Re: ok finally the tears

[Guest guest]

Angie

Let the tears come, I have had experiences with where, after a good cry, I

was able to step back, take a clear look at things, and find solutions. As for

having everything under control, who does? Not you, not me.

After reading your two posts, and trying to remember back to those days for

, there are several things I suspect.

Sydnie may be rebelling against the school routines. They are not Sydnie's

routines, and can't be, she is having to adjust to their rules, their

expectations. had a great deal of difficulty with this. I received phone

calls daily asking me to talk to her, and the phone calls always helped. I also

would make surprise visits to the school, usually instigated by a phone call

from the teacher. was always surprised when I appeared in the classroom.

It took a great deal of effort from me to not hug, be happy, but to pull her

out, be firm, serious, and talk to her about her behavior. After a few visits,

the teacher could ask if she wanted Mom to come to the school, and that

would help straighten things out.

At this age, also had difficulty differentiating between work time and

play time. She wanted so badly to play, that she thought she could turn any

time into play time.

I remember having a meeting with the teachers, without any kids around, where we

discussed 's behaviors in depth, and developed a plan for dealing with

them. We had to keep her on a strict schedule, and a short leash. I know other

parents probably thought we were being too strict, but for awhile, we had to be.

We had a reward system worked out, and a plan for down time in the classroom.

If there was ever any down time in the classroom where maybe had finished

her work, or for any reason had nothing to do, the teacher put together an

activity bin for , that she could use with the teacher's permission, it

contained fun, but still educational activities for to do while the

teacher worked with someone else, or got the rest of the class ready to do

something.

Visits to the principals office never worked, that was just extra, one-on-one

attention that just absolutely loved.

Nothing worked an absolute miracle, but given time, (and I'm not talking a long,

long time), we saw a difference in . I hope I have given you some help,

and you and Sydnie will definitely be in my prayers.

It will work through Angie, it is just do d**n frustrating getting there.

Sharon

ok finally the tears

Ok guys...what is wrong with me? Ive finally broke, because Im at a loss....I

dont know what to do. Ive made Sydnie an appt with her ped for this

afternoon.....they'll be seeing her with no chart which is fine because her dr

knows her.....Im having to drive to the other location unless I want to wait

until next Tues and Im not sure I'd make it until then.

Sydnie hasnt done anything today but is all over the place like the beginning

of school....WHAT IS UP WITH THAT? I got a call from her asst about a half hour

ago because Sydnie ran out of the room and wouldnt come back in...so she called

me and let me talk to her. She got up and walked back in. I have no idea what to

do....why she could be acting like this and so impulsive~ She's not

accomplishing anything because she's not taking enough time to absorb. I feel

like Im going to burst.......the tears feel good right now...

SEE PPL I DONT ALWAYS HAVE EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL!!!

~Angie

Research Associate of Child Development and Human Relations to Sydnie

(5/26/00) and Saylor (4/30/04)

www.babiesonline.com/babies/s/sydniebrooke

*updated 10/01/06*

www.babiesonline.com/babies/b/babytate

*updated 10/01/06*

" May God Bless You As He Has Us "

An extra little chromosome,

that's all it is, you see.

Where all of you were born with two,

I was blessed with three

" My Children are God's gift to me.

How I raise them, is my gift to God. "

[Guest guest]

That is where I am at today. Don't know if my middle daughter with CP,

should remain in regular ed. She just had a neuropych eval and although she 7,

she

is cong. age 3.3yrs.

So, it is hard for me to see her struggling with addition and subtraction

when I don't even think she really knows what numbers are yet!?

In special ed, I know she could 'shine' in some aspects and not always be

the one behind everyone else. It is such a hard decision.

I also know in special ed she could learn through more 'play'. More

hands-on.......like I said, it is such a hard decision, but when she is coming

home

and hitting/biting herself.....we'll gotta figure out the problem.

Laurie

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/24/2006 5:41:15 PM Eastern Standard Time,

janmarie21@... writes:

IMO for inclusion to work well, you have to be a very strong person and be

your child's voice and make sure the school is doing there job, otherwise

they will push things back on to you.

I absolutely agree. The sped teacher already called me and said she has

heard some talk from princiapal and administration on what " my plans were for

next year for Micah' What if they didn't have an inclusion 1st grade etc. How

about half day self contained. " Here we go again with the same old, same

old. I told her that I would have him sent out of district at their expense.

