Retard

[Guest guest]

I agree, Alana. I hate that word - as well as the other two you

mentioned and I will NEVER stand to be in the same room as someone who

uses those words without bringing it up and telling them to apologize

and refrain from their use.

> okay, i get it that kids say " retard " . they feel condescended to by

the

> nature of these " special " camps, want to be treated " normal " , and are

> reluctant to associate with other disabled kids because people with

> physical disabilities are frequently perceived to have cognitive

> impairments. i experienced this, too. i also adopted the same

stereotyped

> thinking about disability as my non-disabled peers had. it's

awkward to

> misunderstand something that you might even be.

>

> this has been a good discussion, but i was startled by joan's

reference to

> the condescending and alienating catholic singles group in her

> community. she jokingly referred to it as a " retard camp " . don't

worry

> joan, i know you didn't mean offense and were just trying to

illustrate how

> narrow-minded those folks were in your experience.

>

> i want to encourage people to try to avoid this " abilist "

> language. " retard " is a bad word like " faggot " and " nigger " .

people with

> developmental disabilities are very offended by it, especially when

it's

> used to describe the unsavory characteristics in people such as

intolerance

> and ignorance or being " boring " as joan was describing.

>

> people with developmental disabilities are as much my allies as all

of you

> are here on this list. we, together, are fighting in our civil rights

> movement. having a lower IQ is not a despicable thing. believing

that one

> who has a lower IQ is less desirable to associate with, is a despicable

> thing. i teach children this when they say " retard " , and encourage

them to

> use words that better describe what they mean about a person.

>

> i'd really like this to be a disability-safe zone. talking about

language

> and our feelings is great. loosely referring to a group one doesn't

like

> as " retards " make me uncomfortable.

>

> i hope this doesn't come across as an attack, especially to you,

joan. i'm

> enjoying your comments and can relate to so much of what you're saying,

> especially about disability and dating.

[Guest guest]

Oh for goodness sakes... I should keep my mouth shut and assume anything I'd

say would just be taken the wrong way anyway, but I can't help myself...

I don't understand why you are looking to be offended! Nobody on this list

has ever attacked you! Least of all Alana, one of the more articulate list

members who hasn't really left room for misinterpretation of her posts. Nobody

got

angry at you or your son's use of the word " retard. " It simply raised a point

of discussion, allowing people to express their opinions. That's what we do on

message boards. While some people aren't offended by the word, it's apparent

that others are. Now we have the wonderful opportunity to explain the

cannotations we associate with the word and why we feel the way we do. Everybody

has

their own ideas about which words in the English language are taboo, and it's

interesting to find out what makes a word offensive. Ideally, after such a

discussion, we can all be more sensitive to others in the future. That's the

beauty of a discussion group.

If you're interested in broadening your horizons and understanding others'

perspectives on life, specifically disability issues, then please stick around.

We would all love to hear what you have to say as well. But if you're going to

view everybody who disagrees with you as " attacking, " then I'm afraid you

won't benefit much from the group. Just being honest here.

~e

[Guest guest]

dear joan,

i really tried hard to not offend you by being direct, non-evasive,

acknowledging your humorous intent and lack of ill will. my apologies. is

there another way i might have expressed my discomfort? i truly only felt

an obligation to share with my community when language bothers me. you

don't have agree with me, and i don't respect you less. hopefully you are

able to respect my perspective and don't feel a need to leave the list.

peace,

alana

At 11:53 PM 1/19/2005, you wrote:

>Yes I do feel it is an attack. I was MERELY saying it to make lite of

>kids using it. That's it. For God's sakes, if people are so sensitive to

>take every word people say personal, get a life. I won't post here if I

>am going to offend someone by trying to put at ease some kid's comment.

[Guest guest]

I agree, I was not offened by anything

Shaylene

[Guest guest]

I agree. I didn't find anything offensive about Alana posting her

personal views, and I certainly hope Joan did not find anything

offensive in my way of agreeing with her.

-Kendra

> Oh for goodness sakes... I should keep my mouth shut and assume

anything I'd

> say would just be taken the wrong way anyway, but I can't help myself...

>

> I don't understand why you are looking to be offended! Nobody on

this list

> has ever attacked you! Least of all Alana, one of the more

articulate list

> members who hasn't really left room for misinterpretation of her

posts. Nobody got

> angry at you or your son's use of the word " retard. " It simply

raised a point

> of discussion, allowing people to express their opinions. That's

what we do on

> message boards. While some people aren't offended by the word, it's

apparent

> that others are. Now we have the wonderful opportunity to explain the

> cannotations we associate with the word and why we feel the way we

do. Everybody has

> their own ideas about which words in the English language are taboo,

and it's

> interesting to find out what makes a word offensive. Ideally, after

such a

> discussion, we can all be more sensitive to others in the future.

