

Of CMancari@...

Sent: Tuesday, September 21, 2010 7:28 PM

Subject: At my wits end

Help!!!! I'm ready to lock Nick up and throw away the key if that will keep

him from getting anywhere near the opposite sex. Today was not a good day

for Nick at school. The communication sheet explained that Nick had grabbed

(in a hug) a girl at breakfast and would not let her go even though she

asked until he attempted to kiss her and she got away crying. He got 3 days

lunch detention for that (no problem with the consequence, my problem is

with Nick's behavior). Then in 1st period he kept trying to lift the student

teacher's skirt, for that she wrote him up with a Level 1 slip (typically

automatic suspension, VP in charge of Sped isn't sure how she is going to

handle this -- teacher told her waiting a day or more to decide isn't the

appropriate choice especially with Nick as he needs immediate consequences

-- I agree with that and would have had not problem being called to get him

this morning and removing him from school for the day). Once again, more

annoyed with Nick's behavior than anything, but the delay in the consequence

also upsets me. (The lunch detention was issued this morning so he knew he

earned it before he left school. Special Ed (home base) teacher is getting

annoyed because stuff is happening and she isn't getting informed of it

until later and she is left trying to explain the delayed consequences to

Nick.)

Tonight Jeff read Nick the riot act about inappropriate touching, keeping

hands to self, etc. I had Nick write letters of apology to those he offended

stating: " I was wrong for _______________. Next time I will _____________ "

type thing. Not sure short of going to school with him and announcing, since

Nick can't handle himself appropriately his mother has to go with him to

make sure she can train him appropriately like she would a toddler.

Any ideas would be greatly appreciated. Shame girls can't slap boys who

behave inappropriately in school these days.

Cari

=

[Guest guest]

Ahh.. I just got that book the other day. I haven't had time to look at it yet,

but am looking forward to checking it out.

One time we had CPS called on us because Mav, age 6.. took his pants off at a

recreation program and was going to go swimming in his undies.. well, that's

what we did at home.. we stopped after that.

Next, he lifted a girls skirt up.. same day.. to see if she had a swimsuit on,

but they looked at it differently. I lost a whole community of friends due to

that incident.

We did have to work very hard with Mav on appropriate touching. At home we

would swat a bottom as a child walked by, had to stop that because Mav was

mimicing it at school. Usually when Mav was told to stop the behavior he was

very compliant.

One time in Middle school they were in line and another class was passing them

and he grabbed on of the boys and kissed him. Boy did I hear about THAT one. I

scolded Mav when he got home and he told me it was in his movie.. I guess there

is a scene in the Mighty Ducks that does that. Well, then we get the lecture

about movies and real life.

I would totally have them moniter Nick more closely. Why is he being given the

opportunity to act out this way? I would also request that they fill out an

ABC (Antecendent, Behavior, Consequence) chart for a couple of weeks.. this will

alert you to the TIMES/ACTIVITIES that are usually the target times and also the

consequence... or pay off.

I would have them watching him so closely that he's not able to act out and I

would have them praising him for keeping his hands to himself. I would also

have them use one key phrase and only that phrase when they see him about to

touch.. " Hands to yourself. " Eventually they can just say " Hands " and he will

be reminded. At home, I would praise him for having a day that he kept his

hands to himself. If he touched someone.. just.. " Oh, poor choice, how sad, no

TV/Dessert/swimming tonight. " And that is all. And the girls that he is

touching can just repeat to him, " I don't LIKE that! " That's it.

Again.. remember the consequence is the most important thing. WHAT is his pay

off for this? Does he want the girls attention? Could perhaps part of his

daily routine be that one of the girls sits for 10 mins and reads with him, or

draws with him or ... ?

Or.. look at what is going on around him.. are others swatting on the behinds?

One time Mav got in trouble for calling girls.. " N.... " Well, we had this big

meeting and I asked the aide who was African American if HE used that phrase,

which is common for AA people to greet each other with that name. I knew that

he HAD because I had witnessed it. His response was.. well, he's not AA, he's

mexican. I replied he IS 1/2 AA and it is as much a part of his culture as it

is yours, however I do NOT want him using that phrase so would you please stop

role modeling inappropriate behavior in front of my son.

Mav called his sister that name.. (he knew enough to only use it with people who

WERE African American) and she got peeved with him and told him to never call

her that again. End of problem.