Micah is suppose to be receiving a service via his IEP. That can be

performed anywhere. The class he is in is a place, the setting. etc. If they

are

providing his IEP it shouldn't matter where they are providing it as long as he

is not a threat to the other students. Which he is not. She said " They are

worried that he won't be able to keep up with the work load " I said " He

shouldn't have to keep up with the 1st grade work load, only what is

appropriate

for him when modified. If he is reading at pre-school level that is whaere

you work from " I told her maybe I should ask them to bring in an inclusion

specialist because they obviously need someone to expleain inclusion to them.

they just can't get theri minds wrapped round the whole concept lol!! So

yes, it is a job but if we keep on keeping on maybe for those in the future it

won't be as much of a job as it is now. Go and blaze a trail where none has

been before...

Oh and I told Angie the same thing about the wine lol!!

Loree

[Guest guest]

Angie,

Thre is nothing wrong with you nor is there anything wrong with Sydnie. The

school needs to learn how to manipulate and stimulate Sydnie appropriately

and not use you. Although this is very early days you may discover

includsion is not for Sydnie not sure of your terminology, but in the long

run she may be better in a special setting. DO NOT give up yet, as she has

only just started. Whenever Trent was a pain, I would try and look at

things from his perspective and figure out what he was trying to tell me by

his actions. Most times I could come up with a very logical reason which in

the end would fall back onto the school. Ie. One day at the end of class he

disappered, all available staff out searching the streets after awhile they

found him at a nearby shopping centre. Now he had $2.00 in his chat book to

pay for an excursion of some kind, it had been there all week, his teacher

had been away and the sub teacher ignored him when he would show it to her.

So why not show your indpendance and capabilities and off to the shop. Now

if the sub teacher had followed it up and done her job the money would never

had been there. Yes Trent was in trouble with the school, but the school

was in trouble with me.

IMO for inclusion to work well, you have to be a very strong person and be

your child's voice and make sure the school is doing there job, otherwise

they will push things back on to you.

Not sure of the time difference, but if it is night time and the girls are

in bed, grab a good bottle of wine and some chocolate and relax and enjoy!

Keep smiling

Jan, mother of Trent 22yo w/DS from the LandDownunder

ok finally the tears

Ok guys...what is wrong with me? Ive finally broke, because Im at a

loss....I dont know what to do. Ive made Sydnie an appt with her ped for

this afternoon.....they'll be seeing her with no chart which is fine because

her dr knows her.....Im having to drive to the other location unless I want

to wait until next Tues and Im not sure I'd make it until then.

Sydnie hasnt done anything today but is all over the place like the

beginning of school....WHAT IS UP WITH THAT? I got a call from her asst

about a half hour ago because Sydnie ran out of the room and wouldnt come

back in...so she called me and let me talk to her. She got up and walked

back in. I have no idea what to do....why she could be acting like this and

so impulsive~ She's not accomplishing anything because she's not taking

enough time to absorb. I feel like Im going to burst.......the tears feel

good right now...

SEE PPL I DONT ALWAYS HAVE EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL!!!

~Angie

Research Associate of Child Development and Human Relations to Sydnie

(5/26/00) and Saylor (4/30/04) www.babiesonline.com/babies/s/sydniebrooke

*updated 10/01/06*

www.babiesonline.com/babies/b/babytate

*updated 10/01/06*

" May God Bless You As He Has Us "

An extra little chromosome,

that's all it is, you see.

Where all of you were born with two,

I was blessed with three

" My Children are God's gift to me.

How I raise them, is my gift to God. "

[Guest guest]

Hey.this is so much NOT about Sydnie.. I wish I could show you what I

mean. The school needs to capture her attention and find ways to work

with her. She is reacting because she is stressed, and she is stressed

because they arent doing something to get her attention. Can you get the

school psychologist to go in and observe part of her day? They may be

able to see triggers the normal person might not. Honestly, SOME schools

want our kids to " fail " at inclusion, it is easier to send them off to

spec ed. A good psych might spot some things that are triggering

behaviors. And any suggestions she makes are binding, the school will

have to listen.

An example: Ciarra is FULLY capable of doing the work her classmates do,

but she cant do it as quickly. So 2 years ago, she would rush through

her work in order to get done " on time " and keep up. Had the neuropsych

in to observe, and she discovered that Ciarra could do about half as

much timewise as the other kids, if it took them 20 minutes to do 10

problems, it would likely take her 40 minutes. Time being an issue

rather unflexible, she suggested giving Ciarra half as many problems to

do. So Ciarra could do 10 problems in the 20 minutes alloted, and the

world was right again. Those are things a school psychologist can nip in

the bud, as are behavior issues, if she can find a trigger. It would

shock you to know what those triggers might be. I would really request

an observation and get some help.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/24/2006 5:41:15 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

janmarie21@... writes:

So why not show your independence and capabilities and off to the shop. Now

if the sub teacher had followed it up and done her job the money would never

had been there. Yes Trent was in trouble with the school, but the school

was in trouble with me.