That's the

> beauty of a discussion group.

>

> If you're interested in broadening your horizons and understanding

others'

> perspectives on life, specifically disability issues, then please

stick around.

> We would all love to hear what you have to say as well. But if

you're going to

> view everybody who disagrees with you as " attacking, " then I'm

afraid you

> won't benefit much from the group. Just being honest here.

>

> ~e

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

First, I think it is admirable that the teacher handled the problem. He made

the right choice. Hopefully it will do good.

I agree, he didn't have to single out Tyler. He simply could have said that the

" issue had been brought to my attention " , or even better, " last night I was

thinking about our discussion in class, and I realize that I was wrong in

something I said, so I want to talk to you about it today " . It goes a long way

with students when their teachers can admit they were wrong, and then turn it

into a positive.

Would I address it again? Yes, I would definitely reply, and thank him for

discussing it with the class, thank him for the action he took, and for not

ignoring Tyler's concerns (you addressed your feelings and mine definitely, but

didn't seem to put the teacher's actions in a positive light). Encourage him to

use the website with the class, to further the enlightenment. And another

thought, he may have felt using Tyler's name wasn't a problem, he might have

thought that Tyler's classmates already know he has a sibling with a disability,

so by personalizing the comments, it would mean more to the class? I'm not

sure.

Sharon H.

Mom to , (14, DS) and , (10)

South Carolina

Retard

Here's my current woes. 's brother is constantly hearing the word

retard and retarded in school. Last week on the school bus he gave his version

of the Dixie horn from Dukes of Hazzard. A child on the bus commented that it

sounded like a retard trying to play a trumpet. A few days ago another kid

remarks that something is retarded and the teacher agrees. Tyler confronts

teacher at recess. Next day teacher talks to class about how it offends Tyler

when they say retard, retarded and gives class definition of word and how it

can/should be used in context. Tyler comes home and tells me nothing. Later

this night he tells dad and I get the scoop.

I send an email to teacher and this is teachers response this morning. Not

sure if or how I should respond. Comments and advice are welcome. Also other

words are frequent at school that irritate me not for Tyler per say but just in

general. ie: fat, stupid, gay, idiot, etc. Kids sure do have ugly words for

sure.

My email:

Mr. blank,

Tyler tells me you had a talk in class today and told the class that he was

offended by their use of the word retarded. Our family and countless other

families of persons with developmental delays are extremely offended when people

use the word retard or retarded to describe something/someone which or who is

stupid, ignorant, dumb, silly, etc. Rarely do they use it in context. Tyler

was also uncomfortable to be identified as the 'offended party' and I agree it

was not necessary to single him out to get your point across.

I have a link here for you to view that describes in better words what I am

trying to say and the signatures are worth a read.

http://www.jennaglatzer.com/pledge_to_stop_the_word_retard.htm

Barbara Dillon

His Response:

Barbara,

The only way I know to solve any problem is to confront it head-on. The

idea was to make all the students aware that words they say can be harmful to

others. The intent was to not denigrate any student or isolate them needlessly.

It seems that awareness is the key to preventing this type of occurrence. I

know of no other way to solve this problem.

Sincerely,

Mr. Startzel

[Guest guest]

When I first had Amelia (ds, 5) I often wondered how I would handle the first

time the " R " word came up. As time has gone by and the fact that she is

retarded has come home to roost I have pretty much decided that when that time

comes I am not going to get too upset. Why? Because the idiots that use that

word in a derogatory fashion don't get to define what it means. It means to

delay or proceed slowly. Amelia's progress does move slowly (in some areas) and

she is delayed. She is retarded and that is okay. I don't know what I think

about that teacher's handling of the situation. Did she show remorse or did she

play the obligatory speech game? On the one hand she is human (I hate to admit

that in the course of my lifetime I have been one of those idiots calling

someone a retard-I hope that it was only a childhood offense but I can't swear

to it) and we all make mistakes. On the other hand if she in any way undermined

the pain that these comments caused Tyler then she is a

complete loss as a proper role model-which is what I feel that teachers are-be

they good models or bad. What a brave brother Tyler is! What a good role model

he is too. He stood up for his brother and every kid in that room knew it and

respected it, even if they never let on. The truth is that the word retard

doesn't mean the same thing to those outside our " special " group as it does to

those within. They probably feel ashamed when they realize how far down their

throats they just crammed their feet although many will never acknowledge that

fact. I feel like every human is disabled, it's just more obvious in our kids.

Tell Tyler that the people who say things like retard, fat, gay, and etc. that

they are disabled by their own attitudes.

