Tara and Mommy take another trip to Club Med part 10

[Guest guest]

In our last episode... an eel chair hanger... Tara was stuck in a humongous

eel chair, with a great need to void, and the nurse told her to think Nike,

just do it as she went to get reinforcements so we might be able to get Tara out

of chair and back into bed....

Tara pees in chair... for the second time since we were admitted I ring

for nurse... voice on intercom asks if we need help... I said yes please send

someone from housekeeping Tara has peed and we need to clean floor before

someone slips... okiedoke... 3 nurses come in, i say wait, afeared they may

slip.... housekeeping follows them in, we are already throwing towels on floor

so we

can get to the poor stranded child... but the eel chair is als a new toy...

and we are trying to figure out how to get leg lift down and off chair... me, 3

nurses and the nice lady from housekeeping... we all agree this really

sucks... Tara thinks that is funny... but the child is exhibiting great distress

and

discomfort... I am holding her hand... we manage to detach the leg lift,

without causing trauma to the wounded leg... and between the 5 of us we see that

Tara is safely swaddled in her bed... we tell her she is a princess... we all

shake our heads at the stupidity and wonder why that trip to the eel chair even

occurred... one nurse brings a commode into the room, which was nice, whilst

another nurse rapidly rolls extrememly large eel chair out...

Tara is now suffering great pain and anguish, the nurse comes in

and says lets try these pills in lieu of the morphine... Tara readilly swallows

the two pillls.... eric splains that the pills will last longer than the

morphine and are better for her... Tara settles into happy t.v., I settle back

into

book and awful starbucks coffee... I start to nod... (maybe this is why the

docs at yale new haven thought I was a heroin addict..... always nodding in

club med...)

45 minutes later... mid doze... I hear a mommy... I say yes dear...

mommy me want ginger ale... Tara is wide alert, higher than a kite and speeding

her ass off... for the next four (4) hours we proceeded to play demon

domanatrix and moron mom... it was like some kind of horror hospital aerobics...

Tara

had me up and jumping all over room... fetch this move that, more pillows,

lesss pillows, brush my hair... get bed pan... man I was hating life... her

sister

called from work, I said when are you coming... she said mom I am working a

double... I said well thats just fine F I N E fine and hung up on her...

nicotine withdrawal and the evil being in the bed were going to be the death of

me... I called my daughter back and apologized and told her what was going on

and

how I was ready to snap and how alll this hospital equipment was going to be

delivered to house in the morning and she had to be there to receive it and

when she got home from work how to move and rearrange furniture in living room

to

accomodate said equipment and even though I felt like bitch mother from hell

and was probably acting like it I loved her and if her sister didn't come down

off her pill induced high I was going to freak out... Raven laughed said I

love you mom and hung up...

Tara was not pleased.... there were several other chores that needed to

be done, she didn't like the placement of her tissues on her tray... she

wanted her balloon in another place... I said Tara you ain't getting anymore

pills... simmer down... she told me NOW mommy... oh crap where the hell did my

sweet baby go...

Enter my angel nurse... she came in and introduced herself, I asked

where was... had hurt his back recently and we all discussed how back

belts really should be part of a nurses uniform... the nurse angel asked if Tara

needed more pain meds... I said we need sleep... I said I am so sleep

deprived, I am going through caffeine and nicotine withdrawal... the nurse tried

to

touch Tara's pretty pink beer, Tara became the girl in the exorcist... I told

Tara to knock it off... the nurse came back with the pills, I said I wish she

could have the morphine again... the nurse said why, I said she started

speeding on those pills and she is driving me nuts... the nurse said she can

have

the morphine, and went out changed the pill order (which is a pain in the

butt)... she came back with big needle fulll of morphine, I said oh good, Tara

said

me happy, tap tap I.V. shunt... the nurse said when she goes to sleep, go out

and have a cigarette I will watch her... I said thank you... Tara went to

sleep, I had cigarette.... I came back and the angel nurse said, we have to do

vitals, but, you two need sleep, when she wakes up, come get me and we willl do

vitals... I was out like a light... Tara was gone... Next thing we knew Nurse

TAP was in the room... come on I know there are at least two (2) Bingo halls

open on Friday night, maybe this is a nightmare... nope... reality life... Nurse

TAP takes vitals...Nurse TAP scurries out... Tara does not wake up... I read

for a bit and sleep some more... got 3 hours sleep in one whole stretch, was

truly a life saver...

