RE: [SPAM]Re: not listening for the school play :(

[Guest guest]

Thank you for sharing this insight. My daughter is only 4 months old but I

can imagine myself agonizing over the notes sent home and feeling

discouraged. I'm glad to have this info in advance.

, mom to (5), Riley (2) and Lacey (4 months DS).

PS - I've been meaning to write and thank you all for the responses to my

post about Lacey's heart problems. I've been behind on email and we just got

home from UCLA last night. We were there for 35 days. Lacey is doing very

well now. She is drinking and growing and hopefully she will thrive and be

able to go back for the complete repair of her AV canal in 3-6 months.

Thanks again. :-)

_____

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf

Of Kerrigan

Sent: Thursday, February 21, 2008 11:23 AM

Patty Derdzinski

Cc:

Subject: [sPAM]Re: not listening for the school play

I don't have a specific suggestion about the play, but rather a general

comment based on our experiences.

is fully included in 4th grade, and has been since kinder.

Unlike the typical kids in the class, her behavior has always been under

a microscope, and we hear every little last detail of negative (unless

it's something we NEED to know, then we don't hear it, LOL). I don't

think it's malicious on anyone's part, but rather is observed,

aided, and followed around by an adult more than the other children, so

things are noticed and written down. Once a note comes home, to me, it

used to seem to me like a rather big deal... after all, they took the

time to note this, so it must be really important. Over the years, we

have found that for the most part, they write it and forget it, and I'm

left reading and stewing about what to do. Then I go to the teacher to

try and come up with a " solution " , and I kid you not, probably 90-95% of

the time, the teacher looks at me like " why are you asking about this "

and then says, " Oh, well, that was last Wednesday.... she hasn't done

____ since..... she's actually been doing really well at _________ this

week. "

I'm not saying that communication isn't critical.... certainly many of

our kids (DS or typical) don't come home from school and give a run down

of what happened that day. I appreciate the daily communication logs

we've worked so hard on over the years to get " just right " (turns out

" just right " changes every year, as matures, and the

information I need is different). However, I don't think that the

writer (teacher, aide, yard duty, whomever) realizes that we as parents

really look at these and try to solve the problem, when in many if not

most cases, it was more a " FYI " rather than an ongoing problem. But, as

parents of kids with special needs, we're alert problem solvers, ready

to nip it in the bud... we don't want _____ to become a bigger problem.

I've yet to make a teacher or aide realize that if they write down

something negative " refused to work on her math problems in

class today " that they need to also indicate if this is a real problem.

Now you would think, well of course, she's not doing math, that's a

problem. But, after getting several weeks of such notes in 3rd grade

(written by the aide), I had a conference with the teacher and said

" looks like we have a problem doing math... what are we going to do " and

the teacher looks at me like, Huh? and said, " No, she's doing her

math. " I showed her the daily logs, and she said " well, she usually

balks at doing it and doesn't WANT to do it, but she almost always

eventually does it. " So, I had the daily communication log modified so

that behavior could be noted (they circle either cooperative or

uncooperative), if it was modified and how, and how much was completed.

It might come home uncooperative, unmodified, then modified, then

completed assignment, which gives me a much better picture of what math

looked like than " refused to work on her math problems in class " Every

day, " refused to work on math " , and not once " ... but finally did it. "

As someone who frequently volunteers in the classrooms, works on the

playground, and leads 2 Girl Scout troops, I see MANY kids behaving

differently on different days, different places, and different

situations. I know I've sat running a reading group in 's

class thinking " wow, ny can't focus today, can't seem to find the

page, doesn't know when it's his turn to read, is being silly and

chatty.... wonder what he ate for breakfast today? " If ny had an

IEP or a communication log, that comment would go home to mom. But,

every other reading group day, ny is a great student, always

volunteering to answer vocabulary words, was the first one to remember

where we left off, etc.... he just had an off day, like all kids do. I

might comment to the teacher if it was really bad, but otherwise, he's a

kid, having a silly morning. Or on the3rd grade field trip last week,

when the teacher was out and there was a sub, I saw kids runnning wild,

not listening, that NEVER misbehave, but it was a wild, windy day, the

sub didn't have good control, and well..... a few had a little too much

fun (to the point I had no voice by the time we got home, LOL). Not

that it was right for them to goof off, but the situation really got

some of them going :-)

Anyway, I know this was long, but what I've learned is that one of the

hardest things is, to determine when something is an issue that needs to

be addressed, and when a kid is off. I know is sensitive to

loud noises, and have communicated this to the teachers. She has ear

muffs that she wears for loud situations, and they are supposed to tell

me when assemblies were (but sometimes forget.) In 1st grade,

was cooperative, came in to the assembly, sat with her class, happy...

everything was good. Then, the assembly was a music assembly, and they

had really loud drums.... she hated it :-) So, she started laying down

(rather than sitting), sucking her thumb, and eventually made a run for

it. Luckily, the teacher realized it was the noise and someone took her

to the library until the assembly was over, but it easily could have

been written down " laid on the floor during the assembly,

refused to sit up, didn't follow directions, and left the room without

permission. "

, mom to (12), (10 DS), and Sammy (8... luckily

SHE doesn't get put under the same microscope or she'd be expelled, LOL)

Patty Derdzinski wrote:

> Does anybody have any advice to share with me on this situation?

> Here it is: Livi is in kindergarten, she goes to a regular classroom

> three times per week, and the class is practicing for a play, with

> songs, and some motions to go with it. Olivia went last week, I think

> she did fine, but this week (today) the aide sent a note, pretty much

> saying that she was not a good listener, couldn't stay focused,

> couldn't stand still. She said at the end of note, she was sorry to

> report bad news, and I think they really do want her to do well! She

> has done a great job being in this class, listening, etc. She was well

> behaved after the practice, according to note!

>

> Do you have any suggestions about how to keep her listening or

> behaving so she can be in this play with her classmates?

>

> Patty

>

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