Ann-mom to Amelia (ds,5) and Jake (4)

lon <cbbtdillon@...> wrote:

Here's my current woes. 's brother is constantly hearing the word

retard and retarded in school. Last week on the school bus he gave his version

of the Dixie horn from Dukes of Hazzard. A child on the bus commented that it

sounded like a retard trying to play a trumpet. A few days ago another kid

remarks that something is retarded and the teacher agrees. Tyler confronts

teacher at recess. Next day teacher talks to class about how it offends Tyler

when they say retard, retarded and gives class definition of word and how it

can/should be used in context. Tyler comes home and tells me nothing. Later

this night he tells dad and I get the scoop.

I send an email to teacher and this is teachers response this morning. Not sure

if or how I should respond. Comments and advice are welcome. Also other words

are frequent at school that irritate me not for Tyler per say but just in

general. ie: fat, stupid, gay, idiot, etc. Kids sure do have ugly words for

sure.

My email:

Mr. blank,

Tyler tells me you had a talk in class today and told the class that he was

offended by their use of the word retarded. Our family and countless other

families of persons with developmental delays are extremely offended when people

use the word retard or retarded to describe something/someone which or who is

stupid, ignorant, dumb, silly, etc. Rarely do they use it in context. Tyler

was also uncomfortable to be identified as the 'offended party' and I agree it

was not necessary to single him out to get your point across.

I have a link here for you to view that describes in better words what I am

trying to say and the signatures are worth a read.

http://www.jennaglatzer.com/pledge_to_stop_the_word_retard.htm

Barbara Dillon

His Response:

Barbara,

The only way I know to solve any problem is to confront it head-on. The

idea was to make all the students aware that words they say can be harmful to

others. The intent was to not denigrate any student or isolate them needlessly.

It seems that awareness is the key to preventing this type of occurrence. I

know of no other way to solve this problem.

Sincerely,

Mr. Startzel

[Guest guest]

Note: forwarded message attached.

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[Guest guest]

We have the same problem here..... is incredibly sensitive to " the

R word " and gets very upset about hearing it at school or on the bus. I

have spoken with her on how to educate those using the word, but

realistically, it's not going to happen (yet). Some day, I know she

will stand up to some kid (or adult) and tell them how inappropriate it

is! I know myself, I have told one adult that I am friends with that I

would like her to please stop using this word (she throws it around all

the time..... awful habit) and why I think it's a problem, she still

does..... she just tried not to when I'm around because she knows it

" bothers me " . So I haven't been very successful either, LOL. And

sometimes I am so shocked when I hear adults use the word that I am

actually speechless (which is rather rare for me, LOL).

I went to the resource teacher, since she is the most sensitive,

receptive and proactive person on campus. We spoke about a program that

could be used in all the classrooms talking about people with

disabilties and language, how we are more the same than different, etc.

We talked about the use of " retard " and other slurs, and that this

should be a big part, especially for the 4-5th graders who seem to use

horrible names for people (as you noted!) I don't know how many

students she has reached, but I think that hearing it at school isn't

enough, and that many kids who use this and other " ugly " words are not

hearing at home that " those words are not OK " I know that she is out on

the playground, and will call out any student using ANY " ugly " words and

letting them know it's not OK and why. I am going to push for next year

this type of sensitivity to be included in the " Character Counts " stuff

they do all year.

The problem with the teacher's response is that although

well-intentioned, she singled out your son as the only person who is

offended by this word, rather than noting that this word is offensive to

many people and should not be used (along with other hurtful words, such

as stupid, fat, etc.) Most kids don't like to be singled out for

anything in school, and the teacher should know this. My daughter would

have melted right down into the floor.

I like to turn the tables on teachers and respond by giving a similar

situation. We have argued about modifying testing here, and the

teacher's response is not acceptable (meeting today at 3). She sees

" inclusion " as " doing what everyone else is doing " . So, I am going to

pharase the concept of accomodations to her as follows (since she says

" I don't know what you want. " ) " If a student in your class was unable

to write because they didn't have hands, yet could spell the words

orally in the spelling test, would you say s/he couldn't spell because

s/he couldn't take the test the same as the other students? " Obviously,

the teacher will say no... this is absurd... of course the child can

spell. I will then move on to " then why can't take tests

orally, when we know that she cannot express herself adequately on

written tests " You could do the same thing with this teacher. (and

please don't let anyone be offended by this..... it's a statement I

think we would all be offended by if we heard someone say it) I doubt

she would have done the same thing if a chubby little " " came to her

and said " the kids all call me fat and it hurts my feelings " . Would she

have really said to the class " hey, may in fact be fat, but she

told me that it hurts her feelings when you call her fat, and remember,

words we use can hurt people..... isn't actually fat.... you

should use the correct term of morbidly obsese. " Silly comparison,

yes, but it isn't really any different than what she did to your son.