Saturday morning dawns... I call Raven to wake her up... I calll Raven

to wake her up again... 5 phone calls later Raven is awake... I said get up

sleepy head... Tara said get up poopie head... I said Tara I told you we cannot

call people poopie heads... and she knows...Tara laughs... the demon has left

my child... Raven says we are ready for the equipment, I said delivery is

between 8 and 12 so by 2 they should be there... she said okay and then after

that

me and are coming to hospital so you can come home and take a bath and

change tyour clothes... man I am loving this daughter... I said oh that

sounds nice, but what about work... she said well thats why me and are

coming... if you are not back when I have to go to work, then willl

watch

Tara... kewl....

Tara is running a low grade temperature... I smell like a dog, appeard

unlikely she will be discharged... okay so we spend another night... I am

thinking home, bath, clean clothes, okay, I can spend another night... Raven

calls

at 11ish says delivery dude just called he will be here soon he is on Princess

Anne... see we live deep in the beach, so we kinda out of the way.... but not

as out of the way as others who live deeper int he beach...

Raven calls.... delivery dude is assembling hospital bed, has commode,

hospital bed tray, eel chair and do I want the walker with wheels or without...

with please... Case manager in hospital did it up right... nurse will be

there day after we are discharged as will a physical therapist... okay... things

are starting to look up...

Enter petite nice looking young lady with apple pie smile... she

introduces herself as a PT, she says we need to get Tara out of bed... I said

no...

she said we have too.. I said No, homey don't play that.. Tara says Mommy don't

play that... She says doctors orders, I said (ala mommy voice) young lady,

look at the size of you, look at the size of me... now cast your eyes on my

daughter who weighs in at 233lbs, betweent he two (2) of us we don't weigh

that...

we get her out of bed, then what are we going to do? We going to exercise she

told me... I thought you had to maintain a 3.2 GPA to be a PT... uhhh...

hmmm... I said you going to hold her up? I don't see a walker, or parallel bars,

or an eel chair... after PT came yesterday and stranded her it took five (5) of

us to get her in bed... I said we can do the exercises in the bed... be safer

all around... now remember Tara is still on the leg must be lifted and no

absolutely no weight bearing on said leg... Pt girl doesn't like it, but we do

it... she says well, maybe she should exercise more, be good for her weight,...

that did it, I said young lady, tara is a jock...k... a jock... first kid in

the fourth grade to learn to jump double dutch, always on the field hockey

team, ballet lessons for years, special olympic gold medalist for running, ace

swimmer, broke ankle in gym playing b ball, she is hyper thyroid, she should

look

like Twiggy not mamu, she has cushings and more exercise won't cure that...

so why do you two do something constructive, so the poor dear doesn't get bed

sores... Taara does leg lifts... Tara is a jock and low toned therefore double

jointed Tara does phenominal leg lifts...

Raven and show up around 1ish... is hungary going to get

food, I tell him where cafeteria is, and how they have bizarre hours...

takes off to get hamburger french fries for alll....Raven is laughing as

I

start to gather up some things... I said why are you laughing... She says you

HATE starbucks, I realize I am holding Starbucks coofee cup in my hand... Isaid

yeah desoperate times desparate measures... Raven procures a thermos, with

coffe just the way I like it... I take starbucks coffeee cup to sink near

door... there is this man standing outside our door... I do not know this man...

I

am from NYC... I continue to stand by door conversing with Raven whilst giving

man my best NYC subway stare... man is talking to someone in hall, I figure he

will move away from our dooor sooon... someone runs up to him... a wee tow

headed boy... the kind gerber puts in commercials... the boy is clinging to

strange man's leg... the man turns to me and smiles and says you don't know who

I

am do you... I said No.. I start to scrutinize him... the man smiles, I said:

oh hey Doctor Boy... in unision behind Tara and Raven sing out Doctor Boy...

in walks the surgeon with his son... Raven and Tara want to play with shy tow

headed boy who is maybe at most 4 years old... we have introductions all

around...

Dr. Boy examines Tara, he asks me if I have any questions, I said well

when can we go home... hesays well she is running a low grade fever, I said

well that is common after surgery her body is making antibodies, he said well

maybe tomorrow... I said when can she go back to school... Tara can't wait to go

to school and show off her black boot and eel chair... he said later in the

week but perhaps you should give her a pain pill before school and after... I

said yeah hey, about them pills what did they give her yesterday, cause she was

pretty high and speeding and it was ugly... he says they gave her Vicodin...

