THE #1 NEED

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*June 7, 2010

The Disability is Natural E-Newsletter* [image: DIN-LogoSM5]

*THE #1 NEED

*

Great energy is devoted to determine what a person with a disability needs.

Assessments are done, tests are given, observations are made, and more. Then

more energy (along with many dollars) is spent trying to *meet* these needs.

For children with disabilities, professionals and/or family members may

focus on the perceived need for therapies or services which attempt to get a

child to walk, talk, behave appropriately, make eye contact, master the

pincer grasp, read at grade level, and much more. For adults with

disabilities, the focus may continue to be on some of these same things

(especially behavior!), as well as habilitation, job skills, transportation,

and more.

Based on almost 20 years of experience, it seems the #1 need of the vast

majority of children and adults with disabilities—regardless of the type of

disability, the age of the person, or anything else—is seldom identified by

professionals or family members. What is this #1 need? Friends.

A friend doesn’t care if you have the “functional skills” that are valued by

so many. One friend can lead to other friends. A friend can be the gateway

to meeting other real needs of a person: employment, transportation, joining

a club, enjoying new experiences, and so much more.

We often worry about the social skills of a person with a disability. Aren’t

friends the best way to improve in that area? All of us want and need to be

successful in our own peer groups. Children and adults with disabilities are

routinely expected to “achieve” in order to be successful in the eyes of

professionals and/or family members. But isn’t success in one’s own

peer-group a far greater achievement? And how many of us have recognized

that a person’s behavior is much different (and better) in other

environments? In addition, have we ever questioned whether a person’s

so-called inappropriate behavior might be the *result* of the person not

having friends or social opportunities outside of “special” (segregated)

environments.

*Good friends are good for your health.*

*Irwin Sarason*

*A friend is one who knows us,

but loves us anyway.*

*Fr. Jerome Cummings*

*The only way to have a friend is to be one.*

*Ralph Waldo Emerson*

There are many benefits to having at least one good friend. My son,

, who has cerebral palsy, received pediatric therapies for the first

six years of his life, much of it devoted to getting him to crawl

“normally;” he never performed this feat for therapists. He resigned his

therapy career at age six. Several months later, he crawled across the gym

floor at school. Why? Because his *friends* were doing it in a PE game!

Think of the benefits of friendship in your own life. What if you had no one

to share your secrets with, vent to, joke with, and so much more? Now, try

to imagine if the only people in your life are those who are *paid to be

around you. *To me, it is unimaginable.

Can any system—special ed, adult services, etc.—meet this real need? No.

There are no rules and regs about friendship, and no way to write goals for

same. Nevertheless, we can all take steps to generate positive change.

Friendships are made based on shared interests. When we make the effort to

identify a person’s interests, and connect the person to others who share

those interests, we’ve opened the door to new opportunities and potential

friendships.

In all of our efforts to meet the needs of children and adults with

disabilities, we must reconsider what’s really important. Which is more

important? Achieving this skill or that, or having a friend who wants to be

with you, just the way you are? And shouldn’t children and adults with

disabilities also enjoy the life-changing joys and rewards of *being* a

friend to someone else who needs a friend?

Copyright 2010 Kathie Snow, www.disabilityisnatural.com; all rights

reserved. Click here to request the PDF handout version of this

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*THINK ABOUT IT . . . *

We have all known the long loneliness and we have learned that the only

solution is love and that loves comes with community.

*Dorothy Day

*

The character and mentality of the keepers may be of more importance in

understanding prisons than the character and mentality of the kept.

* Mitford*

She had encountered one of the most devastating kinds of loneliness in

existence: that of being in close contact with someone to whom she was a

nonperson, and who thereby rendered her invisible and of no consequence.

*Dorothy Gilman

*

Unity, not uniformity, must be our aim. We attain unity only through

variety. Differences must be integrated, not annihilated, nor absorbed.

*M.P. Follett** *

***VISIT DISABILITY IS NATURAL

*

*PARENTS AND TEACHERS:* I hope you're enjoying your " time off " during the

summertime. (But with the kids home all summer, parents—including those who

are also teachers—may be busier than ever!) I hope you'll also take the time

to learn more about inclusive education practices! A variety of helpful

articles can be found at

www.disabilityisnatural.com/explore/children-families. In addition, many

proactive, positive, and beneficial strategies are included in my

book, *Disability

is Natural: Revolutionary Common Sense for Raising Successful Children with

Disabilities*, available from our online store.

*PROFESSIONALS IN THE FIELD: *Do you need training materials for staff?

Information about People First Language? Click here to Explore more than 150

new ways-of-thinking articles at

www.disabilityisnatural.com.<http://www.disabilityisnatural.com/explore>

The Disability is Natural online store is *the* source for positive,

thought-provoking, attitude-adjusting products: posters, bookmarks, magnets,

note cards, and other goodies, along with the life-changing *Disability is

Natural* book and DVD. Click here to visit

www.disabilityisnatural.com/shop.<http://www.disabilityisnatural.com/shop>

*KATHIE'S PRESENTATIONS*

I'll be presenting in Texas, land, Delaware, Mississippi, Illinois,

Nevada, Missouri, California, New Hampshire, Ohio, South Dakota, Oklahoma,

and Colorado (including the December TASH conference in Denver) in the

coming weeks and months, and presentations are pending in other states. I'd

love to see you at any of those events, and I'd also love the opportunity to

present for your organization! Click here to learn more about my

presentations. <http://www.disabilityisnatural.com/presentations>

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Remember to always *Presume Competence* in people with disabilities!

*Kathie*

Copyright 2010 Kathie Snow, , BraveHeart Press,

www.disabilityisnatural.com

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Carol in IL

Mom to , 9 DS

My problem is not how I look. It's how you see me.

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