Good luck, and let Tyler know that there are other siblings out there

just as upset about the use of " the R word "

, mom to (10), (8 DS), and (6)

Barbara Dillon wrote:

>Here's my current woes. 's brother is constantly hearing the word

retard and retarded in school. Last week on the school bus he gave his version

of the Dixie horn from Dukes of Hazzard. A child on the bus commented that it

sounded like a retard trying to play a trumpet. A few days ago another kid

remarks that something is retarded and the teacher agrees. Tyler confronts

teacher at recess. Next day teacher talks to class about how it offends Tyler

when they say retard, retarded and gives class definition of word and how it

can/should be used in context. Tyler comes home and tells me nothing. Later

this night he tells dad and I get the scoop.

>I send an email to teacher and this is teachers response this morning. Not

sure if or how I should respond. Comments and advice are welcome. Also other

words are frequent at school that irritate me not for Tyler per say but just in

general. ie: fat, stupid, gay, idiot, etc. Kids sure do have ugly words for

sure.

>

>My email:

>

>Mr. blank,

>Tyler tells me you had a talk in class today and told the class that he was

offended by their use of the word retarded. Our family and countless other

families of persons with developmental delays are extremely offended when people

use the word retard or retarded to describe something/someone which or who is

stupid, ignorant, dumb, silly, etc. Rarely do they use it in context. Tyler

was also uncomfortable to be identified as the 'offended party' and I agree it

was not necessary to single him out to get your point across.

>I have a link here for you to view that describes in better words what I am

trying to say and the signatures are worth a read.

http://www.jennaglatzer.com/pledge_to_stop_the_word_retard.htm

>Barbara Dillon

>

>His Response:

>

>Barbara,

> The only way I know to solve any problem is to confront it head-on. The

idea was to make all the students aware that words they say can be harmful to

others. The intent was to not denigrate any student or isolate them needlessly.

It seems that awareness is the key to preventing this type of occurrence. I

know of no other way to solve this problem.

>Sincerely,

>Mr. Startzel

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi guys just got home and reading the posts. I really, really appreciate all

the support and information on how to deal with this situation at school. I've

not yet decided how to respond to this teacher and may just schedule a talk with

the principal. Theres no school tomorrow thankfully so we can have a long

weekend with no school worries.

It was difficult for me last night to sit across the table from my son who had

tears in his eyes as he told me what happened. Neither of my boys have had a

good year this year and I fear next year will be horrific as well. I will have

both boys in Middle School. I will say that Tyler is the type to tell you what

he thinks and he is protective of anybody that is being made fun of or treated

unfairly. That's just his personality and he is such a sensitive child.

There is no getting around the issues about the use of retarded. Movies, TV,

family, friends, strangers...it's everywhere. I believe the only way to

irradicate it is to begin at home. Many parents are guilty of using the word

and so their children don't see anything wrong with it and so it continues to be

used casually. I let whomever know how I feel about it and at least they know

not to use it in my presence. That's all I know to do.

Again...thanks guys. I will give Tyler your messages. It'll make him feel

better for sure.

Barb mom to (13ds) and Tyler (10nds)

[Guest guest]

> As for Tyler-HOORAY for him!!!! Give him a big high-5 from me.

I let Tyler read this comment from Di. Tyler commented: Are these people

that I don't even know rooting for me? Kewl! :-)

[Guest guest]

I don't want to get accused of 'male bashing' as my dh calls it but I

suspect there is some truth to this statement. lol

Barb

As for the teacher, gotta admit I noticed that he's a male teacher. Male

> teacher's do sometimes handle things differently to female ones. It's

> usually because they come from a different " base of understanding " than

> women - you all know it - it's the " that's not a big thing, it's only a

> little thing, and little things like that don't matter " .

[Guest guest]

In a phone conversation with my own sister who more than once used the word

retarded to describe general stupidity I repeatedly gave her fair warning

that I was offended. Finally I stated that when she could talk to me

without using the word retarded then I would love a call back and then hung

up the phone. We don't talk much anymore but not because of that. I hope

she's broke her habit.

Barb

Re: Retard

> I've run into this problem twice in Sammy's life and both times I handled

> it

> the same way. It may not work in this situation, but the lesson was

> learned

> very well by both parties.

>

>

> When Sammy was about 6, I was visiting my sister and I overhead my

> brother-in-law yelling at my Neice, who was about 15 at the time. He said

> to her " What

> are you, some kind of Retard? " . Naturally I was offended on many levels.

> His comment was meant to demean my neice, who already had a inferiority

> complex,

> and of course, the word was said in a negative manner. My gut reaction

> was

> to say. " She may not be, but my son is. " and that is exactly what I said.