Raven and I say oh NOOOOO... we cannot take Vicodin we speed on that we hate

that... he says well what would you like to give her... I said well she has

become quite the little morphine addict... he says she can't go home on

morphine... Tara says please... I said no dear... he says well what would you

like... I

said where's the menu... he listed several controlled pain medications... not

tylenol 3 Raven and I agree... we settle on percodon... Raven and the boy and

Tara are all playing peek a boo ... Raven is on floor boy is on floor... so I

said we can't go home today? He says tomorrow... I say okay....

I tell Raven I am out of there... and when she leaves to take some of

the stuff home that has amassed in hospital room... she says like what...

uhhh... hmmmm... like those teddy bears over there, and those flowers... I am

taking

these flowers and those ballons...and this bag... but tomorrow when we are

discharged I want to be able to get everything out of room in one go...I leave

behind art suppliesd, some dvds...

I break out of hospital... the day is glorious... Ihave not been outside

during the day since Wednesday when I climbed out of ambulance... rock

station is playing some awesome tunes... got sun roof up... windows down... like

a

half hour drive to house... going have a bath... life is sooooooo goood... I am

grovin' on a Saturday afternoon... looking forward to going home, making sure

everything is ready for Tara's arrival... andto take a long hot bath...

I get home... no neighbors out... hellyes... I got great neighbors and I

would have to stop and chat and I do so hear that tub calling my name....

pull all the stuff out of car... marvel at the ramp, it is seriously wicked way

kewl... go into house, walk into living room from foyer and just about

pmplol... these kids have done an ace job... hosptal bed is set up in front of

big

scren t.v.... tray is ready with flowers and tissues... in the hospital bed is a

blow doll... he is wearing a hat, with a cigarette taped to his hand and a

note on his chest that reads: Dear Tara: hi I am your room mate...(the kids made

up one of the couches like the bed wear the blow up doll, whom Tara named Mr.

Butt Nakid is too sleep) I wish only for you to enjoy me and laugh at me... I

grab phone call hospital... I tell Raven she is an angel, I tell her the blow

up doll is too funny... I tell her that three teenage kids, (Raven and the two

(2) bodyguards) did a kick ass job of keeping my house... Raven says I love

you mom, now shut up there is a doctor here who says Tara can go home today,

you want to talk to him... Dr. Patel (I told you they made docs in easy bbake

ovens in India not Pakistan), informs me that he is Dr. Patel and Tara can go

home... I said when... he said today... I said man, I just left the hospital...

I would have stayed... he asid thats okay... Isaid well I came home to take a

bath and change... he said take your time, I will start the discharge... it

takes some time... I decide to take a shower... Dr. Patel calls back... he asks

if I need anything for home coming...free being my favorite word I have a

list... I need shucks/chucks, I need bandages, especially like that one we used

today cause we didn't have those when I was a kid, I need gauze, tape... uhhh...

hmmm... poh yeah and the medical transport ambulance, (she seriously screwed

up her ankle, they told me she had to go home in ambulance) he says okay...

I jump in very hot shower, I wash my hair... I did wash it Thursday night

when Tara was in surgery and Raven was at store... but its Saturdaay... Tara

and I have Hiawatha pig tail braids... cause I splain to little Ms. Don't

Touch My Hair, that it was turning into a rats nest and we needed to braid it

for

as long as she was bedridden, and I would keep mine in braids too... that

worked... I get dressed, I am looking for sneakers... ah screw the sneakers, tug

on a pair of boots and I am off to get my baby and bring her home...

I walk into hospital, Tara is sleeping... some kind soul gave the little

addict her last shot of morphine before pulling her I.V.. There is a big

white shopping bag full of supplies... I start to pack up the rest of our stuff,

, asks if I need anything, I said yeah, you need to fill her scripts for

me, so that when we get home, she will have her meds... Ithe nurse ,

hands me the scripts... I am digging in bag cause the new medicare bushsit now

makes us pay for scripts and medicaid doesn't cover the difference anymore,

plus I want to give gas money, we live a bit awayas from hospital and a

gallon of gas is almost as expensive as a gallon of milk these days... Nurse

says the pahrmacy might give trouble filling the percodan... I

said I don't think so, remembering the tongue lashing I gave them the Friday

night before the broken ankle Monday, when they didn't have my scripts in stock

and noone called me... Nurse says oh they know you there...

knowing about my mental meltdown in pharmacy that Friday night and I laugh...

