You'll just love these

[Guest guest]



MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

NICKNAMES

• If , Kate and go out for lunch, they will call each other

, Kate and ..

• If Mike, Dave and go out, they will affectionately refer to each

other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes..

EATING OUT

• When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and will each throw in $20, even

though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and

none will actually admit they want change back.

• When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

• A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on

sale.

BATHROOMS

• A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving

cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .

• The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A

man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

• A woman has the last word in any argument.

• Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

• A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

• A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

• A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

• A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash

answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

• A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

• Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed..

• Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

• Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about

dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret

fears and hopes and dreams.

• A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

o use in two people remembering the same thing!

N ow why can't we do this!

This is hilarious - no wonder some people were offended!

This is the message that the Maroochydore High School Queensland , staff

voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine.

This is the actual answering machine message for the school. This came about

because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be

responsible for their children's absences and missing homework. The school

and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing

grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent

15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to

pass their classes.

The outgoing message:

Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In

order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen

to all the options before making a selection:

To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1

To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2

To complain about what we do - Press 3

To swear at staff members - Press 4

To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your

newsletter and

Several flyers mailed to you - Press 5

If you want us to raise your child - Press 6

If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7

To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8

To complain about bus transportation - Press 9

To complain about school lunches - Press 0

If you realize this is the real world and your child must be Accountable and

responsible for his/her own Behaviour, class work, homework and that it's

not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a

nice day!

If you want this in another language, move to a country that speaks it.

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