> My

> brother in law was speechless, and I hope it made a lasting impression on

> him.

>

> The Second time actually happened only a few weeks ago. I was at a 7-11

> with

> Sammy getting him his beloved Slurpee when we heard a bunch of boys, who

> were

> probably around 12 or 13 years old saying the same very sentence. " What

> are

> you, a Retard? " Again, I said the same thing. But I did not say it

> angrily. I said it was as much kindness as I could muster. The boys all

> looked

> over at Sammy, saw his big happy smile and to my amazement, all proceeded

> to

> apologize to Sammy, Each shook his hand and patted him on the back. I

> could see

> they were sincere and it was so sweet. To me, the lesson here, is

> teach

> teach teach and turn a negative into a positive.

>

> I'm sure there will be more instances, and some won't turn out as well as

> this time, but I know those boys went home with something to think about.

>

> ,

> Mom to Sammy (11 DS), the Slurpee Enthusiast.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I don't know what I think about that teacher's handling of the situation.

Did she show remorse or did she play the obligatory speech game?

I suspect obligatory figuring Tyler would tell about it at home.

What a brave brother Tyler is! What a good role model he is too. He stood up

for his brother and every kid in that room knew it and respected it, even if

they never let on. . Tell Tyler that the people who say things like retard,

fat, gay, and etc. that they are disabled by their own attitudes.

Tyler is feeling like a hero right now...hee hee

Ann-mom to Amelia (ds,5) and Jake (4)

[Guest guest]

I will happily admit that my is " retarded " . The reality is that she

" is " retarded by the proper definition of the word. I don't have a problem

with that, because it's just a definition, and it's what makes her such an

amazing person (ie: not a care in the world, finds joy in the simple things

etc). What I'm working towards with the people around me in my little part

of the world, is to change the perception of the word ie: it's not a BAD

thing to be retarded, it's just another way of being different. If we can

change the perception of the word, then we've achieved what we want, and it

will disappear from the slang vocab, or maybe it'll become a word that

people use in a positive way ie: gee that girl's " retarded " could come to

mean that the girl in question is really cool and loves a laugh and having

fun (wouldn't that be great????).

Another word that I react to is the word " spastic " . That's used as a

derogatory word (although not so much these days I think), and I've pulled

up some teenagers on it. If I hear them referring to someone as spastic, my

standard response is to say " gee, I never noticed that they had muscle

problems. That must be challenging! " Again, it's lovely watching the

expression on their faces - it's a great way of teaching teenagers what the

real definition of the word is, and a way of showing them that I don't

appreciate the way that they're using it, but done in a fun, non-judgemental

way. Most of my daughter's friends have told her (and she's shared with me)

that they think I'm a " cool " mother. I remember being a teenager, and know

that most of the time they're not thinking about how what they say can

affect the people around them. They don't mind being pulled up on it. What

they do mind is being embarrassed in front of others...

Adults who still use the word in a derogatory way, don't seem to mind being

pulled up on it either, but again, adults don't like being embarrassed in

front of others either....

I don't know whether it's time that has given me this perspective. I've

probably had more years dealing with a family member with a disability than

most people. My sister had cerebal palsy and was intellectually disabled

(retarded), so disability is something that I've lived with my entire life.

Regards in Sydney, Australia

wife of Tony, mother of (nearly 15yrs), (13yrs next month,

DS), and Greg (10)

_____

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf

Of

Sent: Friday, 17 February 2006 7:35 AM

'Ann Masch'; ABraveNuWorld@...;

Subject: RE: Retard

I rarely post on this loop, but gosh I need to say this and get it off

my heart. I am just shocked that you would say " No, but my SON is (a

retard) " in front of or about your son. :-( Maybe its just me, but that

seems more demeaning than the original nastiness. Gosh. I hope I

misheard you. :-(

[Guest guest]

I haven't posted much, but in Canada, we don't use the word " retarded "

anymore because it denotes someone less than perfect. I think the word is

disgraceful and I won't permit anyone to use it around my children within my

earshot. My boys are also schooled to make sure they object when they hear

the word. It is not in our vocabulary. It's disrepectful, demeaning, and

totally insulting.

Val in Winnipeg

RE: Retard

>

>

> I rarely post on this loop, but gosh I need to say this and get it off

> my heart. I am just shocked that you would say " No, but my SON is (a

> retard) " in front of or about your son. :-( Maybe its just me, but that

> seems more demeaning than the original nastiness. Gosh. I hope I

> misheard you. :-(

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Well said...thanks!