Jan and all,

Okay, I have a question at what point to we stop rationalizing what and why

our children did something and start expecting them to follow the rules? (In

this case it would probably be not leaving school.) See, often Nick does

things that are against the rules, I can rationalize and come up with a logical

reason for his doing so (main one being experience has shown him he is

exempt at school) but that doesn't excuse the main point, HE knows it's against

the rule but he did it anyway.

Cari

[Guest guest]

Yes Cari, you do make a good point, in the example mentioned, yes Trent was

in trouble and was told by us he was not to do it again being yes he has to

learn right from wrong and when and where things can and can't be done. For

the school though they were made aware that this disappearing would not have

happened if the teacher had of listened to him when he tried giving him the

excursion money. At this time the money was taped to the front of his chat

book and the daily entry noted the money was there and for what purpose.

The rationalising comes about from the fact, in our case, Trent cannot

verbalise to defend himself. With that in mind I guess in our case the

rationalising ends when Trent is able to state his side of a story.

I always expect Trent to follow the rules but will not have him punished for

something without my knowledge so I can try and determine where he was

coming from first. Recently he was excluded from the weekly bowling session

due to bad behaviour, the staff member concerned happily told me the night

before that Trent had been a pain all day but omitted to elaborate what had

been going or that he was to be excluded. When I found out, yes I had quite

a bit to say and they now know that they must run exculsion from bowling

past me first. Mind you I still haven't been told what he did so wrong that

this punishment was necessary. As this particular staff member blamed

another client for a particular incident, which was found to be not the case

I would not be the least bit surprised if Trent was unduly punished at this

time.

Keep smiling

Jan, mother of Trent 22yo w/DS from the LandDownUnder

_____

From: CMancari@... [mailto:CMancari@...]

Sent: Wednesday, 25 October 2006 12:16 PM

janmarie21@...; atate526@...;

Subject: Re: ok finally the tears

In a message dated 10/24/2006 5:41:15 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

janmarie21@... writes:

So why not show your independence and capabilities and off to the shop. Now

if the sub teacher had followed it up and done her job the money would never

had been there. Yes Trent was in trouble with the school, but the school

was in trouble with me.

Jan and all,

Okay, I have a question at what point to we stop rationalizing what and why

our children did something and start expecting them to follow the rules?

(In this case it would probably be not leaving school.) See, often Nick

does things that are against the rules, I can rationalize and come up with a

logical reason for his doing so (main one being experience has shown him he

is exempt at school) but that doesn't excuse the main point, HE knows it's

against the rule but he did it anyway.

Cari

[Guest guest]

Interestingly enough, today I was at a workshop for The Challenges of your

Child's Growing up: Individuals with Special Needs and Puberty and Sexuality.

Part of the presentation dealt with young adults with disabilities that get into

trouble because of their urges surrounding sexuality. One of the things

mentioned was that when people with mental retardation break the law, the

competency piece that comes under evaluation is not always " what process did

they go through before taking action, do they understand all the consequences

and ramifications and so on ... but a simple " do they know it was wrong? " If

they do, then certain legal actions can follow. Repeat offenders can be

institutionalized. This is especially tough for young adult men with mental

retardation if they interact inappropriately with younger girls or younger boys.

We have to help kids keep their impulsivity under control!

Cheryl in VA

Re: ok finally the tears

In a message dated 10/24/2006 5:41:15 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

janmarie21@... writes:

So why not show your independence and capabilities and off to the shop. Now

if the sub teacher had followed it up and done her job the money would never

had been there. Yes Trent was in trouble with the school, but the school

was in trouble with me.

Jan and all,

Okay, I have a question at what point to we stop rationalizing what and why

our children did something and start expecting them to follow the rules? (In

this case it would probably be not leaving school.) See, often Nick does

things that are against the rules, I can rationalize and come up with a logical

reason for his doing so (main one being experience has shown him he is

exempt at school) but that doesn't excuse the main point, HE knows it's against

the rule but he did it anyway.

Cari

[Guest guest]

Hi,

First of all, I dont think any of us ever have it all under control. There

can be numerous things happening with syndie. First of all, how old is she?

Could be pre-puberty- cause for many of us to drink. Could be some change

at school or at home. Hope about a therapist? Or guidance counselor at

school?

Anyway- we've all been through this- and all wonder why is this happening

now? It does- try to look at everything an see if there is some trigger.