Is aid they give you any shit, syas yeah I know your cell

number... I said right...

Needless to say they did not give any shit... both scripts were

there...

Tara wakes up... she does not want to go home... I said are you

high...uhhh... hmmm.... duh... Tara does not want to go home... she is being

determined, I say Tara look, and hold up her hand that is now IV shuntless...

Tara says

okay mommy we go home... Nurse returns, exits... Nurse

is shuiffling, I said something up? He said Dr. Patel does not like the

smelll of Tara's urine... I said well tell him to stop snuffing... Nurse

grins, he said no really, I said actually thats how her urine smells... always

has, think it is extra chromosones... Dr. Patel wants another urine sample...

Isaid no problemo... you guys get the ambulance???? Nurse says they

will be here at 5:00 p.m. ednotst... Tara hears urine sample... no fool she...

once leaves the room Tara says me pee okay mommy... so we did the old

ped pan one two and Dr. Patel and Nurse walk in as Tara lifts and I

pull bed pan out from under her... I lift bed pan to nose take a deep sniff...

say smells like Ta ra pee to me and hand bed pan to the men...one urine sample

to go I say with a smile... Dr. Patel assures me we can go home, he will run

urine sample, and let us know... to date I havve heard naught... wondering what

he was going to let us know... Dinner arrives, tara has ordered pork xchops,

orange juice and chocolate cake... Nurse comes him, he is going to bet

a back belt... I told him he should, we all worry about poor Nurse 's

back... he says the ambulance guys are here... but Tara should finish eating her

dinner, cause there is paperwork...

Nurse leaves, Tara is done done done... ambulance me mommy, I said yes

dear you are going in ambulance, and mommy is going in car, and I will meet you

at the house... we have been in many ambulances many times, I assure her there

will be no helicopters and pink bear can ride with her... Tara says okay

mommy... theEMTs come in... with a bright yellow gurney... with lots of seat

belts... they introduce themselves... Tara starts to flirt... they are assessing

size weight... they ask me if I can help, I tell them no... they l;oook

perplexed I go into an abbreviated tale about my central nervous system being

devoured

by alien influences... they call in Nurse Micheal, (now I know he will buy

that back brace, for he looks scared)... EMTs can tell, they tell not to worry

he just going to balance not lift... they take hospital sheets make them taut

and on three then lift and drag my baby onto gurney... it was kewl, I tell em I

take London Bridge home... they are taking London Bridge too... its just the

fastest... I tell them that if they beat me there to wait, they say they

won't... they are so kind to Tara... Tara gaily waves bye bye... she going

driving

with two boyz...

I drive home in a state of shock, I cannot believe this is finally

over... I love being home... I go to work and I go home... my co workers laugh

about that... but its my sanctuary... I love being home... Tara will do better

at

home, we can sleep... ah it is a wondrous day... I get home... start to putter

as I await ambulance, has left the drugs and my money on front table

in foyer... did not take gas money... is a good boy...

Ambulance pulls up I go out... Tara is beyond a care in the world, she has two

boyz

mommy two... they bring her in... they get her on bed while laughing at Mr.

Butt Nakid... they like the artwork in my house, they stay and chat, Tara is

thrilled... Tara sits up independantly for the first time since surgery... she

does little leg lifts for the boyz... we are all so happy... they get paiged

away... I will call and tell ambulance service how great they were...

Tara assesses living room sees commode... says yuck, big potty chair, me

no baby... Is aid Tara if I broke my ankle I would need that, it is a

commode... Tara says no way... I said watch and I peed in big potty chair... we

have

had no accidents since then... Tara needed to try it... we mastered getting

out of hospital bed on one leg and with a hop pivot, we on chair... We order

really large pizza and one Raven to go, from raven's work... and I tell them if

we can't have a Raven we still want the pizza... Tara flips on t.v. directs me

to grab up a stack of DVDs goes through it and settles on Gilmore Girls...

thank you universe, no channel changing tonight... she tells me to put flowers

in

kitchen... Pizza comes, Raven's boss says it is on the house... I tip

delivery driver... he asks me if I am sure I want to give him tip... I said hell

ya... thank Tom for the pizza... me and Tara are happy, we love pizza.... Raven

calls to make sure pizza was no charge... lmao... I said no charge thank Tom...

shes says she already did and she will be home as soon as possible and are we

all sleeping in living room again, I said I am, Tara has to, if you would like

to join us you may... she says hell ya!!!!