Re: Retard

We have the same problem here..... is incredibly sensitive to " the R

word " and gets very upset about hearing it at school or on the bus. I have

spoken with her on how to educate those using the word, but realistically, it's

not going to happen (yet). Some day, I know she will stand up to some kid (or

adult) and tell them how inappropriate it is! I know myself, I have told one

adult that I am friends with that I would like her to please stop using this

word (she throws it around all the time..... awful habit) and why I think it's a

problem, she still does..... she just tried not to when I'm around because she

knows it " bothers me " . So I haven't been very successful either, LOL. And

sometimes I am so shocked when I hear adults use the word that I am actually

speechless (which is rather rare for me, LOL).

I went to the resource teacher, since she is the most sensitive, receptive and

proactive person on campus. We spoke about a program that could be used in all

the classrooms talking about people with disabilties and language, how we are

more the same than different, etc. We talked about the use of " retard " and other

slurs, and that this should be a big part, especially for the 4-5th graders who

seem to use horrible names for people (as you noted!) I don't know how many

students she has reached, but I think that hearing it at school isn't enough,

and that many kids who use this and other " ugly " words are not hearing at home

that " those words are not OK " I know that she is out on the playground, and

will call out any student using ANY " ugly " words and letting them know it's not

OK and why. I am going to push for next year this type of sensitivity to be

included in the " Character Counts " stuff they do all year.

The problem with the teacher's response is that although well-intentioned, she

singled out your son as the only person who is offended by this word, rather

than noting that this word is offensive to many people and should not be used

(along with other hurtful words, such as stupid, fat, etc.) Most kids don't

like to be singled out for anything in school, and the teacher should know this.

My daughter would have melted right down into the floor.

I like to turn the tables on teachers and respond by giving a similar

situation. We have argued about modifying testing here, and the teacher's

response is not acceptable (meeting today at 3). She sees " inclusion " as " doing

what everyone else is doing " . So, I am going to pharase the concept of

accomodations to her as follows (since she says " I don't know what you want. " )

" If a student in your class was unable to write because they didn't have hands,

yet could spell the words orally in the spelling test, would you say s/he

couldn't spell because s/he couldn't take the test the same as the other

students? " Obviously, the teacher will say no... this is absurd... of course

the child can spell. I will then move on to " then why can't take

tests orally, when we know that she cannot express herself adequately on written

tests " You could do the same thing with this teacher. (and please don't let

anyone be offended by this..... it's a statement I think we would all be

offended by if we heard someone say it) I doubt she would have done the same

thing if a chubby little " " came to her and said " the kids all call me fat

and it hurts my feelings " . Would she have really said to the class " hey,

may in fact be fat, but she told me that it hurts her feelings when you call her

fat, and remember, words we use can hurt people..... isn't actually fat....

you should use the correct term of morbidly obsese. " Silly comparison, yes,

but it isn't really any different than what she did to your son.

Good luck, and let Tyler know that there are other siblings out there just as

upset about the use of " the R word "

, mom to (10), (8 DS), and (6)

Barbara Dillon wrote:

Here's my current woes. 's brother is constantly hearing the word

retard and retarded in school. Last week on the school bus he gave his version

of the Dixie horn from Dukes of Hazzard. A child on the bus commented that it

sounded like a retard trying to play a trumpet. A few days ago another kid

remarks that something is retarded and the teacher agrees. Tyler confronts

teacher at recess. Next day teacher talks to class about how it offends Tyler

when they say retard, retarded and gives class definition of word and how it

can/should be used in context. Tyler comes home and tells me nothing. Later

this night he tells dad and I get the scoop.

I send an email to teacher and this is teachers response this morning. Not sure

if or how I should respond. Comments and advice are welcome. Also other words

are frequent at school that irritate me not for Tyler per say but just in

general. ie: fat, stupid, gay, idiot, etc. Kids sure do have ugly words for

sure.

My email:

Mr. blank,

Tyler tells me you had a talk in class today and told the class that he was

offended by their use of the word retarded. Our family and countless other

families of persons with developmental delays are extremely offended when people

use the word retard or retarded to describe something/someone which or who is

stupid, ignorant, dumb, silly, etc. Rarely do they use it in context. Tyler

was also uncomfortable to be identified as the 'offended party' and I agree it

was not necessary to single him out to get your point across.

I have a link here for you to view that describes in better words what I am

trying to say and the signatures are worth a read.

http://www.jennaglatzer.com/pledge_to_stop_the_word_retard.htm

Barbara Dillon

His Response:

Barbara,

The only way I know to solve any problem is to confront it head-on. The

idea was to make all the students aware that words they say can be harmful to

others. The intent was to not denigrate any student or isolate them needlessly.

It seems that awareness is the key to preventing this type of occurrence. I

know of no other way to solve this problem.

Sincerely,

Mr. Startzel

[Guest guest]

I just remembered an incident that happened a few years ago. We were at a

friend's new home, checking it out. They had moved from another town into

our town. I asked the son how he liked it and he said he liked it except now

he has to go to " SPED-ford " (our district is called Spring-Ford.) I looked

blankly at him. He said " SPED-ford, get it? "

I said, " OH I get it. " He goes, " What? " (I guess my face said it all) . His

sister quietly says something to him...he goes, " oh " . Not 20 minutes later,

the sister calls her brother a retard right in front of me again. I guess

they were about 13/14 years old at the time.

We've never been back to visit.

I was telling our BSC (who was just here) about it and she said at her

school (she's a guidance counselor) they banned the word SPED because all

the kids were using that word instead in place if the others, thinking the

adults wouldn't know what they meant.

Di

[Guest guest]

I have one comment first. i notice you keep using the word

" idiot " very freely. Do you realize that is an older word similar to " retard " ?

Just something to think about. But I digress. is 41 years old and a

few years ago I asked him if anyone had ever called him retard. He said NO,

the only thing was some older boys walked past his school one day and hollered

something about " retards " . It didn't bother him as he didn't think it referred

to him. And it was also foolish as this wasn't a special school. THEY were

the idiots. (See I use it too sometimes.) has probably been lucky to

never be called that and I know I have never heard it either. I think it has

become more common in recent years. Jessie, mom to , 41

[Guest guest]

I once at a school meeting in which the staff seemed to think I had not

faced the realities of my child's mental abilities as compared to a normally

developing child used the words that yes I was aware that is mentally

retarded. You could have heard a pin drop. LOLOL

the ST then informed me that we don't use the word. (instead we use

mentally impaired or mentally delayed any of them are saying the same

thing)

Use of the words mentally retarded seem to be a personal decision. They

don't bother me when used in correct context. is mentally retarded or

mentally delayed, then we move to the pc way of saying thing....MSMI

(moderate severe mental impariment...which I think is a worse description

then mentally retarded) MMMI (mild, moderate mental impairment....same

thing as retarded) TRainable (what's the kid a dog?...I can see why this

one didn't last) Educadable (in between the 'normal and dogs?) or any of

the other words that could be used to describe a person who is not

developing along a normal mental scale and will never catch up. at least

mentally retarded isn't as harsh to me as being labled MSMI or TRainable

(which is where falls in IQ tests) I think they're both nasty compared

to mentally retarded, we have to put up with the MSMI.....since it's the

current pc discription here in MN.

the best thing tho is she is . And despite all those trying to put her

in a catagory she will always be with her own annoying habits and her

own loving personality. :-) (and her own need to try sneaking a bite of

her cookie to her 6 month old niece, hehe)

Everyone deals with the world in their own way. Our way when the whole

mental retardation thing came up with the older kids was to just let them

know what the words actually meant so they could have something to say to

whomever was saying their sister was a retard. They also did reports in

their 7 or 8 grade science classes on DS and alot of the medical/mental

issues in the syndrome. Of course they attended a sschool where everyone

knows everyone else including those who graduated a few years before you and

most of those coming up behind. that helps.

As for the teacher who allows the use of namecalling in the classroom or on

the playground. Shouldn't have happened. While teasing and picking on each

other is normal for kids, the adults are supposed to work a keeping all the

nastyness at a mininum. In this case that wasn't done. you might want to

concider sitting down with the principle and this teacher and discussing the

issue. Also check the schools handbook for using degrading/nasty language,

name calling etc, I can't believe they wouldn't have some type of rule for

that. You also do need to discuss the fact that your son's issue was not

presented to his classmates in a confidential way, and this discussion

should probably be in front of his boss, your son has now been exposed to

the chance of teasing and redicule for stating his dislike of the word and

why to someone who could have used his position to just discuss the issue of

name calling and how it can hurt groups of people who aren't the ones being

teased.

Then I think it might be time for the teacher to have a classroom

educational presentation on DS, and mental retardation in general with

discussion and questions afterwords. Education may be the way to go with

the young people, might not help with a teacher tho.

Joy

RE: Retard

>

>

>>I will happily admit that my is " retarded " . The reality is that

>>she

>> " is " retarded by the proper definition of the word. I don't have a

>> problem

>> with that, because it's just a definition, and it's what makes her such

>> an

>> amazing person (ie: not a care in the world, finds joy in the simple

>> things

>> etc). What I'm working towards with the people around me in my little

>> part

>> of the world, is to change the perception of the word ie: it's not a BAD

>> thing to be retarded, it's just another way of being different. If we can

[Guest guest]

I will try to be clear on this without being offensive. I object to the

word " Retard " not to the proper use of the term " Mentally Retarded " .

(Although like Val, I tend to think it should be discontinued as it is

derogatory in nature because of its misuse as a slang word, much like

Negro became a slang word)

To me, and I may be standing alone here, but I do so quite happily, for

a child to hear his mother say " my son is a retard " is the epitome of

heartbreaking. It is funny how semantics play into this, because had the

term been " my son is mentally retarded " I wouldn't have had a single

problem with it. But to me all I can imagine those teens learned was

" this is an example of a real retard " wheras the way they had been using

it was improper. I would rather the message they receive was that the

word itself was derogatory, not that it needed to be used only where it

fit its " true meaning " . There IS no " true meaning " for " RETARD " as an

adjective. It is a verb.

I would have much preferred to leave the entire MR issue out of the

discussion, while making my point with the beauty of my childs face

speaking for itself. You cannot say that " retard " means slow or plodding

in the way they were using it. It was meant to mean DUMB, and I have no

doubt that Sammy is not dumb. As the parent of a teen whose home is

often full of teens from all different walks of life, I have learned

that the best way to explain my daughter's differences is to let her

loving ways lead the way. In all of my discussions with the children

that come through my doors, I have never had to use the term mentally

retarded to explain my daughter, and none of them has ever thought it

proper to use the term in my home. My expectation of them is that Ciarra

will be treated like the little PERSON that she is, regardless of IQ or

facial features.

On another note, I often find myself blustering about even " mentally

retarded " as a given for all kids with DS. That simply is NOT the case.

Re: Retard

I once at a school meeting in which the staff seemed to think I had not

faced the realities of my child's mental abilities as compared to a

normally

developing child used the words that yes I was aware that is

mentally

retarded. You could have heard a pin drop. LOLOL

the ST then informed me that we don't use the word. (instead we use

mentally impaired or mentally delayed any of them are saying the same

thing)

Use of the words mentally retarded seem to be a personal decision. They

don't bother me when used in correct context. is mentally retarded

or

mentally delayed, then we move to the pc way of saying thing....MSMI

(moderate severe mental impariment...which I think is a worse

description

then mentally retarded) MMMI (mild, moderate mental impairment....same

thing as retarded) TRainable (what's the kid a dog?...I can see why

this

one didn't last) Educadable (in between the 'normal and dogs?) or any

of

the other words that could be used to describe a person who is not

developing along a normal mental scale and will never catch up. at

least

mentally retarded isn't as harsh to me as being labled MSMI or TRainable

(which is where falls in IQ tests) I think they're both nasty

compared

to mentally retarded, we have to put up with the MSMI.....since it's the

current pc discription here in MN.

the best thing tho is she is . And despite all those trying to put

her

in a catagory she will always be with her own annoying habits and

her

own loving personality. :-) (and her own need to try sneaking a bite

of

her cookie to her 6 month old niece, hehe)

Everyone deals with the world in their own way. Our way when the whole

mental retardation thing came up with the older kids was to just let

them

know what the words actually meant so they could have something to say

to

whomever was saying their sister was a retard. They also did reports in

their 7 or 8 grade science classes on DS and alot of the medical/mental

issues in the syndrome. Of course they attended a sschool where

everyone

knows everyone else including those who graduated a few years before you

and

most of those coming up behind. that helps.

As for the teacher who allows the use of namecalling in the classroom or

on

the playground. Shouldn't have happened. While teasing and picking on

each

other is normal for kids, the adults are supposed to work a keeping all

the

nastyness at a mininum. In this case that wasn't done. you might want

to

concider sitting down with the principle and this teacher and discussing

the

issue. Also check the schools handbook for using degrading/nasty

language,

name calling etc, I can't believe they wouldn't have some type of rule

for

that. You also do need to discuss the fact that your son's issue was

not

presented to his classmates in a confidential way, and this discussion

should probably be in front of his boss, your son has now been exposed

to

the chance of teasing and redicule for stating his dislike of the word

and

why to someone who could have used his position to just discuss the

issue of

name calling and how it can hurt groups of people who aren't the ones

being

teased.

Then I think it might be time for the teacher to have a classroom

educational presentation on DS, and mental retardation in general with

discussion and questions afterwords. Education may be the way to go

with

the young people, might not help with a teacher tho.

Joy

RE: Retard

>

>

>>I will happily admit that my is " retarded " . The reality is

that

>>she

>> " is " retarded by the proper definition of the word. I don't have a

>> problem

>> with that, because it's just a definition, and it's what makes her

such

>> an

>> amazing person (ie: not a care in the world, finds joy in the simple

>> things

>> etc). What I'm working towards with the people around me in my little

>> part

>> of the world, is to change the perception of the word ie: it's not a

BAD

>> thing to be retarded, it's just another way of being different. If we

can

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