Quantas- non ds

[Guest guest]

This is kind of funny, Guys will probably like it better

In case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a

plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a " gripe

sheet, " which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form,

and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are

some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked

with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance

engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had

an accident.

> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a

200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right,

and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget

pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

--

Aussie Leis- mum to 9 , Natasha 5 and 3.

Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans!

[Guest guest]

Love it !! Thanks for giving me a well needed giggle after a very hectic and

stressful weekend. Knowing a few ex Qantas pilots and other staff, I can

well believe the truth in this. But can you envisge this happening on Thai

or Singapore airlines ??? The aussie humour can't be beaten, can it ??

What's your weather like ? Can you believe we had another 26 degree day

about the 5th in a row, and it's supposed to be winter ???

Aussie

PS Thank you for your help in listing the direct link to our school's voting

page, you're amazing as I couldn't have worked out how to do it if my life

depended on it. Still haven't heard anything, but at least we had a go !!!!

-- Quantas- non ds

This is kind of funny, Guys will probably like it better

In case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a

plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a " gripe

sheet, " which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form,

and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are

some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked

with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance

engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had

an accident.

> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a

200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right,

and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget

pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

--

Aussie Leis- mum to 9 , Natasha 5 and 3.

Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans!