Guest guest Posted October 11, 2006 Report Share Posted October 11, 2006 about kids hitting? Im in a situation yet again...evidently sydnie hit chloe on the playground last week. (there is a bruise on her back that brought this up). Sydnie doesnt have enough swing behind her to even leave a mark!!! Now C mom said Im not saying thats how it got there Im just telling you what C said. Ok fine...but if we count back that would have to be 5-6 minimum that it would have happened....wouldnt C have cried if she was hit that hard to leave a mark that stayed a week??????? Im not convinced of any of that. I did talk to her teacher today...and she said syd did hit her but chloe wasnt crying or anythinggggggggggg, she told her it wasnt nice and you dont do that ...she went back to sit down and syd did it again...so she walked back over there and had her come sit with her in time out.....when she told her she could play she crawled up in her teachers lap and stayed there. C's mom is upset because she said C gets the brunt of it. I told her that sometimes Sydnie is frustrated and reacts (and sometimes she's just playing). Her question.....what does she have to be frustrated about? IS SHE FRUSTRATED ALL THE TIME??? WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?????? There was alot in that conversation (IM) that pissed me off....Im sick of it all...You guys have heard the stories over and over again but Im ready to wash my hands of it all. She will never understand any of it I dont suppose. These girls love each other and her mom and I do alot together...you would think there would be some understanding there ......but she tries to protect her from everything.....and says 'chloe is scared to get in trouble, she's afraid of authority' blah blah....well she doesnt have a prob being sneaky when it comes to taking something away from sydnie but if you look in on them...she is all so dripping sweet to her....pallleeeezzzzzzzzzzz this child isnt perfect! Anyway Im ready to wash my hands of it all! Done........you cant accept her and all her glory then you cant accept me.....you stay on your end of the neighborhood i'll stay on mine. ok im done.... so what do you do about the swatting, etc? ~Angie Research Associate of Child Development and Human Relations to Sydnie (5/26/00) and Saylor (4/30/04) www.babiesonline.com/babies/s/sydniebrooke *updated 10/01/06* www.babiesonline.com/babies/b/babytate *updated 10/01/06* " May God Bless You As He Has Us " An extra little chromosome, that's all it is, you see. Where all of you were born with two, I was blessed with three " My Children are God's gift to me. How I raise them, is my gift to God. " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 11, 2006 Report Share Posted October 11, 2006 I don't have any good suggestions about the hitting part, but I do think that if something has happened at school, then it's the school that should handle it (and they did). Neither you nor that other mom were actually there, and from what report you got from the teachers, there was a minor incident, and they disciplined Sydnie appropriately. If the other mom has an issue with the situation, she should be talking to the teacher rather than you..... you are not at school watching Sydnie, so how can you respond? You don't know what happened before Sydnie smacked her (maybe the perfect kid actually provoked her), so you have to defer to the teacher (which you did). Plus, kids often get stories wrong, so yes, Sydnie did smack her on the back a week ago (which she remembered), but that doensn't mean that she didn't bump her back on something more recently and just forgot..... my kids are famous for getting huge bruises and when I say " hey, how did you get that bruise " they are often " what, what bruise? " Life happens for kids, and they don't remember every detail. For the most part, I am of the opinion of " what happens at school, stays at school " in the sense that if already had to pull a " Take A Break card " for a behavior in class, I'm not going to punish her again at home.... it's too far removed from the ofense for it to be meaningful anway, and she's already been disciplined once for whatever it was. We talk about it, but just to reinforce that the behavior wasn't OK. Occasionally, she just has a very bad day, and we sometime use a home punishment (like losing TV) if she repeats that the next day (which usually is very effective)..... " If we don't get a good report today, you will lose TV after school " I keep it broad, so that if I don't think any of the " complaints " are a big deal, I can ignore it........which sometimes I have to......... like yesterday, there was a whole write-up about how she spent 20 minutes in the bathroom, missing 20 out of 30 minutes of speech, and the implication was that she playing or avoiding speech. When I asked about it, she said " well mom, I had to go pee and poop! " with total attitude, like " what, a girl can't poop? " It was funny, and she does take a long time (which they know about!), but had I just read the log, it sounded like it was deliberate, rather than just doing business. Unfortunately, she missed out on speech, but she isn't old enough to manipulate her schedule that way (plus she loves speech, so it's not a thing she would try and avoid.) It sounds like C's mom is perhaps one of those moms (that we all know) who have " perfect " children themselves, but that always seem to be the victim of other children (or teachers, or whomever). These kids never seem to contribute to the problem (according to their parents), but someone else is always doing something to them. The blame for whatever the situation is is squarely on the other person, and no responsibility is ever taken for their child. As I have watched some of these " perfect " children grow up, I have noticed that it's always the teacher's fault that they got in trouble in class ( " Mrs. C doesn't like me " ) or didn't do well on classwork ( " Mr. A didn't explain it well. " ), or their friend's fault when a problem occcurs ( " She was mean to me first. " ) This attitude is generally supported by the parents (who have no doubt contributed to this attitude) Since the girls like each other so much, and generally enjoy playing together, I would not want to end it all, just because the mom can be a PIA. How about suggesting you guys agree that (1) if there is a probem at school, then let the school deal with it, rather than dragging it home, and (2) you believe that just like with typical kids, spats happen, and although you will do your best to supervise all children playing at your house, you cannot guarentee that C will never get a bump, and that you won't let your child be over-analyzed for it.... if she doens't want her to play with Syndie, then fine, but you are supportive of their friendship and would like it to continue. This way, it puts the ball in her court as to where to go next. Basically, if she wants her child to play with Sydnie, then she needs to get a grip. If not, then she needs to be the one to end it, and explain THAT to her daughter, who will no doubt be devestated that she can't play with her good friend Sydnie (because for kids, they get over things very fast, it's some of the parents that hold on to incidents much longer than the kids, LOL). But you should somehow, nicely, make it clear that you are not interested in having Sydnie critiqued by her..... Syndie, like all children, may have an occasion to misbehave, but she is a child, and children are allowed to make mistakes, are they not? Good luck, I know this is a very difficult situation. I'm guessing Sydnie is not a mean kid, and uses hitting as a way of communicating, but that's still hard to explain to others who don't walk in your shoes! , mom to (10), (8 DS), and Sammy (7) Angie Tate wrote: > about kids hitting? Im in a situation yet again...evidently sydnie hit > chloe on the playground last week. (there is a bruise on her back that > brought this up). Sydnie doesnt have enough swing behind her to even > leave a mark!!! Now C mom said Im not saying thats how it got there Im > just telling you what C said. Ok fine...but if we count back that > would have to be 5-6 minimum that it would have happened....wouldnt C > have cried if she was hit that hard to leave a mark that stayed a > week??????? > Im not convinced of any of that. I did talk to her teacher today...and > she said syd did hit her but chloe wasnt crying or anythinggggggggggg, > she told her it wasnt nice and you dont do that ...she went back to > sit down and syd did it again...so she walked back over there and had > her come sit with her in time out.....when she told her she could play > she crawled up in her teachers lap and stayed there. > C's mom is upset because she said C gets the brunt of it. I told her > that sometimes Sydnie is frustrated and reacts (and sometimes she's > just playing). Her question.....what does she have to be frustrated > about? IS SHE FRUSTRATED ALL THE TIME??? > WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?????? > There was alot in that conversation (IM) that pissed me off....Im sick > of it all...You guys have heard the stories over and over again but Im > ready to wash my hands of it all. She will never understand any of it > I dont suppose. > These girls love each other and her mom and I do alot together...you > would think there would be some understanding there ......but she > tries to protect her from everything.....and says 'chloe is scared to > get in trouble, she's afraid of authority' blah blah....well she > doesnt have a prob being sneaky when it comes to taking something away > from sydnie but if you look in on them...she is all so dripping sweet > to her....pallleeeezzzzzzzzzzz this child isnt perfect! > > Anyway Im ready to wash my hands of it all! Done........you cant > accept her and all her glory then you cant accept me.....you stay on > your end of the neighborhood i'll stay on mine. > > ok im done.... > so what do you do about the swatting, etc? > ~Angie > Research Associate of Child Development and Human Relations to Sydnie > (5/26/00) and Saylor (4/30/04) > www.babiesonline.com/babies/s/sydniebrooke > *updated 10/01/06* > www.babiesonline.com/babies/b/babytate > *updated 10/01/06* > > " May God Bless You As He Has Us " > > An extra little chromosome, > that's all it is, you see. > Where all of you were born with two, > I was blessed with three > > " My Children are God's gift to me. > How I raise them, is my gift to God. " > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 11, 2006 Report Share Posted October 11, 2006 That is exactly right they dont walk in our shoes....hense the reason they dont understand. They do love to play together but time after time of hearing her is enough....Both of their teachers stood over them today while they played duck duck goose on the playground to make sure if they werent anywhere near each other they would remove them....they struggled with seperating them when they were playing so nicely.....................ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Ive told her to do whatever she feels she needs to do.....and yes the attitude is supported by the parent...my husband feels that C will grow up just like her mom....untrusting and insecure...and I hate that. Re: what do you do.... I don't have any good suggestions about the hitting part, but I do think that if something has happened at school, then it's the school that should handle it (and they did). Neither you nor that other mom were actually there, and from what report you got from the teachers, there was a minor incident, and they disciplined Sydnie appropriately. If the other mom has an issue with the situation, she should be talking to the teacher rather than you..... you are not at school watching Sydnie, so how can you respond? You don't know what happened before Sydnie smacked her (maybe the perfect kid actually provoked her), so you have to defer to the teacher (which you did). Plus, kids often get stories wrong, so yes, Sydnie did smack her on the back a week ago (which she remembered), but that doensn't mean that she didn't bump her back on something more recently and just forgot..... my kids are famous for getting huge bruises and when I say " hey, how did you get that bruise " they are often " what, what bruise? " Life happens for kids, and they don't remember every detail. For the most part, I am of the opinion of " what happens at school, stays at school " in the sense that if already had to pull a " Take A Break card " for a behavior in class, I'm not going to punish her again at home.... it's too far removed from the ofense for it to be meaningful anway, and she's already been disciplined once for whatever it was. We talk about it, but just to reinforce that the behavior wasn't OK. Occasionally, she just has a very bad day, and we sometime use a home punishment (like losing TV) if she repeats that the next day (which usually is very effective)..... " If we don't get a good report today, you will lose TV after school " I keep it broad, so that if I don't think any of the " complaints " are a big deal, I can ignore it........which sometimes I have to......... like yesterday, there was a whole write-up about how she spent 20 minutes in the bathroom, missing 20 out of 30 minutes of speech, and the implication was that she playing or avoiding speech. When I asked about it, she said " well mom, I had to go pee and poop! " with total attitude, like " what, a girl can't poop? " It was funny, and she does take a long time (which they know about!), but had I just read the log, it sounded like it was deliberate, rather than just doing business. Unfortunately, she missed out on speech, but she isn't old enough to manipulate her schedule that way (plus she loves speech, so it's not a thing she would try and avoid.) It sounds like C's mom is perhaps one of those moms (that we all know) who have " perfect " children themselves, but that always seem to be the victim of other children (or teachers, or whomever). These kids never seem to contribute to the problem (according to their parents), but someone else is always doing something to them. The blame for whatever the situation is is squarely on the other person, and no responsibility is ever taken for their child. As I have watched some of these " perfect " children grow up, I have noticed that it's always the teacher's fault that they got in trouble in class ( " Mrs. C doesn't like me " ) or didn't do well on classwork ( " Mr. A didn't explain it well. " ), or their friend's fault when a problem occcurs ( " She was mean to me first. " ) This attitude is generally supported by the parents (who have no doubt contributed to this attitude) Since the girls like each other so much, and generally enjoy playing together, I would not want to end it all, just because the mom can be a PIA. How about suggesting you guys agree that (1) if there is a probem at school, then let the school deal with it, rather than dragging it home, and (2) you believe that just like with typical kids, spats happen, and although you will do your best to supervise all children playing at your house, you cannot guarentee that C will never get a bump, and that you won't let your child be over-analyzed for it.... if she doens't want her to play with Syndie, then fine, but you are supportive of their friendship and would like it to continue. This way, it puts the ball in her court as to where to go next. Basically, if she wants her child to play with Sydnie, then she needs to get a grip. If not, then she needs to be the one to end it, and explain THAT to her daughter, who will no doubt be devestated that she can't play with her good friend Sydnie (because for kids, they get over things very fast, it's some of the parents that hold on to incidents much longer than the kids, LOL). But you should somehow, nicely, make it clear that you are not interested in having Sydnie critiqued by her..... Syndie, like all children, may have an occasion to misbehave, but she is a child, and children are allowed to make mistakes, are they not? Good luck, I know this is a very difficult situation. I'm guessing Sydnie is not a mean kid, and uses hitting as a way of communicating, but that's still hard to explain to others who don't walk in your shoes! , mom to (10), (8 DS), and Sammy (7) Angie Tate wrote: > about kids hitting? Im in a situation yet again...evidently sydnie hit > chloe on the playground last week. (there is a bruise on her back that > brought this up). Sydnie doesnt have enough swing behind her to even > leave a mark!!! Now C mom said Im not saying thats how it got there Im > just telling you what C said. Ok fine...but if we count back that > would have to be 5-6 minimum that it would have happened....wouldnt C > have cried if she was hit that hard to leave a mark that stayed a > week??????? > Im not convinced of any of that. I did talk to her teacher today...and > she said syd did hit her but chloe wasnt crying or anythinggggggggggg, > she told her it wasnt nice and you dont do that ...she went back to > sit down and syd did it again...so she walked back over there and had > her come sit with her in time out.....when she told her she could play > she crawled up in her teachers lap and stayed there. > C's mom is upset because she said C gets the brunt of it. I told her > that sometimes Sydnie is frustrated and reacts (and sometimes she's > just playing). Her question.....what does she have to be frustrated > about? IS SHE FRUSTRATED ALL THE TIME??? > WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?????? > There was alot in that conversation (IM) that pissed me off....Im sick > of it all...You guys have heard the stories over and over again but Im > ready to wash my hands of it all. She will never understand any of it > I dont suppose. > These girls love each other and her mom and I do alot together...you > would think there would be some understanding there ......but she > tries to protect her from everything.....and says 'chloe is scared to > get in trouble, she's afraid of authority' blah blah....well she > doesnt have a prob being sneaky when it comes to taking something away > from sydnie but if you look in on them...she is all so dripping sweet > to her....pallleeeezzzzzzzzzzz this child isnt perfect! > > Anyway Im ready to wash my hands of it all! Done........you cant > accept her and all her glory then you cant accept me.....you stay on > your end of the neighborhood i'll stay on mine. > > ok im done.... > so what do you do about the swatting, etc? > ~Angie > Research Associate of Child Development and Human Relations to Sydnie > (5/26/00) and Saylor (4/30/04) > www.babiesonline.com/babies/s/sydniebrooke > *updated 10/01/06* > www.babiesonline.com/babies/b/babytate > *updated 10/01/06* > > " May God Bless You As He Has Us " > > An extra little chromosome, > that's all it is, you see. > Where all of you were born with two, > I was blessed with three > > " My Children are God's gift to me. > How I raise them, is my gift to God. " > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 12, 2006 Report Share Posted October 12, 2006 I don't understand why they separated them. In order to teach social skills, they need to be in social situations. If they want the two to play appropriately, they have to let them play together. Yes, under supervision (which will also put C under supervision as well-she may be the problem). JMO Di Re: what do you do.... > > > I don't have any good suggestions about the hitting part, but I do think > that if something has happened at school, then it's the school that > should handle it (and they did). Neither you nor that other mom were > actually there, and from what report you got from the teachers, there > was a minor incident, and they disciplined Sydnie appropriately. If the > other mom has an issue with the situation, she should be talking to the > teacher rather than you..... you are not at school watching Sydnie, so > how can you respond? You don't know what happened before Sydnie smacked > her (maybe the perfect kid actually provoked her), so you have to defer > to the teacher (which you did). Plus, kids often get stories wrong, so > yes, Sydnie did smack her on the back a week ago (which she remembered), > but that doensn't mean that she didn't bump her back on something more > recently and just forgot..... my kids are famous for getting huge > bruises and when I say " hey, how did you get that bruise " they are often > " what, what bruise? " Life happens for kids, and they don't remember > every detail. > > For the most part, I am of the opinion of " what happens at school, stays > at school " in the sense that if already had to pull a " Take A > Break card " for a behavior in class, I'm not going to punish her again > at home.... it's too far removed from the ofense for it to be meaningful > anway, and she's already been disciplined once for whatever it was. We > talk about it, but just to reinforce that the behavior wasn't OK. > Occasionally, she just has a very bad day, and we sometime use a home > punishment (like losing TV) if she repeats that the next day (which > usually is very effective)..... " If we don't get a good report today, > you will lose TV after school " I keep it broad, so that if I don't > think any of the " complaints " are a big deal, I can ignore > it........which sometimes I have to......... like yesterday, there was a > whole write-up about how she spent 20 minutes in the bathroom, missing > 20 out of 30 minutes of speech, and the implication was that she playing > or avoiding speech. When I asked about it, she said " well > mom, I had to go pee and poop! " with total attitude, like " what, a girl > can't poop? " It was funny, and she does take a long time (which they > know about!), but had I just read the log, it sounded like it was > deliberate, rather than just doing business. Unfortunately, she missed > out on speech, but she isn't old enough to manipulate her schedule that > way (plus she loves speech, so it's not a thing she would try and avoid.) > > It sounds like C's mom is perhaps one of those moms (that we all know) > who have " perfect " children themselves, but that always seem to be the > victim of other children (or teachers, or whomever). These kids never > seem to contribute to the problem (according to their parents), but > someone else is always doing something to them. The blame for whatever > the situation is is squarely on the other person, and no responsibility > is ever taken for their child. As I have watched some of these > " perfect " children grow up, I have noticed that it's always the > teacher's fault that they got in trouble in class ( " Mrs. C doesn't like > me " ) or didn't do well on classwork ( " Mr. A didn't explain it well. " ), > or their friend's fault when a problem occcurs ( " She was mean to me > first. " ) This attitude is generally supported by the parents (who have > no doubt contributed to this attitude) Since the girls like each other > so much, and generally enjoy playing together, I would not want to end > it all, just because the mom can be a PIA. How about suggesting you > guys agree that (1) if there is a probem at school, then let the school > deal with it, rather than dragging it home, and (2) you believe that > just like with typical kids, spats happen, and although you will do your > best to supervise all children playing at your house, you cannot > guarentee that C will never get a bump, and that you won't let your > child be over-analyzed for it.... if she doens't want her to play with > Syndie, then fine, but you are supportive of their friendship and would > like it to continue. This way, it puts the ball in her court as to > where to go next. > > Basically, if she wants her child to play with Sydnie, then she needs to > get a grip. If not, then she needs to be the one to end it, and explain > THAT to her daughter, who will no doubt be devestated that she can't > play with her good friend Sydnie (because for kids, they get over things > very fast, it's some of the parents that hold on to incidents much > longer than the kids, LOL). But you should somehow, nicely, make it > clear that you are not interested in having Sydnie critiqued by her..... > Syndie, like all children, may have an occasion to misbehave, but she is > a child, and children are allowed to make mistakes, are they not? > > Good luck, I know this is a very difficult situation. I'm guessing > Sydnie is not a mean kid, and uses hitting as a way of communicating, > but that's still hard to explain to others who don't walk in your shoes! > > , mom to (10), (8 DS), and Sammy (7) > > Angie Tate wrote: > > > about kids hitting? Im in a situation yet again...evidently sydnie hit > > chloe on the playground last week. (there is a bruise on her back that > > brought this up). Sydnie doesnt have enough swing behind her to even > > leave a mark!!! Now C mom said Im not saying thats how it got there Im > > just telling you what C said. Ok fine...but if we count back that > > would have to be 5-6 minimum that it would have happened....wouldnt C > > have cried if she was hit that hard to leave a mark that stayed a > > week??????? > > Im not convinced of any of that. I did talk to her teacher today...and > > she said syd did hit her but chloe wasnt crying or anythinggggggggggg, > > she told her it wasnt nice and you dont do that ...she went back to > > sit down and syd did it again...so she walked back over there and had > > her come sit with her in time out.....when she told her she could play > > she crawled up in her teachers lap and stayed there. > > C's mom is upset because she said C gets the brunt of it. I told her > > that sometimes Sydnie is frustrated and reacts (and sometimes she's > > just playing). Her question.....what does she have to be frustrated > > about? IS SHE FRUSTRATED ALL THE TIME??? > > WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?????? > > There was alot in that conversation (IM) that pissed me off....Im sick > > of it all...You guys have heard the stories over and over again but Im > > ready to wash my hands of it all. She will never understand any of it > > I dont suppose. > > These girls love each other and her mom and I do alot together...you > > would think there would be some understanding there ......but she > > tries to protect her from everything.....and says 'chloe is scared to > > get in trouble, she's afraid of authority' blah blah....well she > > doesnt have a prob being sneaky when it comes to taking something away > > from sydnie but if you look in on them...she is all so dripping sweet > > to her....pallleeeezzzzzzzzzzz this child isnt perfect! > > > > Anyway Im ready to wash my hands of it all! Done........you cant > > accept her and all her glory then you cant accept me.....you stay on > > your end of the neighborhood i'll stay on mine. > > > > ok im done.... > > so what do you do about the swatting, etc? > > ~Angie > > Research Associate of Child Development and Human Relations to Sydnie > > (5/26/00) and Saylor (4/30/04) > > www.babiesonline.com/babies/s/sydniebrooke > > *updated 10/01/06* > > www.babiesonline.com/babies/b/babytate > > *updated 10/01/06* > > > > " May God Bless You As He Has Us " > > > > An extra little chromosome, > > that's all it is, you see. > > Where all of you were born with two, > > I was blessed with three > > > > " My Children are God's gift to me. > > How I raise them, is my gift to God. " > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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